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How the hell is one supposed to choose a career? Related: Please help me choose a career.
Hello, SSC. I am using a throwaway. This is a beast of a post. A few thoughts related to its size:
Please don't read the whole thing; it's skimmable.
TL;DR – lawyer, doctor, psych researcher, or (jokingly, unless…) novelist?
To make a long story short, I'm an unhappy software engineer (unhappy with my career, not with life in general), and I committed about a year ago to making a change. Since that time, I've vacillated wildly in my thinking on the various career options available (never able to fully commit), and at this point it's causing me a ton of anxiety: I've gotta choose something, but there just doesn't seem to be a clear answer. My family and partner are running out of patience, and I feel the same way: It's time to get a move on, already. "Getting a move on" is super fucking hard, though (not to mention terrifying, given the stakes). How are you supposed to compare, on the one hand, cognitive fit (i.e. being good at your job) with, on the other hand, likelihood of being able to pursue your own lines of inquiry or expression (i.e. not feeling like a cog)? Where does money fit into all of this? The sheer number of different paradigms for career choice seems to be evidence that nobody else really has a clear idea either: "Do what you love." "Do what you like the most out of medicine, law, finance, and engineering." "Work sucks: Make money and retire." "Working for someone else sucks: Start a business or be your own boss." Then there are the more complicated ones, like Ikagi, or the Waitbutwhy octopus, or 80,000 Hours' five-star system. Every different paradigm comes up with a different answer, and the same paradigm often comes up with different answers depending on things that seem like they should not be able to shift paradigms, like what mood I happen to be in at the moment. I do have some concrete things to work with, namely that I think I've been able to pinpoint why I don't like software engineering. Three main reasons: 1 - Lack of Cognitive Fit: On pretty much every sort of standardized test thrown at me, there will invariably be a huge imbalance between subscores (verbal = higher, math = lower), with further cleavage between the mathematics subscores (numeric = higher, spatial = lower). This comports with my general "feeling" about these things: Reading and writing are easy and enjoyable; statistics is doable and tolerable; spatial math is difficult and unpleasant. This has manifested itself in difficulties with software engineering, which is, after all, concerned with how best to build complicated, invisible structures. My in-the-major grades in school were mediocre at best (they were high outside of my major); my work performance is middling. The overall feeling of working in software engineering is that of wading through cerebral molasses, and at no time is this feeling more acute than when I'm working with other computer people: They just get it, and I just don't get it. With all due respect to grit, conscientiousness, growth mindset, etc., I often feel like I am simply running up against the limits of my mental machinery. All fine if it's worth the fight, but... 2 - Lack of Subject-Matter Interest CS as an academic discipline is interesting enough, but it's never "grabbed me" in the way that some other academic disciplines have. I've never found my mind wandering towards topics in CS in the same way that it often wanders towards topics in, e.g., biology, psychology, economics, literature. I would never read a book on software engineering or computer science for fun. Why the hell did you major in it, then, you stupid, dumb idiot? I wish I had a better answer, but it was some combination of peer pressure (the cool, ambitious kids were ALL majoring in CS in 2011 (that may still be the case now, IDK)) and a desire to be employable. 3 - Lack of Workplace Autonomy A product manager tells you to build the thing, so you build the thing. You (sometimes) get to choose how you build the thing, but if you don't have any underlying interest in how the thing is built, the whole experience just feels like drudgery. _________ With all that in mind, I was able to build a pretty complicated paradigm that would take an entire post by itself to explain but basically boiled down to the following: Emphasize cognitive fit, subject-matter interest, workplace autonomy, and ability to do good, while trying as best you can to hold onto some of the positive features of software engineering (tons of stability, quite good pay, not-terrible working hours). That got me down to four main possibilities. For the sake of simplifying the discussion, let's say that remaining a software engineer isn't an option. Here they are: Law (JD): On the one hand: - Super high points for cognitive fit. Rules governing human behavior mediated entirely through the English language? Lots of reading and writing? Beautiful; give me more. - The potential (if done in a certain way) to feel like you’re “fighting for the good guys.” - For better or worse, I “vibe” with lawyers. Even the greedy ones tend to be "words people," because “money-driven” + “good with words, sucks at math” tends to equal “lawyer." I've never met, for example, another group of people who like crossword puzzles as much as I do. On the other hand: - Nearly every lawyer I’ve talked to says it’s straight-up difficult to get a job where you fight for the good guys and much easier to get a job where you’re fighting for the “neutral-at-best” guys. - At the end of the day, I’m more interested in the law and less interested in being a practicing lawyer, mostly because of the same autonomy problem in software engineering: A higher-up tells you to do the thing, so you do the thing. In an ideal world, you solve the autonomy problem by, say, working at a think tank or in academia. But I’ve gotten that beaten out of my head by the chorus of voices saying, “Don’t go to law school if you don’t want to practice.” - Long hours and a culture of overwork lead to high stress. Varies between firms (and between firms and government), but a work-hard-play-hard culture seem to pervade the profession, and, to put it bluntly, most of the lawyers I know seem pretty fucking stressed. - When I tell lawyers that I’m considering law school, many of them say, “Don’t do it.” People in other fields don’t say that when I tell them I’m considering their field. Medicine (MD) or Research Medicine (MD/PhD): On the one hand: - High level of interest in the subject material. I self-studied AP Bio back in the day by reading the textbook cover-to-cover. When I’m reading nonfiction for fun, there’s a pretty good chance it’s bio or medicine-related. To this day, I don’t really know why I didn’t study it in college. Network effects, probably. - I could see myself being interested in practicing psychiatry, endocrinology, sleep medicine—any field where the emphasis is more “This strange concoction of chemicals makes you feel a certain way!” than it is “The machine that synthesizes urine broke down again.” - I put “MD/PhD” because I find the idea of being a physician-scientist more appealing than one or the other. Being able to treat actual real people and then retreating to the lab to do solitary mind work really does sound like the best of both worlds. Either way, though, the process would start with a postbacc, so I guess technically I don’t have to decide yet. - I did a thing where I downloaded the SSC dataset and looked at all the different careers, and doctors had the highest levels of life satisfaction out of anyone (for whom I could find a coherent career field in the spreadsheet). This held even when they were in school and residency (i.e. couldn’t be entirely explained by income (although it could, I suppose, be explained by “income or the expectation of future income”)). Two main ways I can think of to explain this: 1. Being a doctor is (relatively) fulfilling and makes people happy. 2. Becoming a doctor is so difficult that only (relatively) happy and well-balanced people are able to complete the process. This might sound naïve, but my honest bet is number one. In what other profession do you get paid SO MUCH MONEY to work so intimately with other people? So many high-enjoyability, low-pay professions (teaching, social work, etc.) are basically about taking a pay cuts so that you can work closely with other people. And in medicine you don’t have to take the pay cut. On the other hand: - Maybe there are doctors reading this and thinking, “You naïve little twerp; do you know how hard you have to work and how good you have to be to do what you’re talking about doing? Genetic research? Neuroscience? Start honing your colonoscopy skills, bucko, because you’re going to have to pay off your loans just like the rest of us.” - On a related note, I know a lot of lawyers but no doctors, so I have heavy doses of “realism” from the law side, but not the medicine side. - Med school, from what I understand, is the most demanding of the professional schools. I honestly can’t say for sure that I’d be able to get through it. - While I like reading popular books about medicine, I don't really get off on academic papers about medicine. Maybe it’s just because I don’t know the lingo yet, or maybe it’s a warning sign that my interest in the field is going to turn out to be superficial. - It would take a long time. Between postbacc, med school, (maybe) PhD, and residency, I’m looking at another decade before I make money again. Which is fine if I enjoy the process like I think I will. But if I don’t enjoy the process, it’s going to be a long ten years. - Less reading and writing than I’d like, although that’s partially mitigated by doing an MD/PhD rather than just a PhD. I just really want a job where I get to read and write on the daily and the quality of the writing matters a good deal. “Just do that outside of your job!” Yeah, but in practice it’s hard. Academia (PhD in Psychology): On the one hand: - I like sitting down at a desk, reading about things, thinking about things, doing what it takes to get the answer to something that’s been nagging at me, and then writing about the process of finding that answer. The fundamental idea that I could get paid to do something like that is still mindblowing to me. - Checks ALL of the boxes that bugged me about software engineering: You have a degree of autonomy, and you presumably get to work in a field that you’re interested in and that you’re a good cognitive fit for. Law stumbles a bit in the autonomy department. Medicine stumbles a bit in the cognitive fit department. This baby don’t stumble. - To test my enthusiasm for academia, I read as many research papers as I could get my hands on from as many different fields as I could get my hands on. The result? I enjoy reading research papers. I could see myself writing them. This is a good thing, as I understand it, for a career in academia. - In terms of which disciplines “won” (greatest level of interest), three were head and shoulders above the rest: Psych, soc, and econ. I talked to some econ PhDs, and I honestly don’t think I have the mathematical acumen for it. Between (cognitive) psych and soc, neither of them has great career prospects, so it’s a wash there, and I’m slightly more interested in psych, so I might as well just do psych. On the other hand: - Due to mediocre undergraduate GPA and lack of research, I’ll probably have to do a masters or a postbacc first (time and $$) - You gotta always be scrapping for grants and funding. Nobody likes scrapping. - For better or worse, there is a distinct “good” outcome (tenure) that I might not achieve. I know that this is a really contentious topic, and I don’t mean to get anybody riled here, but yeah: I’m gonna be gunning really hard for the outcome that allows me to teach, do research, get paid well, and be difficult to fire. And I might not get it. And that’s extremely worrisome to me. “Making it” in academia, if you have the basic chops, is probably not as unlikely or fluky as, say, making it as an actor. But it’s still unlikely (depending on your field) and still fluky! You could get an advisor you end up not gelling with, and then you’re fucked. You could pursue a line of research that nobody really cares about, and then you’re fucked. (This is what people have told me, anyway). That’s all super scary to me, and it’s definitely an argument in favor of law or medicine, which have more of a “get the degree and collect your job” feel to them. - Arduousness: Everyone says that it’s difficult and demanding and stressful and that you have to make sacrifices. I believe them. And, while I think I’m willing to make those sacrifices, it’s one matter to say that you’re willing and another matter to actually not drop out of the program when you really feel like dropping out. - Covid-19 is currently in the process of upending higher education. It might be fine! But the next few years are a bit of an event horizon: We don’t really know what things are going to look like on the other side. In other words, more risk. Writing (MFA): On the one hand: - A cool “wild card.” - In the “You find out you have 5 years to live, what do you do?” thought experiment, I get an MFA and write a novel every time. Writing creatively is an activity that both hits a ton of neurons AND is somehow infused with meaning for me. - It’d be super fun. On the other hand: - Risk. Risk, risk, risk, risk, risk. Follow your dreams, they say. But what if my dream was to be a professional basketball player in the NBA? Should I follow that dream? To put it another way: I know that I’m a good writer, but it seems like you enter the realm of “luck not optional” when you’re seriously trying to make a living by writing books. I ballparked my odds of eventual success (defined as “I get to write without doing anything else on the side”) at 25% if I get into a top MFA program (which I probably won't anyway). That number is already scarily low to me, and it may well be generous. - My past is littered with the carcasses of unfinished novels. I’ve managed to finish short stories, and I’ve managed to finish screenplays. The novel is the white whale. I think I could do it from within the structure of an MFA program, but who knows? - If I don’t “make it” straight out of the MFA program, I’ll have to go back to doing something pay the bills, and that something will probably be software engineering. And then I’m back where I started: Doing software engineering for money while writing on the side. If I end up just “Doing X and writing on the side,” then I would have been better off spending my grad school golden ticket getting up to speed in an X—law, medicine, psychology—that I enjoy more than software engineering. Where I'm at right now: Trapped in a terrible cycle, pretty much. It goes like this: I choose medicine, and a voice goes, “Really? Once again subjecting yourself to a career where reading and writing artfully isn’t really an integral part of the process? Doing ‘science,’ which we suspect you might not be great at doing? You should do law instead, where your mental machinery seems more suited to the process and the people seem more like ‘your people.’” So I choose law, and a voice goes, “Really? Once again committing to a dynamic where you show up to the office and a superior throws a bunch of work at you and you do the work and go home without having pursued your own lines of inquiry or advanced human knowledge?” “I’ll be a professor,” I say. “No, you really won’t,” the voice says. “Think of all the unhappy lawyers who said they were going to be a professor or go into human rights or whatever. If you want to do research, you should get a PhD instead.” So I choose a PhD (in psychology or sociology), and a voice goes, “Really? A non-econ social science given the state of academia right now? Do you really think there’s a nice tenure-track job waiting for you on the other side of this? If you’re gunning for the risky thing you might as well go all the way and do an MFA.” So I choose an MFA, and a voice goes, “Really? And have to go back to software engineering in two years when you write a book and nobody gives a shit? Why subject yourself to that? If you’re going to write on the side, just be a doctor: It’s better than software engineering in terms of subject-matter interest and humanistic elements, but it offers similar stability and predictability.” Then we’re back at doctor, and the cycle begins anew. Since I listed pretty much every career option out there, I feel compelled to address some of the few that I left off my list. FIRE: Just gut it out for ten more years and then retire! But the thing is, I like working—I like sitting at a desk, reading, writing, doing stuff—and I can think of nothing more enjoyable than embarking on one of the career paths that I listed above. So all I would get by FIRE-ing is more financial stability when I finally pursue one of them. WHICH AIN’T NOTHING. Believe me, I know. But I don’t think it’s worth the tradeoff of being miserable for another 10 years and starting round two close to age 40. Become a Product Manager (PM): Okay, so you don’t like making pie. How about you supervise the people that make pie; wouldn’t that be more fun? No, I just fucking hate pie. ***Further Wrinkles:***I applied to law school last cycle and got into a school just outside of the T14. Still on the waitlist for pretty much all of the T14 except HYS. I am what the kids call a “splitter” (high LSAT, low GPA), so I don’t have any expectations of getting into HYS, and if I do get into CCN it will probably be because Coronavirus fucks everything up and they have to let a bunch of people off the waitlist. If I decide to not do law school this year (either because I decide to do something else or I decide that I can’t commit when I’m this unsure about things), I will be giving up something in-hand that I might not be able to get back. Which is scary. A Final Miscellaneous Thingy: Since I haven’t actually DONE any of this stuff yet, it would be cool if there were some sort of way to dip my toes into two of the options and see which I like better (the proof, as they say, is in the pudding). Something like a premed postbacc program that would allow you to volunteer in a psych or neuroscience lab. I don’t know if that’s a thing, though. Or maybe it is, but by doing it you just make yourself a weak candidate for BOTH med school and psych PhD programs. Okay. Phew. If you’re still here, first of all, thank you, and second of all, sorry. Thoughts? Feel free to be super discouraging, too. “I’m a doctor, and every vibe you’re putting out says, ‘flunks out of med school.’” That’s information! That’s helpful! Thank you again. God bless you, SSC. Edit: Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful answers! Tapping out of the thread for a bit while I go eat and do work and that kinda stuff. Gonna look at and respond to all of these, though; I've just been kinda responding in a random order, but I'll get to 'em.
Really torn on which of these 4 tablets for my homebound mother (72 y/o). Galaxy 5s, Galaxy 6s, iPad 10.2, iPad Air.
