Welcome back to the Top 10s everyone. If you're just now joining us, this project has been ranking one or two chapters a day to count down to The Origami King's release, but also just to reflect and take a walk down memory lane. The rankings positions are purely the opinions of me and u/ulk96. More information can be found on the first post, Rank #36, and every previous entry is linked at the bottom of the page.submitted by ToadBrigade5 to papermario [link] [comments]
I just drove down to Gamestop to reserve a copy of The Origami King for myself. In 14 hours, I'll have a physical case in my hands and less than half an hour later, I'll be playing it for real. I can't believe it's already here. It was two months ago when I first heard this game's existence, one month ago when I first join the Mario RPG discord and started defending it with Klu, and one month ago when I began this series expecting it to go on forever.
This may be the last entry for this particular series, at least until my thoughts on TOK settle. I'll release another post with my overall thoughts on this whole project and my experience in making it and interacting with the Paper Mario community as a whole. For now though, welcome to the Glitz Pit.
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?!
Chapter 3: Of Glitz and Glory, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
A lot of people may be disappointed in how basic a selection this ultimately is. A significant portion of the fanbase has this chapter as their absolute favorite, and with the spicier silver and bronze picks just preceding, a lot of people have voiced their disappointment. I've expressed earlier today in Twilight Town (Rank #02) that shock value does NOT play into the position these went to. Chapter 3 ultimately earns it's position for a reason, as many many fans will attest to.
Ultimately, however, I do want to stress that by no means is this a perfect chapter. The most significant set back is the fact that Chapter 3 doesn't have much exploration or level behind it. This ultimately works in it's favor, because Thousand Year Door is routinely terrible at map design outside of cities and dungeons, and a chapter that drops all that to do it's own thing ultimately has a higher success rate in the vacuum that is TTYD. However in the end, this does mean that the chapter ultimately suffers from missing one of the elements that make fans adore this series. How much that matters is ultimately subjective, and personally I do like the elements Gltizville brings to the table in exchange. If I didn't, this wouldn't be gold.
The floating Island of Glitzville has an absolutely fantastic design, that's both a loving spoof of consumerism and pro-wrestling media. The sheer variety of advertisements and swarming fans are a joy to behold, and the Glitzville NPCs have more dialogue than any, constantly changing to reflect Mario's status in the ranks. The abundance of NPC lines, Easter Eggs, and more ultimately make Glitzville feel like it has a more distinct culture than most places in TTYD. The city brings a specific theme, and a fantastic design, and ultimately feels so alive despite the face we have no idea where the civilians live or stay.
Upon arrival via the Cheep Cheep Blimp, which is an absolutely gorgeous introductory cutscene which really establishes the setting, you're immediately shown a match between Rawk Hawk and the Koopinator, where Rawk reveals the Champions belt is the next crystal star. You realize that as there isn't much level to begin with in the Glitz Pit, this is going to be a tournament arc. If you've been enjoying TTYD's battles, you probably feel super excited for that. You'd have had no idea what you were getting into.
Cleftor bring back painful memories of Jasperoid, brah.
The first thing you might notice is the sheer variety of characters you're introduced to, almost all of which end up with genuine roles to play in the narrative. I'm honestly at a loss for how to go down the list, so I'm going to start with the minor leaguers, because ultimately, even after you graduate from this place, it never quite stops feeling like your home.
Master Crash and Cleftor ultimately don't contribute to the narrative of the story, but they are fairly amusing in their own right. Their verbal ticks are largely used for gags, but I appreciate there presence for a reason I'll cover when I get to the actual gameplay of the chapter. The way Cleftor gradually opens up to you and Crash attempts to mentor you with advice unrealizing how much you outrank him is genuinely sweet, and as unexplored as they are, they ultimately contribute to the feeling of home the minor league has.
King K. is ultimately the main attraction here. Upon your arrival, he immediately decides you're his best friend and boy is he willing to work to make that mutual. The man is so friendly and such a good sport to you that you ultimately wish you could hang out with him. Sure, he talks a bit... overtly modern, but he's such a friendly character. He doesn't begrudge you for kicking his ass, he constantly wishes you luck and chats with stuff with you. When he says he plans to retire, you ultimately feel bad for him, but it's fairly understandable why when we have cutscenes establishing the dangers with the paramedics in the hall. Of course, after he goes missing, you assume he retired like he said he would. This leads to one of the bigger twists in the series, honestly, and is phenominal.
Bandy Andy I personally consider a super underrated character. He's essential to the design and narrative of the Glitz Pit. Not only does the fact that he's uninterested in climbing the ranks make the fighters within the Glitz Pit feel more alive and varied, he's also the first clue you have that the chapter is going to subvert your expectations and engage in the elements of mystery. Finding him in the hallways and hearing about the Seven Wonders of the Glitz Pit is ultimately an extremely fascinating read through and ultimately foreshadows so much of the Chapter in a way that doesn't spoil anything. Most notably, when he says he plans to investigate the mysterious lights under the ring, it directly foreshadows just what's going to happen and which one of these Wonders ultimately leads to the problem of the chapter.
The Armored Harriers are probably among the best ways they could introduce Yoshi and his kit this chapter. First of, having a pair of sore losers serve as the gate between the minor and major leagues is awesome. The dialogue from the Harriers is so unintelligent that you can't even blame Grubba for directly pissing them off because it makes the fight so much more interesting. You know you'd be more invested watching that with the audience, but also... the Glitz Pit ultimately has very little time to establish Yoshi and this was the best way they could. Having him join your party as the specific answer to a battle situation was a good way of introducing his macho, brawler type persona and the fact that he sticks to the wrestling scene is great. I bet he has fun moping the floor with these losers all the time.
Rawk Hawk is a fantastic red herring as well and the perfect example of a wrestling heel. He's underhanded, dirty and the kind of person you root to lose but ultimately have to respect for the sheer power and charisma he brings with his arrogance. His antics at keeping his belt ultimately become a fantastic red herring for the mystery, and helps preserve the Mario charm in what gradually ends up a darker chapter. Once he's defeated and you arrive at the Champion's room however, he lets the real story kick in and sound off the finale once he's dealt with, serving his role in style. Shout out to the poisoned cake trick and the foreshadowing about how NPCs note that he sent a cake to Prince Mush before their fight as well, strongly implying that he might be responsible for the Prince's disappearance. While he ultimately probably tried to poison Prince Mush, he doesn't turn out to be willing to go as far as kill the man like the true culprit did.
Have you noticed a trend yet? I'm listing character after character with nothing but positive things to say, not only for how humorous they all are but for how well they all fit into and serve their role in the narrative. The tale of the Glitz Pit is honestly told beat for beat to perfection with the exception of the random Bowser our of nowhere. Every character has a role to play with the lore of the arena, and the word of mouth and gossip from all NPCs paint interesting pictures as well. They talk about Prince Mush and let you know the old champion went missing. They talk about the red herrings, they talk about the mysteries. The sheer amount of character and strength that goes into the chapter could fill an entire, independent game.
In the right corner, we have this writer, Toad! And in the other, we have the twelve hours until her local gamestop opens and she can buy Origami King! Can she survive?!
So we've talked about the setting. We've talked about how the characters are fantastic and add to the mystery and plot. But before we gush about how the plot plays out, can Chapter 3 successfully stand the test of gameplay? I think it ultimately does. A lot of the detractors of this chapter will point out that the core gameplay of fighting twenty waves of enemies ultimately feels padded and I could not disagree more.
Of the enemies encountered, only the Goombas, arguably the KP Koopas, the Dull Bones, and the Mind Bogglers are not original enemies that debut in this chapter. Every round provides a unique challenge, and 20 battles ultimately isn't any more than any other chapter demands from you, unless you're like, doing a low level run where you dodge ever enemy. You have a lot more unique fights here, and Grubba's orders generally aren't too difficult, and are just a nice additional challenge. I especially appreciate the fact that they exist, because it's totally a jab at real world fighting tournaments where fighters are encouraged to balance actually trying to win with telling a good narrative to keep the audience hooked. Source: competitive boxer.
