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On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

A place for parents and caregivers to discuss the sometimes controversial book *On Becoming Baby Wise* by Gary Ezzo & Robert Bucknam

Detroit Cop Kills 7-Yr Old Girl During Botched Raid - Aiyana's father, Charles Jones, told CNN affiliate WDIV, "She was sleeping and they came in the door shooting and throwing flash grenades ... burned my baby up and shot her, killed her."

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The Great UK Porridge scandal.

My girlfriend gave birth to our half yank half crumpet child a little while back, and ever since she’s been really put off eating breakfast. She has finally settled to eat porridge.
Has to be Quaker Oats rolled oats and semi skimmed milk. I didn’t realise how specific it had to be until I bought Tesco’s own rolled oats and gave it to her with Whole milk. Cue a full on hormonal melt down with a bottom lip that was so low it swept the floor. I didn’t make that mistake again, I now stick to the recipe. It makes for a happy, less hormonal less hangry, girlfriend life was good.
TUESDAY insert The Shining sound effects
I was sent to battle the other masked warriors at Tesco to do the shopping.
The queue was moderate The one way system was good. I get to the cereal aisle
Quaker Oats out of stock, be back in stock Friday 1st May.
No real alternatives, own brand, different brands. Luxury brands.
Now viewers, do I?
A) Pick a variety of different brands for her to try, hey we could make it fun, be honest and explain it was out of stock live with the consequences and help her to feel better.
2) Pick any, lay down the law and tell it’s all slop, you aren’t Oliver fuckin Twist, you’re in my world now lady!!
D) Gamble take any box home, switch it into the almost empty exisiting Quaker Oats box and pray to Allah, Buddha, The Baby Jesus she doesn’t notice.
Do I dare lie to the mother of my child, the love of my life , the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with? No I can’t do that. So I did what any red blooded honest male would do.
Option D it is
The plan is set, we’re all good to go then suddenly, disaster.
In my flurried hurried panicky state I forget one thing on yesterday’s shop. Semi.Skimmed.Milk.
We are down to a dribble, not nearly enough for a sufficient bowl of porridge. Luckily I’ve already had two cups of coffee (one sugar with milk) so I’m sharp, quick witted, can think on my feet
I split the whole milk, with water, that’s semi skimmed right? I heat it up, slowly stirring the milk hybrid, adding the budget porridge oats.
Then the creak of the floorboards, my spider sense starts to tingle. The Porridge Monster is readying her arrival.
I lay the Quaker Oats in plain sight, the milk, so to defuse any suspicion. The porridge is thickening, my heart is ready to jump out of my chest, footsteps are coming down the stairs.
This is it boys, the Great porridge scandal of 2020.
Good morning kiss, she sits at the table, I lay the porridge down , she takes one spoonful .....
The sleep crust glistens in the corner of her eyes as she looks up at me, is it suspicion? Is it mystery, is it just fuckin disgusting?
She opens her mouth, and utters the words “ hmmmm I was ready for this, it’s lovely”
I’ve done it. Mission Accomplished, time to pack up boys and go hom.....
Then the bombshell
“Have you got the Tesco receipt from yesterday I need to take some of the baby’s clothes back”
*Random Disclaimer Quaker Oats are in no way affiliated with this post but if they would like to send me a years worth drop me a PM
Edit - Update. She ate the lot. I might have screwed myself when she prefers this version 😂
She kept asking what I was laughing at so I showed her. The thread She laughed then tried to be mad but realised whatever I did was amazing because she loved it so she laughed some more 😁
UPDATE - Just think I should clarify some things. My girlfriend isn’t high maintenance isn’t a brat, she’s the most caring down to earth parent . Since she was pregnant she can’t really eat breakfast it makes her feel sick, the only thing what did was porridge a certain way, but if I couldn’t it wouldn’t be a big deal, the one time she got upset, she probably had 1 hour sleep tired cranky and breakfast made her ill she just had a tough morning, she’s just come through post natal blues.
She’s the most caring selfless and wonderful person in the entire world, my Story was just humour with some creative spin on a story. That’s all. X
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Med School: Why and why not Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health (ASMPH) — an honest review

Hi! I have been sneaking around Reddit and Twitter for a few days now, and most threads that I saw are queries about comparing ASMPH to other med schools and seeing which one is “better”. In my personal and humble opinion, I would like to believe that there is no “best med school”; rather, I’d like to think that there is a “best med school for you”. This means that each medical school does things in very different and distinct ways, and it might be up to you if these distinctions or how they run the school would be preferential to you.
So in light of this, I’d like to share the pros and cons of what it means to be an ASMPH student. Just to be clear: 1) I am an ASMPH graduate and a medical doctor, 2) I think fondly of my time in school, 3) I am not paid to promote ASMPH in any way, and 4) there are some things in the school that I do not like (compared at least to the other posts that I saw which zealously ”defend” the school lol). I will be brutally honest and sincere about my review, so my advance apologies to readers who will find some comments “radical”. I made this thread with my own efforts to dispel (more of KILL) misperceptions hounding my school for a long time: “being babied”, “spoiled”, ”hindi naman magaling sa clinicals”, and etc.
To clarify, I am using my own experiences from my time as a student, and as this thread will age, some of the things written here might not be true anymore the older this gets (hence, future ASMPH students are welcome to contribute their experiences by commenting below!).


Strong helping culture
Traditionally, medical schools emphasize the virtues of “excellence” that got misinterpreted (by some weird reason) into the lines of the Machiavellian principle: “Only the strongest will survive”. Hence, you may hear the usual med school horror stories of “fierce competition”, ”I will fail you all”, and “do it all by yourself”. I am glad that I have not encountered these horrors, because the school has designed a system which cultivates helping each other thrive. There is the mentorship program, in which doctor-mentors help students identify their strengths and weaknesses in their medical training, and work on it. The “Pugad Agila” organization is there to support not just the board takers who are preparing for their board exams, but the students themselves in preparing for major examinations. Believe it or not, people in the school are seemingly ”transformed” to help one another: in my time, all the med students who are PTs (physical therapists) made extra review classes for Anatomy, the nurses bonded together to create mini modules for Physical Exam, the Med techs will teach extra classes of Pathology and Microbiology, and the RPharma will give classes of Pharmacology to students for free. The ones which had rigorous backgrounds of Epidemiology will offer classes to students who are not exposed to the Public Health Sciences concepts. Even the registered (bio)chemists will lecture Biochem and try as best as they can to make the concepts more understandable and student-friendly! The older generations of ASMPH students also generously would “pass on” their lecture transcripts of years’ worth of lectures to the new generations of students who will come in, and no one is spared from this generosity (compared to other med schools which are preferential, let us say, to their frat or sorority members). This culture of helping each other out regardless of anything and everything, I think, is the greatest pro that ASMPH has to offer, and I think that so far, no other med school has emphasized this as their core strength (others would emphasize a “long tradition of excellence”, “reputation”, etc). I strongly think that this culture of helping, togetherness, and unity is what is needed in our health organizations especially in the Philippines, which by far are obviously swamped by partisan politicking, “power-tripping”, and blame-throwing — a culture which MIGHT have origins from the subcultures cultivated in traditional med schools.
I also have to add here that some students who do not perform well/score low in examinations are treated not with rejection (compared I think to other med schools who are more than happy to kick out underperforming students), but with extra support from the admin and the student body. The school recognizes the value of its students and not just based on their performance or grades alone. Review classes held by better-performing students are held for free in light of removal exam weeks for students who needed them. This however does not mean that the school would deliberately lower its standards by making the exams easier for students to pass. However, the school recognizes that there are many factors that determine a student’s ability to perform well in examinations (e.g. mental health, financial issues, others), and it does try to strive in eliminating negative factors that hinder a student from performing well academically.
Rigorous Academic Curriculum in Basic + Clinical Sciences AND Working Feedback Mechanism
I have to say that the curriculum presented by the school is very rigorous in structure and in application, and it is very flexible and adaptive. Each module has been integrated into Systems, which really facilitates relatively easier learning since you can already apply your concepts from Anatomy to Physiology, or Pharmacology to Pathology (because the subjects are grouped together in a systems fashion). Aside from the weekly major exams (more or less), there are other avenues of learning as well like the Student Group Discussions (SGDs), where students are given a case to analyze and discuss, and the (in)famous Team Based Learning (TBLs), in which the students are given multiple extra readings from various CPGs and resources on top of the lectures, then solve a case right in front of the preceptor and take quizzes. Each subject is taught by different professors who are experts in their own fields, and more often than not, no single professor handles more than one lecture per module, which makes examinations more challenging (since no patterns of how questions are asked and what questions are asked can be established), hence making this a very effective ground of ensuring that the curriculum is rigorous in itself. However, others argue that this might disrupt the flow of repeating information in a spaced out fashion (which is necessary for true retention btw), and perhaps lumping related information into one module will deplete opportunities for certain information to be repeated in shorter periods, making it harder to remember in a long-term manner (ex: lumping Biochem altogether in the first part of First year Med will make it harder for the Atenean Board Taker (5th year Med) to recall Biochem concepts because these are not frequently revisited due to the Modular Set-up).
In the Clinical Sciences (Clerkship and Internship), there were some hits and misses in the training at least in my time. But overall, I think that it was great that we were exposed to both the Private and Public Health institutions, because both function differently. In the private setting, we were able to learn ideal management (since our patients do not have financial constraints) and observe topnotch, highly-respected physicians on how they practice their bedside manners and deal with cases involving with very high profile patients. Contrary to popular belief that students are not allowed to handle patients in private hospital settings, we actually do handle a LOT (the school’s partner hospital hosts the LARGEST amount of patients seen nationwide in the ER setting, private hospital-wise) and do it first-hand (especially in the Emergency Room and in the Internal Medicine Wards). In the public hospital setting, we are also first-line in terms of dealing with patients (e.g. history-taking, clinical skills, IV insertions, Foley insertions, ECG interpretation, delivering babies and suturing perineums). On top of these responsibilities and shadowing physicians, we are required to meet with selected faculty and staff and present case discussions on a regular basis in order to reinforce our learning. The beauty of being exposed on both private and public fields, however, is when you are forced to innovate your knowledge from the private setting and adjust it to the public health management, or when you bring your adeptness in your clinical skills acquired from the public health arena to the private health institution. In a way, both health systems benefit from your respective exposures, and you gain a holistic insight on how to deal with patients ranging from the richest of the rich to the poorest of the poor.
Furthermore, we were tasked to assist our residents and consultants to help in accomplishing numerous paperwork properly (tons and tons of them!), the basic framework and the most important cornerstone of hospital practice, for without it (or it being deficient or substandard), the practice of the consultant, the resident, and subsequently the medical student, will be highly endangered (read: medical lawsuits).
The feedback mechanism, despite it being taxing and hassle for most students, is absolutely necessary for the curriculum to be improved. In my batch at least, we were able to kick out (seriously) profs we felt that were not lecturing well enough, which I think is something that other med schools do not have. We also had our share of bad doctor-profs who just read from their lecture slides and (worse) copy some of their slides from online lectures — but the feedback mechanism successfully weeded them out, which (I hope) encourages most of our profs to make sure that their lectures are good (and worth the tuition we paid).
Insanely supportive Faculty
The core faculty of the school, despite being heavily decorated (eg. presidents of their affiliate specialties, numerous recognitions and awards), are very supportive of the student body, and are OPEN to subjective criticism and feedback, which I think is not that present in other med schools (MDs from other med schools are more than welcome to disagree!). I remember this incident wherein our batch decided to write a letter and express our negative sentiments towards a certain module (will not say what because this will provide a clue to which batch I belong to haha), and instead of venting their ire to the students, they proposed a meeting where we can discuss our grievances and suggestions without any fear of any forms of retaliation. Another incident would be when a classmate of mine proposed a change of dress code for graduation wherein students should be allowed to wear whatever they are comfortable with as long as it is decent (i.e. not limiting women’s clothing to dresses), which was supported by the administration. I have not heard of such degree of freedom in any other med school, which is why I laud our faculty for their efforts to be open and inclusive.