What she'll be doing. -Reading books 2 hours a day -NYT crossword puzzles 1-2 hours a day -Web surfing 1 hour day -Emails on occasion -Video call 30 mins every other day -Wants a keyboard Hi all. I've been on the search for mom but so torn on which to get. Here's the details of the dilemma. Prefer the 10.2 to the Air to save money, $500 is a lot for us but 10.2 doesn't have "True tone" and I'm worried about the harshness of reading on her eyes. Does it really make much of a difference? Prefer the S5 to S6 to save money but S6 has the S pen support and S5 does not. Is the S pen experience worth the extra money? Or will just a stylus on the S5 be enough. Also, if we save money I can get her a dedicated e-reader as well so she can read all day! o/s: I am almost betting Apple os is easier for a non-techy person, is that the case? The Best Buy guy mentioned he found reading on the Galaxy a smoother experience but that for everything else Apple was the smoother experience. Were it not for this i would get the iPad but I really want her to have the best reading experience. Do i have any need for either more expensive model or will the s5 or 10.2 be just good for her needs.And which to get?! So torn. Thank you!!
OBLIGATORY FILLER MATERIAL – BAR FIGHT? NOT WITH DOC BIONICFINGERS! Part two.
Continuing… “You asshole”, Roy muttered into his beer. I was having a large time. Es was right. This is just what the Doctor’s wife ordered. I was now trying to explain to Zac American Football. “So, let me get this straight. These huge cousins of yours, kitted out in all that heavy protective gear, basically smash into one another, up one side of the field and down the other. They can run, throw the ball, and jump on each other.” He observes. “That’s the gist of it.“ I reply. “Sounds like Rugby with more padding. Must be a bunch of pansies; don’t want to get hurt.” Zac laughingly laughs. I chuckle. I guess after my cricket fiasco, I deserved that. The drunk Kiwi, now 3.5 sheets to the wind wanders by, hears the tag-end of the conversation again and says: “Yeah. Fucking American pussies. Stupid game. Not a one would last a second against the All Blacks. All Americans are pussies. ” I turned slowly, looked at this weaving retard, and said: “You should feel honored. I’ve never done this for another person. Yet.” I slowly turn and extend my kevlar-coated middle finger right in front of his face. You could almost hear the micro-stepper motors whine. “Oh, yeah?” He counters, “Well. Fuck you.” “Eloquent little miscreant”, I mention to Roy and Zac. Then he makes a slight misstep. He reaches out and grabs my left hand. I swear. It wasn’t intentional, but his grasping of my hand triggered my reflexes. That is amped and amplified by this fine Japanese technology. My hand opened near-instantly, caught his, and flexed back down. Hard. There were a couple of audible cracks. They weren’t from me. The hammered Kiwi went down on his knees in an instant. Evidently he was feeling some pain. “Sorry mate; but you shouldn’t have done that. Automatic reflexes. I’m still getting used to the power curve.” I said. “ARRGH!” he wailed, “Let me go, you motherfucker!” Suddenly, a dark shadow arrives. Sandeep enters and looks over the situation. He sees Zac behind the bar, who gives him the high sign. “Doctor Rock? This bag of shit giving you a hard time?” Sandeep asks me. “Well, he was being the most antisocial of creatures, Sandeep”, I calmly replied. Sandeep grabs the Kiwi by the scruff of the neck and rear belt. He then picks him up like a scrap of dogshit-smeared day-old newspaper as I let go of his slightly mushed hand. Sandeep carries the Kiwi, physically, to and out of the front door. Zac smiles at me and says: “If that’s not worth another round, I don’t know what is!” Even Roy tried just a little of the vodka. He had to as the bottle was almost empty. He groaned audibly as Zac returned with a fresh one. Roy wandered over to an unoccupied booth. He sat down, leaned his head back and started snoring loudly. A buxom waitress, but not the one from earlier, came over and began to complain. “How am I supposed to make any tips with this birk snoring away like this?” she haughtily asked. Zac and I look around the bar. It’s nearly deserted. I ask her to step over to the bar. I explain that Roy is with me and he’s just a bit tired from driving all day in the hot Dubai sun. Then, I hand her a random assortment of notes from off the bar. She accepts them and her demeanor swings 1800. “Is there a problem?” I ask. “Oh, no. No sir. He can sleep there all night for all I care.” She smiles. The other buxom waits-person from before sees the transaction, and emits an audible “Harrumph!” She throws down her towel and makes it rapidly for the kitchen door. “Hmm”, I say, “What’s eating her?” Zac just smiles and doesn’t even bother to ask if he should pour us another. Zac, Sandeep, and I were going through the bar’s taped collection of sporting events, trying vainly to find something we could all agree upon. It seems that time, as it’s wont, had passed and the bar was closed. At least, to other patrons. As long as I was happy buying everyone rounds, Zac and Sandeep had nowhere else to be. We stumbled across some sport fishing show from years and years ago. We all decided that yes, we all liked fishing, and this would serve a fine counterpart to our MST3K-like riffing of the show. We had a fine time. Zac, Sandeep, and I swapping fishing lies and Roy snoring away like a buzz-saw over in the booth. But, as the sun crept through the windows, I decided it was time for me to vamoose. I settled up my bar tab with Zac, leaving both him and Sandeep a couple of cigars and healthy tips. Sandeep rouses Roy and after a bit of cajoling, Roy joins me at the bar. “Looks like you’ve got a driver for the next two weeks”, Roy sorrowfully laments. “Nahh…I was just funnin’ ya’.” I said. “No. A bet’s a bet. I lost. You are something else. What? I don’t know, but I do know you’ve won this bet.” He admits. “I just hate to lose”, I smiled back. Roy looks at me a bit unsteadily. He has severe booth hair. “Roy”, I say, “You look like what we in the business call a ‘Go Devil”. It starts out spiffy but comes out looking like hell. You need coffee. In fact, so do I. Go throw some cold water in your face and I’ll ask Zac to set us up.” I offered. I didn’t need to tell Roy twice. He toddles off to the euphemism, and I ask Roy for two black coffees. Roy returns and sips at the hot beverage. He stops short and asks: “There no booze in here, is there? I can smell booze.” He notes. “It’s a bar, Roy”, Zac laughs. “Yeah, Roy”, I reply, “Only booze fumes are from my coffee.” “Over the evening, I told Zac how to prepare a Greenland Coffee. One with whiskey, Kahlua and Grand Marnier; hold the schlag.” “You are drinking one now?” Roy asks, incredulous, “After all that last night?” “After all what?” I reply, “Yep. Best eye-opener in the world.” “You’re fucking inhuman,” Roy says, deep into his mug of Joe. “Never claimed I was anything but.”, I smiled and waved my cybernetic fingers in his direction. “What did I do to deserve this?”, Roy muttered. Well, we finally, around 0600 depart the Quantum Sports Bar. I was a bit peckish as the pub grub available was just a bit too amuse-bouche cutesy for me. I want Luigi’s gut bomb pizza; with extra cheese, Italian sausage, and anchovies. Alas, none were to be found in Dubai at this hour. Roy deposits me back at the hotel and I pay him his due, with a smart tip. He makes certain I have his business card and that if I ever need a Dubli driver, to call him first. Up in the room, Es is sawing lumber. I decide not to wake her and grab a quick drink or five out of the mini-bar. I run a luxuriantly foamy hot tub in which I can relax my cares away once I disconnect my digits and set them in the charger. Esme and I were later at lunch after I tubbed for a while then decided to grab a few hours’ sleep. Es was up and puttering around the room when the doorbell rang. I went to grab something other than sleeping clothes as Es answered the door. “Rock! It’s for you” Esme called. “Probably the fuzz. The Kiwi narked on us and now I’m in Dutch.” I thought. It wasn’t. It was a local Emirati, one Mr. Abdul Jabbaar el-Abdalla, from the Ministry of Culture and Knowledge Development. “Yes?”, I said to the dishdasha-clad individual at the door. “You are Dr. Rocknocker, late of the Sultanate?” he asks. “Yes,” I replied. I’m not letting anything on past name, rank, and serial number until I get the lowdown on this character. “Ah. Wonderful”, he smiles back, “Might we have a chat?” “Regarding?” I ask warily. “The upcoming Late Summer or Early Fall Dubai Shopping Festival.” he smiles like a cheetah back at me. “Weird”, was the only thing I could think. “Most certainly. Won’t you come in?” I ask. “Thank you”, he says and sweeps into the hotel room. We take seats near my work desk. I introduce Esme as my wife and they exchange pleasantries. “Could I get you something? Coffee? Tea?” Esme enquires. “I could go for a cold one, dear,” I say. Arab or not, this little piece of Dubai real estate is dogma-free. Mr. Abdul surprises me and asks for a cold beer as well. “I may look Emirati, but I’m really, by family, Omani.” He smiles broadly and goldly. “Well”, I reply, “That explains it. Yes, dear. A couple of Balticas, please.” I say. “Care for a light or dark beer, Mr. Abdalla?” “Oh, light please.” He remarks. “A number 3 and one 9, please,” I say to Esme. Over his light and my very dark Russian beer, he lays out the program. “Yes, at the conclusion of the festival, we want to mark the passing of the occasion after the virus pandemic with a special finale.” He noted. “Such as? And why me?” I ask. He smiles and actually chuckles a bit. “We plan on Tchaikovsky’s 1828 Overture as a finale.” He lights up. “OK. A good piece of solid show music”, I reply, “And this applies to me how?” “Well, you obviously know of the score”, he says, “And we want to set a record with our rendition of a finale.” “Really?” I ask, “Let me guess, you asked around and the pyro crowd gave you my name?” “Precisely.” he laughs. “Every time. We tracked you down from flight records. Imagine our astonishment to find you right here in town. “ “Yep. Yippee. So, if the normal pyrotechnicians can’t supply what you want and you come to me, you must want some really big booms.” I note. “Exactly. Such a quick study, Doctor”, he notes. “How big?” I ask and have a swig of beer. “Record-setting”, he replies. “OK. What are the previous world’s record for such an endeavor?” I ask. “The performance by the Japan Ground Self-Defense Force Eastern Army Band, 1st Band, and 1st Artillery Unit in 2010 used M101 105mm howitzers. The final part of the performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture in London 2012 was with live gunfire of HMS Belfast. The Boston Pops in 2015 used a record of 1.5 tons of fireworks. We want to surpass that.” he replied. “OK. Now I’ve got a basis for comparison. Leave me to it. We’re not leaving any time soon, it appears. Let me cogitate the matter for a while and I’ll get back to you with a plan and procedure. OK? What’s the budget?” I ask. “Unlimited. But within reason”, he chuckles. “Use your best judgment.” “I can do that.” I reply, “I’m sort of bored right now so I’ll get right after its wild ass.” A bit taken aback, he continues: “Fine. Fine. Most agreeable. As is this beer. Thank you. My card, Doctor. Please call when you have a plan.” he states, rises, shakes my hand, says goodbye to Esme without shaking her hand, and departs. “You heard?” I asked Es. “Oh, yes. Damn. Talk about giving Dracula the key to the blood bank.” She smiles. “Gonna need your help on this one”, I say. “Oh, yes, oh deaf one. Call me when you need me.” she smiles. “I always need you”, I reply very truthfully. After a bit of research, we find that Tchaikovsky’s 1828 overture finale consists of 12 cannon fires. 1-11 are pretty much the same, but #12, El Ultimo, it is the loudest and most sustained. “We’re setting records,” I say to Esme, “This will not do…” Two days later, I have a plan and procedure. I call one Mr. Abdul Jabbaar el-Abdalla, from the Ministry of Culture and Knowledge Development for a second visit. “Good day, Mr. Abdulla. I trust you’re well amid all this craziness?” I ask. “Oh, yes. Thank you. You and yours as well?” he asks tangentially. “We have fully functioning immune systems”, I reply, “We’re good.” “Excellent! Shall we see what you’ve worked up?” he asks, anxiously. “Absolutely. But first, a libation?” I ask. “I wouldn’t say no if it were wet and cold.” He smiles. Esme returns with our beers and I pull out the pages of procedure and the list of materials with projected costs for Mr. Minister of the Culture and Know-how. He looks at it and emits a low whistle. “Well, Doctor, one cannot say you don’t do your homework.” He smiles in appreciation. “I always try to be succinct, sufficient, and satisfactory. Plus, I always add an additional 25% contingency.” I reply. “Can you walk me through this?” he asks. “Most assuredly”, I remark. And I do. “Based on results from a nine element vertical line array (VLA) with hydrophones spaced 0.7 m apart and an autonomous recording system recording on a multi-channel coherent data acquisition system (Astro-Med, Inc.) for which each channel was recorded at 62,500 samples per second; the initial shock wave can be approximated as decaying exponential with a decay constant h given by Chapman as Ø = 8:12 x 10–5 W13 (W1/3)0:14. Remembering that attributes of a sound at a particular point are usually obtained by measuring pressure changes as sound waves pass; this Δ detonation pressure equivalent for 1 kilo of C-4, which is composed of 91% RDX ("Research Department Explosive", an explosive nitroamine), bound by a mixture of 5.3% dioctyl sebacate (DOS) or dioctyl adipate (DOA) as the plasticizer (to increase the plasticity of the explosive), thickened with 2.1% polyisobutylene (PIB, a synthetic rubber) as the binder, with a density of 1.58 grams per cubic centimeter, and an explosive velocity of 8,092 m/s (26,550 ft/s) is 257 kilobars. This is the equivalent of ‘noise dosemeters’, record the Pa2·h (pascal-squared hour) decibel level of an instantaneous 140.” “Um, yes Doctor. “ Mr. Abdalla says, “A little less theory, and a bit more practical if you please.” “Oh, yes, certainly”, I say, and proceed right along, “Using the equation ‘Distance = 215(NEQ)1/3, and since 140 decibels is considered as a "safety cutoff" for exposure to impulsive noises without using hearing protection, as per a festival; it’s not a question of how loud do you want the bang, just how far will you have to keep people away to ensure their safety.” “How is that?” he asks. “Well, with 10 kilos, you need to be back 463.20m to be safe. 100 kilos? 997.94m or near as hell one kilometer. 1,000 kilos? Just over two kilometers or 2150.00m to be precise. Just for laughs, 10,000 kilos? Nearer to five kilometers, or 4632.03m.” “I see”, he says and rubs his neatly trimmed beard. “So, I propose building or acquiring three sea-going barges, 75m x 15 meters, and have them anchored offshore from a kilometer to two distant. That’s easily done as the water here off Dubai is quite shallow.” “Continue, please.” He says. “There are 12 cannon shots in the 1812 Overture finale. An initial set of three, a set of four, another set of 4, and the grand finale. I suggest that you build 12 flat-topped wooden platforms where the height of the platform relates directly to the C-4 charge size. If the charge is 100 kilos, then a minimum of 6 meters in height; scaled proportionally. The flat top of wood eliminates missiles if the platform disintegrates, as the blast energy will radiate outward hemispherically and basically just scorch the hell out of the wood platform.” “Understood. Please continue.”, he asks. “OK. This way you can scale up the charge, move back the barge, and build your towers just so large.” He snickers at that and asks me to carry on. “I suggest three initial charges of 100 kilos. Then four of 250 kilos. Then four more of 500 kilos. For the Grand Finale, I suggest 1,500 to 2,000 kilos. Do that, and the record will be assured.” “Excellent!” he exclaims, “Anything else?” “Oh, yes”, I smile, “C-4 is pliable and easily molded. I suggest you form the charges with a flat base, but into an auricular shape. That is, chop off your ear and set it on the table. Mold the C-4 in that approximate shape, aiming the low-side toward the audience. That will maximize the volume, but dissipate the shock wave the fastest.” “Outstanding!” he clasps his hands. “But, wait. There’s more!” I say, “The flash from C-4 isn’t that especially bright. You want sight as well as sound. So, mix 15-25% Tannerite, a binary explosive, with the C-4. Also, you can place potassium nitrate/magnesium or potassium nitrate, aluminum, and sulfur flash powder packets into the cavity of the auricular shape. The pyrotechnicians handling the show can rig this no problem. You can mold the C-4 and Tannerite up to 3 days in advance if you cover it with biophane, a breathable bioplastic, and keep them cool and in the dark.” “Oh, this is wonderful, Doctor. But you’ll not be here?” he asks. “No, I’m afraid not.” I reply, “Once the quarantine is lifted, my dear wife and I are gone to the Sultanate. We’re packing as quickly as we can and headed back to the states. I need to get to university where I’m pursuing my DSc degree. We also want to get out of the Middle East. 22 years is quite enough, thank you. Of course, no offense intended. We just want to get home to family.” “I see. That I can understand.” He notes, “Thank you for your time and design. I do appreciate the list of materials, that will make things most convenient. How much do we owe you and the Mrs. for your time and efforts, Doctor?” “Mr. Minister, nothing”, I say. “We’re stuck here and just working on the preliminaries for my dissertation. It was a welcome respite from Helium exploration and Rb/Os ages of Neoproterozoic biomarkers. Consider it the