What's most important to balance how much fighting is in this chapter is the sheer amount of content that happens between rounds. Most notably, every single fighter in each locker room has unique dialogue for each and every rank. After each battle, the first thing I'd do is to talk to Cleftor, or Master Crash, or Hamma Jamma, because the amount of effort spent writing for them is genuinely insane. The NPCs outside are hardly any slouches in the writing department either, changing every few fights as well, I believe the number is five. This ultimately helps to make the Pit feel more alive, in addition to all the events that pop up.
Within the context of the minor league, generally speaking you mostly talk to King K and explore the tone of the Glitz Pit. He tells you about the Hot Dog stand and the Yoshi Egg, but you also overhear an injured fighter in need of paramedics. But when you get to the Major League and no longer have King K to hang out with, you get X, who has you run various chores that are very well spaced out in order to prevent the chapter from staling. Which leads me to the final part of my extended gushing about the Glitz Pit. The story itself.
This is the final caption in the write ups. The picture is suitably blurry. Thank you all.
In a lot of ways, the mystery of the Glitz Pit is the greatest chapter specific story every told in a Paper Mario game. Not only is it intensely tied with the setting, but also builds on a lot of it's themes and has a suitably diverse cast of suspects. Prince Mush's ghost hangs over the NPCs surrounding and just talking to them and realizing the man disappeared will have you realize that something more is going to happen but you have no idea what. It stays so simple. The crystal star is the Champion's belt, right? Just become the champion and walk away. It shouldn't be hard.
Until Rawk Hawk comes in and you realize that the belt is fake, then you start getting emails from X. There's four real email chains from X throughout the ten remaining Major League fights, but you also get emails from another person threatening you to stop following X's emails. You begin to realize that there's two players present and you begin to try and figure it out.
Grubba, Jolene and Rawk Hawk are ultimately the suspects for the master mind behind the Crystal Star, who's attempting to protect it through the emails. Rawk Hawk has been plotting against you already, for selfish reasons, which makes him an effective red herring. He's also in the perfect position to swipe the Crystal Star. Grubba's been nothing but kind but when you overhear him talking to Jolene from above the store room, he implies he knows about the stars. This is also where you find out that fighters have been going missing and King K never actually retired. You're invested in King K as a friend so this in particular raises questions immediately. But it could also be Jolene. She's been stopping your investigations, implies she's hiding something, and shows up just at the right time to confiscate the papers that X wanted you to see. And who's X? Grubba? Jolene? Someone new? Bandy Andy who's investigating the Glitz Pit?
But despite all the possibilities, every motivation is consistent and sensible, and the timing of how the information and hints are fed to you ultimately slowly whittles it down. When you find Bandy Andy and King K, drained and crushed under a block, the latter warns you about going into the arena when no one is around. This moment instantly elevates the tension and stakes, and gradually, Rawk Hawk is eliminated as a suspect when he comes clean about his motives in the championship bout.
At the end however, when the mysteries are solved one by one, the last one remaining is "Why is Grubba still so young?" Combined with the fact that fighters are disappearing, you realize just what's going on, and the confrontation through the airvent in the Champion's room is not a moment too soon after the last red herring was eliminated.
Grubba as a whole is a fantastic antagonist on par with Doopliss, because he's both very amusing throughout the chapter and maintains the Mario charm while being utterly heinous and terrifying. One it's revealed how he's selfishly using the Crystal Star to stay young by draining the strength of fighters with the machiene under the stage, puzzles begin to start falling into place. Bandy Andy's testimony, the disappearance of Prince Mush, everything. And he puts up an awesome and engaging final confrontation as well. All in all, he's extremely well done and it helps that despite his shallow motives, he still ends a graceful loser and compliments Mario on a good fight.
This is also the moment Jolene steps in and reveals herself as X, a twist that ultimately makes a lot of sense once everything is put together, and she's reunited with her brother, Prince Mush in an incredibly heartwarming moment. This is also the chapter that best exemplifies how the Crystal Stars do not distinguish between good and evil, something that Frankly brings up but is often not shown. Grubba uses the Star for selfish desires, but once he's defeated, it answers the will of Jolene and Mario in freeing her brother, adding an example to the over all plot of TTYD.
Ultimately, the mystery, story and characters of this chapter create a polished and ingenius contender among the best of the best chapters in all of Paper Mario. From the best presented mystery of the series, that isn't super challenging but is ultimately very well written, to the sheer ton of dialogue from all the NPCs that are surprisingly intertwined with the narrative of the chapter, and the fact that the game play is both engaging with completely unique battles throughout and plenty of things to do and mystery to solve between them. In the end, the Glitz Pit may be one of the most skillfully polished Paper Mario Chapters throughout all time, and it's an experience that leaves many players completely unable to put the game down. At the end however, this chapter is not untouchable. It manages to accomplish a lot using the tools it has, but it does depend a lot on broken expectations and on treading new ground. It's hard to call it the perfect Paper Mario Chapter, when it avoids many of the strengths of the series such as the exploration. But for all the polish and sheer spectacle it presents through it's narrative, it has soundly earned it's position as my favorite Paper Mario Chapter... at least, before the release of The Origami King.
In a few hours, I will release a longer and more mushy post thanking all my readers for following me on this journey. You've all been fantastic. But if you're uninterested in all that touchy-feely good bye stuff, then I still want to make a brief farewell here.
This has been a fantastic month and I've hoped you all enjoyed my writings. I've appreciated all the fantastic discussions we have and I hope I'll have you back whenever I launch another project in the future. For now, thank you for reading.
Previous Rankings (to walk down memory lane): Rank #36 Rank #35 Rank #34 Rank #33 Rank #32 Rank #31 Rank #30 Rank #29 Rank #28 Rank #27 Rank #26 Rank #25 ( Bonus ) Rank #24 Rank #23 Rank #22 Rank #21 ( Bonus ) Rank #20 Rank #19 Rank #18 Rank #17 Rank #16 Rank #15 Rank #14 Rank #13 Rank #12 Rank #11 Rank #10 Rank #09 Rank #08 Rank #07 Rank #06 Rank #05 Rank #04 Rank #03 Rank #02
I'm actually glad for the mistakes I've made because anyone who doesn't make mistakes doesn't learn, and if you don't learn, you're boring!And if you're boring, you're not HOT! I think I'm starting to get the hang of this!
Staying hydrated is important no matter what you're doing, so I always try to drink eight glasses or about a liter of water a day. Soda isn't water. Coffee isn't water. Water is water. Drink throughout the day; don't try to get it all down at once. You wouldn't drown an orchid, so don't drown yourself.I am putting in my formal request for a Public Service Announcement in this format, but using the last line of that passage. Also, Kelly clearly does not know how poorly I tend to my houseplants.
We keep reading about how bad sodium is for our health, but if you eat fresh foods that you prepare yourself, you can determine and control the amount of salt you want to use. I, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, am perfectly capable of deciding how much salt I want to put on my food. I don't need anyone else to salt my food for me. I know that the amount of salt I choose to sprinkle on my food is not going to hurt me.I read on to find a two-page spread in which Kelly expounds, in rhapsodic praise to rival that of Song of Solomon, upon her ardor for her beloved dehydrator -- "I though I was in love with coffee, but now I think my dehydrator is my truest love." Most of the passage is taken up by an unstructured list of the various things Kelly has attempted to dehydrate ("cucumber," "mangoes," "avocado") but she does manage to squeeze in a few infomercial-ready lines -- "Really, you should buy one; I promise you won't be sorry."
Drink water throughout the day (not all at one sitting).She's also been thoughtful enough to provide a list of resources for us to use as we soldier on along the perilous journey to HOT. After all, as Kelly says, "I don’t expect you to carry this book wherever you go -- as much as I would love that." As someone who has never before ventured into the wild world of cyberspace, I really appreciated Kelly introducing me to so many fun, useful websites that I might want to check out! In case you, too, just haven't figured out how to navigate this whole Internet thing, I've included a few examples below:
One-stop shopping for just about any book, periodical, or product you might want to read or buy in order to get HOT.
Everything you need to know to stay up to date on any sport.
Useful, up-to-date, trustworthy information on medical and health issues.
www.yummly.comCan't wait to check these out later! That Amazon one sounds super cool!