No Labor Payment (at all) regardless of Hospital Setting
Whereas other interns earn (albeit minimally but still) allowances or stipends, ASMPH interns do NOT earn anything despite doing labor-intensive work inside the hospital. The partner institutions tend to justify and rationalize this treatment as “deserving“ for trainees (e.g. not just for medical students but for residents and fellows as well, who receive bare minimal salaries in the private setting) because the skills and clinical acumen that will be gained in training is deemed to be “sufficient compensation”, but I beg to differ and disagree. The amount of time and labor spent by medical trainees (regardless of being a medical student or a fellow) inside the hospital SHOULD be reflective on the amount of compensation (or hazard pay) that the hospital administration should give, since it is but fair and just labor. I would argue that hospitals, especially ASMPH’s partner institution, The Medical City (TMC), have the capacity to subsidize its trainees well because a) most of them are tertiary, profitable, top-earning hospitals in the country, b) Medical trainees run the hospital and make it alive, sacrificing more and doing more than the consultants, wherein some (not all, to be fair) usually just claim their slice of the pie, and c) Medical trainees are solely responsible for managing health data of all patients, which should ideally be managed by everyone involved in the set-up. To add salt to these wounds, an intern (medical trainee) from a hospital abroad who does only 8 hour shifts earns at least $170 (est PhP 8,000) PER DAY (source: compared to an ASMPH intern who earns NOTHING in 24 hour shifts, and subsequently compared to an average Philippine Medical Intern who earns PhP 5,000 - 7,000 allowance PER MONTH. Older MDs would dismiss this and might call this as “demanding” and “typical of millenial mentality”; I would call this as it is and would like to request for some form of justice. Most hospital administrators, or I daresay the investors of healthcare system who are mostly businessmen and are non healthcare professionals, are more than willing to opportunistically abuse the willingness of medical trainees (not just doctors, but nurses, midwives, etc.) to improve their training with minimal or no compensation, because this is what is tagged as “most profitable” or “minimal cost” for most companies in a business perspective. Others would argue that ”the time of the young doctors to earn and reap their rewards will come when they become consultants”, but I will ask: what if that time will never come? I think of all the medical trainees who valiantly suffered and died in the battlefield because of COVID-19 — their supposed promised reaping of reward, even hazard pay, never came.
However, I would like to point out that this issue does not concern ASMPH solely, but involves the partner institutions in which it is affiliated. Furthermore, this problem of labor exploitation is not exclusive to ASMPH’s partner institution (although I would argue that we feel it more since we technically receive nothing — MDs from St. Luke’s please help me out), but rampant in hospitals that belong to the Philippine Health Care system in general.
Note: I would have inserted exorbitant tuition fees here, but it would not have contributed that much significantly to the discussion since all non-state sponsored medical schools have more or less the same tuition fees. The only difference is that ASMPH still pays tuition during its Internship year (along with St. Luke’s), partly because of the Professors that still give lectures and examine case presentations, and for the Boards Review (hence the reason why Ateneans have their own exclusive section for the PLE Boards Review Season — which is honestly a big, big Pro)
MBA: Friend or Foe?
Most students from other universities would comment that the MBA component was added in the spirit of “profitability” and learning more refined ways on how to earn more — and was tagged and branded as counterintuitive to the nobility that a medical doctor is supposed to possess (I am looking at you, selected students from UP 🙃). However, I would like to clarify that the MBA was crafted in order for us future physicians to be adept in managing health systems and organizations, which would undeniably involve financial management (eg. how would you manage a hospital’s finances and allot budget to medical equipment?), strategic management (eg. given the COVID-19 situation, how will your outpatient clinic sustain operations in the next 5 months?), and marketing management (eg. given that everyone is scared to go outside their homes, how would you market your hospital to be safe from COVID-19?). In an ideal set-up, these concepts and exercises should guide the med student thoroughly on how to apply all of these in the medical setting.
The main con of the MBA program is that most of its professors (except for maybe two, because both are physicians and MBA holders) and subsequently, their classes, lack exposure in the Medical setting (i.e. Hospital Administration, OPD management, and Public Health Systems Management), and more often than not, most examples that they could provide involve fields other than medicine (eg. banking, economics, construction, advertising). I see this as a con mainly because despite having benefits of seeing how management works on a different lens (hence making you more interdisciplinary in a way), I think that practicing these concepts in the medical field at least in the classroom setting and learning these from someone who is equally adept in both medicine and management would enrich the knowledge and appreciation of how intertwined both of these fields are as a holder of a dual MD-MBA degree, and not a haphazardly constructed, disjointed one. Furthermore, there are concepts in MBA which makes sense in a corporate setting but might be unethical or unacceptable in the realm of Health (eg. sacrificing quality of health care access for patients in order to invest less assets and accumulate more profit). Therefore, it would be up to the student to apply these concepts on his/her own. Thankfully, students may have the opportunity to apply all of these concepts and skills once they make their Final Strategic Management Thesis Paper, because you may opt to select any field you like to study on. In my case, I was lucky to have gotten a hospital as my focus-subject, therefore I managed to learn about Hospital systems and management on top of the MBA concepts that I learned. Hopefully, with new batches of MD-MBAs that are being produced, this con could be changed by the school in due time.
A definite con during my time (which was thankfully changed, thanks to feedback!) was having MBA classes despite being from hospital duty (which meant no sleep but we still had to endure classes) — that was one of the most unproductive classes of my life and I never wanted to go through any of that ever again (I still passed the subject, but I really never gauged if I learned well).
Public Health: Lacking or Sufficient?
This section might be of great concern to those who are looking forward to exploring ASMPH as an arena for expanding their Public Health skills (hello, Health Sci majors!). At this point, I need to disclose that I was a Health Sciences Major myself who had a decent fluency in Public Health (Basic Epidemiology and Global Health) prior to entering ASMPH, and I know some classmates of mine back in college (especially those who took Health and Developmental Studies) who looked forward in going to ASMPH for more advanced public health courses, only to find themselves disappointed as they went through the curriculum. Some of them eventually quit and went on to pursue Masters in Epidemiology or in Global Health elsewhere. Hence, some students in undergrad might hear swirling hearsay that ASMPH ”lacks the Public Health component or aspect”. This is perhaps mainly due to the fact that most of the lessons and discourse on Public Health in ASMPH, at least when I experienced it, were quite on the basic level — a reiteration of the courses we already went through in college as HSc majors. To be fair to the school, these kinds of discourse and topics are not experienced or tackled by people with other Bachelor degrees (eg. BS Psychology, BS Biology, etc.), and hence a repeat of these courses in Med school is deemed necessary to even out the disparity of knowledge among its students. But it would be safe to say that as of this writing (since no announcements have been made yet anyway), ASMPH does NOT offer courses that cater to advanced branches of Public Health such as Advanced Epidemiology (which would involve crazy mathematics such as those being used in monitoring the COVID-19 pandemic), Global Health Surveillance, Global Health Politics, and etc. A query was made about this (hence an open forum), and the reason why this happened is because the school does not have the faculty or the experts to teach the said subjects (so far).
However, this does NOT mean that ASMPH discounts Public Health. The school’s curriculum still satisfies the minimum requirements of what a medical doctor needs to know regarding Public Health (eg. Basic Epidemiology and Statistics, Health Awareness and Communication), and the main thesis paper of ASMPH students during their second and third year has Public Health in its core. The school also established the ASMPH Public Health Council, which is an org that engages Public Health discourse in the school and invites lecturers and key experts to discuss socially relevant Public Health issues. The CEIP program, which is a specialized program designed for medical students interested in managing health in a community setting, was established in hopes of strengthening the Public Health core of the school. However, the need (or should I say, demand) for advanced branches of Public Health subjects still remains, and this is something that the school needs to work on.
So to sum it all up, ASMPH is more or less a good medical school with supportive admin and staff, ”No Atenean Left Behind” culture and conducive learning environment, and a rigorous training program for future medical doctors. Despite its non-compensatory internship and partly context-devoid and disjointed MD-MBA curriculum, its openness for improvement thanks to its working feedback mechanism and its ability to provide a holistic overview of private and public health sectors would definitely give a nice edge to its students and to the future batches of Atenean doctors to come.
With that, A M D G *mic drop\*
P.S. Comments, discussions, and queries are welcome in the Comments Section below. :)
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Essay: Analyzing the Godric’s Hollow Graveyard Scene and Hermione’s Christmas Roses

In honor of a recent poll voting the Godric’s Hollow scene as the thing that makes people ship Harmony the most, I put together some further thoughts on that sequence. This essay will be more of a literary analysis than what I’ve posted here before, pointing to possible hidden meanings and examining potential symbolism, particularly around the wreath of Christmas roses. Much of what I’m going to discuss here is new and—as far as I know—never described before by anyone else in any depth.
A disclaimer at the outset: symbolic analysis in literature is not an exact science. For example, the hippogriff in some mythological interpretations is a symbol of (impossible) love, but the meaning of H/Hr’s ride on Buckbeak has been debated for decades among various shipping camps. I will offer some commentary here on likely connections and possible readings, but I can’t claim all of these were necessarily intended by JKR.
Another thing I will be assuming here is that JKR was conscious of the “charged moment” she was writing for H/Hr in Godric’s Hollow, and that she did feel a romantic “pull” between the characters, as she has admitted in several interviews. After looking at this further, I’m pretty convinced JKR deliberately introduced elements to heighten that connection and perhaps even hinted at a level of intimate desire that thoroughly undermines Harry’s later “like a sister” characterization of the H/Hr relationship. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
Let’s begin with a review of the graveyard scene and some comments on possible symbolism and framing devices.

1. The Charged Moment

Then Hermione’s voice came out of the blackness for the third time, sharp and clear from a few yards away.
“Harry, they’re here… right here.”
And he knew by her tone that it was his mother and father this time: He moved toward her, feeling as if something heavy were pressing on his chest, the same sensation he had had right after Dumbledore had died, a grief that had actually weighed on his heart and lungs.
But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing. And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.
Hermione had taken his hand again and was gripping it tightly. He could not look at her, but returned the pressure, now taking deep, sharp gulps of the night air, trying to steady himself, trying to regain control. He should have brought something to give them, and he had not thought of it, and every plant in the graveyard was leafless and frozen. But Hermione raised her wand, moved it in a circle through the air, and a wreath of Christmas roses blossomed before them. Harry caught it and laid it on his parents’ grave.
As soon as he stood up he wanted to leave: He did not think he could stand another moment there. He put his arm around Hermione’s shoulders, and she put hers around his waist, and they turned in silence and walked away through the snow, past Dumbledore’s mother and sister, back toward the dark church and the out-of-sight kissing gate.
There are so many powerful elements within this passage, and I’ve discussed the context leading up to this in a previous essay about the H/Hr time alone in the tent. This is the first time Harry cries openly in front of anyone in the books, and the first time he reaches out and embraces Hermione in this intimate fashion. Even on a surface level reading, it is the most profound encounter between any two characters in the entire book series. And yet there’s much more to this scene happening in the background. We know JKR’s favorite author is Jane Austen, and, while JKR may not always live up to the Austen standard for writing, she really outdoes herself in crafting the Godric’s Hollow sequence around this moment.