Rocknocker family gift to the cause.” “My, my Doctor and Mrs.”, the Minister of the Small and the Silly remarks, “That’s very generous of you. Your names will be mentioned prominently in the proceedings of benefactors to the festival.” “Mr. Minister”, I said, “We’d rather you didn’t. We neither desire nor require the notoriety, and in this case, we would rather just remain safely anonymous.” “If that is your wish, then your requests will be respected.” The Minister says as he rises to leave. “How much longer will you be staying with us?” “Ask your brethren to the south. It’s all up to them” I wearily replied. “I’ll see what I can do. Once again. Doctor? Mrs. Thank you. Thank you so very much. Good day.” He shakes my hand, ignores Es’ and takes his leave. “Well,” I relate to my beloved, “That was fun. I’m going swimming. Can you charge up my fingers for me, dear?” She smiles and says of course. Besides, it’s siesta time for her. I want to get out to the pool before it’s the Skin Bubbling Hour. A day passes. We’re still bored and waiting for liberation. The next morning, the doorbell rings. I’m working on the New York Times crossword and another Greenland Coffee. “Bloody hell.”, I remark, looking at my watch. “It’s Oh-Dark 30 early. Now, what the fuck?” After closing my robe, I open the door. I don’t trust those little fisheye peepholes since I saw Hard Target and Leon the Professional. I’d rather see it coming. “Yeah?” I say to the huge bush of fresh-cut flowers. “You’re Dr. Rocknocker and Mrs?” a voice asks. “Yes to the first and no to the second. But she’s here.” I say warily to the talking greenery. “Gift for you from the Ministry of Culture and Knowledge Development. Sign here please”, the foliage requests. I grab the clipboard and scribble something similar to what passes for my signature. I hand the clipboard back to the mound of sentient vegetation whereupon it asks where I would like it to be set in the suite. “Anywhere you can find that’s there’s room,” I reply. Holy shit, it’s not a floral arrangement, it’s a floral shop. He sets it in the middle of the dining room table. The damn thing extends from one side, parallel to its longest dimension, to the other. The damn thing must weigh in at 50 kilos. Or more. “Wait here, please”, the now visible delivery person asks. “Like I’m going somewhere?” I mused. He returns with three huge boxes of custom, hand-dipped chocolates. Somehow, he finds room for these on the table as well. I tip him 25 dirhams and he says “Thanks” and bids a hasty departure. Es hears all the hubbub and wanders down from the bedroom. “What the hell was all that …What the hell is this?” she asks. “Let me look at the note,” I say, find it and rip it open. “A small gesture of our everlasting thanks. Signed, Minister Abdul Jabbaar el-Abdalla, and all of us at the Ministry of Culture and Knowledge Development.” “Well, so much for that diet we discussed.” I snickered to Esme as I opened the first box and saw the easily 20 to 25 rows of lovely looking hand-dipped dark chocolates. “I do so wish I liked chocolate.” I mused aloud. Esme adores chocolate. The doorbell rings again. Es hustles upstairs in her nightgown, and I wander over and answer the door. “What?” “Dr. Rocknocker?” this new delivery guy asks. “Yes?” “Sign here.” He says. I do. He takes and hands me a yellow flimsy from the triplicate delivery order. He turns and begins to walk down the hall. “Hey, Chuckles. What did I just sign for?” I ask. “Look down”, he says over his shoulder, never breaking stride. “Oh”, I said. Hey, it’s early. Leave me alone. There’s a suspicious-looking parcel, approximately 12-7/8” x 9-11/16” x 12-1/2” and weighing in at around 34 pounds or so. I drag it in and find space for it in the kitchen. Look. There’s a card. Addressed to me. I open it. “Doctor. Best regards and wishes. Abdul Jabbaar el-Abdalla.” Nice. I open the case to find a dozen bottle sampler of Chopin Vodka. Four wheat, four rye, and four potato vodka. Es wanders back down and is almost consumed by the overwhelming pong of the tropical flower shrubbery that has taken up residence in our dining room. “OK. You can have a few chocolates. As long as I can have some of my present.” I say. “Deal” Es replies."Gimmee." Remind me to say something nice about Dubai sometime in the future. But only once; let’s not get carried away.
In 8 hours I will have completed my first year of medical school and I just found this sub.
TLDR: I am a medical student who has been (sort of) functioning with ADHD, but am just now realizing how pervasive it really is. Major procrastination vent episode incoming. So quick history: I am a 25yo female with (I believe) pretty severe ADHD. I am currently in my first year of medical school and my final exam of the semester is over neuroanatomy, taking place in 8 hours. At age 18 I was diagnosed with depression after my first semester of undergrad. I was put on Lexapro and it helped immensely with mood, but I was still gradually declining from the high achieving status I was accustomed to. Nevertheless, I pursued a degree in biochemistry and French with the intention of going to medical school. At age 20 I discovered an article on ADHD presentation in adult women and immediately made an appointment to be evaluated. My GP referred me to a psychologist who diagnosed me after a series of questionnaires and cognitive-behavioral tests. I was prescribed Concerta and Ritalin just in time for my MCAT exam. I had to take 2 gap years after graduating from undergrad because I did not get into medical school the first year I applied, and the second year I only applied to my top choice and got waitlisted. I worked in a biochemistry research lab as a post-bacc during that time and got married to my high school sweetheart. The 3rd time I applied, I got in and here we are now as my first year comes to an end. I don't really know why I am writing this aside from the obvious fact that it's my current procrastination technique, but I guess I am just reflecting on what the past year or so has taught me. In one of my recent lectures they briefly went over ADHD and I realized that I never actually looked into the physiology/pathology behind it. This is honestly really surprising given how obsessive I usually become over various topics that present themselves in my life. Aside from seeing the psychologist to be diagnosed and taking my meds, I haven't tried to educate myself on the causes, symptoms, or treatments and I have just kind of accepted the diagnosis as some random quirk that makes things kind of difficult. But after that lecture, I was curious to see how I would be diagnosed now and I looked up some of the tests as well as read some articles again about how it can present in women- especially those generally thought of as "high achieving". I have come to the conclusion now that I am managing it really, really poorly and I want to seek out support and advice for going forward, not just for navigating a challenging career, but for general psychological wellness. For example, I have been generally skating by in school when I know my potential is vastly more advanced than my actual performance. I literally have pulled an all-nighter before every single exam this entire year. I have been ignoring my studies for a particular class for 3-4 weeks and then the day before the exam, I cram all of the material which I then regurgitate on the test without truly absorbing any of the information long-term. By the end of the year, it has gotten to the point that all I do to study is watch all of the unit lectures for the first time on 2X speed the night before, then read through as many of the powerpoints as possible in the morning before taking the test. If you are not familiar with medical school material, it is insanely dense and complex, so having only 1-2 exposures to the concepts is not really adequate to truly learn it and retain that knowledge. Luckily I have a pretty solid memory and have been able to score near the average on these exams, but I have failed a few which is very out of the ordinary for me. I would have never found that acceptable in school before, but now that I am in medical school, it is almost like I have adjusted the expectations I have of myself. I haven't failed any classes, but I know that I don't truly know the material. I just keep telling myself that I will have to relearn it for board exams anyway so I will have it all absorbed eventually. I know that this is irresponsible and a waste of my educational opportunities, but every time I tell myself I am going to change, my executive functioning just will not let me. It would be one thing if I was scoring poorly after slaving away constantly at the material, struggling to grasp the concepts, but it is the exact opposite. I will spend 4 days in a row watching a Netflix series, digging into stupid anti-vaxx facebook pages, learning all about some random baking technique, obsessively researching the best type of vacuum to buy, and starting a new house project like refinishing our countertops, even though I have none of the experience or equipment necessary. I bet I have 25 different projects for my house at various stages of completion right now, but my dining room table is piled up with a huge selection of junk that has accumulated there over the past month. I see my classmates studying from sun-up to sun-down and I feel like a complete slacker, 100% impostor syndrome. I genuinely enjoy the material and I don't dislike the act of studying, but somehow I can't bring myself to sit down an learn it in a reasonable timeline. The craziest thing is that I am also the happiest I have ever been in my life. Once I realized that I completed one of the hardest tasks necessary to achieve my dream career as a physician--just getting accepted into medical school--I suddenly felt like I could live my life more how I wanted, with less of the crippling anxiety and restrictions that I felt for 6 years straight as I was working toward that goal. I pretty much made a conscious decision to sacrifice a stellar performance for a mediocre one that allowed me to actually live and give in to some of my obscure interests or compulsions without so much guilt. But I realized that it would cost me the chances of going into a competitive specialty. And I came to terms with that as I think I just want to practice general medicine in a small town anyway. Nevertheless, I don't think I am living my best life because I still feel utterly controlled by my ADHD. Until I just recently revisited the symptoms and manifestations it can have on our lives, I had been kind of living in a state of constant choas and guilt. I live every day essentially doing damage control, completely overwhelmed by all of the responsibilities I neglected until threatened with ultimatums and consequences. So many of my tendencies that I had previously been attributing to fundamental character flaws, I have now discovered are blatant examples of my ADHD. I have gotten accustomed to trying to hide my disorganization, making excuses for why I am late, making promises to myself that tomorrow I would be better. I guess I kind of forgot (or never fully realized) that essentially everything I hate about the way I conduct myself is a direct result of being unable to control my ADHD. And I also didn't realize how severely it has been affecting my life, and how poorly controlled it has been despite being on medication. So, I am sorry to rant for so long, but after finding this subreddit, I just couldn't force myself to focus and study without getting these feelings out in writing. I don't really know what I wanted to achieve with this post aside from venting and asking for advice on where to start with getting myself under control? For reference: I take Concerta (extended release) daily in the morning at 54mg, and then I take 10mg Ritalin in the evening as needed if I feel like I need it to study after the other has worn off. I struggle to take the Concerta at a regular time each day, and it helps immensely, but I feel it wears off after maybe 4-5 hours. Although it fixes my motivation and helps me work up the will to be productive, a lot of times that energy still gets directed toward an inessential task. Usually I don't really feel like the Ritalin has any effect at all. I don't want to become too dependent on the meds, and I really want to find some techniques to help me tackle my discipline and executive functioning issues. I don't have a therapist, but I would definitely like to find one as I obviously have a lot to talk about and process. Does anybody have any input, advice, encouragement, or even just relatable tidbits they can add? I can't express how relieving it has been to read others' experiences with ADHD and how accurately they can describe my psyche. It has helped tremendously with the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I've been harboring. In case anyone wanted to share in some common experiences, here is an attenuated list of problematic manifestations of my ADHD:
Having extreme ambitions but a complete absence of motivation to fully execute them. Example- I meticulously researched how to engineer and build roll-out shelving for all of our kitchen cupboards and then bought all of the wood, hardware, and equipment necessary to do the project. That was a year ago, and I keep postponing the weekend I intend to do it because other stuff pops up.
Getting completely obsessed with various, unrelated topics and spending an entire day or more researching it when there are very important tasks unattended to. Example- My mother-in-law mentioned she wanted to get a puppy. I spent an entire weekend weighing different breed characteristics, combing through breeder and rescue websites, mapping routes to pick up possible dogs from across the country, picking out toys. When I presented her with all the info she got so overwhelmed she decided she didn't want on anymore.
Constantly fidgeting. I play with my hair all day long and it has sustained a lot of damage from me always pulling on it and snapping off broken ends. It is a serious challenge to take online exams because the webcam flags you for suspicious movements.
ALWAYS FINISHING ASSIGNMENTS AND EXAMS LAST. Every single time. I had to blindly guess on at least 5 questions in each section of my MCAT.
ALWAYS LATE. Even when I plan to leave an hour early, I end up being late. My friends and family have started lying about start times of events.
Rambling and an inability to be concise. Bet you couldn't have guessed ;)
Crippling indecisiveness. Like I can't buy something at the store often times because I need to look up the best deal online and compare stats with other brands. Very frequently do I just buy both options because I can't decide between the colors.
Compulsive shopping and eating. Especially faced with stressful tasks, I find an excuse to search Amazon for a random product like carpet cleaner for hours and then just end up buying an entire steam cleaning system. Out at restaurants always ordering way more than I can eat, lots of times forcing it down.
UTIs because I don't want to pause my obsession to pee.
Frequently missing meals for the same reason.
Getting obsessed with a TV series and bingeing 95% in one sitting, then losing the motivation to finish the last couple episodes.
Extreme messiness but absolutely hating living in it.
The tendency to be all or nothing with things. Like if I decide to clean the bathroom I cant just quickly wipe down the sink and scrub the toilet. I have to remove everything for all the closets and drawers and clean it all down, then reorganize everything to have a perfect spot. Deep clean all surfaces. Lots of times I don't have the time for this level of cleaning so I just forgo cleaning completely until things get really filthy.
Starting numerous hobbies and getting all the supplies, super excited about it, all you can think about. Then something absolutely necessary takes your attention off of your project and you can never get back into it. Examples- cookie decorating, crocheting, knitting, dress making, painting, inventing an alphabet, calligraphy, learning a foreign language, woodworking, lawnmower repair, landscaping, gardening, children's story writing, makeup, wedding planning, crosswords, interior design, dog training, cleaning... I'm sure there is plenty more that I have started within the past 2 years that I can't think of off the top of my head.
Ignoring email, snapchat, texts, calls because you just can't find the will to address the person, even though you actually enjoy socializing when you are in the moment.
Loving the opportunity to just drive in silence because it gives you the ability to think through the web of partially digested thoughts or concepts built up in your brain.
Always forgetting where you put your phone, sandwich, drink, shoes, keys, etc. Like several times every day.
Getting up to do something then instantly getting sidetracked to do something else, in a succession of tasks, never actually doing the initial thing.
Getting excited at the prospect of planning how you are going to manage your time and responsibilities. Meticulously formulate a schedule, get apps, planners, calendars, and notebooks and enjoy filling it out in ridiculous detail. Critically underestimate the time necessary to do each task so you immediately get behind. The overwhelming pile of missed deadlines makes you quit altogether and just do something useless or go to sleep.
Very easy to stay up extended amounts of time if something has gripped your interest or you are having to complete a threatening deadline. Then very difficult to get out of bed once you are in it.
People see you as unreliable, but when you are actually at an event or doing a task, you give it 110% and your utmost attention. Perfectionistic, actually capable of achieving some pretty neat stuff.
Feel like you always have random words and thoughts bouncing around your brain. I have at least 100 different names I call my pets that seem to sprout from nowhere and be completely unrelated to them.