Claims to have "every recipe in the world"
I suggest that you take a picture of yourself every day…Some days when you're feeling your fattest, you may be surprised to see that you really look great.Okay, so fat is NOT HOT. Except being comfortable in your body is HOT. And trying to be skinny is NOT HOT. But being skinny is HOT. Thank goodness I still have a few more chapters to go -- I clearly still have a ways to go before I truly understand the logic of HOTness. As it stands, I must admit that I'm a bit baffled.
The best kind of vanity is being vain about what you put in your body.Friday's chapter promises to introduce us to the world of "Hot Couture," and I am excited to see what tips and tricks Kelly has managed to accrue over her lifetime in the cutthroat world of modeling . But first, we abruptly transition to a story about Kelly meeting Madonna shortly after both women had given birth. Kelly had "gained a healthy fifty pounds," which I am led to believe, from the context of the anecdote, is NOT HOT. Madonna, on the other hand, was "flat-stomached" and therefore "HOT and cool." Of course, Kelly reassures us hurriedly that she lost all the weight within the following six weeks and was "actually thinner than I'd been prepregnancy." I am at an utter loss as to what the point of this story could possibly be, but -- blessedly -- Kelly is gracious enough to explain:
So what's the lesson here? That Madonna had personal trainers and chefs to whip her back into shape, and I didn't -- and still don’t. I shouldn't have been comparing myself to her in the first place. My advice to you is: don’t compare yourself to anyone else, only to your own personal best.This is a perfect example of something Kelly does throughout this book, which is to present a completely reasonable piece of advice (don’t compare yourself to others), but couched within such a bizarre and logically disorganized narrative that by the time I reach the ultimate moral of the story, my brain feels like it's been run through a series of meat grinders, and I'm reduced to just nodding along in bemused acceptance.
Stop praying for what you don't have and be grateful for what you've got.This amount of cognitive dissonance is truly proof that Kelly contains multitudes. Or has recently acquired some sort of debilitating short-term amnesia. Nevertheless, we continue:
But whatever your shape, show it off. Don’t try to hide it. Hiding is not hot.Kelly next walks us through figuring out which "season" we are, based on the wisdom extolled in "Color Me Beautiful, the groundbreaking book that was so wildly successful in the early 80s." It's no surprise to me that Kelly, who earlier encouraged us to make our lives easier by using our PDAs, finds this to be an exciting new trend to share. Also, in case you weren't aware, "hair color is also important. You can lighten it or darken it or cover the gray." Lighten it or darken it? The boundaries of my mental universe are truly expanding.
Scarves are hippie chic, cool, and always HOT.
If you're narrow, show off how narrow you are with a monochromatic palette.
Ankles are the new cleavage!Narrow ankles only, I presume. Kelly's selfless, giving nature is highlighted yet again in the following passage, in which she explains:
All these celebrities have stylists who pull the clothes, accessories, and shoes that make them look the way they do. They charge a lot of money for what they do, so why not get some free advice based on my experience.And what, pray tell, is this coveted advice that Kelly is so lovingly sharing with her readers, free of charge?
Okay, so far be it from me to complain about the quality of free advice. But. Out of the five pearls of wisdom that make up the "KKBStyle Rules," two of them are rudimentary instructions to wear somewhat-situationally-appropriate clothing, and the other three are the kind of cute sayings that you would find on a piece of poorly bedazzled wall art in the clearance aisle of your local TJMaxx. I'm not impressed.
- Save sweatpants for the gym.
- Save PJs for the bedroom.
- Dress as if you were the boss.
- Remember what Carrie Bradshaw says: "Nothing is casual anymore, even when it says so on the invitation."
- Manolo Blahniks are a girl's best friend.
I even painted my nails red the minute I started writing this book. I wanted to see my short red nails tapping away on my Macbook Pro. Almost every red dress is smokin' HOT, and I've never met a guy who doesn't think a woman in a red dress isn't hot. He's a liar if he denies it.To repeat, Kelly says she's "never met a guy who doesn’t think a woman in a red dress isn't hot." Poor dear got a bit carried away with her negatives, but I'm sure she'll redeem herself in no time:
When I was sitting in the front row of a Marc Jacobs fashion show a few years ago, I wore a full, red short skirt, a tight red sweater, and red open-toed shoes. One of the editors from The New York Times was sitting across from me, and as we were waiting for the show to begin I kept crossing and recrossing my legs to make him laugh.Sure, Kelly. To make him laugh. I can only assume she must have written some kind of hilariously clever joke on the gusset of her underwear to have had this editor so tickled
It was a long wait and after a while some guy I didn't know who was at the other end of the row, leapt towards me and screamed that he was obsessed with my feet. How crazy is it that red open-toed shoes and red toenails could create such a reaction. Red is HOT, even stalker HOT. Yikes!I'm not clear where "stalker HOT" fits into this whole complex web, but it's reassuring to know that a wise soul like Kelly has such a nuanced appreciation of all of the different ways to be hot. She also gives us some "HOT tips for heating up your image." Like,
Put on a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt.
Put your hair in a ponytail.
Put on a pair of hoop earrings.And also
Wear your jeans a size smaller instead of a size larger.For some reason not entirely clear to me at this moment, wearing jeans in your actual size does not seem to be an option.
There's nothing hotter than a HOT head of hair (unless it's a hunky bald guy).Kelly follows up by offering a list of what she calls "HOT healthy options." Based on the preceding paragraph, you might assume that these tips would have something to do with haircare and hair styling. However, you would be wrong. Instead, we're instructed to:
Enjoy as much watermelon as you like.
Pack a picnic lunch of dehydrated fruit, chamomile iced tea, and mini pizzas made with corn tortillas, cherry tomatoes, and mozzarella cheese. Eat your picnic in the park.
Come up with something fun you want to try and do it!Personally, it seems like a bit of a cop-out to make one of the items on your list of fun things to do "make up your own fun thing to do." But who knows? Maybe cop-outs are HOT!
Besides my hair and my legs, the one thing people always ask me about the way I look is how I keep my teeth so white. And yes, that's also a matter of genetics. I'm blessed with the whitest teeth on the planet, and, no, I've never had them professionally bleached.The weekend begins as I turn the page to the penultimate chapter -- "Saturday: Heat Up Your HOT Image with Healthy Options Today." Saturdays, as Kelly tells us, are for fun activities. For example:
If you're in the mall, go to different stores and figure out which looks will make you HOT. Ask other shoppers for advice.Also:
Parks are great for people-watching. Who looks fit and healthy?I sincerely hope that any and all of my friends would give me a stern talking-to if I informed them that my weekend plans consisted of going to a park and…pointing out people I think aren't healthy enough?
You're not going to get fat from having a few drinks a week. You will get fat if your routine is to drink, eat late, and then lie around watching television the next day, eating and making bad food choices. Going out is fun, but when you sacrifice the next day, it's never fun enough. Don't have regrets; enjoy every day. This is a life plan, and yesterday isn't coming back ever again.The chapter comes to a close with a reminder to "wrap up every day with a great big bow and be ready for your next adventure. But before we close out our week of HOT, we're provided with what I anticipate will be an incredibly useful reference material for us all, the "KKBfit HOT Quiz." If you'd like to take the quiz yourself, you can find it here. However, I'm not entirely sure I would classify it as a "quiz," since it seems to be mostly a set of questions followed by Kelly's feedback on various possible responses. For example:
I presume that the lack of response after the "Other?" choice is supposed to represent Kelly staring at me in deranged disappointment for a few painfully protracted seconds. Some questions, like the one above, don't seem to have any wrong answers at all. In contrast, other questions have clear wrong answers, which Kelly wastes no time in making apparent:
I had a Kelly Green Juice -- Wasn't it yummy?
- How Kelly Green are you?
I had a smoothie from the health food store with a splash of spinach -- Great choice!
I had kale chips, spinach, and quinoa for dinner last night -- I bet you woke up feeling great this morning!
I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner on three different days -- That's good, but I wish you'd get a little more adventurous in your choices.
- Are you getting enough protein? How many days did you eat chicken, fish, or meat for at least one meal?