2. Beyond the Kissing Gate

Contrary to what you may read online, there’s nothing inherently romantic about a “kissing gate.” Its name is derived from the fact that the gate swings only enough to “kiss” (i.e., touch) the inside of the enclosure. They’re common in rural areas to keep livestock from passing, in this case to keep them out of the graveyard.
But that doesn’t mean the gate in Godric’s Hollow is insignificant. H/Hr could have simply “entered the graveyard,” and we would assume they made it through whatever fence or gate may have been around. The very fact that JKR includes this detail and the specific name of a “kissing gate” (a somewhat obscure term) hints that there’s a reason for the description. In this case, the reason is obviously tone.
I repeat, there’s nothing romantic about a kissing gate. Yet notably, the gate isn’t even in view at the end of the “charged moment” quoted above. It’s literally “out-of-sight” and still JKR writes it again, because she wanted to put the word “kissing” into a charged romantic moment between two characters. In case we weren’t already clued into the symbolism going on in this passage when H/Hr polyjuice into a married couple before arriving at Godric’s Hollow, in case we didn’t get a hint when H/Hr arrive and stand “hand in hand” looking at the romantic setting of a snowy Christmas Eve with “glimmering” stars and Christmas decorations “twinkling” and “golden streetlights,” JKR beats us over the head with romance with this “out-of-sight kissing gate.”
And what of this gate? Gates are well-known sources of layered meaning in literature, one prominent example occurring in Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park. Given JKR’s admiration of Austen, she’s undoubtedly familiar with one of the most well-known symbolic uses of gates, where Maria Bertram and Henry Crawford confront a locked gate that functions as a (moral) boundary. Rather than waiting for someone who went to get the key, Maria and Henry eventually dodge their way around the fence, despite Fanny Price’s warning that Maria may hurt herself against (phallic) “spikes” and will “tear her gown.”
We know Austen is writing symbolically here, as Maria herself clues us into the world of double entendres in text, asking Henry whether he means something “literally or figuratively.” Maria navigates the gate crossing with Henry, her (hymeneal) gown still “alive and well,” only to go beyond where they had promised Fanny and to disappear around a knoll. Fanny stays behind, not traversing the locked gate, and is later shocked to find that the couple had been “spending their time pleasantly” sitting down under the trees. The act of going beyond the locked gate and out of sight foreshadows the later moral transgressions of Maria and Henry, who end up having an affair and bringing shame to their families.
Like Maria’s explicit entreaty to consider words “literally or figuratively,” so JKR has Hermione invite us into the symbolic elements at play in Godric’s Hollow as she sees a biblical quotation on the Potter headstone and gently assures Harry that it isn’t a “Death Eater idea,” despite its apparent surface-level meaning. She knows it’s an allusion, as so many things around them carry hidden meanings that night. The graveyard scene is obviously quite different from the Mansfield Park one (and this gate is not locked), but I bring up the Austen scene to note the importance of gate imagery in JKR’s influences. When two characters enter a gated area alone, there is likely to be some transformation between them before they depart.
Indeed, the choreography and characterization of some elements of the graveyard scene somewhat parallel the excitement and gambits of a classic tryst sequence. Harry hasn’t even revealed his true aim for coming to Godric’s Hollow—to see his parents—and yet Hermione knows precisely what he wants, spotting the graveyard before he does. Harry’s mixture of anticipation and fear is overcome by her eagerness:
Harry felt a thrill of something that was beyond excitement, more like fear. Now that he was so near, he wondered whether he wanted to see after all. Perhaps Hermione knew how he was feeling, because she reached for his hand and took the lead for the first time, pulling him forward.
And when they pass beyond the kissing gate, once again they encounter a barrage of beautiful imagery (a “blanket of pale blue” snow flecked with dazzling colors from the stained glass in the church) as they create their own paths through the deep snow.
Harry then talks too loudly, and Hermione begs him to be more quiet as they head out into the darkness together. Yes, she’s looking out for their safety, but it adds a degree of secrecy and intimacy to the whole endeavor. She then breaks off by herself, only to call out, and for Harry to seek her with “his heart positively banging in his chest.” He takes off on his own, maintaining “excited trepidation,” only to be called back to her once more. Finally, the lights go off in the church, leaving the two of them in utter darkness alone together, when “Hermione’s voice came out of the blackness for the third time,” and he joins her.
Of course, H/Hr are definitely not going for a flirtatious Victorian gambol in the hedges here, but Harry’s excitement to approach Hermione again and again makes for a notable device to build anticipation. After all, Harry has actually gone beyond the gate into this dark graveyard in search of love—the lost love of his parents. Instead, all he finds is disappointment. First, he encounters Dumbledore’s sister’s grave and is appalled that Dumbledore never told him about anything or even thought to bring him there. Feeling rejected by Dumbledore, he still seeks his parents, only to realize that their decaying bodies can also offer him no comfort.
Yet Harry does find love in the graveyard that night, in the form of his best friend, who takes his hand and grips it tightly, who reads his mind yet again and produces a wreath to lay upon the grave. And Harry reaches out to this girl, and holds her intimately as they walk together through the darkness, the gate so far away that it is no longer in sight, yet its “kissing” still framing the closing of the chapter.
Notably, the next chapter picks up a bit later when they have returned near the entrance of the graveyard, still holding on to each other. If this were a Jane Austen novel, with two characters left alone in the darkness in an intimate embrace out of sight beyond a gate, we know precisely what they would have been doing with all the time during the chapter break. I don’t mean to imply that H/Hr were actually kissing here, only that the staging suggests great intimacy and lapsed time while they retain that intimacy. What may have gone on is left to the reader’s imagination, as Austen would leave it.
JKR in fact adopts this Austen-like hinting several times, as she’s writing a children’s book and can’t actually describe explicit romance. For example, when Harry earlier in DH8 thinks “back to afternoons spent alone with Ginny in lonely parts of the school grounds,” we’re surely meant to understand that more happened than a simple walk around the lake with Ginny or something. Of course, it’s a much taller order to read something into this time gap in the H/Hr moment in the darkness. Frankly, I don’t think they kissed here; but JKR’s framing and word choices are intended to make the reader think that they had the opportunity and at least might want to.
All of this potential meaning, though, is heightened quite a bit by the details of that wreath Hermione conjures for Harry, to which we’ll now turn. I’ll offer five different levels of potential interpretation, each one hinting at even greater intimacy within the H/Hr relationship. Not all of these meanings are likely intended, but all are possible given the context. And we know from a Pottermore article that JKR paid close attention to her choices of flowers and plants (and she elsewhere has discussed doing research in treatises on this topic).

3. Herbological Interpretation

When many readers see the wreath of “Christmas roses,” they probably assume they are just some variety of rose that would look good on a Christmas wreath. And if the flowers symbolize anything, it’s likely just love, as most roses do.
Yet Christmas roses aren’t actually roses, but rather an evergreen known as a hellebore that is botanically related to the buttercup. They bloom in winter and sometimes even in the snow, so they would be an appropriate flower for the setting, a traditional choice that had been cultivated for the holidays in Victorian times. Harry actually encountered the hellebore earlier in OotP12 in Snape’s potions class, where it was an ingredient in the Draught of Peace, meant “to calm anxiety and soothe agitation.”
On the most superficial level, the Christmas roses could be seen as a symbol of calming Harry’s anxiety at the moment, as well as perhaps metaphorically as a peaceful flower to place on a grave. (Snape also notes that the potion can induce an “irreversible sleep” if not brewed correctly.)

4. Legendary Interpretation

But something deeper is going on with these flowers. The Christmas rose gets its name from a medieval legend about a shepherd girl named Madelon, who was present at the Nativity of Jesus but was poor and had no gift to bring to him. She wept in sorrow and, like Harry, in some versions of the tale looked about wishing there was a flower among the frozen landscape to offer to Jesus. Depending on the version of the tale, her tears either miraculously bloomed into Christmas roses as they hit the ground due to her devotion to Jesus, or the angel Gabriel came and struck the frozen ground to grow them in the middle of winter. Either way, Madelon gathers the flowers and presents them as a gift to the baby Jesus.
After independently discovering this legend myself, I happened upon Beatrice Groves’s interpretation of the graveyard scene, which relies heavily on the Madelon story. (Groves is the author of the book Literary Allusion in Harry Potter.) While I agree with Groves that there are certainly parallels, I think she fails to go far enough and doesn’t fully unpack the roles here, merely pointing toward an interpretation of Harry as the weeping Madelon and Hermione as the angel who brings forth the roses.
While that’s possible, it overlooks the pervasive religious imagery surrounding the Godric’s Hollow scene, with its multiple biblical quotations (and Harry’s later vision from Voldemort about the attack on his parents, with its crucifixion-like overtones). These begin to point to Harry as a Christ-like child figure, a savior of the wizarding world who will ultimately come back from the “dead” to fight the final battle. As the focus of this essay is on the H/Hr relationship, I won’t delve into the deep religious symbolism (which JKR has alluded to in interviews). But we should note that it is Hermione—the young non-noble “mudblood” girl, like the lowly shepardess—who brings forth the flowers to offer to Harry, the Christ-like child of the House of Potter in this Christmas Eve “family gathering,” as a symbol of her boundless devotion and connection to him. (The roles are made clear here not only by Harry’s Jesus parallels, but also by the common association of the lily—Harry’s mother’s name—with the Virgin Mary.)
In any case, the Madelon legend is all about deep devotion and how it allows someone to conjure flowers from nothing in the dead of winter. At a minimum, these flowers therefore likely represent Hermione’s profound commitment and dedication to Harry.
But we’re only just getting started….