Your brain can go from thinking about one topic to diverge onto a totally separate and obscure topic, but when you actually try to figure out your thought path, you can trace back the bizarre series of relationship and connection that led you to your rapid change of subject.
Being very creative and possessing a lot of ingenuity, taking pure enjoyment in complex problem solving, especially if it can benefit other people.
Feeling like you have so much potential if only you could just get yourself to be disciplined. You genuinely want to start your assignment early, to call your mom back, to fold that laundry, but in the moment your brain simply won't let you fully assess the situation. You are unable to consider the consequences and instead you compartmentalize the feeling of impending doom in favor of watching another video of a man in the jungle building a swimming pool using only a coconut shell and bamboo poles.
I think that is all for now. I am about to pee my pants and I feel like I have gotten enough of my thoughts out that I can get back to studying. If you actually made it all the way through to this part, that is crazy. Even if no one takes the time to read this, I am glad I was able to document and unclog some of my mind congestion. Thank you! <3
My personal system for easily creating fun, original essay topics. Introducing: "Half-Ideas"
In my experience, the majority of problems students run into with their application essays are based upon picking a bad topic. By "bad" I generally mean the topic falls into two categories: 1) Done to death 2) Too weird for its own good The first one I can easily provide samples for: probably my most common one is running track. A lot of students run track and want to write about their experiences. That's great except that a lot of other students also run track and have similar things to say. There are only so many ways to write about track - see if you recognize any of these classics: - I joined track and was bad at it, but then I tried harder and now I'm good - I'm really good at track and here is a list of my accomplishments you already saw on my EC that prove how good I am - I'm just ok at track, but through the team, I have gained other skills like leadership that are important to me - I loved running track until something made it so I couldn’t anymore. But then I got better and now I can again - I loved running track until something made it so I couldn’t anymore. And I still can’t. But it’s ok I figured it out - I don't actually like track, but in being forced to do it, I learned some valuable lessons - Here is a live recap of me running the anchor on the 400 relay, with every student I pass symbolizing an obstacle I have conquered in life to get where I am That last one is a bit of a joke. But it's indicative of the problem that I think drives elite students to get so...creative in the framing devices on their essays. You students know track isn't that special, but it is something important to you, and you want to talk about it. The end result is...well… https://www.reddit.com/ApplyingToCollege/comments/fy37s9/i_think_modern_elite_essays_are_terrible_and/ And then the other problem is with "le quirky teen" essays. These never seem to work out as well as anyone wants. That penguin collection may be as important to you as you write about, but without anything more substantial to link those interests to, the essay falls apart. So, what do we do about all this? How do we manage to write about what matters to us, but in a way that's still fun and original? The answer is half-ideas. "I like track because it taught me responsibility" is a half idea. So is "I have trouble sleeping when I'm nervous. So is "I collect stuffed penguins." So is "I like making people laugh and try to lighten the mood when things are hard." A half idea is anything about you or your world that you think colleges should know about. What makes half-ideas different from normal ideas is that we want to come up with these ideas with the full intention of combing those ideas together to create an original topic. Some people stumble upon combining half ideas by accident. I did! I wrote an essay ten years ago that perfectly encapsulated how easy and powerful combing two ideas can be. My two half ideas for the topic were:
I have ADHD
I like to run
Either of these topics could be converted into a competent, if unexciting, essay on their own. I guarantee AOs will read hundreds of similar essays this year. But luck would have it, I combined those two half ideas into a full idea that worked a lot better. All I had to do was look at those two topics and try to find a connection between them. I've found that the best connections will pop out to you. Mine did: How running helps me deal with my ADHD by giving me a way to quiet my mind and think clearly The hardest part of my ADHD is getting my brain to stop moving so fast. As quickly as I start to think about something important, that thought gets batted away by garbage. I like running because I find when I get tired enough, my brain will quiet down, and I can think about things that are important or bothering me. I get most of my best thinking done six miles into a run. That's my essay. I guarantee there aren't many students writing that essay. By combing two ideas into a single one, I make the topic much more personal and unique. I also build myself a natural narrative structure by both presenting a challenge and a way I conquer that challenge. "How X helps me with Y" is a great way to frame an essay Cool, right! So let's get practical. The first step is to build as many half-ideas as possible. Just start posting as many ideas as you can. Don't worry about how you'll match them or if they're even worth matching. You've likely heard similar "just write; it doesn't matter what!" advice before, but I think that advice kind of sucks because it DOES matter what you write. With half-ideas, you should feel more comfortable posting weird factoids about yourself because you'll no longer have to worry about turning those ideas in a full essay. Just write them. Here are some sample list groups you can start with, along with as many personal half ideas I can think of for each. Cool stuff you've done that would make a traditional essay 4 years Cross Country 3 Years Track 2 Years School Newspaper 4 years Parli Debate Hosted a school zombie tag game Active non-fiction writer Started my own College Consulting business and made a sweet website, nbd (CollegeWithMattie.com) Obstacles you've overcome ADHD I suffered through chronic illness in my 20s Colorblind Weird "quirky" facts about you I love cats and have one named Penny I love football and refuse to work on Sunday I taught myself piano using a video game Positive Personality Traits My mom says I'm funny I'm easy to talk to and once won a bet by speaking about my cat and college admissions for 3 hours straight I think differently and often come up with solutions for problems no one else has (like this one!) I see patterns well and am always looking for a more efficient way to do things Goals/Passions/Proof of those passions Want to be a private college admissions consultant Finishing UC Berkeley certification on topic Worked past three years as a counselor with company 10 years of writing experience &#x200B; That's just a short selection. Locate any "idea suggestion" posts and you will find more topics to think about. Now that I have my list, it's time for me to look for connections between the two. Often the best value for this method comes when one of the half ideas is from the "challenges/hardships" section. This is especially true for URM or any other student with a background hook. You want to present that background but do it in a way that's more tasteful than "I grew up X, and here's why it was hard." Combine that half idea with another interest of yours, so the topic becomes "How Y helped me overcome my Childhood as X". Yay half ideas! When looking at my list, two ideas that come to mind are my history of illness + that I taught myself piano. I decided to teach myself piano two years ago as a way of signifying that my life was going to be different now that I was better. It turned out that way, and now I celebrate my piano playing as a symbol of the fact that life doesn't take things from me anymore; I gain from it. Pretty good topic, ya? Seeing these topics all out in front of me made it easy to compare them to one another and see what kind of connections I could identify. Here are some bonus tips as you develop your half-idea stable: Your ideas don't have to share 50/50 content. Sometimes one topic is just more interesting than the other. Don't be afraid for a single idea to encompass 80%+ of an essay, with another idea coming in as support. Maybe you write about charity work and realize that every time you read to a kid in the hospital you leave him with one of your stuffed penguins. That's exactly why you want to introduce those penguins earlier so you can add it to your experience. You can even have third ideas. Whatever Going back to my illness/piano essay, I'd probably also want to add my wish to be a counselor in near the end. Just as I gained piano in my life, I also want to obtain success in counseling. Seeeee? It's so fun and eaaaaaasy! Focus on the interaction between the ideas as much as or more than the ideas themselves Somewhere out there is another essay involving both a love of swimming and a keen interest in robotics. Simply having two half-ideas existing in an essay is not necessarily going to make it work. Instead, I find it’s the way those ideas intertwine -the connection itself- that is most interesting. I think it’s because that connection entirely relies on you and how you view the world. That’s where the magic happens. Keep every half-idea about you This goes into advice for another blog post, but keep the focus of your essays on you. Your friends, family, famous people, politicians, and everyone else can cameo in your story, but the vast majority of content needs to be about you. The easiest way to ensure this is to keep all half-ideas that way from the start. You can think of half-ideas retroactively Write something and just feel like it's missing something? Think hard about other aspects of your life that may fit into the essay you've already written. Maybe you wrote about a big camping trip. You can bring up the fact that you're always the one who tries to keep the group calm, so when things were rough, you took it upon yourself to provide moral support. The goal is writing an essay that showcases what happens when different aspects of your life come together. Try to form your full topics in the form of a narrative Utilizing "how" is a great way to do this. How my love for paper airplanes made me a better engineer. How my daily NYT crossword puzzle influences my taste in authors. Get both topics in there and try to present one as having a causal effect on the other. Don't go insane You may have a topic or two that are awesome and don't need tinking with. Don't! This may be advice for essays 2-27 you'll be writing. Keep the list of half-ideas handy and constantly be adding to it. You never know when you'll be inspired by it. - Hot damn you kids like this one. I’ve heard a lot of people mention this piece is how you found me. If that’s you right now, hi! My name’s Mattie. I run a private college consulting service in the Bay Area. Thanks to posts like these, I’ve been able to transfer into offering my services to students around the globe via Zoom. If you’re interested, check out my website at CollegeWithMattie.com. All my other blog posts are on there (they’re also all here if you just check my profile). Also on the site is a list of services I offer to students looking for 1-on-1 help applying to schools. It’s a good time. Real life Redditors have already messaged me, set up consultations, and are now signed on with me to work this summer and fall. I’d love to work with you, too.
(Main Series) Friendship is Magic #1-4 The Return of Queen Chrysalis (Major Storyline) Main Characters - Mane 6, CMC, Chrysalis Summary - Queen Chrysalis has returned, replaced all the citizens of Ponyville with changelings, and kidnapped the CMC. Will the our heroes be able to stop her before it is too late? Or will rising tensions between the friends spell out their doom? Quick Review - A worthy introduction to the comics with some fun character moments. Any comic drawn by Andy Price is worth checking out for the art alone. Chrysalis literally throws a kitten at a wall and it explodes into blood. 6/10 FiM #5-8 Nightmare Rarity (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Luna, Spike Summary - Rarity is overcome by insecurity and the fear that she doesn't provide enough to the group, and allows herself to be corrupted by Nightmare. As her friends rush to save her, Luna must overcome her own guilty past in order to defeat it again in the present. Quick Review - Nightmare Rarity's design is superb. So are the moon denizens. Katie Cook's writing style can lean into the absurd sometimes, but she knows how to do an emotional moment. We see how Luna earned her flowing mane. Spike saves the day. Trixie gets a few lines. 8/10 FiM #9-10 Zen and the Art of Gazebo Repair (Highly Recommended) Characters - Big Mac Summary - Big Mac has to find nails to fix his gazebo during the Summer Wrap-Up festival. But the world has other plans for him. Quick Review - Big Mac plays a wonderful comedic straight man. Seriously, the comic is hilarious, the art is amazing, and Big Mac is a chad. Dude has to fight off like four different mares fawning over him, including Luna. He just wants to repair his gazebo, for god's sake. 9/10 FiM #11-12 (Neigh Anything) Characters - Cadance, Shining Armor, Biff Tannen Summary - Discover the romantic tale of how Cadance and Shining Armor came to be. Can Shining Armor prove himself worthy to Cadance? Will she choose him over High School Gigachad Buck Withers? Probably. Quick Review - I enjoy it. Not much to say. Shining Armor belts out some Oingo Boingo for Cadance, and lord knows there is nothing more romantic than singing about how much you love little girls. (6.5/10) Annual 2013: Equestria Girls (The Fall of Sunset Shimmer) Characters - Sunset Shimmer, Celestia Summary - Sunset Shimmer is a magical prodigy. But Celestia will not further her teachings, because despite her prowess, the young sorcerer has much to learn. Sunset believes otherwise. Quick Review - To everyone clamoring for a proper Sunset backstory and motivation I am proud to announce that this is not it. It's unbelievably vague and generic. It pains me as a massive Shimmerfriend. Also, all the human designs look like ayy lmaos. More so than the show. Hopefully they pick it up in the next EqG comic... (3/10) FiM #13-14 (My Little Pirate) Characters - Fluttershy, Mane 6, Hoofbeard Summary - Fluttershy has become too attached to a fish she rescued, and regrets letting it go. So when a dangerous pirate arrives looking for a crew, she take it is an opportunity to reunite with her fish. Also a pirate adventure thing, Hoofbeard seeks a treasure behind a perilous journey. Quick Review - Utterly forgettable. I really cannot be bothered to reread it for a review. It was okay I think? (5/10) FiM #15-16 (The Book Worm) Characters - Twilight, Mane 6 Summary - A magical bookworm begins devouring his way through Twilight's library. That wouldn't be such an issue (except to Twilight), if the characters from to books didn't begin popping up in the real world. Now Twilight and co must take down the bookworm in it's own domain: The Realm of Books. Quick Review - I like Pinkie's fantasy world. Another just okay one. Lotta references to other media. Marvel, LoTR, Disney shlock, you get the idea. The void had some solid character moments for Twilight and Rainbow. (6/10) Friends Forever #1: Pinkie & Applejack Characters - Take a guess Summary - In the issue, Applejack and Pinkie Pie enter a baking contest, and culinary hijinks ensue. Quick Review - Rough start for FF. Predictable and silly. Art here is really not good. However, it does have Guy Fieri pony. (3/10) Friends Forever #2: CMC & Discord (Highly Recommended) Characters - CMC, Discord Summary - Discord takes the crusaders to increasingly dangerous dimensions in their search for a cutie mark. Quick Review - This one is super sweet. Some of the best Discord showing in the series. The CMC being some of the only ponies to understand and show gratitude towards Discord for his effort is so damn heartwarming. (8/10) Friends Forever #3: Celestia & Spike (Highly Recommended) Characters - Celestia, Spike Summary - Spike wants to get Twilight something nice for her birthday, but the gift he settled on turns out to be slightly hard to come by. He enlists Celestia's help in getting the gift for her student, a gift found deep in the dangerous Crystal Mountains. Quick Review - By far my favorite portrayal of Celestia. Lot of nice and touching dialogue between her and Spike, and some insight on Celestia's mindset as a ruler and teacher. Shame they went further down the "Celestia is an incompetent and petty klutz" route later on. (8/10) FiM #17-20 (Reflections) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Mane 6, Celestia, Starswirl, Sombra Summary - Celestia has been secretly visiting another dimension for quite some time. A world where good is evil, and evil is good, and she has fallen madly in love with the benevolent King Sombra. A world where she and Luna are villains threatening to take over both dimensions. And it's all her fault. Quick Review - This one is super polarizing. For me, it's a collection of great ideas utilized poorly. The mirror dimension is a very interesting concept that I wish would be re explored. And i'm content with all the characters. But the climax, touching as it maybe, kinda dampens this one for me. Still, (7/10) Friends Forever #4: Twilight & Shining Armor Characters - ^^^^^ Summary - Twilight Sparkle is worried her and Shiny have drifted apart since their foalhoods. An opportunity presents itself to rekindle when her and Shining Armor team up to catch a ghost that haunts the Crystal Empire palace. Quick Review? - Turns out, there are a lot of FF comics, and a lot of them are pretty inconsequential. There are only so many times I can say, "It was cute. I liked it." before that gets redundant. So unless I have something more to say, i'm gonna reduce these to just Rating and Summary. Pretty good tho. (6/10) Friends Forever #5: Fluttershy & Zecora Summary - Fluttershy and Zecora try to figure out why Fluttershy can suddenly hear her animal friends talk. Spoilers: It was Discord. Go figure. Rating - (4/10) Friends Forever #6: Rainbow Dash & Trixie Summary - Rainbow Dash is called upon by a newly crowned Queen Trixie to perform for a kingdom of Diamond Dogs. Turns out being Queen isn't all its cracked up to be. Rating - I mean, it's got Trixie. (6/10) FiM #21-22 (Manehattan Mysteries) (Recommended) Characters - CMC, Babs, Trixie, AJ, Rarity Summary - Doesn't need one. Trixie and Babs are in it. Go read it. Quick Review - The relationship between Babs and Trixie here and they parallels they draw from each other are pretty great. I always love those kinds of strange character interactions. (7/10) Friends Forever #7: Pinkie & Luna Summary - Princess Luna seeks Pinkie Pie's help in making ponies laugh so she can participate in a Royal Event. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #8: Applejack & Rarity Summary - Typical Rarijack episode, road trip edition. Rating - It introduces those stupid bull cowboys. For that (4/10) FiM Issue 23 (Pets to the Rescue) Characters - Angel, Winona, Opalescence, Owliscious, Gummi, Tank Summary - When there owners are nowhere to be found, the pets team up and must set out to find their owners and assist them in whatever magical conundrum they may have found themselves in. Quick Review - I think the villain here would have been really interesting in almost any other scenario. Other than that, minimal dialogue, and the art isn't exceptional, so (5/10) Friends Forever #9: Granny & The Flimflam Bros Summary - Granny Smith helps Flim and Flam patch things up after they have a falling-out over a mare. Rating - This one is pretty wholesome. (7/10) FiM Issue 24 (Discord in Time) Characters - Discord, CMC, Flutters Summary - Discord take the CMC and Flutterbutter on an a journey through time to show them some animals. Hijinks ensue. Quick Review - Another really nice Discord issue. He isn't use to having all these friends and watching out for them in his chaos, so he drags them along in his dangerous adventures. He then immediately forgets this lesson. (7/10) Friends Forever #10: Fluttershy & Iron Will (Major) Summary - Fluttershy helps Iron Will with has marital problems. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #11: Rainbow Dash & Spitfire Summary - Rainbow Dash helps Spitfire overcome her greatest fear: Children. Rating - Art style is cute, but super jarring. (6/10) FiM #25-26 (The Good, the Bad and the Ponies) Characters - AJ, Mane 6, Bulls Summary - Doesn't matter. Quick Review - Don't read this one. Seriously, it's bad. Nothing really makes sense. Applejack has some sort of brain defect. Twilight arbitrarily cannot use her magic on Equestrian citizens. Even when they are dangerous criminals, apparently? (1/10) Friends Forever #12: Pinkie & Twilight Summary - Twilight tries to help Pinkie overcome her harrowing cocaine addiction. When that fails, Twilight starts doing coke herself to make the guilt go away. Pinkie stops doing coke for like five minutes, and Twi considers that a success. Rating - (4/10) Equestria Girls Annual 2014: Holiday Special Characters - Humane 6, Sunset Shimmer, CMC Summary - The holidays are nearing, and Sunnybun is feeling pretty down in the dumps. The girls try to cheer her up by inviting over for a few nights of debauchery. This cheers her up a bit. So, the Humane 5 go home on the shortbus and Sunny walks home, finally content with herself. Meanwhile the CMC decide that Sunset is keeping them from spending time with their sisters(?) and start a social media account in her name, called Anon-A-Miss, which they use to spread explicit photos of their sisters from the "sleepovers" and frame Sunset. Everyone in the school begin to tragically suffer from severe mental deficiencies and buy it immediately. Because the chick who just saved all of your sorry asses from soul sucking harlots like a week ago is going to post shit about her friends with her fucking face attached to the account. Quick Review - I really wish I could shit on this more, but I got quite a bit to get through. (-3/10) Friends Forever #13: Rarity & Babs Seed Summary - In the issue, Rarity must entertain Babs Seed when Sweetie Belle falls ill. Turns out Babs idea of entertainment is different than Rarity's. FiM #27-28 (The Root of the Problem) (Major) Characters - Mane 6, Bramble, King Aspen Summary - The Everfree spontaneously begins protruding into Ponyville. At the root of this problem, the druid-esque Deers who wish to reclaim the parts of their forest that were lost. Quick Review - The Deer are really neat, and having them be the night elves of Equestria is a fun concept. But the deer people kind of get the shaft, and most of the story focuses on the avaricious minotuar Well-to-do. (6.5/10) Friends Forever #14: Luna & Spike Summary - In the issue, Princess Luna enlists Spike's help in solving a dragon problem in Fillydelphia. Rating - Luna and Spike spend three pages together, and the rest of the story is focused on an annoying pink fangirl dragon. (4/10) Friends Forever #15: Applejack & Mayor Mare Summary - In this issue, politics are boring. Rating - (5/10) FiM Issue #29 (Ponymania XXIX) Characters - Cheerilee, Cherry Blossom Summary - Cheerilee reunites with her twin sister—one of the most famous wrestlers in Equestria. But when Cherry Blossom gets injured, Cheerilee is forced to take her place in the ring. Quick Review - As with most Jay Fosgitt's stuff, cute, but a lot of fluff and not much to carry an interesting story. (6/10) FIENDship is Magic #1: King Sombra (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Sombra, Radiant Hope Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance discover King Sombra's diary and learn of his rise to power. But before that, how he was a sickly outcast, a troubled young amnesiac whose only friend was the equally strange Radiant Hope, who still had imaginary friends. Quick Review - Much needed backstory for Sombra, and very well done at that. His connection to Radiant Dawn feels genuine, and his corruption by way of shitty crystal ball is absolutely tragic. My dude just wanted to go the Crystal Faire ): Also Princess Amore fucking dies. (9/10) FIENDship is Magic #2: Tirek (Recommended) Characters - Tirek, Scorpan, Sendak Summary - Tirek, young and ambitious, sneaks out of his royal families castle to visit the unhinged sorcerer Sendak to learn more about magic. Scorpan is worried about his brothers ambitions. Quick Review - Doesn't add much character depth to Tirek, but it's suitable. Presents a lot of cool ideas not explored as thoroughly as they could be. Leaves a lot up to interpretation and head canon. (7/10) FIENDship is Magic #3: Sirens (Non-Canon) Characters - The Dazzlings, Starswirl Summary - The fate of the world is determined by a music battle, and if the Dazzlings win, all is lost. This is not Rainbow Rocks. Quick Review - Not a single character acts in character, and while the other Fiendship issues are take themselves pretty seriously, this one is drastically different tonally and opts for comedy. Which really sucks, because I wanted actual backstories for the Sirens. Humor falls flat as well. (2/10) FIENDship is Magic #4: Nightmare Moon Characters - Nightmare Moon, Nyx (Not that Nyx) Summary - A recently banished Nightmare Moon attempts exacts revenge on Princess Celestia through the world of dreams. The Nyx, the keepers of the dreams, will not allow it. Quick Review - I much prefer Nightmare Moon as a manifestation of Luna's negative emotions over depictions a corrupting parasitic entity. Story is serviceable, a bit sad, nothing noteworthy. (6/10) FIENDship is Magic #5: Queen Chrysalis (Major) Characters - Twilight, Chrysalis Summary - The Mane Six visit the imprisoned Queen Chrysalis, who recounts her past exploits. Quick Review - Case of unreliable narrator here. Chrysalis implies that changelings are made of pure dark magic, which is an idea I actually quite like, but having them reform like they did would say otherwise. Story is sorta all over, like a Chrysalis anthology short. (6/10) Friends Forever #16: Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon Summary - Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon compete against the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a scavenger hunt. Rating - Smokin' hot goth pony makes an appearance. (7/10) FiM #30-31 (Ponyville Days) Characters - Rarity, AJ, Twilight Summary - Civil War over a land dispute or something, can't really be bothered with this one. Quick Review - As far as I remember, this is one of the issues that gives everyone in Ponyville a crippling case of "has to wear a helmet while outside". Dumbing down characters to make a story work is obnoxious. (3/10) Friends Forever #17: Twilight & Big Mac Summary - Twilight takes a trip into Big Mac's brain to learn how to focus as well as he does. Rating - (7/10) Friends Forever #18: Rainbow Dash & Fluttershy Summary - Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy go to their flight camp reunion. Rating - Pretty adorable. (7/10) FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples) Characters - Mane 6, Spike Summary - Apples take over Ponyville. Our heroes turn into bats. This is not a crackfic. Quick Review - Batpony designs are pretty damn cool. Story is whatever. (5/10) FiM #32-33 (Night of the Living Apples) Summary - Rarity gets carried away when she goes into business with Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #20: Luna & Discord (Recommended) Summary - Princess Luna helps Discord when he has trouble sleeping. Rating - Neat character dynamic. Good stuff for Luna and Discord. (8/10) FiM #34-37 (Siege of the Crystal Empire) (Major) (Non-canon) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Sombra, Mane 6, Chryssi, Umbrums Summary - A mysterious new villain brings several of the series' past antagonists together to attack the Crystal Empire. Quick Review - I want to keep my gushing about this one brief. The umbrum design and lore are some of the best things to come out of the comics. This Sombra is infinitely better than the one in the show. I definitely didn't cry at the end because i'm a big boy. (9/10) Friends Forever #21: Spike & Zecora Summary - Spike and Zecora save Ponyville from a disease, and only they are immune. Rating - (7/10) Friends Forever #22: Celestia & Pinkie Summary - Princess Celestia tasks Pinkie Pie with making the perfect cake for Princess Luna's birthday party. Rating - Barely any Celestia. (4/10) Friends Forever #23: Applejack & Fluttershy Summary - Applejack and Fluttershy become involved in the search for a legendary creature called the Pigasus. They must keep its existence a secret. Rating - No Kirin (5/10) Friends Forever #24: Rarity & Gilda Summary - Gilda enlists Rarity's help in designing uniforms for a new sports team in Griffonstone. Rating - (6/10) FiM #38-39 (Don't You Forget About Us) Characters - CMC, Diamond Tiara, Snips, Snails Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Snips, and Snails become lost in the mountains during a class field trip. AB and Diamond Tiara are forced to learn how to work together. Friends Forever #25: Rainbow Dash & Twilight Summary - Rainbow Dash seeks Twilight Sparkle's help after her wings mysteriously vanish. Rating - Weird body horror. (7/10) Friends Forever #26: Shining Armor & Prince Blueblood Summary - Shining Armor is forced to work with Prince Blueblood on a diplomatic mission to Yakyakistan. Rating - Holy shit they made Blueblood redeemable. (8/10) FiM Issue #40 (Twilight meets Spike) Characters - Twilight, Spike Summary - You know, it's exactly how it sounds. Quick Review - Very cute. (7/10) Friends Forever #27: Pinkie & Granny Smith (Recommended) Summary - Pinkie Pie offers to help Granny Smith after she breaks her hip right at the start of cider season. Rating - Precious. (7/10) FiM Issue #41 (Rainbow Dash and the Very Bad Day) Characters - Zecora, Rainbow Summary - Rainbow Dash is being a c**t, and enrages literally everybody else in Ponyville. In other words, they captured her character just right in this one. Quick Review - I like rhyme schemes, but I hate bluefast. (4/10) Friends Forever #28 Princess Luna and the Cutie Mark Crusaders Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders assist Princess Luna during a foal slumber party at Canterlot Castle. Rating - I like bone pony. (6/10) FiM Issue #42 (A Pinkie Pie Story That Pinkie Pie Kinda Sorta Remembers) (Recommended) Characters - Rarara, Ponker Po Summary - Pinker Pop, still cooling off from her ten month long cocaine binge, tries to help Rarity make a gift for a friend very special to her. Quick Review - Very cute, very funny, cried. (8/10) Friends Forever #29 Rarity and Maud Pie Summary - Rarity assists Maud Pie in her rock science interests and helps her discover her inner enthusiasm. Rating - Nice Maud character development. (7/10) FiM Issue #43-45 (Ponies of Dark Water) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Mane 6, Luna, CMC, Spike Summary - The Mane 6 bathe in cursed waters and become distorted versions of themselves. Pinkie Pie becomes a domestic terrorist. Quick Review - I like the part where Pinkie bombs a movie theater potentially killing dozens of ponies. Hilarious. (8/10) Friends Forever #30 Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance Summary - Twilight Sparkle helps her sister-in-law Princess Cadance when she suffers from an unexplained lack of self-esteem. Rating - I quite like this little arc for Cadance. (7/10) Friends Forever #31 Rainbow Dash and Little Strongheart Summary - Little Strongheart seeks Rainbow Dash's help in finding a legendary creature called the Rainbow Crow. Rating - Little Strongheart, where ya been for six years dude? Beautiful art. (7/10) Friends Forever #32 Fluttershy and Daring Do Summary - Daring Do enlists Fluttershy's help in uncovering an ancient treasure. She must also face her arachnophobia. Rating - Better than the actual Flutters/Do episode. (7/10) FiM Issue #46-47 (Election) Characters - Twilight, Mayor Mare, Donald Trump Summary - Mayor Mare struggles in her bid for reelection, against definitely not Donald Trump guys I swear. Quick Review - Haha I lied, but like I totally got you though right? Like it was super subtle? I bet you didn't even catch on. (5/10) Friends Forever #33 Applejack and Cherry Jubilee Summary - Applejack learns the secret history of Cherry Jubilee. Rating - Cherry Jubilee is pretty hot. (6/10) FiM Issue #48-50 (Chaos Theory) (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Discord, Starlight, Mane 6 Summary - An astronomical event causes Discord to transform from a creature of chaos to a being of pure order. But not all is at seems with the newly minted Accord. Quick Review - Starlight gets one arc throughout all of these comics. luckily it's pretty good. She gets some good character growth. Accord is pretty god damn terrifying. Actual sound logic is used to best the villain, which is pretty rare. (8/10) Friends Forever #34 Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich Summary - Pinkie Pie and Cheese are eaten by a possessed party house. Seriously. Rating - (6/10) Friends Forever #35 Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer's attempt to organize the books in the Castle of the Two Sisters turns into a battle of egos. Rating - This would have been much better is not illustrated by Fosgitt. It doesn't suit this more weighty type of story. (7/10) Friends Forever #36 Rainbow Dash and Soarin (Recommended) Summary - Rainbow Dash follows Soarin to a remote location to help him with a dangerous mission. Rating - Great Soarin and Spitfire moments. (8/10) Friends Forever #37 Rarity and Trixie Summary - Dude, it's got two of the best pones. Read it. Rating - (7/10) FiM Issue #51-53 (From the Shadows) (Major) Characters - Mane 6, Donut Steel Summary - The edgiest OC to ever exist begins to erase Equestrian history from books and minds, in fear of his heritage catching up to him. Quick Review - Super interesting villain motivation, terribly generic villain design. (7/10) My Little Pony: Deviations Characters - Prince Blueblood, Mane 6, Nightmare Moon Summary - Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Prince Blueblood was sent to Ponyville instead of Twiliight? No? Too bad, dude. Summary - I would have loved to have gotten more deviations. Read about Blueblood being an arrogant prick for half an hour. It's fine. (6/10) Friends Forever #38 Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (Recommended) Summary - Princess Celestia and Princess Luna's minor squabbling escalates just before they plan to participate in the Sisterhooves Social. Quick Review - Friends Forever Finale. Andy Price outdoes himself yet again. Hilarious and Heartwarming. (8/10) FiM Issue #54 (I Didn't Read This One) Summary - No seriously, didn't read it. Fosgitt, Fluttershy, fluff, the three F's of i'm going to be fucking bored. Maybe it's a masterpiece. I'll never know. FiM Issue #55-56 (Wings Over Yakyakistan) Characters - Rainbow, Rutherford, Ember, Spike, Pinkie Summary - When the dragons invade Yakyakistan over an ancient treaty, it's up to heroes to defend the Yaks and try and diffuse the situation. Spike doesn't like the idea of fighting his own kind. Quick Review - Let it be known that I would have been totally cool with the Yaks getting destroyed. Typical let go of the past, look to the future stuff. Rainbow's parents are here, and they are fun, and Spitfire gets a bit of extra love, so (7/10) FiM Issue #57 (Apinkalypse Now) Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6, Discord Summary - Pinkie Pie accidentally becomes trapped in Discord's realm. If you wanted to see more of Chaos Pinkie, then here you go. Quick Review - I really like the how the chaos dimension is shown in the comic, in that adapts to the current owner if they themselves can't be turned. You'll notice by this point the writers will do whatever in their power to make sure Starlight can be written out somehow. (7/10) FiM Issue #58 (The Vines That Bind) Characters - Twi, Flutts, Zecora, Cattail, Aqua Vine Summary - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Zecora follow the notes of Mage Meadowbrook search for a flower said to cure any ailment. The search soon becomes an obsession for Twilight, determined to get her name in the history books. Quick Review - Dude, Twilight, you already saved the world at least seven times. That Magenta Bloom shit would just be a footnote. Overall pretty forgettable. (5/10) FiM Issue #59 (Pie in the Sky) Characters - Rainbow, Pinkie Summary - Jesus Christ Pinkie she doesn't fucking like pie. We had a whole episode about just this. We didn't need a comic to teach the same lesson. That's a;lso your review. (3/10) FiM Issue #60 (The Stars on Our Ponies) Characters - CMC, Gilded Lily Summary - The Cutie Mark Crusaders help a filly who doesn't want to follow in her family's footsteps. But she is scared to disappoint them if she does pursue her own interest. Quick Review - Gilded Lily's design is absolutely adorable. She also looks like she tastes pretty good, like Oranges n' Creme. Solid one-off. (7/10) FiM Issue #61-62 (Convocation of the Creatures!) (Major) Characters - Twilight, Raven Summary - Twilight Sparkle makes a discovery during the largest assembly of creatures in history that threatens to redraw the map of Equestria. Quick Review - Glenda canonically has a stutter, making her best changeling. Good bit of overbuilding in this one, without falling into the common trap of making the convocation feel too modern. (7/10) FiM Issue #63 (All in Marederation) Characters - Twilight, Pinkie, Temperance Summary - Ponyville gets swept by an anti-sugar movement that threatens to put Sugarcube Corner out of business. Quick Review - MLP's thinly veiled take on the Temperance Movement. Another one where all of Ponyville is turned into exceptional individuals. (4/10) FiM Issue #64 (Everything Old) (Recommended) Characters - Rarity, Fluttershy, Coco Pommel Summary - Fluttershy and Rarity travel to Manehattan, where Rarity discovers that old, ugly fashions are back in style. Quick Review - I absolutely adore the message here. Things you made when you were younger that you maybe embarrassed of now don't have to be cast aside and forgotten. Rather, look to them to see how you have improved and how you can still improve. Coco is a QT. (8/10) My Little Pony: Legends of Magic Annual 2018 (Major) (Recommended) Characters - The Pillars, Pony of Shadows Summary - The Pillars of Old Equestria face a new danger that tests their skills as a team. One that they may find feels a bit like a deja vu. Quick Review - I really like the relationship between Stygian and Rockhoof here. I wonder if Starswirl was always meant to be a dickhead? Green Pony of Shadows looks badass as fuck. Also, Somnambula is cute as hell. (7/10) Edit - Consider there are twelve of these. I am not awake enough to add them all. Read' em. They're pretty good lore stuffs. FiM Issue #65 (Queen for One Less Day) (Recommended) Characters - Celestia, Scarlet Petal Summary - Princess Celestia disguises herself to live among ordinary ponies for a day. But when her magical necklace is stolen by a thief, she may lose the ability to turn back into herself for good. Quick Review - I love this comic. Shows off the best parts of Celestia's character. I'm running out of synonyms for heartwarming, so just go read this one. (8/10) FiM Issue #66 (Applewood Follies) Characters - Mane 6 Summary - Twilight Sparkle and her friends discover that a film is being made about them. But when the director hands them the reins, they discover it's harder to make a movie than they thought. Quick Review - I'm really not a fan of more modern tech in Equestria. I don't mind it at all if it's used as a background gag, but here, where it's the plot of the comic, I just find it obtrusive. Ponyville Mysteries Issue 1 Characters - CMC, Nurse Redheart Summary - "Welcome to a new series of mystery and intrigue! The Cutie Mark Crusaders discover their inner detectives and solve crimes nopony else can! Will they be able to discover who is stealing supplies from Ponyville hospital and get their schoolwork done at the same time?" Quick Review - None of these are particularly engaging, so I won't review the rest. When I figure these mysteries out all by myself like the grown man I am I feel particularly proud, like I just solved a crossword puzzle they have on those Kiddie menus at iHop. Ponyville Mysteries Issue 2 Characters - CMC, The Dude Summary - "There's a major mystery at the... bowling alley? Ponyville's team is set to break a bowling record, but the alley keeps being ransacked by a mystery criminal! Will the Cutie Mark Crusaders be able to set the pins right and solve the caper?" Ponyville Mysteries Issue 3 Characters - CMC, Old People Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders must solve a dangerous mystery at the Ponyville Retirement Village before it's forced to close! Is one of the curmudgeonly residents to blame or could it be a villain from their past?" FiM Issue #67-68 (Tempest's Tale) (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Tempest, Cadance, Glitter Drops Summary - Tempest Shadow travels across Equestria to learn more about friendship and comes face-to-face with her past. Quick Review - These issues do wonder for Tempest's previously scarce character. If your a fan of Tempest, or especially if your not a fan of Tempest, check these out. Smug Cadance is best Cadance. (8/10) Ponyville Mysteries Issue 4 Characters - CMC, Applejack Summary - "The Cutie Mark Crusaders are trying to solve the case of the missing spa water! But what happens when all signs point to a member of a Crusader's own family being the culprit?" FiM Issue #69 (Magical Apple) Characters - Pinkie, Mane 6 Summary - Pinkie gets god powers. Again. Didn't we do this already? Quick Review - Oh, Pinkie, maybe someday somebody will figure out how to write you well again. (4/10) Ponyville Mysteries Issue 5 Characters - CMC, Rarity Summary - "The Crusaders have their biggest case yet when a priceless artifact belonging to superstar Songbird Serenade is stolen!" FiM Issue #70 (Extreme Bingo) Characters - Golden Horseshoe Gals, Rainbow, AJ Summary - Grannies Gone Wild 2! Quick Review - Grannies Gone Wild 2! (5/10) FiM Issue #71 (Happy Haunts) Characters - Student 6 Summary - Twilight Sparkle's School of Friendship students experience Nightmare Night in Ponyville for the first time. Things don't exactly go as planned. Quick Review - I hate this issue. Not because it's bad, but because we are teased with infinitely more interesting stories. I want to see the princesses on Nightmare Night, like the cover! I want to see Shim and Glim's NN, like on the first page! Fucking cocktease. (4/10) FiM Issue #72 (Pie in the Sky, Again) Characters - Pinkie, AJ, Pear Butter Summary - Applejack discovers an old Apple family pie recipe and seeks to recreate it for Granny Smith. Along the way, they meet ponies who her mom has touched in her life. I wouldn't mind being touched by Pear Butter. Quick Review - Standard. Wholesome. Sweet. (7/10) My Little Pony: Nightmare Knights (Major) (Highly Recommended) Characters - Luna, Stygian, Trixie, Capper, Tempest, Daybreaker, Eris Summary - Princess Luna assembles a team of former villains to face a new threat to Equestria. Quick Review - I cannot recommend this arc enough. Every single character gets a chance to shine. Stygian gets much need development. Eris and Daybreaker make a menacing evil duo. The villain casino makes a great setting. Sunset Shimmer gets a cameo. (Even though her and Starlight are once again shafted.) Capper absolutely steals the show. Tempest is a bit more brutish than she usually is, but as we don't know much about her anyway, that's a very minor gripe. (9/10) FiM Issue #73 (Copycats) Characters - Fluttershy, Twilight Summary - A magical amulet causes Fluttershy to become more animalistic. Quick Review - I have no idea what the fuck what went on in this issue or why. It's a mess. (3/10) FiM Issue #74 (On the Mane Stage) (Recommended) Characters - Zephyr, Fluttershy, Silverstream, Pixie Cut Summary - Fluttershy's brother Zephyr Breeze attends the All-Equestria Mane Styling Conference. Quick Review - Even Zephyr Breeze can snag a qtπ hairstylist gf. There is hope for us yet, bros. Could you tell i'm down a third of a bottle of Grey Goose by this point? (7/10) FiM Issue #75-78 (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Cosmos, Twilight, Discord, Fluttershy Summary - The Mane Six's quest for the fallen stars of a missing constellation puts them on a collision course with their most galactic adversary yet. Discord's clingy ex wife who still hasn't received any child support. Quick Review - They don't even bother to write Starlight out anymore. She just doesn't exist. Cosmos isn't as fun of a villain as Eris or the Storm King, but she's serviceable. I do like her design. Discord puts his past behind him for good physically and metaphorically. (7/10) FiM Issue #79 (The Ponyville Anniversary Spectacular) (Highly Recommended) (Major!) Characters - Sunset Shimmer, I don't know I don't remember the rest Summary - Fuck you it has Shim Sham. Quick Review - Sunnybutt jams out on a guitar at the end. (11/10) My Little Pony: Spirit of the Forest Characters - CMC, Filthy Rich, Diamond Tiara, Mayor Mare Summary - Something about a forest mystery? Quick Review - Lackluster follow up to the amazing Nightmare Knights. Stop giving the CMC mini series you hacks. (4/10) FiM Issue #80 (Live-Action Role Pony!) Characters - Mane 6, Bulk Biceps Summary - The Mane Six play a live-action role-playing game. The usual Pinkie hijinks ensue. Quick Review - I'm so use to using LARP as an insult now, it's weird to see it in an endearing manner. Fun little adventure issue. (6/10) FiM Issue #81 (Pretty Fly) Characters - Scootaloo, Rumble, Rainbow, Wind Sock Summary - Scootaloo and Rumble learn about the only Earth pony to become a member of the Wonderbolts. Quick Review - Heartwarming. Seriously, someone get me thesaurus. (6.5/10) FiM Issue #82 (Dog-Dog-Dogged Determination) Characters - Rarity, Mane 6, Celestia, Cerberus Summary - Rarity is tasked with giving Cerberus obedience training after he leaves his post at Tartarus again. Quick Review - Dude, Rares, never change. (6/10) FiM Issue #83 (The Strange Case of Silver Blaze) Characters - Twilight, Spike Summary - Twilight Sparkle and Spike investigate when a famous racing tortoise goes missing. Quick Review - Less Sherlock Holmes and more Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. This is a good thing. (6/10) My Little Pony: Feats of Friendship (Major) (Recommended) Characters - Student Six, Swift Foot Summary - Come one, come all, to the School of Friendship's very first sporting event-the Feats of Friendship! As Sandbar, Smolder, Gallus, Ocellus, Yona, and Silverstream prepare for the new competition, they realize they're going to need one more pony to round out their team. Enter Swift Foot, a mysterious new exchange student! But will she help strengthen the Young Six's bonds of friendship-or just drive them apart? Jealousy threatens our favorite youngsters in this brand-new miniseries! Quick Review - This is by far and away my favorite Student 6 depiction in the franchise. It shows off very well how far they have come and how well they work together as friends and individuals. Swift Hoof makes for a great antagonist, trying to plant seeds of resentment but realizing that it doesn't work on the students and realizing her own faults. Dom Athenian Warrior waifu also included. (8.5/10) FiM Issue #84 (Identity Crisis) Characters - Ocellus Summary - Ocellus struggles to complete a big project for the School of Friendship midterm. Quick Review - Man, I wish my problem was that I was so booksmart I had trouble fitting it all into my creative outlets. What a fucking struggle that would be. But I understand wanting to be a perfectionist, and that sucks. Amazing insight as usual by me. (5/10) FiM Issue #85 (Apple Bobbing) Characters - AJ, AB, Big Mac Summary - Applejack teaches Apple Bloom the meaning of courage by telling her the story of how she conquered her fear of the water when she was little. Quick Review - A whole lot of touching moments between AJ and AB. A very cozy little story if you ignore the giant spider. (7/10) FiM Issue #86 (Marble and a Hard Place) Characters - Maud, Marble Pinkie Summary - Pinkie Pie and Maud Pie help their sister Marble make friends by helping her throw a party. Quick Review - I love the Pie family, dude. The chemistry between them is something we don't get to see often enough. (6.5/10) FiM Issue #87-88 (The Fast and the Furriest) Characters - Big Mac, Rainbow, Angel Summary - Rainbow Dash and Big McIntosh take part in the Draytona Breach 500, which an antiquities dealer uses as cover to smuggle a priceless artifact. Quick Review - Meh. (6/10) I can finally pass out now.
Posting the script to a Simpsons episode everyday till I get bored or forget. Day 5. S1, ep5
Do I smell cupcakes?
Ooh! Do I ever! -Uh-uh, Homer.
Lisa's making these for her teacher. Ah. Say no more.
Yum! Don't mind if l do.
Oh, man! Keep your greasy mitts outta there.
These are for Lisa's class.
It's Mrs. Hoover's birthday.
you know, there are names for people like you.
No, there aren't.
Teacher's pet, apple polisher, butt kisser--
You're saying "buttkisser" like it's a bad thing.
Well, you see, boy, it never hurts to grease the wheels a little. I'm not greasing the wheels, Dad. I like my teacher. Sure, Lis. You see how it works, Bart? A cupcake here, a good grade there. Dad, I get good grades 'cause I'm smart and I pay attention and I study hard. Yeah, right, Lisa. It's the three roads to success, Bart: Work, brains and hmm-- Oh, brother.
Uh-oh, school bus. Gotta go.
Yo, Bart dude!
Hey, can you believe it, man? My sister here made a whole pile up cupcakes to butter up her teacher, and she won't give anybody else even one measly little crumb. That's bad news, man. Here, Otto. I made an extra one for you.
Oh, thanks, little lady.
Better let me hold these, Lis.
you sniveling toad! you little egg sucker!
Tell me more.
Back-scratcher. Foot-licker. Honor student! You'll never get one now, Mr. Name-caller. All right, all right. Look, I'm sorry. I-I got upset. In the heat of the moment, I said some things I didn't mean.
you weren't thinking, were you? -No.
-I'm not a sniveling toad, am I? -Not really. I'm not a little egg sucker, am I?
Of course not.
Then what am I?
A beautiful human being.
What do you like best about me?
Well, I'd have to say... your generous nature, your spirit of giving. Well-- Open your mouth and close your eyes, and you will get a big surprise. Ahh! Thanks, Lis. You're the best.
Look, Janey. Cupcakes.
Ah, give me that!
Hey, give those back!
Hey, what's the big idea? That's my sister, man.
So give her back those cupcakes before I knock your block off. Don't, Bart! He's a friend of Nelson Muntz! Ooh! Ooh! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Wha-- Nelson, you're bleeding. Nah, happens all the time. Somebody else's blood splatters on me. Hey, wait a minute. You're right. You made me bleed my own blood! It was an accident, man. A terrible, ghastly mistake. Ask anybody. Uh-oh. A cold wind. Hello, kids. Everything above the board here? Good. Play friendly, children.
Uh-oh, there's your bell.
Come along, now, all of you. No dawdling, now.
I'll get you after school, man.
No, no, no. He'll get you after school, son.
Now hurry up. It's time for class.
Scoot, young Simpson. There's learning afoot. Okay, Nelson, put up your dukes! Whaa! Yikes! Uh-uh-uh! Ha, ha, ha!
Ha, ha, ha!
Lunchtime! Ha, ha, ha!
Lunchtime, Bart. It's lunchtime. I ain't gonna get out of the fourth grade alive. You've gotta tell Principal Skinner, Bart. I can't squeal. It would violate the code of the schoolyard. Hey, everybody! Here comes my brother, Bart the bully-killer!