Haven't had a meal since last night, but I'm going to skip breakfast and go on a run. I won't eat anything until lunch. -- Sorry, but starving your body is not KKBfit.
- How KKBfit are you?
The quiz ends, leaving me entirely unsure of whether or not I've actually made any forward progress towards my HOTness goals, but the next page does promise help for those who "still need more inspiration." Here, it seems that Kelly has compiled a loose assortment of quotes, most of which (I have a sneaking suspicion) were found by searching the keyword "hot" on BrainyQuote.com. Also, this masterpiece from Kelly's ex-husband, noted fashion photographer Gilles Bensimon:
I drink when I'm exercising but that's about it -- Not good enough! Try harder next week.
- Are you drinking enough?
HOT--Move over, Rupi Kaur! I hope with every fiber of my being that Gilles Bensimon has published his collected poetry in some kind of volume that I could purchase, read, and have, I'm sure, nothing but positive things to say about. After about a dozen similar quotations, Kelly continues:
It is not about the look,
It is not only about the charm,
It is the perfect combination:
Sweet and tough,
Sexy and reserved,
Fragile and powerful,
And definitely smart.
-- Gilles Bensimon
Now, as you get ready for Sunday Funday, take a few minutes to think about how you define HOT. Has your definition changed or evolved since you started reading this book? If so, I'm doing my job.In all honesty, my definition of HOT has definitely been…affected by this experience. So we'll call that a win! Kelly tells us a few stories about times when her friends and family members have come to her for guidance on how to be hot. She explains:
I'm not the food police, but I've made myself the Sven-arbiter (as opposed to Svengali) of what's HOT and what's not.Case in point:
It's just not hot to belong to the clean plate club.The chapter closes with a list titled "Why Don't You," which I believe is supposed to be a list of fun activities we can try during a Sunday Funday. Or possibly a list of terrible life hacks for stoned college freshmen:
Use an electric teapot as a clothing steamer.
Make grilled cheese sandwiches or press wraps using a hot clothes iron.There are very few things sadder to me that imagining someone taking Kelly up on this last bit of advice as a fun way to liven up what must be the most preternaturally boring existence possible. If your idea of fun is white bread and Kraft Singles getting slowly warmed over on your clothing iron, I can only imagine the fit of hysterics that you'd be thrown into by a passable Minions meme.
No one on earth would ever call me a chef.Of course not, Kelly -- they'd call you a cook. Otherwise, it's creepy.
I'm not the greatest pancake maker, and I probably never will be. But what I am very good at is thinking of unusual things and doing them.Frankly, I can't argue with that. As she continues:
When in pancake doubt, have fun, add fruit, and see if pancakes can be a vehicle for creating great memories for your family.Next time I'm in pancake doubt, I'll know just what to do! We move right along into the Soups and Salads section, and are promptly introduced to Kelly's "Jimmy Achoo's Chicken Soup." Which is apparently a play on Jimmy Choo and also described by Kelly as "filled with veggie exploitation," which sounds terrifying. Of the next recipe, "Rich and Skinny Cauliflower Soup with Kale Chips," Kelly reflects:
I adapted this recipe from one I found on the Internet. I wish I could tell you exactly where, but I can't.The recipe calls for kale chips, which Kelly goes out of her way to inform us can be purchased "at health food stores and many well-stocked supermarkets." We also get a few general "HOT salad tips" that can be applied to many of the recipes throughout this book, such as
There are so many different types of lettuces available today! Try different ones to see which you like bestand
When you order a salad in a restaurant, ask for the dressing on the side. You're a grown-up and you should get to decide how much you want to use.With that under our belts, the grown-ups among us move on to "Meat, Chicken, and Fish." In her recipe for "Grilled Rib Eye with Herbes de Provence", Kelly tells us about meeting the famous chef who inspired this dish:
When I met Eric, who was still in his thirties at the time, he still had dark hair. I was caught off guard because I thought all chefs were older, had gray hair, and smelled like garlic.So perhaps Bethenny should have taken it as a compliment? Kelly continues,
He's since invited me many times to go into his kitchen and cook with him, but my fear of losing a finger by being overzealous has prohibited me from accepting.It's unclear to me exactly what this means or why Kelly would even be particularly worried about this possibility. Does she have habit of excitedly snatching vegetables out from other people's knives? Does Eric have a reputation for slicing anyone who dares to get in his way? Before I make any headway with this particular mystery, we're introduced to the next recipe, the "Pencil-Thin Skirt Steak." As we learn, "Everyone looks slim in a pencil skirt, so it's only fitting that skirt steak is one of the leanest cuts of beef you can buy." We get a recipe for "Sultry Roast Chicken" in which Kelly shares with us that "in fact, chicken without ginger doesn't taste like chicken to me anymore." This would be more believable if we weren't, a mere two pages later, introduced to a notably ginger-free recipe for "Second-Chance Chicken." As Kelly explains,
I hate the idea of leftovers. To me, eating leftovers means you're too lazy to start over, and I've never wanted my girls to think that we weren't starting fresh.In the introduction to the recipe for "Bad Girl Wings," Kelly gives us yet another poignant insight into her life as a mother:
These chicken wings are Sea's favorite. I'm sure she loves them because she knows I love wings (she's a cutie like that).It would obviously be ludicrous to assume that Sea actually enjoys chicken wings authentically. Much more likely that she just loves them because Kelly does. HOT! In a segment labeled "hasta la vista taco bell," Kelly recounts a traumatic experience in which she "discovered that my favorite food choices [at Taco Bell] added up to 580 calories." To me, this seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of calories for one daily meal out of three, but according to Kelly, I am embarrassingly off the mark. Rather, she sighs, "I guess that means my Taco Bell days are over -- unless I decide to chance [sic] Sunday Funday into Fatso Food Day." Not HOT.
This was one of the first dishes I made when I started to cook -- as a science experiment. My "method" was to think of foods I loved and which ones I thought would go well together.Fascinating! Think of ingredients you like and combine them into a dish that you will then likely also like! The next recipe, for "Kelly's Kalamari," features the following introduction:
I still love fried calamari, but it doesn't love me. Whenever I eat it, it goes right to my stomach and makes a little pooch -- eww!As a reminder, this is the same Kelly Bensimon who told us that loving our bodies is HOT and dieting is die + t. But also, eww!
When you make this (especially for children) just be sure you cook off the alcohol so that you aren't serving vodka to minors or have to assign a designated driver for your guests.This seems like reasonable and conscientious advice. Until I read on and learn that the recipe calls for 1/8 cup vodka, and makes four servings. If your guests need a designated driver after consuming a half-tablespoon of vodka each, I would strongly encourage them to seek medical advice forthwith.
Try using quinoa in this recipe instead of the rice -- I call that having your cake and eating it too!Oh, to live a life in which your most selfish indulgence was quinoa. I suppose this should have prepared me for a few pages later, when Kelly remarks:
Both hummus and guacamole make great toppings for steak or fish. They're my version of béarnaise sauce.I love hummus. Hummus is great. But there is no possible existing parallel universe in which hummus and béarnaise sauce are interchangeable. One of the final recipes in this section is cryptically titled "Have an Impromptu Pepper Party" and instructs the reader to scoop out the insides of a bell pepper and stuff it with "whatever ingredients suit your fancy." Again, I feel like this fails to meet the definition of an actual recipe, per se, but it is supposedly "quick, fun, and satisfying."
On Season 4 of the Real Housewives of New York City, I made a mixed fruit pie for my kids with what was left over in the fruit bowl…Don't be afraid to try new things, make mistakes, and have fun doing it.I can only hope to someday be brave enough and fearless enough to make a mixed fruit pie.
Gummi Bear MartiniETA: I am so disappointed in myself for forgetting to include that Kelly has a ceviche recipe that instructs you to marinate raw fish in lemon juice for exactly two minutes before serving. In the interest of food safety, perhaps it was for the best that this nugget momentarily slipped my mind, but sharing this information with you all is the burden I have been cursed to bear. 🙏🏼
If you don't have a paper umbrella handy, Gummi Bears are a great way to put more fun in your drink.