5. Floriographical Interpretation

We know JKR was rather obsessed with flower names and meanings, as referenced in the Pottermore article linked above. In Victorian times, this was known as the “language of flowers” or floriography. While a gift of a lily represented purity and sweetness, a gift of a petunia signaled resentment and anger. (Get it? Lily vs. Petunia!) Given how JKR apparently looked up other flowers and plants, it’s hard to believe she didn’t happen upon the meaning of the Christmas rose when given from one person to another. And 19th-century floriographical manuals are nearly unanimous in the message of the Christmas rose, which is “relieve my anxiety.” (Yes, that specific phrase.)
But this isn’t about relieving Harry’s anxiety and sadness. The traditional meaning of Christmas roses is roughly akin to a modern “we need to define our relationship” conversation. The sender wants to know whether the recipient returns affection and love. While ultimately these flowers are going on a grave, they are first produced by Hermione as a wreath for Harry.
Consider what has occurred between Harry and Hermione in the past weeks. Ron left, accusing Hermione of “choosing” Harry, and the H/Hr friendship suddenly becomes fraught with tension. Hermione avoids Harry the first day, deliberately dropping his hand, only to walk away from him and cry. She needs to place distance between them, lest Ron’s accusation be seen to be true. And Harry maintains that distance too, wanting to comfort her but unable to, again likely because of Ron’s accusation.
As I discussed in another essay, Harry and Hermione’s hand-holding is a profound symbol of their connection throughout DH. For Hermione to drop Harry’s hand is to demonstrate that something has become deeply broken between them. Although they continue to work well together by day in the tent, some tension remains for weeks until Harry finally approached Hermione with great trepidation to propose this trip to Godric’s Hollow.
While things seem to be going better between them now, it is a rather recent development, and they still have never discussed Ron or their relationship. And although Harry was the one to start the discussion about Godric’s Hollow, Hermione has been the one pushing for everything since then—getting him to train to apparate under the Invisibility Cloak, arranging the polyjuice potion, then taking his hand to lead him forward as they walk through the village. She’s been the one driving their renewed relationship so far.
When Hermione reaches out and grips Harry’s hand in the graveyard, she is again clearly signaling her commitment to their friendship, their bond symbolized through tightly entwined hands that recur again and again in DH. But are they still merely friends? When Hermione has abandoned everyone in her world—including her parents and letting her love interest walk away into the rain—because of her devotion to Harry, she knows she’s revealed all to him. Perhaps Ron’s accusation finally raised the question for her about Harry—”What are we to each other?” Could he possibly love her as dearly as she loves him?
A bunch of Christmas roses then bursts forth from her wand, proffering something Harry needs, a desire she somehow instinctively is able to know and satisfy, but also carrying the encoded Victorian message: “Relieve my anxiety.”
And Harry does. He immediately puts his arm around her shoulder, and she puts her arm around his waist, and they walk together in the darkness as lovers do, their relationship newly defined.
(To be clear, I am not suggesting Hermione or Harry are aware of the message encoded in these flowers, only that JKR likely was, given her interest in treatises on herbology and floriography.)
But wait… there’s more.

6. Hagiographical Interpretation

Christmas roses are traditionally known by another name: the Saint Agnes’s Rose, an association from medieval times and commonly referenced in floral literature. There are several associations for Saint Agnes, but of all the saints, she is the one most commonly affiliated as a patron saint of betrothed couples. The Eve of Saint Agnes (which falls on the 20th of January) in folklore is when girls could supposedly perform a ritual to see their future husband in a dream or vision.
While H/Hr visit Godric’s Hollow on Christmas Eve (not in January), it still seems rather poor news then for Ron/Hermione fans in this scene, when a symbol of Saint Agnes is shared in those flowers. I hope no one has forgotten that Hermione used polyjuice so that H/Hr now appear as a married couple in this scene—is this a vision of Hermione’s future?—and that they are here on Christmas Eve to satisfy Harry’s “dearest wish” to visit his parents. I’ve speculated in my tent arc essay that Harry’s initial approach in the tent to Hermione about this trip—preparing her a satisfying dinner, leaving off the Horcrux so they would both be clear-minded, then approaching her with great care and trepidation while she seems to be oblivious to his advances, until he finally manages to get the question out, after which they’re both happy with excitement and planning—seems to oddly parallel the tension and dynamics of a kind of proposal scene.
Again, I’m not claiming that it was a literal proposal, only that the dialogue is perhaps somewhat staged to resemble one, just as the Godric’s Hollow graveyard sequence is choreographed as two potential lovers first rushing in through a gate with excitement and anxiety, only to separate a few times and then finally rejoin to be together alone in the darkness as Harry ultimately realizes where his true love lies.
Consider the dark place that Harry visits in his mind in the graveyard, contemplating whether he might be better off under the ground with his parents. What pulls him back from this morbid fantasy? Hermione’s hand. The hand that grips him tightly and pulls him again and again through darkness in battle, even apparating him repeatedly in midair to save him. The hand that he will ultimately grab onto repeatedly in the final battle, drawing on her strength, her love, and her devotion for him. And tonight, in Godric’s Hollow, when the tears fall freely for the first time, it is Hermione who brings his mind back from death. It is Hermione who will ultimately pull him away from Voldemort’s mind at Malfoy Manor. It is Hermione who will be the first name on his list of those he loves when he wishes he could see them for one last time before marching to his death.
At Bill and Fleur’s wedding, it is her face he sees, turning around with tears flowing when the vows are said. They may not be literally betrothed, but they might as well be. Hermione may have sealed her fate with his in tears that wedding day, but Harry is now able to break out of his death obsession as his own tears fall in Godric’s Hollow: taking her in his arm, choosing the warmth of his best friend and her beating, loving heart over the coldness of the graves surrounding him. After all the anticipation and longing to finally come to that graveyard, he can’t stand another moment there, only wanting to walk away with Hermione in his embrace.
But the potential connection to Saint Agnes doesn’t just end with marriage symbolism. Agnes suffered a horrific martyrdom: first threatened with rape, then tortured horrifically for her devotion to Christ, and (according to some stories) ultimately killed by being stabbed in the throat. As an oft-quoted passage in Victorian times about the Christmas rose notes:
Even as the Flower of St. Agnes is whiter than other blossoms, so was the purity of St. Agnes fairer than most virgins; as the Flower bloometh in the season of winter, when there are few others, so did the saintly virgin flourish in the winter of adversity, and brave the storms of persecution, with few companions in excellency.
Hermione has always been a formidable partner at Harry’s side, but in DH her powers do indeed blossom in this “winter of adversity,” as her quick thinking and encyclopedic knowledge of magic save Harry again and again. It becomes a thematic element after Godric’s Hollow for Harry to praise her with superlatives. After she apparates them away in mid-air after the encounter with Nagini later that night, even though Harry is upset about his wand, he calls her “incredible” as she smiles at him. After the encounter with Xenophilius, where she comes up with a truly incredible plan on the spur of the moment and Harry places his complete trust in her, he “fervently” tells her that he doesn’t know what he’d do without her as she “beams” in reply.
And then, like Saint Agnes, after Hermione is threatened with rape by Greyback, after she is tortured for her association with Harry at Malfoy Manor, after Bellatrix was ready to kill her by stabbing her in the throat, Harry again is astounded by her ability to come up with a lie in the midst of torture, praising her as “amazing” as again she smiles in reply. Hermione is and will always be his closest companion, the one who saves him, his anchor, someone who can turn his mind from death, someone worth living for….

7. Freudian Interpretation

At this point, some readers may be wondering if we’ve put too much emphasis on this wreath in the graveyard scene, but its symbolic importance is signaled when it appears again in Harry’s dreams on the following night:
Harry’s dreams were confused and disturbing: Nagini wove in and out of them, first through a gigantic, cracked ring, then through a wreath of Christmas roses. He woke repeatedly, panicky, convinced that somebody had called out to him in the distance, imagining that the wind whipping around the tent was footsteps or voices.
Like the repeated reference to the kissing gate, JKR draws our attention back to this wreath. This dream is not a vision of Voldemort’s (as many of Harry’s “dreams” have been in the books), but his own subconscious. While there have been many analyses of Harry’s dreams, few have commented on this one, and no one quite seems to know what to do with the wreath. The two analysts I’ve seen who have mentioned it postulate that it’s merely a symbol of Harry missing out on family holidays (a rather odd reading) or that it was a hint that Nagini in the guise of Bathilda Bagshot may have observed them in the graveyard.
I suppose the latter is possible, but it’s hard then to see what that has to do with the imagery of the ring in the dream. Some have argued that the “gigantic, cracked ring” is emblematic of Marvolo Gaunt’s ring, though it was not the ring itself that was cracked but rather the resurrection stone upon it. And Harry has had dreams of Horcruxes before, but yet again, we are left with no rationale for the wreath. Given that Harry laid it upon his parents’ grave, it’s possible that it’s connected to Harry’s vision of his parents when they were threatened and killed.
But we’ve seen so many different possible symbolic links between the wreath and Hermione that it’s difficult not to associate its appearance in a dream with her, as she was the one who created it. And maybe Harry’s subconscious is again feeling her threatened by Nagini: perhaps the “gigantic, cracked ring” parallels Bathilda Bagshot’s broken body, where the snake emerges from her dead neck only to come after Hermione. The previous night he had repeatedly grabbed onto Hermione desperately to shield her from the snake’s attacks:
Everything was chaos: [The snake] smashed shelves from the wall, and splintered china flew everywhere as Harry jumped over the bed and seized the dark shape he knew to be Hermione
She shrieked with pain as he pulled her back across the bed: The snake reared again, but Harry knew that worse than the snake was coming, was perhaps already at the gate, his head was going to split open with the pain from his scar—
The snake lunged as he took a running leap, dragging Hermione with him; as it struck, Hermione screamed, “Confringo!” and her spell flew around the room, exploding the wardrobe mirror and ricocheting back at them, bouncing from floor to ceiling; Harry felt the heat of it sear the back of his hand. Glass cut his cheek as, pulling Hermione with him, he leapt from bed to broken dressing table and then straight out of the smashed window into nothingness, her scream reverberating through the night as they twisted in midair….
So perhaps Harry’s dream is merely one of concern for Hermione. But there’s one more parallel that Hermione has to Saint Agnes that we haven’t yet remarked on. Aside from her association with betrothed couples, Agnes is also one of the primary patron saints of female virgins. (In the past, of course, betrothed women were assumed to be virgins, so these are related.) The purity of color for her white Christmas rose was also considered to be a symbol of chastity.
With that in mind, it now bears remarking that Harry’s dream is a textbook example of Freudian symbolism. Snakes in dreams are regarded as phallic symbols, but Harry’s dream goes so much further that its most straightforward interpretation is shockingly explicit. In his dream, the snake is weaving “in and out” of first a cracked ring, and then the (intact and unbroken) ring-like wreath of Christmas roses, a wreath associated with Hermione, a wreath composed of flowers symbolizing virginity.
I truly don’t it would be possible for JKR to sneak into a children’s book a more overt Freudian symbol of literal defloration, of an initial sexual encounter. This image bubbles up from Harry’s subconscious only hours after that second “charged moment” JKR identified when Harry closes his eyes as Hermione touches his hair, and on the same day that he gazed so deeply into her eyes that he registers their color for the first time while he looks at her. What then pulls him from that dream is the feeling that someone was calling out from the distance, footsteps that we later find out to have been Ron’s.
Harry and Hermione then agree in the middle of the night to flee from those footsteps. And JKR seems so pleased with her Freudian dream imagery that she runs a little sexual innuendo victory lap in the ensuing passage. Before you accuse me of reading too much into this, recall that JKR is someone who has Ron crack a Uranus joke not just once but twice (GoF13, OotP25) and has recurring gags about Aberforth Dumbledore’s inappropriate relations with goats (GoF24, too many to count in DH). She also learned her trade from reading Jane Austen, whose spikes and gown tearing were remarked on earlier as a sexual symbolism in Mansfield Park and who goes so far in that novel as to joke about sodomy in the British navy, when Mary Crawford declared: “Certainly, my home at my uncle’s brought me acquainted with a circle of admirals. Of Rears and Vices, I saw enough. Now do not be suspecting me of a pun, I entreat.”
What then do we make of the paragraphs immediately after Harry’s dream?
Half an hour later, with the tent packed, Harry wearing the Horcrux, and Hermione clutching the beaded bag, they Disapparated. The usual tightness engulfed them; Harry’s feet parted company with the snowy ground, then slammed hard onto what felt like frozen earth covered with leaves.
“Where are we?” he asked, peering around at a fresh mass of trees as Hermione opened the beaded bag and began tugging out tent poles.
While Harry previously experienced a sense of compression during apparition, there’s nothing typical about the phrasing here. “Tightness” is not a common word for JKR, appearing only once elsewhere in the book series. (I can give statistics, but just trust me that this is an unusual choice for JKR. I compared her word usage to the British National Corpus and Google Ngrams, and while she overuses the adverb “tightly” compared to typical written British English, she elsewhere appears to avoid “tightness,” preferring other words and phrasing.)
And despite the fact that they’ve spent months in the tent, this is the only time anyone handles the tent poles. (They are only referenced once elsewhere in DH14 as even being present as part of the tent.) Certainly this is the only time in canon that we see Hermione handling any poles—tent or otherwise—much less “tugging” on them. It truly should make the reader wonder, “Why now, JKR?” Like the earlier appearance of the repeated “kissing gate” phrase, it begins to strain credibility to believe this is all unintentional coincidence.
And what happens next, when they successfully flee from Ron, the one person who could disrupt the intimacy that has emerged since Godric’s Hollow? After Harry has a textbook Freudian dream about a snake moving “in and out” of a ringed object decorated with flowers that are connected with Hermione and symbolize virginity, and after they spend the night with Hermione “tugging” on poles and having “tightness engulf them,” they seemingly forego their usual watches to simply spend the day inside the tent huddled up in (post-coital?) bliss as Hermione takes care of Harry:
Here too snow lay on the trees all around and it was bitterly cold, but they were at least protected from the wind. They spent most of the day inside the tent, huddled for warmth around the useful bright blue flames that Hermione was so adept at producing, and which could be scooped up and carried around in a jar. Harry felt as though he was recuperating from some brief but severe illness, an impression reinforced by Hermione’s solicitousness. That afternoon fresh flakes drifted down upon them, so that even their sheltered clearing had a fresh dusting of powdery snow.
Note that the “wind” they are now “protected from” was what carried the voices and footsteps Harry wanted to get away from, the symbol of Ron’s return. What one chooses to see in the imagery and symbolism and likely double entendres is up to the individual reader. (For those H/Hr shippers who wish to claim “tent sex is canon,” this is the best I can do, and these references are my gift to you.)
My personal reading is that these are likely deliberate but meant to be part of the tone that hints at something that was imminent (not actual) between H/Hr, something only disrupted when Ron returned. But the snake imagery in the dream was obviously disturbing to Harry, a symbol of Voldemort and evil carrying into this sexualized context. As I argued in a previous essay, the Horcrux vision seen by Ron and Harry then repeats this snakelike imagery around Riddle-Hermione, creating an even more unsettling and distorted version of her that Harry witnesses.
The Horcrux has recently seen into Harry’s heart, so much so that Hermione had to magically cut it away from his chest after the Bagshot encounter. Moreover, the Horcrux knows what Harry feels about Hermione, knows how the powerful love between them is a threat, and again chooses to show Harry a sinister sexualized image of Hermione becoming snakelike, the temptation of lust now associated again with evil.
And Harry recoils, the “like a sister” excuse dropping from his lips as he soothes Ron, the subconscious murmurings and cravings for physical closeness to Hermione (at least temporarily) reined in.