You're our hero, Bart!
Look, everybody. I would just as soon not make a big deal out of this. I'm not sayin' I'm not a hero. I'm just saying that I fear for my safety. Look out! Nelson, it was all a mistake. This is how it happened, man. Listen up. You may get a kick out of it. My sister was making cupcakes this morning and-- I'll see you at the flagpole at 3:15. And you better be prompt. He has four other beatings scheduled this afternoon. Good-bye, little dude.
He looks so lifelike, man.
The school nurse did a wonderful job... reconstructing his little face after the fight. Good-bye, son. I guess you were right. All that homework was a waste of your time. Thanks, Bart. We got the day off from school for this.
Yeah, and I got the day off from work.
Who wants a day off from work when I'm never gonna see my beloved son again? Oh, Bart! Oh, Bart! That's better, Homer. Be brave. Bye-bye, Bart. You were always my special little guy. Bart, here's that cupcake you wanted. I can't help but think if l had just given it to you in the first place, this whole horrible tragedy could have been avoided. I know you can't eat it now, so I'll just place it lovingly on your forehead. Hey, look. They got food at this thing. Here's one for the road, dude.
Put 'em up.
Oh! Boy, you sure taught me a lesson. Whoo. Thanks, guys. I guess now all that's left is a hearty handshake. Right, guys? I'm gonna get you again tomorrow, Simpson. Is 3:15 good for you? Uh, not really. Too bad. Oh, no. Oh, man, that guy's tough to love. Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Tough day at school, boy?
Bart, what happened to you?
Let's just say I paid the inevitable price for helping out my sister. So, you had a little scuffle, eh? Heh-heh. Hope you won. I'm gonna miss you, big guy. Bart, your mother has the fool idea... that you're upset about something. Dad, I need help. Please. Oh. Now come on, Bart. We don't want your mother to see you crying.
Let me help you dy those tears. So what's the problem, son?
I had a run-in with a bully.
Come on, Marge! I don't bug you when you're helping Lisa. Well, Bart, I hope you're going straight to the principal about this. I guess I could do that. What? And violate the code of the schoolyard? I'd rather Bart died. What on earth are you talking about, Homer? The code of the schoolyard, Marge. The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything... unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do.
Homer, that's ridiculous.
Bart, instead of fighting, why don't you try a little understanding?
What do you mean, Mom?
This oughta be good for a laugh.
This bully friend of yours, is he a little on the chunky side?
Yeah, he's pretty chunkified, all right.
And I'll bet he doesn't do well in his studies, either. No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.
That's why he lashes out at the world.
So tomorrow, instead of bickering with this boy, talk to him. You'll be surprised how far a little understanding will go. Well, thank you very much, Mrs. Maharishi Gandhi. Let's go, boy. Now here's that bully of yours. Show me your stuff. No, no! Not like that! Like this! See that, boy? You didn't expect that, did you? And neither will he. You mean I should fight dirty, Dad? Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons... sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own. Amen. So the next time this bully thinks you're gonna throw a punch, you throw a glob of mud in his eyes! And then you sock him when he's staggerin' around blinded!
And there's nothing wrong...
with hitting someone when his back is turned.
And if you get the chance,
get him right in the family jewels. That little doozy's been a Simpson trademark for generations. Thanks, Pop.
Put 'em up!
Ha! Ooh! Remember the family jewels, son. Hmm? Oh, no, boys. Not the can, please. Doh! Bart, you can't go on like this. I know.
Why don't you go see Grandpa?
What can he do?
He'll give you good advice. He's the toughest Simpson alive.
Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home? Remember the fight he put up when we put him in the home? I'm here to see Grandpa. Half the people here are named Grandpa. Well, Grandpa Simpson then. Second floor, third dank room on the left. Thanks, lady. " Dear Advertisers," I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals... who remember the good old days... when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words... I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. "Number three: Family jewels."
Bart, what brings you here?
I need some advice, Grandpa. See, there's this bully at school who keeps beating me up. Let me tell you somethin', boy. If you don't stand up for yourself, bullies are gonna be pickin' on you for the rest of your life. Simpson, give me your newspaper!
Why should I?
I wanna do the crossword puzzle.
No, I want to do the crossword puzzle!
I said, give me that puzzle.
Give me! Give me!
Heh-heh-heh. Well, I guess I can't help you, but I know someone who can.
Yep, this is it.
What's the password?
Let me in, you idiot!
Yeah, right you are.
So, Herman, has the large-type edition... of this month's Soldier Of Fortune come in yet? No, not yet.
Can I interest you in some authentic Nazi underpants?
Actually, we came over because I want you to meet my grandson, Bart. Ah. Hello, young American. Hello, sir. Uh, Mr. Herman? Yes? Did you lose your arm in the war? My arm? Well, let me put it this way. Next time your teacher tells you to keep your arm inside the bus window, you do it! Yes, sir, I will. Bart's got a problem with a local young bully named Nelson. I thought you could help him with some kind of strategy. Strategy. Hmm. How many men do you have?
You'll need more.
And you'll need to train them hard! Now, let's see. Ah. Okay. The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthaginians knew it. Now you know it. First you'll need a declaration of war. Uh, ah! That way, everything you do will be nice and legal. Okay, I can use this one from the Franco-Prussian War. I'll just change "Otto von Bismarck" to read " Bart Simpson." Psst!
Grandpa, I think this guy's a little nuts.
Well, General George S. Patton was a little nuts. And this guy is completely out of his mind. We can't fail! Psst! Pass it on! So, Mister, what are we doin' here anyway? I wonder where Bart is. Yeah. It's way past 1500 hours. Okay, we all know why we're here, right?
To fight Nelson the bully.
That guy has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it. I can't promise you victory. I can't promise you good times. But the one thing I do know-- Whoa, whoa! All right! Okay! I promise you victory! I promise you good times! I got a " B" in arithmetic I got a " B" in arithmetic Would've got an "A" but I was sick Would've got an "A" but I was sick Aah! We are rubber you are glue We are rubber you are glue It bounces off of us and sticks to you It bounces off of us and sticks to you
What's the matter with you, soldier?
It's my nerves, sir.
I just can't stand the barking anymore. Your nerves? I won't have cowards in my army.
You can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send 'em off to die on some godforsaken rock, but for some reason, you can't slap 'em. Now apologize to that boy right now.
In English class I did the best In English class I did the best Because I cheated on the test Because I cheated on the test
I can't hear you!
All right, there's your enemy. Now hit him! Hit him! Let's go, next group. Martinez! Steinberg! O'Hara! Chang! Olajuwon! Herman! Die! Die! We are happy We are merry We are happy We are merry We got a rhyming dictionary We got a rhyming dictionary
One more time!
Bring it on home now! One, two, three, four One, two, three, four Nelson's at the Elm Street Video Arcade. Intelligence indicates he shakes down kids for quarters at the arcade. Then he heads to the Quick-E-Mart for a cherry Squishy. Then that's where we'll hit him. When he leaves the Quick-E-Mart, we start the saturation bombing.
We got the water balloons?
Two hundred rounds, sir.
Is it okay if they say " Happy Birthday" on the side? Well, I'd rather they say " Death From Above," but I guess we're stuck. Okay, our main force will be split into two groups. One will circle around this way to cut off the enemy's retreat, the other will drive in this way, closing the trap.
It's a classic pincers movement. It can't fail against a ten-year-old.
Nelson's at the arcade, General.
I feel so alive!
I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain... or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children. Hey, good Squishies.
What flavor did you get?
Hey, you two birds! You're gonna be suckin' all your meals through straws if you don't shut your traps. Well, looky here. Little Bart Simpson. Nelson, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson. Ha! Oh, yeah? You and what army? This one. Artillery, commence saturation bombing! Hey! All right, you kids! Keep it down! Am I making myself-- Heh-heh-heh! Got him! You, up in the tree. The tall gray-haired kid. Get your butt down here right now! Doh! No! Please!
Don't hurt us!
Oh, we surrender.
W-W-We were only followin' orders! Eww! Knock it off! I guess you learned your lesson, so now I'll untie you. The second you untie me, I'm gonna beat you to death, man. Well, if that's gonna be your attitude, I'm not gonna untie you. Ha! You're gonna have to sometime. Uh-oh. He's right. Don't you worry. I was ready for this little eventuality. Armistice treaty, article four. " Nelson is never again to raise his fists in anger." Article five. " Nelson recognizes Bart's right to exist." Article six. "Although Nelson shall have no official power, he shall remain a figurehead of menace in the neighborhood." Wow. Sounds good to me. Okay, I'll sign.
What about you, boy?
All right, I'll sign.
Are you boys through playing war?
Yes, Mrs. Simpson.
Good. Then here's some cupcakes.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners. Only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War I, and the Star Wars trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library-- many of them with cool, goy pictures. Well, good night, everybody. Peace, man.
[Setlist Thread] Phish 2019/12/28 ~ Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
Ticket Time: 7:30 EST Set 1 (8:14 - 9:35): Evening Song1 (4), No Men In No Man's Land (9), Down With Disease (12), 20/20 Vision2 (3), Ghost (12), Gumbo (4)>Rift (5), Weigh (6), Dog Faced Boy (3), Twenty Years Later (8)>Tube (7)>Say It To Me S.A.N.T.O.S3 (5) Set 2 (10:11 - 11:35): Everything's Right (13)->Beneath a Sea of Starts, Part 1 (8)>Set Your Soul Free4 (10)>Gotta Jibbo5 (9)> Free (9)>Piper (10), Drowned6 (12)>Ass Handed(1)>Ass Handed Reprise7 (3)>Character Zero (7) Encore(11:40 - 11:50: A Life Beyond the Dream (7), Rocky Top (3) Notes: 1: Debut 2: Phish debut 3: Martian Monster samples from Page 4: On Broadway quote 5: Set Your Soul Free lyrics from Trey and Page 6: Guy Forget quotes/jam 7: Ass Handed played over Chalk Dust Torture Reprise chords featuring Chalk Dust Torture Reprise lyrics combined with Ass Handed Lyrics *** WEATHER REPORT: 48 degrees and partly cloudy is projected around the time that doors open, no rain forecasted! *** Pre-show hype tunes: JEMP Truck Set (Set 2, 2013/12/31) Thanks to LazyLightning55 for the video and KingKita for the audio. *** Good evening and welcome! It's that time of year again, my favorite time of year in fact - PHISH live from the Garden! What a year we've had from the boys, with some stand-out shows on a solid summer tour and a tight little fall tour with some highlights of its own, it's hard to ask for much more from the boys. These next four days have an element of history involved with them and of course, in just a couple of days, we'll be celebrating the 20th anniversary of quite possibly the greatest set of music ever played, the Big Cypress all-nighter! I'm u/Dudeman2754 and I'll be your captain on tonight.’a journey across the sonic seas, my first mate will be a nice glass of Montelobos Mezcal (and due to this, I'm calling a Mexican Cousin); so let's sit back, relax, and surrender to the flow as The Phish from Vermont take the stage once again to help us reminisce over the last 365 days and look forward to the next 365! *** A NOTE ON STREAMS OFFICIAL LIVEPHISH WEBCAST Due to the high profile of tonight's show, DO NOT ASK FOR STREAM LINKS IN THE COMMENTS and please exercise your better judgement in sharing privately if you find one for yourself! *** General Info and Cool Stuff! Phish.net Setlist Official LivePhish Twitter Surrender to the Flow Magazine - 2019 NYE Edition If you're unfamiliar, Surrender to the Flow is a wonderful fan-run, Phish-focused zine. This New Year's edition is the perfect companion to anybody planning to attend any of this weekend's shows, with food, drink, and recreational (including afterparty) recommendations. Even if you're not planning on dropping by the festivities, check these guys out! Also included in this edition is a review of Fall Tour '19, a look back at previous MSG runs, a Big Cypress-themed crossword, and even a recipe for some delicious-sounding Chorizo hash in a puff pastry! Big shoutout to Christy and her team over at Surrender to the Flow - thanks for all you do for the community! NYE Run Posters (Thanks u/mocksong for the post!) *** Commentary Set 1 Commentary 10:00 - Checking out the original (Jimmy Martin) 20-20 Vision over set break; if this makes its way into the bluegrass rotation, I wouldn't be upset! 10:11 - Set 2, let's go! Woo! 10:11 - Everything's Right - another one of those songs that I have a weird soft spot for 10:13 - Switched over to the Founder's All Day IPA for set 2 - that homemade egg nog at my neighbor's place earlier gave me a solid base for the evening. 10:20 - Was that another Mike bomb!? 10:22 - Page doing some serious work on the synths here as the jam goes into bliss territory 10:28 - A nice Everything's Right and a beautiful segue into Beneath a Sea of Starts gets us off to a mellow (but gorgeous) start to set two 10:32 - Some soaring Trey leads upping the intensity here 10:34 - Beneath a Sea of Starts was nothing short of serenity, wow 10:43 - The Broadway teases in Set Your Soul Free were meeeeeeean 10:44 - Gotta Jibbo!!! What a call down in the comments! 10:52 - Whatta Jibbo! 10:55 - The band just toys with dynamics into and out of the first verse of Free, wow 11:00 - Funky Free?? 11:02 - Did anyone else hear Fishman go nuts on the bass drum right before the drop back into the final free chorus? 11:06 - Interesting Piper, let's see where it goes 11:08 - Gonna call a Rocky Top encore! 11:09 - Piper takes a sudden change in direction and gathers much steam out of almost no where, but still manages to feel totally natural 11:11 - Piper peak! 11:13 - DROWNED!!!! OH MY GOD 11:14 - Let me be stormy, let me be calm, let the tide in and set me free! 11:17 - I wanna drown in cold water! 65 show gap on this tune, folks! 11:18 - Bringing the volume down but the intensity up! Leo doing some good things on synths and the band rising to the occasion to support! 11:25 - Guy Forget! First time played since Dick's 2011! 11:26 - What is this show, guys??? 11:29 - This is gonna be the best Zero ever 11:35 - I still have no idea what just happened 11:41 - I'm willing to bet we have a multi-song encore on our hands here 11:43 - Trey is singing in a range I would've considered territory for Leo not even twelve months ago, kudos my man 11:47 - I GOT MY ROCKY TOP! 11:50 - What a great way to kick off four nights of music in the Garden! I look forward to seeing you all back here tomorrow night, it's been a pleasure as always! Take care all, thanks for hanging out! Peace and love, peace and love!