Makes 1 Drink
2 parts orange, grape, or other-flavored vodka
1 part Triple Sec
1 part white grape juice
Splash of cranberry juice
Gummi Bears, as many as you like
Combine the vodka, Triple Sec, grape juice, and cranberry juice in a tall glass. Add ice and fill the glass with Gummi Bears.
Environmental, Social and Governance (ESG) has risen greatly in popularity in recent time. With many factors (including Covid) raising awareness around ESG it would appear there has never been a better time to invest in this market trend/values (besides maybe six months ago).submitted by GhostfacexProdigy to SPACs [link] [comments]
Government subsidies, decarbonization, climate change, industrial/infrastructure upgrades, technological advancements, ESG popularity, greenwashing and police brutality are but a few of the catalysts favouring ESG focused companies (ETFs, funds and SPACs like SPAQ/SOAC). The recent growth in EV market, solar stocks, renewable energy, Tesla, the Juneteenth stock’s and the green energy market (including SPACs - NKLA SHLL SPAQ) are but a few of the benefiters of this “movement” to date.
It’s not just day trading millennials (beckys/RH) who love this stuff but hedge funds are also benefiting from this trend (that is here to stay). It might be a personal belief of mine coupled with my passion for environmentalism but market trends do not lie (although can pop) – and if I can profit from this, why not?
SPAQ SHLL SOAC FMCI BMRG HCCH NKLA BLNK DGLY SOLO EVSI NIO UONE BYFC FMCI BYND RUN WKHS TSLA
Furthermore, ESG funds tend to outperform traditional investments (during downturns - like covid – and some SPACs were a safe haven (because of something called Escrow).
It seems like we need a SPAC ETF ESG focused on some of the above mentioned.. more like needed it six months ago (imagine the returns $$$)??
Very Basic (and inconclusive without further) Market Research:
![img](1cqt9q0rnva51 " ")
** all info sourced in links**
“A poll … by JP Morgan of 50 global institutions with $12.9 trillion under management found that 71% of respondents felt the economic shock of Covid-19 would increase awareness and actions globally to tackle climate change and “high impact, high probability” events like it. “Over the long run, COVID-19 could prove to be a major turning point for ESG investing,” said Jean-Xavier Hecker and Hugo Dubourg, co-heads of ESG and Sustainability at JP Morgan. “
The ESG SPAC Space:
There are a few (openly) ESG focused SPACs right now - SOAC is arguably the best. When you invest in a SPAC remember – you are investing in the team ie management, UW, legal and institutional backing (follow the money) C.R.E.A.M.
Sustainable Opportunities Acquisition Corp.SOAC
345m - 100% still in Trust18mo term – I like the short term (maybe we see a CCXX or BMRG early announcement)IPO May 6 2020 – Love the confidence of IPOing in the face of Covid½ Warrant/UnitCitigroup running the books soloKirkland and Ellis & Davis Polk and Wardwell are lawyers involvedCrescent term threshold of $9.2
“We believe that there are significant, attractive investment opportunities that exist within industries that benefit from strong Environmental, Social and Governance (“ESG”) profiles. While investing in ESG covers a broad range of themes, we are focused on evaluating suitable targets that have existing environmental sustainability practices or that may benefit, both operationally and economically, from our management team’s commitment and expertise in executing such practices. We believe our management team’s experience allows us to evaluate targets in industries such as manufacturing (including auto, building materials), chemicals, services (including waste, environmental, construction), logistics (including transportation, distribution), technology (hardware, software, devices), agriculture (including biofuels) and energy (with focus on renewable generation, utility services, energy efficiency/management), among others. Furthermore, our target universe could include companies undergoing a transition to increase their environmental sustainability profiles, reflecting an opportunity to bring environmentally sustainable practices to companies that may not have historically been focused on environmental sustainability. We believe there is a wide array of companies undergoing this “brown-to-green” transition in our target universe. Companies in our target universe tend to have stable growth rates and would greatly benefit from access to public market capital.”
“The SOAC management team has extensive experience in operating and managing sustainability initiatives within a wide range of companies and industries throughout the U.S.”
“Scott Honour (the one and only**) serves as the Chairman of our board of directors**. Mr. Honour has over 30 years of private equity investment experience and has been involved in over 100 transactions totalling over $20 billion in transaction value. Mr. Honour is Managing Partner of Northern Pacific Group (“NPG”), a private equity firm, which he co-founded in 2012. Prior to that, Mr. Honour was at The Gores Group, a Los Angeles based private equity firm, for 10 years, serving as Senior Managing Director and one of the firm’s top executives. During his time at The Gores Group, the firm raised four funds, totaling $4 billion in aggregate, and made over 35 investments. Mr. Honour also served on the investment committee for The Gores Group. Prior to joining The Gores Group, Mr. Honour was a Managing Director at UBS Investment Bank from 2000 to 2002 and was an investment banker at Donaldson, Lufkin & Jenrette from 1991 to 2000. Mr. Honour began his career at Trammell Crow Company in 1988. Mr. Honour has served on the board of directors of numerous public and private companies including Solar Spectrum Holdings LLC, Anthem Sports & Entertainment Inc., 1st Choice Delivery, LLC, United Language Group, Inc., Renters Warehouse LLC, Real Dolmen (REM:BB) and Westwood One, Inc. (formerly Nasdaq: WWON), and is a co-founder of Titan CNG LLC and YapStone Inc. Mr. Honour earned a B.S. and B.A., cum laude, in Business Administration and Economics from Pepperdine University and an M.B.A. in Finance and Marketing from the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.
David Quiram serves as our Chief Financial Officer. Dr. Quiram has over 20 years of leadership experience in technology, strategy and finance organizations with a deep understanding of the chemicals, emerging technology, bioscience and energy sectors. Previously, Dr. Quiram served as Head of Financial Planning and Analysis and Tax at GenOn Energy (“GenOn”) from 2017 until 2019 where he was responsible for standing up the financial and administrative functions of GenOn as a stand-alone entity from NRG Energy Inc. (NYSE: NRG). Prior to that, Dr. Quiram served as Head of Investments for Enterprise Services of Hewlett Packard Enterprise (NYSE: HPE) from 2014 until 2017 where he directed investments into products and services. From 2010 to 2014, Dr. Quiram was with Accenture (NYSE: ACN) as a Senior Manager in their Strategy practice focused on transforming utilities, independent power producers, and energy retailers. From 2006 to 2009, Dr. Quiram worked at multiple roles at TXU Energy starting in finance and later served as Vice President of Retail Pricing and Procurement where he led the pricing and hedging for TXU Energy’s retail portfolio. Dr. Quiram began his career at McKinsey & Co where he worked as an Engagement Manager from 2001 until 2005, and as a Research Scientist at DuPont (NYSE: DD) from 1998 to 2001. Dr. Quiram earned a B.S. in Chemical Engineering with Highest Distinction from the University of Virginia, and an M.S. and Ph.D. in Chemical Engineering from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
Rick Gaenzle has agreed to serve on our board of directors. Mr. Gaenzle has over 30 years of private equity investment and corporate finance experience; he is the founder and currently serves as a Managing Director of Gilbert Global Equity Capital, L.L.C., the principal investment advisor to Gilbert Global Equity Partners, L.P. and related entities, a $1.2 billion leveraged buyout and private equity fund. Mr. Gaenzle has spent the last twenty-eight years at Gilbert Global and its predecessor entity, completing over 110 direct equity investments, co-investments and add-on acquisitions for portfolio companies. Previously, Mr. Gaenzle was a Principal of Soros Capital L.P., the principal venture capital and leveraged equity entity of the Quantum Group of Funds and a principal advisor to Quantum Industrial Holdings Ltd. Prior to joining Soros Capital, Mr. Gaenzle held various positions at PaineWebber Inc. Mr. Gaenzle currently serves as a Senior Advisor to Impact Delta, an impact-investing and impact-measurement advisory firm; an Operating Partner of NPG; and Chairman of Lake Street Homes, a single-family rental investment vehicle. Mr. Gaenzle holds a B.A. from Hartwick College and an M.B.A. from Fordham University.