8. The Purity of Heroic Love

At this point, I’m sure many readers of this essay are asking, “How much of this is really there? And if JKR really wanted to convey this much about H/Hr, why not just tell us outright that Harry’s feelings about Hermione were changing?”
To the first question, as I mentioned at the outset, literary symbolism is difficult to evaluate. I certainly think it’s unlikely that JKR could have intended all of the meanings for the Christmas roses I mentioned. But given their recurrence, there has to be more to those flowers than a mere graveside decoration conjured by Hermione. There are too many obvious symbolic elements like the kissing gate and the polyjuiced appearance for it all to be mere coincidence.
My main reason for arguing that at least a significant portion of this symbolism was intentional is partly because JKR seemed to really want to talk about this passage, again and again in interviews. Barely a year had passed after DH came out before she brought up the “charged moments” in an interview, stating “it could have gone that way” with H/Hr, knowing the stir it would cause. It’s almost as if she wanted readers to be drawn back to these passages, to read them again and see something they missed. And then in the Emma Watson interview, where JKR claimed she wanted to talk about Hermione as a character with Watson, she instead questioned the relationship with Ron and then steered the conversation immediately to H/Hr moments.
As to why she chose to bury all of this in symbolism rather than simply tell us that Harry is in danger of falling (or already is) in love with Hermione, JKR has spoken elsewhere of her instinct that a true love triangle would overburden the narrative. The Harry Potter books at heart are not romances. They are epic mystery and adventure stories surrounding a Trio of characters.
Any further digression into a love triangle would have drawn focus away from the War and likely destroyed the Trio irrevocably. If Ron found out, he would never be able to be feel secure around them again or in his relationship with Hermione. And if they didn’t tell Ron, readers would be left focusing on the fact that Harry carried feelings for his best friend yet hid them from his other best friend. That’s not what we expect of the heroic characters JKR is setting up in Harry and Hermione. We’d be left wondering about infidelity when Harry reached out for Hermione’s hand later, rather than seeing their bond as a symbol of strength.
Harry and Hermione are the epitome of a love that is so pure and deep that it can drive out Voldemort, with a devotion that knows no bounds. Harry is so worried about Hermione in the encounter with Nagini that he spends all the time protecting her, rather than fighting or defending himself. Later, Hermione submitted to torture rather than reveal anything about Harry. They have the hearts of heroes: two characters who always instinctively reach for each other. As much as I wish for H/Hr to be together, I personally would not want a canonical love triangle unless H/Hr would be endgame, as it would undermine the nobility of their connection within the greater narrative. That’s just my opinion, but I assume it went into the calculus of JKR’s decision to write in Austen-like symbolism and hints rather than expressing overt feelings in Harry’s internal monologue or even having a true romance between them. I am of course deeply saddened that she stuck with the canon pairings, but after looking into this further, I’m ever more convinced that she did feel strongly about the H/Hr connection and wanted to find a way to showcase it, most powerfully in the greatest passage from the entire series in Godric’s Hollow.
submitted by HopefulHarmonian to HPharmony [link] [comments]