I’ve been completing some deeply disturbing crosswords
I latch onto specific problems and when I do everything else around me diminishes into nothingness until I complete the task at hand. I line these problems up and solve them, one-by-one, and I find updating the task list awfully difficult. If I am on my way to do a job, breaking off to attend to something else is almost impossible. I once finished buttering my toast before putting out a fire by the stove. I once lost a girlfriend after she trapped her fingers in a food processor, and I quietly went over to the fridge and put the milk away before turning to help her. She couldn’t believe that I hadn’t rushed over straight away, but of course it wasn’t really like that. I was unable to review or address my priorities until my mind had freed itself from the current task. I have to manage these tendencies. And I learned at an early age that it helps to focus on discrete tasks that, if things get really bad, I can remind myself don’t matter. That, at least, limits the anxiety of abandoning them. I have my work and that gets me through the day, but outside of those hours I need other things to pull me through. I can paint and read and they’re involving, for sure, but they don’t tend to have the sense of completion that I get from a simple puzzle. Jigsaws, sudoku, word searches, videogames; these all make up part of it but oddly enough it’s crosswords that have taken over my mind. It started because they weren’t too taxing and if I was pushed to cheat then it didn’t really matter. They let me say things like, “Right, I’ll do 9 across while on the toilet and that’s it.” Like most things I put my mind to, I quickly turned the hobby into an obsessive pursuit of completion. The harder they were, the better. If I had to watch a film, read a book, or even visit a real-life location to get an answer, I would. And I credited it all with pushing me out of my comfort zone in order to experience new things. I would have never watched Breakfast at Tiffanies, read Little Women, or visited the London Museum of Natural History without needing to get answers from them. And they were all new experiences for me, some better than others, but I enjoyed the feeling of expanding my little bubble with each new puzzle. Crosswords, like everything, have communities surrounding them and I even found a few friends online. For some, the compulsion to get obscure answers was a vital lifeline to the outside world, and you’d be surprised at some of the cultures lurking at the fringe. A good crossword is more than just a puzzle, it’s a curated string of experiences picked to evoke a deliberate journey. A common example might be the kind of thing some tourists could use to guide them around a city: Below the Phoenix of a Blinded Saint, 8 down. Resurgam – the answer can be found carved on a stone beneath a statue of a phoenix at St Paul’s Cathedral. But what about something like the following: The final song of a thunderous singer, 5 across. The answer was Toxic, the final song lip-synced by a Drag Queen (Daytona Thunder) at a popular club in Manchester. I went a long way for that one and had a surprisingly good night, albeit one a little outside my wheelhouse. But still, I got the answer and it wasn’t like I’d find it just by reading the forums (posting answers is a big no-no if you want to get into the best clubs). The creator was a well-known Queer academic working out of London who has a popular following in the community. I appreciated their work but perhaps not as much as those by one anonymous Berliner. A companion’s lips tasted through the looking glass, 6 across. Her name was Alice and she was an escort for an agency called Intimate Companions. She was wearing Cherry lip gloss, something I found through a process of elimination. Over the last few years I’ve discovered more about myself than I ever would have at home. I have learned that I can lie very well, that when I know who I am meant to be, who others want me to be, I can be confident and even charming. I have learned that I am not a jealous person, that I am not a vain person, and that there are times when I can be as reckless and adventurous as anyone else. I just need a reason to, a job to complete with routes to success I understand. The name of a one-eyed watchmen’s gun, 12 across. There was a policeman—with two eyes, I might add, but the unfortunate Christian name of Dick—and the answer was the serial number of his gun, converted to letters. That was an odd one, but absolutely invigorating. The crossword had been made with clearly defined geographical boundaries which helped (many of us attended it as a communal event although I largely acted alone), and for a moment I almost thought the policeman was in on the game. Right up until he tried to shoot me. Like I said, the experiences can be invigorating. But the good ones, the really good ones, they can be a struggle to find. You have to be accepted into the right groups, often you’ll be vetted, even tested, but the reward can be worth it. I’ll never forget the day I had a hand-delivered envelope deposited at my doorstep and the anticipation I felt opening it, unknotting the brown twine so delicately tied around the heft. God, some of them even had wax seals. I liked those the most. I found the violet and crimson seals delicious to look at. But they were so, so much more than simple puzzles. A principled affair, 5 down. The headmaster of the local school was having an affair with her sister-in-law, Sarah. It was hard to find that out. It wasn’t exactly public knowledge. Frankly, I had to resort to stalking and it wasn’t a good look, but it was a new experience nonetheless and the few times I nearly got caught were quite exhilarating. But what was truly amazing was that this was at the school just a few blocks from my house! You have to understand, it wasn’t just a template handed out to everyone. I still don’t know how big any of these communities really are but I imagine they’re quite small and involve people from all over the world. It was truly remarkable to think someone had laboured over a tailor-made puzzle just for me. There are quite a few groups I belong to now. Some aren’t even organised online, instead requiring that you ferret them out, sometimes as clues in other puzzles, sometimes as their own elaborate games. But there are always more to be found and in the best circumstances, they find you, choosing you out of all the people in the world to rise to the challenge at hand. The right ones will push you to do things you never thought possible. A baker’s jewels, 7 down. Harriet Baker who died in 2012 at the age of 86 and was buried with an emerald necklace in the local graveyard. I still have it, kept away somewhere in a special drawer along with news clippings of the crime. It even has some of the soil from the grave still muddying its shimmering gems, and admittedly they do still smell a bit. But I bet that I know something most people don’t, and that’s what happens to little old Grandma five years after being sealed up in a box beneath the Earth. Not just the abstract, either. I know the specifics, I know exactly what she looks like, smells like, and even what her cold lumpen flesh feels like. I spent years as a child wondering what happened to the many relatives of mine who passed away, but it was an adult I finally found the answer. People have lived their whole lives looking down on me. Teachers assumed I was slow at learning, my parents mourned that I cared more about organising my wargaming miniatures than I ever did about girls or friends, everyone around me treated me like I was a timid mouse in a world of thundering giants. But I’ve lived a more exciting life than they could ever imagine, and it hasn’t been in spite of who I am. Only someone like me could pursue these clues to such dogged ends and I gladly take the bad with the good. The colour of the tea plates served by the Biellier Historical Society, 9 up. Don’t let the name fool you. The Society is a private organisation for some rather unusual gentlemen who serve tea after their annual conference is finished. Crazy bastards, I can see why they need a drink once they’re finished and I’m not surprised half of them didn’t take a seat during refreshments. I’m just not sure I’ll ever look be able to look a farm animal in the eye again. Oh, and turquoise, by the way. That was the answer. I know things very few people know. That’s a rare privilege and, like I said, it comes with a price. It would be ridiculous to think one might look upon the fraying edges of our world without having to face some uncomfortable sights. And you might think the worst of it is a leather-bound orgy in a dungeon or perversions you can safely find on Wikipedia, but there are other lingering truths buried in the Earth and I am one of the few who have seen them. There is always more to learn, always another word to find, another puzzle to complete. And I have come a long way in my education since I first received that letter on my doorstep years ago. The inheritor of Maeson’s oldest home, 6 down. Albert. Albert was the named inheritor of the first house built and designed by obscure architect Harold Maeson. It was not, as almost everyone first expected, the current owner’s first born son named Alexander, but instead the old man’s male sexual interest Albert who was a rather unwilling 17 year old. Perhaps the old man thought it made up for his actions towards the boy he had kept around as a family friend for years, disguising his abuse as mentorship. Either way it caused a tremendous uproar and poor Albert wasn’t exactly thrilled to have his face all over the papers. No one could have possibly known he would be the inheritor. The will was written up in total secrecy, something I spent considerable resources finding out. Credit where it’s due, the old man put up a fight but his death was the only way I would get my answer. I can’t speak for others, but I found the experience quite a revelation. I felt as if I’d learned profound hidden knowledge, a truth about reality found in the glassy bloodshot eyes of a man violently dying. There’s something in there, you know, something that lies just beneath our own reality. I saw a glimmer of it that night, just like I had so many others before it. It’s quite beautiful, a confusing glittering mess of contradictions and unknowable madness. It is, by definition beyond our ability to every truly know but you can still see facets of it, one bit at a time. It’s beautiful. But… well, it’s not always so painless. The missing piglet counted right to left, 5 up. Eight. That was the answer. I spent all night researching fairy tales and children’s rhymes only to fall asleep at my desk sometime around 2 in the morning. When I awoke I had been moved to the sofa and my left foot was raised on the armrest and bandaged heavily. The whole tingled from anaesthesia and it wouldn’t be until noon before I could walk on it again. Anxiously, I undid the white swaddle of blood-tinged gauze and winced at the sight of my mutilated foot. The middle toe on my left foot had been amputated cleanly, the wound sewn up neatly like a cross-stitched grin. Counting right to left, I noticed it was the eighth toe missing and I have to admit I pumped my fist in the air and rejoiced at having the answer. But the experience caught me off guard, and it might not surprise you to know that I have since looked into slowing down and maybe even taking a short break from this hobby. I’ve had to manage these tendencies in the past and I suppose this one should be no different. But there have been some difficulties. For one thing, they won’t stop sending new puzzles to me and it’s all but impossible for me to ignore them. And for another, the clues are becoming increasingly pointed. A sea of white and flakes of gold to flood a castle of ivory, 6 down. Cereal, right? That’s what I thought, at least until I had the unpleasant surprise of discovering a needle hidden in my cornflakes. That, it turned out, was the correct answer and I was lucky to catch it before it wound up anywhere near my mouth. The thought of that thing sliding down my throat or catching in the roof of my mouth, spearing the gum and cartilage, left me riddled with an ever-growing anxiety. Clubs have pushed things in the past, boundaries take a backseat when it comes to pursuing the absolute limit of knowledge. But it felt like such an odd inclusion for the latest puzzle, one that didn’t necessarily teach me anything. If I had the ability to trace it to a single group I might have a better sense of what it was meant to mean, but then again anonymity was always kind of the point. The currency of a strategic withdrawal, 3 up. I initially thought of the military, but in fact the answer was Yen and it turned out that around £50,000 worth of them had been withdrawn from my account (by myself, somehow) at the bank. God knows how that was possible, but it happened and there’s not a lot I could really do about it. I’ve written to some of the groups but as far as I can tell they’re playing coy. I am sorry, one replied. But our puzzles are sent out as part of a weekly newsletter via e-mail. We’re not sure we’ve ever offered bespoke crosswords but we’d be fascinated to hear more if there’s anyone out there who does. It’d interest quite a few of our members, myself included. I received similar variations to this message from just about every organisation I had listed in my ledger and frankly I found the suggestion ridiculous. I’d always assumed those newsletters were part of a front, making it appear as though the focus was on banal little puzzles about obscure military defeats while secretly directing us to brothels and illegal casinos. It made sense, perhaps, that they would maintain the ruse but an acquaintance I called wasn’t exactly reassuring. “Well of course they’re a front,” he said. “Don’t you get the packages? I’ve had a few seedy adventures with those!” “Oh that’s good!” I laughed while breathing a deep sigh of relief. “I was beginning to think… well, I’m not sure what I was thinking.” “Oh yes the packages are very real,” he replied. “The Spring edition was quite a naughty affair, don’t you think?” “Invigorating,” I smiled. “I didn’t even know where to buy a burlap sa—” “Strawberry!? Can you imagine? The Mrs and I had a delight trying out the different flavours.” “What?” “Oh come now man, no need to be shy. It’s quite normal to use… lubricant,” he whispered it like a dirty secret. “Agnes suggested we try it on toast!” I hung up with his laughter still bellowing down the other line. My Spring edition of our shared club was not anything like his. I told myself that it made sense it wouldn’t, they were meant to be custom made for each participant, but it alarmed me to hear that his activities were so dreadfully banal. Most of the clues in that edition had directed me to the consumption of a range of meats including something I scraped off the side of a suspension bridge. Nothing my friend had said to me rang true. Rightly, I should have stopped there. But… but the thing is… it was never really an option, not then and not now. I’m sure you think it’s a silly compulsion or anxiety but it’s not. I can’t do it. It’s simply not in my nature especially not now I know that God-knows-what could be lurking around the corner. I’ve explained this to myself and others before – I am task focused. I needed to finish the job at hand. PO Box 19777, open it from within, 9 down. I found the box with ease but there was no key nor any means to open it from within. Whatever the rationale was behind the puzzle, I thought at the time that the whole affair was beginning to frustrate me. I didn’t see any significant challenge to tracing the address, aside from finding the key which, it would turn out, was very much part of the clue. In fact, I’m still not entirely sure how they did it. I awoke to a sort of gagging sensation one night, dreaming that I had swallowed a tangle of wet hair. Only the terrible retching sensation wasn’t entirely dreamed up. Tied to my canine was a line of floss that I painfully had to pull up from my stomach. It was unnecessarily long, spooling out of my throat in a bloody tangle for a good few metres while I vomited and cried from the struggle. It took nearly half an hour to inch it out while I choked and retched but eventually I regurgitated the key, collapsing afterwards to the floor to heave and sob as I recovered. There was a teddy bear in the locker and I didn’t find it particularly amusing. And, yes, okay, there was a mild satisfaction to getting the answer, but the rest of me was filled with a deep begrudging. I felt like the punchline to a joke that wasn’t funny. A starry orchid’s window of choice, 7 down. The answer was eyeball, and it turns out the consumption of the flower in question causes bloody secretions from the tear ducts, not to mention renal failure. It wasn’t easy to explain that one away, and I didn’t much appreciate the stay at a hospital. The price for that answer may one day be dialysis, but for now I hope that I may still see myself clear of such things. The doctors couldn’t say for sure what the chances were. At the very least I hoped that I might find some respite while interred in a hospital bed, but if anything it made things worse. I was not prepared to be incapacitated for so long with the knowledge that the puzzle was but one clue from completion. I was itching furiously for the last few days, and my doctors were confounded by the state of my heart and were blind to the other tell-tale signs of anxiety. There would be no rest for me until I had finished the puzzle and I swore to myself, swore blind on my mother’s grave, that it would be the last. If things got much worse, I reminded myself, it might not be me who decides what will be my last puzzle. When I arrived home it was with the kind of relief I never thought possible. I am forever learning more about myself and those first few steps through the front door made it clear to me I was in the thrall of some kind of addiction. No matter what the price was, I told myself over and over again that I would pay it and move on. I would change addresses if I had to or pay someone to physically slap the damn pencil out of my hand if I went to complete another crossword! God knows I have the money. I will climb this final hurdle, I told myself, and see it through. And yet… I don’t know. I half-expect there to be some ghoulish double-entendre hiding in the words but for the life of me I cannot see one. It seems more like a hideous joke - one I don’t really understand. I have a possible word choice and it certainly fits but… It’s been weeks and I can’t bring myself to write it in. This is the final clue! The final step at the end of this increasingly desperate adventure and I can’t figure it out. I’m half-tempted to say that I won’t see another answer because I don’t want to finish it. That might be it, surely? I’m an addict. I’ll admit that all too readily and this wouldn’t be the first time I took things too far. It’s just… The handwriting these clues have been written in, 4 down. I keep expecting some terrible interpretation to come true, to find a severed hand by my door, or to awake missing most of my fingers. It’s a strange thing but I have come to find myself ruminating often on the look in the old man’s eyes. For while I am sure that I saw something terrible and beautiful deep within the popping veins of those suffocating retinas, it had not occurred to me until now that something was looking back. And it’s waiting for me to write in the final answer, though God knows it must be wrong for it simply cannot be possible that the answer is ‘mine’.
The Crosswordleak.com system found 25 answers for betting margin crossword clue. Our system collect crossword clues from most populer crossword, cryptic puzzle, quick/small crossword that found in Daily Mail, Daily Telegraph, Daily Express, Daily Mirror, Herald-Sun, The Courier-Mail and others popular newspaper. This post has the correct answer for Betting, having a crossword clue. The clue last seen in the April 30 2020 at the NZ Herald Crossword. All popular publisher crossword clues are regularly updated on this website. On this page you will find the solution to Gambling game crossword clue crossword clue. This clue was last seen on June 14 2020 on New York Times’s Crossword. If you have any other question or need extra help, please feel free to contact us or use the search box/calendar for any clue. Betting odds NYT Crossword Clue Answers are listed below and every time we find a new solution for this clue we add it on the answers list This crossword clue might have a different answer every time it appears on a new New York Times Crossword Puzzle. If the first possible answer doesn’t solve your … Betting odds Crossword Clue Read More » Please find below all Betting adviser crossword clue answers and solutions for Daily Crossword Puzzle. You have landed on our site then most probably you are looking for the solution of Betting adviser crossword. You’ve come to the right place! Our staff has just finished solving all today’s crossword and the answer for Betting adviser can
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