Isaac Barchas has agreed to serve on our board of directors. Mr. Barchas is the President and Chief Executive Officer of Research Bridge Partners (“RBP”), a socially-driven investment company, which he founded in 2016. RBP uses both concessionary and nonconcessionary investment to create startup companies based on university research and advance those companies into the venture capital markets. Prior to founding RBP, Mr. Barchas led the Austin Technology Incubator (“ATI”) at The University of Texas at Austin from 2006 to 2016. ATI’s Clean Energy Incubator was the first university clean tech incubation program in the United States. During Mr. Barchas’ leadership, ATI companies raised over $1 billion in the capital markets. Mr. Barchas joined the university from McKinsey & Co., where he worked in the Chicago, Sydney, Auckland, and Dallas offices, from 1996 to 2006 and served on the leadership teams of McKinsey’s North American Healthcare Practice and Global Organization Practice. Mr. Barchas has served on multiple private company boards and on philanthropic boards including Pecan Street Inc., the largest analytically-focused clean energy and climate data consortium in the United States, where he was a founding board member. Mr. Barchas earned a J.D. (honors) and M.A. (Century Fellowship) from The University of Chicago. He received an A.B. from Stanford University (honors and Phi Beta Kappa).
Justin Kelly has agreed to serve on our board of directors. Mr. Kelly is currently the Chief Executive Officer and Chief Investment Officer of Winslow Capital Management, LLC (“Winslow Capital”), Nuveen’s center of excellence for growth investing. Mr. Kelly also serves as lead portfolio manager on the firm’s flagship U.S. Large Cap Growth Strategy. Mr. Kelly has been with Winslow Capital for over two decades and has transformed the firm from a single strategy, niche investment firm to a thought leader globally in growth equity investing with four strategies. Prior to joining Winslow Capital in 1999, Mr. Kelly was an equity analyst at Investment Advisors in Minneapolis. Prior to that, Mr. Kelly worked at Prudential Bache, from 1993 to 1996 as Investment Banker, and Salomon Brothers, from 1996 to 1997 as Investment Banker. Mr. Kelly earned a B.S. in Finance/Investments from Babson College.
Our management team will be supported by NPG, a technology and business services focused private equity firm based in Wayzata, Minnesota. NPG has considerable experience investing in ESG related portfolio companies with community impact, workplace diversity and integrity, and environmental resource management acting as cornerstones to key investment decisions. NPG has offset its carbon footprint to net zero, achieving CarbonNeutral® status. The partners of NPG have been involved in acquisitions, financings and advisory transactions totaling over $20 billion in transaction value and have significant experience investing across a variety of economic cycles and a track record of identifying high-quality assets, businesses and management teams with significant resources, capital and optimization potential. We believe that we will benefit from NPG’s prior experience.”
CEO BREIF INTERVIEW
SPAC’s tend to be 50/50 after merger IMOPotential EV or ESG bubble might be formingDoes anyone have an example of a SPAC in the last 15 years (or later) that has liquidated and didn’t pay out?(I honestly haven’t looked)I see 0.1% risk in SPAC shares/units long term (thanks to escrow)
Future (disruptive) ESG companies (like PureCycle) might want to try and avoid previous mistakes (like UBER) by going the public via the SPAC route... Its kind of a thing these days (thank you Covid) and helps them to make more money faster, price their deal properly/more efficiently and gain (those all-important wall street) connections – I see you SPAQ .. also anyone else see spacs drop in the WSJ?
Completely speculative possible ESG SPAC’s – IPOC/IPOB, HCAC/JIH, GMHI/NPA, SBE/ALUS/TDAC, **KCAC/**SSPK, or JWS/PTSH? Who else are we missing?? Who else will pivot like SHLL, SPAQ, HCCH or get a BlackRock PIPE??
Disclaimer: This is not investment advice and I have positions in some of the above.
TLDR: ESG trend is here to stay and SOAC is a ESG SPAC with great a great team
**check out the discord link for more info, resources and tools**
I believe every woman should be a Southern Belle or minimally aspire to being more ladylike, charming, and intelligent, because we should all be treated well.As she continues, we get our first glimpse of the deep well of compassion that underlies Phaedra's mission to improve the lives of those around her.
Honestly, I sometimes feel sorry for women of northern persuasion. There they are rushing around in their baggy, drab clothes, doing everything for themselves and looking like they just rolled out of bed. They don't seem to understand there's a better way.Thankfully, I no longer have to count myself among that witless horde. I feel like, until this fateful moment, I have been living like one of those people from the black-and-white "before" footage of an infomercial -- haphazardly bumbling through the most menial of daily tasks with no way of knowing how much brighter my world could be. Phaedra has freed me from Plato's Cave, and I have no choice but to follow her instruction and strive to shape myself in her image.
Unfortunately, as we see more migration from other parts of the world, we also see an increase of poor manners and rude behavior.She elaborates, providing specific examples of the personal injuries incurred as a result of these unmannered interlopers.
I find it particularly odd in business, when the salespeople or tellers don't speak or thank you for your patronage. Don't they realize that without customers they would not have a job?I, too, find it offensive when minimum-wage workers have the nerve to act like actual human beings rather than automatons at the mercy of my personal whims, and I appreciate that Phaedra is bold enough to ask the question that has undoubtedly been on the tip of our collective tongue. Yet somehow, she still remains humble enough to freely admit where she has room to learn; here, she lets the reader in on "something I've never quite understood about non-southerners:"
They're suspicious of basic southern warmth because they're worried it's insincere. But at the same time, they will tell you the most inappropriate things! They tell you stuff about their health that you don't want to know. They launch into crazy stories about their terrible childhoods and how misunderstood they are. They complain about what happened long ago, and they fret openly about the future. Then they tell you what they paid for things and you want to crawl under the table.What is attractive, then, you may ask? Effusive compliments, for one thing -- "I don't know why some people are so concerned with being sincere, when being nice is so much more effective." We also learn to "never contradict anyone, even if you know they are wrong." Phaedra illustrates this particular lesson with the following example:
Frankly, that's not very attractive.
If someone tells you that your taxes are due on April 30 instead of April 15, you look puzzled and say, "Goodness, I had no idea. Did they change the date?"And what happens after that? Either the person says yes and you're forced to play along with whatever bizarre delusion and/or power-play your companion is currently indulging, or they say no and you say -- what? "Right, of course, I knew that the whole time!" Or, "Gotcha! It's April 15th, you incompetent fraud!" Or maybe, "I don't even know what taxes are -- money is for menfolk!" I just can't imagine any of those scenarios playing out with less discomfort than a simple correction, but after four years living in New England, I can only assume that's just northern negativity clouding my vision.
What an interesting way to think about it. (Good for a point on which you disagree with someone.)
You thought of every little detail; I love a meticulous lady!
Wow! That is so original. I would never have put it together like that. (In this South this might mean, "I hate it," but in a polite way.)Boss Babe is out -- Meticulous Lady is in! Phaedra reminds us to keep health concerns -- "especially female issues" -- far from polite conversation, then shifts gears to a much-needed lesson in verbal comportment. It's not just their "attractive regional accents" that distinguish Southern Belles from their less-attractive northern counterparts; they also devote great attention to evoking grace through their cadence and tone.
Sometimes northern women can sound awfully abrupt. It's just a habit they have, poor things.If you'd like to take your place amongst esteemed gentility, however, I urge you to change your ways! For one thing, when speaking, "slip in something affectionate so that a very harsh reality doesn't come across as rude or abrupt." For example, see how much unpleasant confrontation is avoided with the following turn of phrase:
Darling, don't you know you're too smart and pretty to be the town drunk?Silly girl, haven't you heard? Addiction is for ugly people! You should also feel free to use these compliments liberally throughout conversation -- "You don't have to mean it, you know." As an example:
If you can tell that someone has put a lot of effort into a particular aspect of her outfit, just draw attention to it. Sparkly stars-and-stripes high heels could be terribly tacky, but you bet they're supposed to be noticed, so go ahead and do it. "Those are certainly patriotic shoes!"Let me take a crack at it -- This book certainly has a lot of words in it! Writing a book is such an impressive achievement -- I'm sure it feels so rewarding to finally see it In print! And I love the way you occasionally use infinity signs as bullet points -- it's so evocative! I think I'm getting the hang of this!