Tales from Eiriel

I very recently found this sub. I have never known another person with a taste for DPH. I have never been able to talk about my experiences or relate to others in this space. I want to tell my story, such as it is. I'm probably going to jump around a lot. I'm already coasting on tonight's entertainment. Also...this an excessively long post. Im partly venting for my own sake.
tl;dr: I have a LOT of experience with DPH and, as a public service of sorts, would like to offer my knowledge to anyone who may need it.
Disclaimers: Clearly, I can only speak from my own personal experiences. I am also not a medical professional of any sort. Your experiences may be radically different. If it feels like my intention is to lecture, it isn't. I'm not trying to climb onto some soapbox to try to tell anyone not to do what they are doing. I'm not that hypocritical. I'm also not looking for a pity party or trying to humble-brag. I promise only brutal honesty and candidness. Ours are not sugar-coated pills.
Let's also throw in some content warnings for mentions of familial neglect, childhood trauma, and medical abuse, since that shits all the rage these days.
I ask, in return, that anyone who reads this refrain from telling me how stupid/juvenile/pointless this habit is. Believe me, there is already enough shame wrapped around my use of this particular substance. In my eyes, it's right up there next to abusing duster or huffing glue. I'm a grown-ass lady! What the fuuuuck am I doing, right?? I could easily just take up drinking. Or use any other number of more useful, mind-expanding substances that wont turn me into a dumpster fire. And I do. But I eventually come back, full circle, to DPH and the shadow people who raised me to be the brave little psychonaut I am today.
My hope is that my story may help less experienced users be as informed and as safe as possible. I wholeheartedly believe in harm reduction practices. At best, I hope to offer my knowledge as a resource; One that I never personally had. If you push boundaries with this drug, there WILL be lasting consequences.
Be me: 36-year-old single mother and a full-time undergraduate student. I study human evolution, behavioral ecology, and primate cognition. From the ages of 14 to 20 I used DPH almost daily. Recently, after 16 years and several lengthy side missions with other chemicals, I have reunited with my eldest fling (drug fling that is). This led me here to DPH and for the first time, I'm not a lone weirdo. Youz are my people, for the most part
I can't really tell you how I found or started using DPH. My mother suffered from a pretty severe mental illness and I am an only child. There was stress. Lots of it. On good days, I was neglected. On bad days I was raged at and belittled for existing. My home life was pretty abusive. I was also bullied consistently throughout school. I was a super geek, noticeably smarter than my peers, and emotionally volatile. I've always been maladjusted and eccentric. Being as isolated as I was in my abuse, it makes sense, in retrospect, that I turned to the medicine cabinet rather than smoking weed or drinking as escapism like a "normal" teenager would have. I didn't have many friends in school; I had no friends outside school. I had no access to other recreational drugs. I was severely emotionally traumatized and had little to no impulse control. I was also a pawn to the medical industry so pill-popping came very naturally.
When I was in my mid-teens, my mother doctor shopped me into a diagnosis for a highly medicated mental illness which I now know I don't have. The older I got, the angrier I became. I started defending myself against her constant belittlement. It was explosive and unbearable for everyone. She wanted me chemically controlled and used my supposedly defective brain to gaslight me into believing I would be forever dependent on her. Our relationship was highly detrimental to me, and I am still dealing with the fallout from never having been allowed to develop my own sense of self. I haven't spoken to either of my parents in three years. They continue to stalk and threaten me and my chosen family to this day.
I was coached from a young age to be hypercritical of my thoughts, feelings, and the effects of the rainbow of psych medications I was on. I was groomed to keep reporting that the meds were ineffectual so that my doses were raised at most of my med check appointment. And honestly the meds weren't working because I was being treated for the wrong issues. At one point I was spending upwards of 5 hours a week in various counseling sessions. My mother repeatedly replaced my therapists when they caught on and started questioning her about our home life. I was a minor and could do nothing to stop her. These factors greatly contributed to my fixation on altered states of consciousness.
It also left me with the belief that my mind was irreconcilably different and incompatible with the outside world. Doing piles of drugs seemed reasonable if I was already a lost cause. I was good at managing my body like a chemistry set.
My DPH habit started with Tylenol pm. I jumped straight into the deep end of the pool. In my sophomore year of high school, I was eating a bottle every couple of days. At 24 caps a bottle, 25mg each; I'd estimate on average I was taking around 300-400 mg of diphenhydramine at a time. I was dosed all day at school and most nights as well. I was a disgustingly good student so I flew right under everyone's radar. What could possibly be wrong with a straight-A student? And besides, she's already in therapy. Clearly, she's being managed, right?
Obviously, that much acetaminophen is god awful for your body so I eventually switched to dramamine. It was far easier to steal, had double the DPH content, and the original formula had fewer active ingredients.
I coasted like this through the end of high school and graduated at 17. When I got to college, shit got real. At that point, I was averaging just under 2 full bottles if dram a day. I was stealing them from the grocery store where I worked part-time. 2 bottles at 12 tabs a pop, 50mg a tab; I estimate I was consistently doing at least a gram a day. As much as 1.2 grams on the regular. On top of my recreational chemistry experiments, I was also on fairly high doses of risperidone, zyprexa, and ambien.
I have always staggered my dosing. I was methodical. I built a set of ritualistic habits to deal with the significant memory loss I was experiencing. My first dose of the day would be about 200mg, followed by 200 more as soon as I started coming up. This helped prevent me from shocking my system and straight up dry heaving for hours while the drugs bum-rushed my neural pathways. Through the day, I'd stack 200 more every two hours or so. I ALWAYS wore a watch. I kept obsessive track of my dosing. I'd regularly keep a running account if my dosing schedule on my arm. (Foreshadowing: this system failed in the end)
At night, I would take a slightly higher dose and spent most of my time aimlessly drifting in and out the ether, living in a disassociated fantasy world. I believed I was making connections to another realm. I openly believed that I had psychic abilities which allowed me to contact energetic entities, explore other levels if existence, and perceive and manipulate other peoples energetic states. I believed I was possessed. I'm still not entirely convinced these things aren't true. The shit I've experienced is close to irrefutable in my eyes. Or my actions caused brain damage. Prolly that.
The first 3 years, while I was in high school, I was still surprisingly functional. I had horrible sleep issues and super vivid and disturbing dreams, though very few "bad trips" in waking life. I had persistent visual and auditory hallucinations.
Around the time I graduated high school I was living in Eiriel almost full time. I existed on the margin between two dimensions. As my life at home was growing steadily worse, so did my habit and the impacts of using. As my use progressed, I would regularly lose control of my dosing schedule when I was real fucked up and often took more than intended. I regularly found myself passed out on random bathroom floors around campus. I have no idea how I managed to hide what was going on. I was like a walking mad-lib. I was eating the shit like candy. DPH became a food group.
I know what you might be thinking by now: How did she sustain over a gram a day for more than a year without fucking herself up hard? Is she full if shit? And I have no reasonable answer for that, aside to say that my lasting injuries are, for the most part, psychological. Frankly, I'm shocked I'm not a drooling imbecile.
First I lost the ability to read. My eyes were unable to focus and I was no longer able to interpret symbols. I couldn't identify letters. I couldn't interpret street signs. I totalled my car. I eventually completly lost the ability to drive. I had significant issues with my coursework at school. My disassociation grew into full blown derealization and at times I would fail to recognize every day objects such as the toaster or my own shoes. I also struggled with depersonalization. I became convinced that I no longer inhabited my own body. I was trapped in the astral plane. My body was merely a golum. A stand in. A puppet. A toy to play with and abuse.
I experienced SIGNIFICANT aphasia. I lost all ability to communicate. I could understand speech and could think in clear, full sentences but lost all semblance of thought when I tried to speak. I was only able to get out one or two words at a time before my speech processor shorted out. I couldn't write coherently.
This is the point where I became seriously concerned. My mental state had deteriorated to the point where I was living in a dissociated dream world 24 hours a day. I had no meaningful relationships or interactions outside of my own mind.
At some point during this time, my psychiatrist found out about my habit. I assume I let it slip to my therapist while I was high in a session and subsequently she shared that information with my shrink. He pulled a "tough love scare tactic move" and told my parents that he would no longer see me as a patient if I did not go into a drug rehab program. He happened to be affiliated with a local rehab facility so I was put into an intensive outpatient program fairly quickly.
(On an interesting side note, years later he lost his medical license after a pharmacist reported him for potential drug trafficking and refused to fill his scripts. That's how much he over medicated his patients...)
So I got shoved off to rehab. To be clear, I dropped clean at my intake appointment, and all my weekly drops after. I didn't even smoke cannabis at this point. I didn't drink. When I told them I abused diphenhydramine they didn't even know what it was. My presence there was highly resented by both the other patients and the staff. I was taking up space that could have gone to someone in a more urgent situation like a homeless pregnant crackhead or any other number of people with Real drug habits. As far as they could see, I was a privileged little white girl who was being punished my parents in an extravagant way.
I was declared Recovered® and let go from the program fairly quickly. Year's later, when I was opiate dependant and banging an 1/8th of crack every day, I would laugh hysterically at the irony of having been to rehab before I even took the training wheels off my addiction.
The same year, when I was 17 I made 2 suicide attempts, was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for several weeks, and was kicked out of my house after I was discharged. After that I was taking significantly lower doses due to lack of access, but I was still using daily. It was still not unusual for me to take as much as a gram several times a week. I went off all my psych meds and withdrew from treatment.
I was taking enough days off that I could hold a coherent conversation from time to time. My vision was still significantly damaged. I couldn't read or focus my eyes and I experienced visual distortions and auditory hallucinations even when I wasn't high.
When I finally stopped altogether, the damage I had done was pretty apparent. My speech issues resolved first, thankfully. I regained the ability to focus my eyes within a few months but was not able to really comprehend any text of significant length for several years. I had crazy emotional breakdowns and great difficulty interacting with people. I had issues swallowing without choking on my own spit, which persist to this day. It's a difficult sensation to describe. It's as if my muscles are not coordinating with each other. It feels sorta like half of a hiccup, of that makes any sense.The auditory hallucinations and visual distortions never completely went away, though eventually they lessoned to the point where I was, for the most part, able to tune the noise out. It became my new normal.
I spent my 20s cultivating, nurturing, and subsequently killing an IV drug habit. I settled into my recovery like a good little stoner, landed a great job, met a man, and had a baby. Moved across the country. Managed a kickass music store. I cut all ties with my abusers. Things were looking up. Turns out I wasn't totally broken after all. Sure, I was fucked up from my abusive upbringing, but I thought it wasn't anything a little Buddhism and some radical acceptance couldn't fix. 8 years went by. Last year I quit my job and returned to university full time.
Cue the 2020 Shitshow®. I was dumped late last year and abruptly became a single mom. Then came COVID. I've been isolated in my house with all my demons since early March. In my boredom and distress, it made sense to resume my chemical experimentation. So I'm right back at it like Icarus flying straight into the sun, getting raped by shadow kin all night.
As far as lasting effects, I mentioned most of them already. I still struggle SIGNIFICANTLY with dissociation and derealization. I have had several psychotic episodes over the years. I have long bouts of major depression. I struggle with executive dysfunction and self-care. I chain smoke. I have severe insomnia. At times I'm still trapped in the delerium. My sex life is essentially a game of roulette; I have a tendency to disassociate and slip into into a feral state. I've been known to attack my partners.
I don't know for certain if these things are the result of my substance use or childhood trauma and emotional neglect. Likely it's both. Now that I have read many other people's experiences on this sub, I suspect that DPH is, at the very least a significant contributing factor.
If you read this far, thank you for bearing witness with me. I've never told this story in its entirety. It feels so immature and shameful to "party" like a 14-year-old.
Feel free to ask me anything you're curious about in regards to long-term use, high dosages, or after-effects. Again, I can only speak to my personal experiences so don't take my word for shit. YOU and only you are responsible for your own use and safety. Don't trust strangers on the internet kiddos. /end
submitted by puddlenymph to DPH [link] [comments]

I am 23 years old, make $61,000, live in Philadelphia, PA and work as an IT Analyst.

Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: $2789,91, I put in 5% of every paycheck and have no employer match until I hit my 1 year anniversary in a month.
Savings account balance: $11,905 across three accounts.
Checking account balance: As of today, it’s $2,291, typically it’s between $1,000 and $1,500 but rent is due soon.
Credit card debt: None, I pay off my bill in full every month. I currently have two credit cards, one that is solely mine and one that I share with my partner, B. More on that below.
Student loan debt: ~$85,000 (yikes) for a business degree from a state-affiliated school. About $58,000 are private loans and the rest are federal.
Net worth: According to Mint, around -$64,000. Oy.
Section Two: Income
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,076
Section Three: Expenses
Rent: $750/month for my half
Renters / home insurance: Comes out to ~$8/month, I split this with B and pay in full once a year
Emergency savings contribution: $200/paycheck, my goal is $10,000
“Fun” savings: $100/paycheck, I use this mainly for vacations and holiday/birthday gifts
Insurance: $69.15/paycheck for health, dental, vision, and life insurance
FSA Contribution: $21.74/paycheck
Federal student loan payment: $189.65/month (currently in deferment, but I’m setting this money aside to pay at once when the deferment period is over if I don’t end up needing it)
Private student loan payment: $759.93/month to one servicer and $120 every 3 months to another
Utilities: Varies month to month, but I budget $40/month for my half
Wifi: $20/month for my half
Cellphone: $30/month to my mom
Spotify student: $5.29/month (until my student account expires in December)
Disney+: $35/year for my half
Other subscriptions: B and I let our families use our Disney+ for use of his parents’ Netflix account and my mom’s Amazon prime account
Gym membership: I paid $399 for a year in October (and haven’t been since March :/)
A note: I live with my partner, B, and we split all housing expenses down the middle. We also have a shared credit card where I am the primary account holder and he is an authorized user. This is used for shared expenses (groceries, household items, joint holiday gifts for family) and larger expenses we are making together (mainly trip expenses as we like to travel together). When I use this card throughout the diary, I note my half for a more accurate picture of my spending.
8:30 - Pry my eyes open, roll out of bed, and log on to check my work email. After about a half hour, I finally get up and get ready for the day.
12:00(ish) - Take a break for a few minutes to give my pup his medicine (he got neutered on Friday) and prepare lunch for B and I. I decide to make “fancy” grilled cheeses with fresh mozzarella, roasted peppers, and pesto, and we have them with some watermelon.
3:00 - Get snacky and want something sweet. I have an absolutely insatiable sweet tooth and try not to keep too much junk food in the house because of it, but I eventually scrounge up some chocolate peppermint Ghirardelli squares that I’m pretty sure are from Christmas and have one of those.
6:45 - Start making dinner while B takes the pup out for a walk. Tonight, we have sausage sandwiches with roasted pepper and fried onions, tomato salad, and grilled zucchini. After dinner I have a chocolate cookie and some ice cream. I try to stop eating sugar at night by 8:30 because I don’t sleep very well otherwise, but dessert is non-negotiable in my mind (see above note about insatiable sweet tooth).
9:30 - Order a custom doormat for B whose birthday is next month. Admittedly, this seems like a weird gift, but we’ve been joking about getting a specific doormat since we moved in together a year ago and, after my searches have been coming up totally empty, I’ve finally decided to take matters into my own hands. Eventually, I stop scrolling long enough to get ready for bed and fall asleep around 1 am. $40.54
Total - $40.54
8:30 - Wake up and check my email to see that my custom doormat order has been cancelled due to copyrighted images (it had a screenshot from a movie so I’m not shocked, but disappointed nonetheless). After about 15 minutes of scrolling through Reddit, I roll out of bed, log into work, and check my work email. Nothing too pressing this morning, so I take a few minutes to get ready for the day and make some tea. +$40.54
11:15 - I jinxed myself by saying there wasn’t anything too pressing this morning and now I’m putting out about 5 fires at once. After my first meeting, I stress eat peanut butter from the jar and look for a new doormat option to take my mind off work for a few minutes.
12:30 - Give the pup his medicine and make a pb&j for lunch before hopping on to another meeting.
4:45 -Trying to power through the last thing I need to get done today but finding myself getting very distracted and snacky. I make myself a weird version of a grilled cheese using a leftover hot dog bun and shredded Mexican cheese. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
6:35 - Finally log off of work for the evening and immediately start making dinner. Tonight we’re having pasta with fried chickpeas and broccoli, and eat while watching a few episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
9:00 - I take the pup for a walk before I give him his night time treat of a (very VERY tiny) spoonful of vanilla ice cream and pain medicine. He proceeds to demand bark for more ice cream, and I fear I’ve created a monster. Thankfully, he only has a few days left with this medicine and we can go back to our usual midnight snack of peanut butter and a CBD treat. Afterwards, I shower and get ready for bed before watching YouTube videos for a bit and falling asleep around midnight.
Total - +$40.54
12:15 - I’ve been in meetings/training pretty much since I woke up this morning, so when I finally come up for air around lunchtime, I make a pb&j and give the pup his medicine. I dive back into work at about 12:30.
3:00 - I have a half hour between two meetings this afternoon and decide to make tea. I usually make a cup every morning when I start work, but this morning was a bit hectic and I’m really feeling the 3pm slump. I also place an order on Amazon for a birthday gift for B, a baby shower gift for my cousin, and some cleaning supplies. I try not to order from Amazon often, but I haven’t been able to find most of this stuff elsewhere in recent weeks. $116.27
5:15 - Take the pup out for a long walk before he, B, and I head to Home Depot (pup has SERIOUS separation anxiety, as we got him right before the q and he’s pretty much never known life without both of us at his beck and call every second of the day). We have some things to return from pre-q and need to get some more potting materials for some plants B bought me for my birthday. We get store credit ($60.85) for the items we returned, so our total out of pocket for four pots, a large bag of soil, and two more plants (I have no self control), our total is only $12.96. We also stop at the grocery store on the way home so I can get a can of beans to use for our dinner tonight, rolled oats to use for dessert, and potato sticks for snack time. Total there came to $7.97. My half for everything is $10.47.
7:15 - I make stuffed peppers and Mexican street corn for dinner, as well as a strawberry crumble for dessert. Work this week has been pretty hectic, and when I’m stressed, I bake. While I do that, B repots the plants we just bought and pup happily chews on a stick he found on the ground.
10:30 - Take pup out for one last potty break of the evening. When we get back, I shower and try to coax the beast to sleep. He eventually settles, so I put him in his crate and fall asleep around 1 am.
Total - $126.74
8:15 - Wake up, check my email, and get dressed. I call into my first meeting for the day while brushing my teeth and making a cup of tea.
12:15 - While in training, B brings me lunch consisting of a pb&j, potato sticks, and some watermelon. What a gem.
2:00 - Get out of my class for the day and I have about an hour until my next meeting. I catch up on some emails and things I’ve been putting off.
5:00 - Get done my last meeting of the day to find an email in my inbox with updates on an issue I’ve been working on for about a week now. It looks like it’ll be a (relatively) simple fix in the end and I’m THRILLED about it. I have some more potato sticks as a celebratory treat before sending notes off to the team that will have to make the fix.
6:30 - After logging off work, I decide to go grocery shopping tonight because we are totally out of TP and I don’t want to go all the way to the store for one thing. I quickly make a list and head out. While there, I get bacon, pasta, frozen veg, fresh fruit, eggs, bread, cheese, and heavy whipping cream. I also grab TP from Target on my way back. My half comes to $32.37.
7:15 - When I get back, I see B has made perogies for dinner. We eat and watch a few episodes of Avatar.
9:30 - I take the pup out for a walk while B showers. After our walk, I talk to our neighbors for a few minutes before heading inside to shower and get ready for bed. I fall asleep around midnight.
Total - $32.37
8:30 - No meetings this morning until my class starts at 9, so I sleep in a bit. I’m very lucky that my work hours are pretty flexible, I don’t have a super strict time that I have to be online in the morning, unless I have an early meeting. I finally crawl out of bed at 8:45 to brush my teeth and get dressed before class starts.
12:30 - B brings me lunch again just in time for a break in training. B’s dad invited us over for a cookout tomorrow so we figure out what our game plan will be. I’m a bit disappointed because I wanted to go to a protest tomorrow, but we haven’t seen his dad since January and Father’s Day is this weekend so I understand. I make a donation to Black Lives Matter to make up for it. $11
2:00 - Class is over and I reward myself for making it through with a little break. I watch YouTube videos for about a half hour before getting back to work on what I missed while in class.
5:00 - I log off work and head to a nearby park to meet B, pup, and a few friends for a socially distant hang out at a park nearby. We chat for about 45 mins until our friends’ dog decides it’s time to go and we all go our separate ways.
6:30 - I make leftover stuffed peppers and Mexican street corn for dinner and B and I eat while watching more Avatar. After dinner, I decide to make a kind of mousse for dessert with a pudding mix we have and the heavy whipping cream I got at the store yesterday. It turns out surprisingly well, and we have it with some cut up strawberries.
9:15 - I FaceTime with some of my friends. They were my roommates in college and I miss seeing them all the time. Weirdly, I think the q has brought us closer; we now FaceTime about once a week, whereas post-college but pre-q we only hung out once a month or so. That said, I’m VERY excited to see them in person for 4th of July in a few weeks. We hang up at about 1:30, which is pretty early for us, and I do my skincare and crawl into bed.
Total - $11
9:30 - Begrudgingly get out of bed and shower. I was super restless last night and didn’t end up falling asleep until well after 3.
10:30 - We head to B’s dad’s house, about two hours away. On the way, we stop at a grocery store to pick up ice cream and a card ($12) and a liquor store for a gift/more vodka for us ($37.08). $24.54 for my half.
9:45 - Pack up and head home after spending the day at B’s dad’s. The pup was very happy to have a huge yard to run around in and is now exhausted. B and I decide to start bringing him to the dog park more often, he loves running around and other dogs and we don’t have to worry about him mounting another dog anymore.
11:30 - We arrive home, get ready for bed, and the three of us are out by 12:30.
Total - $24.54
10:30 - Wake up and lay in bed for an hour or so. I call my mom to chat and she invites us over for dinner next weekend. I tell her maybe, we’ve been out a lot more than usual this week and she’s immunocompromised so I’m very cautious.
12:30 - Make brunch for B and I and proceed to almost chop my finger off pitting an avocado in the process. Oy.
2:00 - I pack up and head to the grocery store. Pre-q, B or I went to the grocery store almost every day on our way home from work. It’s been quite an adjustment trying to cut down to once (maybe twice) a week. Now that things are opening back up, I feel better about going multiple times a week, though still not every day and obviously being very cautious and wearing a mask and thoroughly sanitizing when I get home. The grocery store is also weirdly empty for a Sunday afternoon, which is fine by me. I get chicken, fruit, frozen veg, ricotta, bread, peanut butter, and perogies. $20.89 for my half.
4:30 - I decide to do some prep work for dinner this week and make gnocchi. Since the q, I’ve gotten very into homemade pasta, and gnocchi is my latest venture into this world. I think it turned out well, but we’ll see when I actually make it.
6:30 - I make chicken cutlets, peas, and corn for dinner. Afterwards, B washes up and I play with the pup.
8:00 - We watch a few episodes of Avatar until I get up to shower and get ready for bed and B takes the pup out. We try to get him to settle and go to sleep, but he has so much energy right now. We eventually get him in his crate, which he is not thrilled about, and fall asleep around 12:30.
Total - $20.89
Food + Drink - $81.79
Fun / Entertainment - $0
Home + Health - $25.31
Clothes + Beauty - $0
Transport - $0
Other - $108.44 (gifts/donations)
Weekly total - $215.54
Reflection: Other than the ~$100 spent on gifts, I feel like this is a pretty typical spend week for me. I would like to incorporate more no-spend days into my life, though. We also went out a lot this week, which, looking back, I don’t feel great about. Luckily, it wasn’t to crowded places for the most part, but still feels really irresponsible going out 5/7 days of the week during a pandemic (not counting taking the pup out, of course). I also realize I forgot to mention that B is unemployed at the moment, so he takes care of the dog a lot during the day. When we were both working from home, we split the responsibility.
submitted by kyeruhh to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

A Guide to MCCC (Story Progression Mod) & Example Settings

A Guide to MCCC (Story Progression Mod) & Example Settings
Hello, fellow Simmers!
EDIT: I have since updated this post with more categories and settings! Anything new is marked with "*NEW*". Enjoy!

I had the idea of doing a detailed breakdown of what the mod MCCC is by Deaderpool, as well as providing my personal in-game settings detailing exactly what each of them does. This stemmed from me originally being completely overwhelmed by the mod when I first got it. All I really wanted was a list of settings to attain story progression in my game that also detailed exactly what each setting did. Now that I've tweaked and adjusted the mod in my game for about six months, I feel confident providing others who were like me a more detailed guide of the mod.
If you are more of a visual learner, there are some videos out there that can help as well! I'm more of a reader myself. A quick search for 'mccc sims 4 guide' brings up a few different video options that might be a better fit for you.
If you are concerned about performance for larger groups of Sims, I've included my computer build at the bottom of this post for reference. Those playing on laptops, I recommend keeping groups of Sims to the game's default.
Onto the MCCC Guide!

MCCC, or MC Command Center, is a mod most people use to create automated story-progression with NPCs or previously played households. It also has the ability to "clean" or remove items such as that pesky eyeball ring from NPCs' outfits. In my example settings, you will find I also use the mod to adjust things like Friendship Decay (the amount of time it takes for a friendly relationship to deplete) and employment percentages for each age group. Overall, it's an incredible mod, and if it's your first time dipping your toes into all it covers, fret not! As you get more comfortable with it, you'll be able to fine-tune your Sims experience to be exactly what you'd always hoped it would be (or pretty dang close).
This mod has A LOT of options. Seriously, tons. You can modify just about every aspect of the game to your liking. As such, this post is really long. If you're primarily interested in story-progression and NPC automation (pregnancies, relationships, marriage, etc.), I recommend skipping to MC Population and working from there.

If you do not have the mod yet, make sure you head over to MCCC's designated website and download it. If you're new to the modding world (your life is about to change forever), this guide is a great place to learn exactly how to download mods.
IMPORTANT: In the Mods folder, do not put .ts4script files deeper than 1 folder. For instance, Mods > MCCC 7.1.0 > mc_career.ts4script is OK. However, Mods > MCCC 7.1.0 > Career Settings > mc_career.ts4scripts is NOT OK. Script files will not work correctly if they are layered beneath too many folders.

Finding MCCC on an In-Game Computer
Once you've successfully downloaded the mod, start up the game, select a household, buy a computer, click on the computer, then click on the "MC Command Center" bubble. This will open up a new window with a bunch of categories.

MCCC Main Menu
Note: These are the settings I have in my game. ALL of these settings are 100% personal preference! Please explore these categories on your own as well, and have fun!
I will go through each overarching category I have modified, and give a brief explanation of what each one covers. If I do not get into detail about one you want to know more about, leave a comment and I'll see what answers I can provide!
Note: If you do not see one of the settings subcategories listed, I've left them as their default setting.