Belle-Speak: She's a nurse-in-training.
Unvarnished Truth: She dates only old men.
Belle-Speak: She's a butter face.
Unvarnished Truth: Everything looks good but her face.
Belle-Speak: Hope he's got money.The second one is not even really a euphemism so much as Phaedra trying to demonstrate her knowledge of hip modern slang, but I digress. We transition into advice for conversation starters -- "don't throw them complicated or controversial subjects like politics, animal rights, or local zoning." Truly, I can't tell you how many times I've been approached at a party with an opener about municipal ordinances, and it just kills the mood like nothing else. Worried about how you'll ever find something to talk about under these restrictions?
Unvarnished Truth: He's unattractive and pays for affection.
Don't worry about sounding interesting. "Interesting" is an overrated notion. Just fill the empty air.That…explains a lot, actually.
Don't discuss hair color. Men always pretend they don't dye their hair, so you just have to go with it.At first glance, this seems reasonable enough, especially in the context of the social graces espoused by the book so far. However, Phaedra's attempt at further explanation quickly begins to careen off-course.
For women, it's a little bit more complicated because you have the question of whether the drapes match the carpet, so to speak. And I do know some who dye the carpet to match -- that was the big thing in high school. Now with all this weird waxing, you don't have to do as much dyeing, but that's another thing you don't talk about either!Let's see if I've got this straight: I should always believe a man about his purported hair color no matter what, but if a woman tries to lie about hers, she'll get caught…because I will inevitably be forced to confront the realities of her pubic hair? An intimate partner, sure, but I just can't imagine this situation arises with enough frequency to merit even the few lines its given in this text. And honestly, at this point, I don't even think I want to know what Phaedra means by "weird waxing."
A lot of women today enjoy being the feisty, brassy, foul-mouthed kind of gal who drinks with men and shows a lot of flesh. They think it's cool.Phaedra continues and reflects that, "I've heard the argument that this is progress, from the feminist point of view, but I don't necessarily agree." I can never remember -- which wave of feminism was the one with all the feisty gals? But clearly, their agenda has gone too far! How, in contrast, does a delicate Southern Belle behave?
She looks as if she's heard of sex, probably has had sex, but has no plans to have sex with anybody in the immediate surroundings.I'm not sure exactly how to convey this highly specific sentiment in any other way than purchasing a t-shirt custom-printed with the phrase, "I have heard of sex, have probably had sex, but have no plans to have sex with anybody in the immediate surroundings," so I hope that approach will suffice for now. Phaedra follows up by cautioning us that,
A lady never puts in the shop window what isn't for sale.Personally, I like to think of myself as more of a museum than a gift shop, but to each their own! We next learn more about the delicate balance a Southern Belle must achieve in order to maintain her esteemed position. For example, while "she doesn't cuss and doesn't talk dirty," frigidity is similarly unbecoming -- "if somebody tells a good dirty joke in her vicinity, she'll laugh." I'm barely a third of the way through this book, and I'm already exhausted at the prospect of having to remember all of these hyper-specific edicts. It's no surprise that the Southern Belle has to remain consistently vigilant; as Phaedra intones, "coming from a Pentecostal family, I hate to see a woman down more than two drinks." It seems to me like the simplest way to avoid such emotional turmoil would be to simply refrain from compulsively tallying the beverage intake of strangers, but I soon learn there are far more perilous hazards lurking around every corner. Phaedra shares her personal strategy for avoiding the very implication of incivility in the following excerpt:
I don't ever go to the bar at a party; I think that just looks terrible. If I must have a glass of wine or crave a fruity adult libation, I'll ask a nearby man to procure it for me.Sir! Procure me a fruity adult libation -- tout de suite! But I would hate to diminish the male gender by implying that they're only good for the acquisition of potables; no -- men can be leveraged in an increasingly broad array of day-to-day tasks. As Phaedra shares:
I have friends who have never in their lives pumped gas for their own cars. They will ask a complete stranger to do it for them. One of my besties from New Orleans will flag down a man, give him her credit card, and have him pump and pay for her gas.Honestly, I can't help but wonder if this might actually be some kind of avantgarde performance art, in the tradition of Marina Abramović's Rhythm 0. Because the idea that this gambit has never gone horribly, horribly awry truly strains credulity. As I read on, however, I learn that my current train of thinking is sorely misguided.
Sometimes when I'm at a grocery store the fellow bagging the groceries will ask if he can take them out to my car. Why would you say no to this? But sometimes women do. And I look at them and sigh and think, "Poor thing. She has a lot to learn."Thankfully for my personal development, the next chapter -- titled "A Crash Course in Being (Selectively) Helpless" promises exactly the sort of content that I so desperately need to understand. As Phaedra explains, a Southern Belle is "never intimidating, because some things she just can't do on her own." She goes on to offer concrete examples of how to incorporate this ethos into your life on beginner, intermediate, and expert levels.
Experts: assume help will arrive. Flat tire? Pull over to the curb, and don't sweat it. Can't figure out which wrench to buy at Home Depot? Or how to program your DVR? This is what former boyfriends and other gentlemen are for. Believe me, the age of chivalry is not dead.Rent due? Don't sweat it -- a gallant gentleman likely already has a check in the mail. House burning to the ground around you? You should know a Belle doesn't walk down the hallway on her own two feet! Bear attack? I'm sure a male bear is just around the corner, ready to jump in and defend your honor!
She never does that thing I hear of in the North sometimes of telling you how little she paid for something. Why would you brag about bargains?I can't hear the phrase that thing I hear of in the North in anything other than the voice of Tinsley's mother, Dale. Except she would probably use it in reference to something like "giving compliments to your daughter" or "weight gain." Regardless, a more appropriate question at this juncture might be, "Are you sure this book was proofread quite as judiciously as you claimed?" As I scan the page, my eyes happen upon the line:
10 percent for tithing, if your religion encourages tithing, which mines [sic] does.Of course, it would be entirely uncouth for me to brag about my typographical superiority in this context, so now seems as good a time as any to exercise some of my newly acquired techniques. Oh, Phaedra -- bless her heart! I suppose we can't all be detail-oriented, can we? It must be nice to be so casual and carefree when you express yourself!
The traditionally white organizations don't have anything comparable.Um, excuse me? Have you never seen this iconic video?! However, Phaedra does reassure us that she's far from ignorant in the ways of the world. As she states, "I have read about hookup culture and known a few easy women." Of course, easy men don't exist -- or at least, that's what I've read in all the most prominent textbooks regarding hookup culture. But don't mistake Phaedra's awareness for acceptance -- "that doesn't mean I like any of it." However, this sentiment is belied just a few paragraphs later, when our author recalls:
I offended the mother of one of my best friends once by booking some exotic entertainment at this friend's birthday party. My friend loved the anatomically exceptional dancer, but her mother was livid.I'm sure that it was only your friend who loved the "anatomically exceptional" dancer, and I assume this must have been one of your aforementioned token "easy" friends, besides. A Southern Belle, in contrast, is interested in serious, long-term relationships. And for this purpose, "it would be much better to marry a young man that you can train. I have always said that I would rather be a babysitter than a geriatric nurse." Yet even these kinds of discrepancies seem trivial in comparison to the boundless passions of eternal love. As Phaedra shares,
I want Apollo and me to celebrate our fiftieth anniversary, so I try to overlook momentary annoyances.That aged well. Bless her heart.
He doesn't know what her true hair color is, because the curtains always match the carpet.
He doesn't know how often she waxes, or exactly what waxing entails.
He doesn't know that she has her own credit card, her own savings account, and a safe-deposit box.I've got to say, that last one hits just a little bit different with hindsight. Always timely, however, are Phaedra's views on the importance of the homemaking arts. In this evocative passage, she describes the primal horror of an encounter with a woman tainted by an unimaginable curse:
A nice lady from another part of the country recently confessed to me that she doesn't know how to do any crafts. In fact, she said, she gets all nervous and antsy in crafts stores, because they're so full of things she doesn't understand. I laughed like I thought she was joking, but really, I felt bad for her. Imagine not knowing how to make all those cute objects that brighten up lives in the South! I shudder to think what the inside of her house looks like!With that fable still ringing in my ears, we transition to the next section of the book: "Look Pretty." Phaedra reflects, "I am always shocked when I leave the South and encounter the enormous number of women who don't seem to understand how their clothes should fit." Now feels like an appropriate time to draw attention to the book's back cover, in which an open-mouthed Phaedra swivels her torso in such a way as to create a bulging protuberance across one half of her chest. In awe of her commitment to inclusivity, I now realize this could only have been an intentional choice to make herself seem more approachable to us northern oafs, and for that I am eternally grateful.
I've never understood the appeal of the natural look. It's so easy to improve your appearance; why wouldn't you take advantage of the many beauty aids available to you?In a frankly unexpected dig against the ceramic arts, Phaedra notes that "unless you are a professional potter (and I don't think Southern Belles generally are), your nails need to be clean and filed." More generally, your physical proportions should remain mild and inobtrusive:
Ever since voluminous behinds became fashionable, I often see these lumpy, huge derrieres on women with legs as thin as a chicken's, and I think God would never put a rump roast on toothpicks, so why did you do that?That's why I always caution my friends to pair their butt implants with a battery of leg implants, in order to really round out the overall contour of the body and mimic that structurally stable, God-given look. After all, as Phaedra quips: "'Knowledge is power' -- that's my motto." But this knowledge doesn’t come without a price; being as world-wise as Phaedra often requires direct confrontation with the atrocities of today's world. As she recounts, for example: "I was astonished to find out that not every woman possesses a lint roller." It's truly a tragedy to learn how the other half lives!
I love diamonds; I'd have a diamond duvet if I could afford it.Because I am less fiscally endowed, I have had to settle for stuffing my duvet with assorted Swarovski crystals, at least for the time being. However, I'm eager to upgrade -- I can only imagine that the extra hardness of the diamonds will add a satisfying acupuncture affect to my nighttime regimen!
I saw a picture not long ago of some hippies or hipsters or whatever you call them from some remote city. The parents looked the way you'd expect them to look, a little bit bedraggled, but the worst thing was they had this adorable little baby all done up in a black onesie. And as far as I could tell, it wasn't even Halloween!How to combat this terrifying trend? Phaedra offers words of wisdom: "Little Southern Belles always look sweet and appropriately girlish." Specifically, we are encouraged to incorporate design elements like "tasteful, conservative rickrack." By way of further explanation, she clarifies that, "what they don't do is dress like Lady Gaga in dresses made of butchers' best cuts of beef." I'm disappointed to learn that my idea for an Etsy store selling bespoke meat-based children's clothing might be a nonstarter, but I suppose I appreciate our author giving it to me straight.
No costumes outside the house. Of course every little girl loves to play dress-up. But I truly dislike seeing Snow White or a fairy princess trailing along behind her mother at the Piggly Wiggly.As she sits in her living room, most likely waiting for a man to come to her aid for some reason or another, Phaedra is struck by a sharp, blazing pain. As the flash of blinding torment subsides, she catches her breath and shakes her head wearily -- another costumed child has gone into a grocery store. Forgive their guardians, for they know not the harm their actions have caused to our author's delicate and genteel sensibilities.
Sometimes I see pictures of women in store-bought football jerseys and I feel sorry. A store-bought jersey does nothing to flatter the feminine body.As for the game itself, minimal understanding is required -- "Naturally a Belle knows how much men enjoy telling her things, so she isn't shy about asking questions." True to her generous spirit, however, Phaedra nevertheless provides a basic primer in the rudiments of the sport:
Basically each team is trying to get the ball through the tall H-shaped goalposts at the end of the field. […] The problem is that the ball can look awfully little from pretty much anywhere in the stands. There's no shame in watching the video replay to see what really just happened.As a final tip, Phaedra suggests that "belles whose husbands have season tickets might even invest in matching linens and china." Our next unit of instruction concerns the arrival of a newborn bundle of joy; as we learn, "the birth of a baby is a big deal in a southern family." It's so interesting to learn all of these unique cultural details! I don't know if I've ever heard of another culture that places such importance on birth -- I'd love to get an anthropologist's take! There are also strict guidelines to which one must adhere regarding the naming of a debutante-in-training:
A Southern Belle's name:Once born and appropriately christened, children should be painstakingly shielded from the contaminating influences of the world at large. Phaedra explains that "pop culture is full of children behaving disrespectfully." Without the slightest suggestion of self-reflection, she goes on to declare that "besides, we think TV characters are basically tacky."
-- is obviously feminine.
-- is two syllables or more (names like Ann or Joan seem abrupt, like so many Yankees).
-- is a real name, not a geographic feature like Sierra.
-- means something. Preferably something nice.
Postmortem is no time to experiment with cosmetics. No one wants their sweet aunt Gertrude looking like some ashy Jezebel when she meets Jesus.The passage concludes with the brassy observation, "we don't usually cremate in the South; we figure if we wanted to burn we'd just live recklessly and go to hell."
So, ladies, how are you doing? I'm sure you've all been very attentive to my suggestions and are amazed by the results. You're probably totally used to a steady diet of compliments and flirtation and invitations. But here's a little quiz in case you feel the need to measure how far you've come.If you'd like to take the full quiz, you can do so here. But if your busy Belle schedule doesn't permit you to devote that much time to something so self-indulgent, a few example questions are provided below:
Your routine greeting when you meet a new person is:
a. A surly glare.
c. "Well, hello! How are you today?"
If your gentleman friend brought you a corsage to wear on a date you would:The answer key informs us that answering mostly C's means that "you are a genuine Southern Belle." As Phaedra goes on to suggest, "maybe it's time to share your new skills with a friend and pass along this book. I hope it's been helpful to you." As a book hoarder of the highest order, I will have to skip that suggestion, but I am nevertheless thankful to move one step closer to self-actualization with the help of another Real Housewife. Until next time!
a. Put it in the refrigerator. Nobody wears corsages nowadays!
b. Pin it to your coat collar and check your coat.
c. Pin it in an unusual spot like your waist or behind your ear, after extracting one little blossom to put in his lapel.
Betting Trend Movements on Today's Top Betting Odds Based on Consensus of most Heavily Wagered betting types, provided by VegasInsider.com, along with more information for your sports gaming and betting needs. At Sports Insights, we encourage our members to employ a flat-betting approach: every play is the same, always risk one unit (1u) per play. We also recommend betting between 1% to 5% of your bankroll per play. Killer Sports is free (although you can purchase other people’s trends on the platform), and in our opinion, it’s one of the best available databases to sports bettors. In the past, the only people who had access to the same extensive data either worked at conglomerates like ESPN or paid thousands of dollars for programs that had to be About: TheSpread.com is the largest sports betting news site in the United States. We provide point spread news, odds, statistics and information to over 175 countries around the world each year. Our coverage includes all North American College and Professional Sports as well as entertainment, political and proposition wagering news. Our betting trends, also known as public betting percentages, represent actual wagers. A large money percentage indicates a higher likelihood that pros are betting on this side. Monitoring public betting data is a vital tool used by sharp bettors to find value within the sports betting marketplace.
[index]          
Want more of the best sports content, statistics, and trends? ... Betting Odds for When the NBA Season will Start - Duration: ... Odds Shark 65 views. 3:40. Best of June - Sports Betting with Joe ... Want more of the best sports content, statistics, and trends? Check out https: ... Betting odds for Joe Burrow's NFL rookie season - Duration: 4:28. Odds Shark 175 views. 4:28. Want more of the best sports content, statistics, and trends? Check out https: ... Sports Betting Free Picks, Predictions and Odds for Feb. 28/29 2020 - Duration: 10:37. Kyle breaks down the best sports betting sites of 2020. He highlights the areas that the sportsbooks excel at and which apps would be best for certain types of bettors. Read more: https://www ... Who Bangin Sports Talk LOUNGE LIVE EVERY FRIDAY 6pm PST Sports Betting Trends 2019-2020 discussed NFL NHL CBB NCAAF Who Bangin Sport Talk Lounge LIVE 1/2/2020