MCCC Settings
MCCC Settings > Relationship Settings: This category focuses on exactly what it says. Here, you can customize various aspects of Sim relationships to your liking.
"Friendship Decay Percentage:" 75
"Breakup Settings > Couple Relationship Change Percent:" 20
"Breakup Settings > Spouse Relationship Change Percent:" 10
"Breakup Settings > Breakup Move-out Sim:" Random Sim
*NEW* MCCC Settings > Notification/Console/Menu Settings: This category focuses on various cheats that people commonly use when playing The Sims 4. If you enjoy using cheats, I highly recommend checking out TwistedMexi’s All Cheats Mod. In this category, you can determine whether or not certain cheats are always enabled.
“Console Command Settings > Enabled Full Edit CAS:” Enabled
Reasoning: I like having the ability to fully edit townies with no restrictions and while still playing in my own household. You can pull up this option by shift+clicking on an NPC Sim.
“Console Command Settings > Testing Cheats:“ Enabled
“Console Command Settings > Debug Commands In Cheats:“ Enabled
Reasoning: This allows you to shift+click on any object and delete it from the game completely. I love this feature because I can get rid of anything in the world that gets in the way or causes problems for my Sims.
“Console Command Settings > Build Buy Settings > Move Objects Enabled, Free Build Enabled, & Ignore Unlocks Enabled:“ Enabled
MCCC Settings > Money Settings: This one is also a pretty obvious one, but it essentially allows you to turn on things like Child Support, auto-pay for bills, adjust the cost of bills, and more. I do not recommend turning on auto-pay bills if you have Discover University as your student Sim will be charge for bills they shouldn't be.
"Pay Child Support:" All
"Inheritance Sim Type:" All
MCCC Settings > Gameplay Settings: This section covers a lot of different things. I leave most of these as default, but their titles and descriptions are pretty informative if you're looking to try out other things! I caution adjusting Maximum Household Size as it can cause problems in CAS and hurt performance depending on your computer build/laptop.
"Adopt Neglected Child:" Enabled
"Use Random Aging:" Disabled
MCCC Settings > Set Age Span Duration: Want your pets to outlive your Sims? Want babies to stay as babies longer? (I question your sanity, if so.) This is the place to make it happen!
"Human > Child:" 11
"Human > Teen:" 9
"Human > Young Adult:" 35
Reasoning: When sending my Sims to university, I felt like it took up a whole life stage. Young adulthood in the real world lasts until about age 35, so I wanted my game to better reflect that taking how long university takes into consideration.
"Human > Adult:" 25
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC CAS > Offspring: Want your baby Sims to better resemble their parents? Want them to look nothing like them at all? Want them to inherit their body type, and not just facial features? Here's your chance!
"Use Parent Physical Attributes:" Enabled
"Percent Values Variance Percent:" 25
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Career
MC Career: This section is neat because it allows teen and child Sims to drop out of school, as well as adjust how difficult it is to get a promotion. If you have Discover University and feel like it's just not quite hard enough, you can adjust that here as well.
"Teen Employment Range:" 40, 60
"Adult Employment Range:" 85, 95
"Teens Quit School:" Enabled
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Cleaner
MC Cleaner: Are you sick and tired of seeing that stupid eyeball ring that the NPCs just can't get enough of? Are you tired of NPCs wearing every single item type regardless of the occasion? Look no further! Here's your solution.
"Item Cleaner > Remove Items:" Enabled
"Clean Item Parts > Hat:" Select All
Reasoning: If you still want NPCs to wear hats, do not do this option. If you only want them to wear hats for certain occasions, deselect those outfit types. My game was plagued by fedoras, so I did the only logical thing: banish all hats.
"Clean Item Parts > Shoes:" Swimwear
"Clean Item Parts > Lipstick, Eyeshadow, Eyeliner, & Blush:" Sleep, Swimwear, Bathing
Reasoning: I personally really hate when Sims wear makeup to bed or when swimming. The above options remove are for removing makeup from certain outfit types.
"Clean Item Parts > Accessories > Gloves, Left Bracelet, Right Bracelet, Left Index Ring, Right Index Ring, Left Third Ring, Right Third Ring, Left Middle Ring, Right Middle Ring, Leggings:" Select All (I allow gloves for Cold Weather, though.)
Reasoning: I honestly was so tired of the use of accessories, similar to the hats I just decided to ban them all. If you would like to take the time to only remove certain types, please feel free to do so. The eyeball ring HAUNTS me.
"Clean Item Sims:" NPC Sims
Reasoning: Any "Played Sims" in my save have had their outfits custom-tailored by mua. It felt counter-intuitive to have them "cleaned" by the mod when they were already personally customized and styled.
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Clubs
MC Clubs: If you have Get Together, you will see this option in the Main Menu. This allows you to automate NPCs joining various clubs, as well as adjust other things such as the maximum amount of members. (Because who wants to be stuck with the same 7 people all the time? Why not 10? Or 20?)
"Monitor Club Members:" Enabled
"Club Member Count:" 25
Reasoning: I recommend not going higher than this. In fact, you may just want to stick with 20. If you clutter a lot with too many Sims, or a group for that matter, you'll see performance drops, as well as errors due to posturing issues (Sims not having enough space to complete an action/animation).
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Population
MC Population: The next several sections are primarily about story-progression and NPC automation. There are SO many settings here that are highly based on your personal preference. I am one of those people who plays with a finger over the "P" key at all times (been this way since The Sims 2). I micro-manage the heck out of my Sims. If hands-free is more your style, you may find yourself wanting to tweak with more of these settings than I do.
"Moving Settings > Homeless Apartment Percent:" 50
"Moving Settings > Move Out Elders:" Move Non-Ancestral Elders
"Allow Stray Move-In:" Enabled
"Moving Settings > Open Houses:" 3
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Dresser
*NEW* MC Dresser: This category focuses primarily on the clothes Sims are to wear during certain situations or events.
“Ages To Run On Age-Up:“ Teen, Young Adult, Adult, Elder
“Makeup Settings > Run Makeup Check:“ Enabled
“Makeup Settings > Makeup Ages:“ Teen, Young Adult, Adult, Elder
Reasoning: You should be allowed to rock drag at any age. Or everyday makeup, for that matter.
“Makeup Settings > Makeup Outfits:“ Everyday, Formal, Party, Career, Situation, Special, Hot Weather, Cold Weather
“Male & Female After Career Outfit:“ Everyday
“Replace Situation Outfits > Romantic Festival Situations, Humor Festival Situations, Spice Festival Situations, City Walkby Situations:“ Everyday
Reasoning: Too many pantsless Sims.
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Occult
*NEW* MC Occult: This category is all about the aliens, vampires, mermaids, and more! Here, you can customize various nuances of each Sim type.
“Aliens > Abduction Settings > Allow NPC Abductions:“ Enabled
Reasoning: My Sim isn’t that special. Let the others be harrassed by the Aliens for once too please.
“Aliens > Abduction Pregnancy Settings > Abduction Pregnancy Percent > Elder Pregnancy Percent:“ 10
Reasoning: They’ve already seen so much in life. They really shouldn’t be subjected to being a… subject.
“Aliens > Abduction Pregnancy Settings > Abduction Pregnancy Genders:“ Female, Male
Reasonings: Why should males be the only ones to have all the fun?
“Aliens > Abduction Pregnancy Settings > Pollinator Gender:“ Female, Male
Reasoning: See above. Also, “Pollinator Gender” had me cackling for a good minute.
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Pregnancy
MC Pregnancy: Alright, get ready for lots of sections. This part gets not only into pregnancy, but NPC marriage as well. You can also specify same-sex marriage percentages, adjust adoption percentages, etc.
"Pregnant Sim Selection > Valid Pregnancy Ages:" Young Adult, Adult
"Pregnant Sim Selection >Days to Run Checks:" Monday
Reasoning: When I did more than one day, my game was practically overrun with NPCs' children. It made for a very lively world, but it was also a bit overwhelming seeing Nancy Landgraab pop out three more babies out of nowhere. More on preventing this to come.
"Pregnant Sim Selection > Play Households:" Disabled
Reasoning: I didn't want only NPCs to get pregananant. I also wanted my previously played households to still have babies, too. If you do not want this, leave the setting on Enabled.
"Pregnant Sim Selection > Pregnancy Percentage > Young Adult Pregnancy Percent:" 10
"Pregnant Sim Selection > Pregnancy Percentage > Adult Pregnancy Percent:" 20
Reasoning: Another attempt to prevent my game from being overrun by NPC children.
"Partner Sim Selection > Valid Partner Ages:" Young Adult, Adult
"Partner Sim Selection > Allow Affairs Percentage:" 5
Reasoning: Because there's no way someone like Thorne Bailey is 100% loyal.
"Partner Sim Selection > Occupancy Preference:" Prefer Home Sims
"Offspring > Maximum Offspring:" 2
Reasoning: Too. Many. NPC. Babies.
"Offspring > Maximum Household Children:" 2
"Offspring > Identical Offspring Chance:" 90
Reasoning: I think identical twins are cool, ok?
"Offspring > Sync Child Surname:" Enabled
"Other Pregnancy > Auto-Marry Percentage:" 66
Reasoning: I had lots of single moms showing up in my game, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I just wanted a world with less absent fathers. I use Sims as an escape from the harshness of reality, alright?! (She says while playing with Life Tragedies.)
"Adoption Settings > Opposite Sex Adoption Percent:" 25
"Adoption Settings > Sam Sex Adoption Percent:" 65
"Adoption Settings > Adoption Ages:" Baby, Toddler
Reasoning: Story-telling reasons in my personal game.
"Marriage Sim Selection > Valid Marriage Ages:" Young Adult, Adult
"Marriage Sim Selection > Days to Run Checks:" Saturday
"Marriage Sim Selection > Bypass Played Households:" Disabled
"Marriage Sim Selection > Marriage Percent > Young Adult Marriage Percent:" 20
"Marriage Sim Selection > Marriage Percent > Adult Marriage Percent:" 45
"Spouse Sim Selection > Valid Spouse Ages:" Young Adult, Adult
"Spouse Sim Selection > Same-Sex Percentage:" 10
Reasoning: I wanted to base this statistic off real-life figures, but could not find them anywhere! If anyone happens to know this, please let me know.
"Spouse Sim Selection > Use Same Age-Group:" Enabled
"Spouse Sim Selection > Occupancy Preference:" Prefer Home Sims
"Other Marriage > Rename Same Gender:" Enabled
"Other Marriage > Rename Opposite Sex:" Use Male Names
YOU DID IT! Only one more category!
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC Tuner
MC Tuner: Seriously need a break after that last one. This one will be a cake walk in comparison. It's a pretty self-explanatory section, but it primarily focuses on specific interactions between your Sims that can happen autonomously. I Enabled/Disabled a few different settings based on my Sims autonomously being brats to other Sims more than I'd prefer.
"Change Interaction Behavior > Friendly Ask If Single:" Enabled
"Change Interaction Behavior > Stop Random Flirting:" Enabled
Reasoning: Tired of Sims being unfaithful because one decided to drink Cupid's Potion.
"Change Interaction Behavior > Allow Multiple BFFs:" Enabled
Reasoning: Because everyone is capable of being the best kind of friend.
"Change Interaction Autonomy > Autonomous Mischief:" Disabled
"Change Interaction Autonomy > Autonomous Mean:" Disabled
--MCCC Main Menu--

MC WooHoo
*NEW* MC WooHoo: This is all about celebrating and having a party! In bed! WooHoo! Hooray! (That’s what 8 year old me thought, anyway.) MC WooHoo is a separate download, so you will not see this in your MCCC Main Menu if you do not have it installed. Here, you can customize exactly what this interaction is for your Sims, as well as determine whether or not there’s a chance for accidental pregnancies. (There’s Birth Control for that, too.)
“WooHoo Actions > No Strings WooHoo:” Enabled
“WooHoo Pregnancy > Risky WooHoo Percent:” 8
Reasoning: This is the percentage chance that there will be an accidental pregnancy for each time a Sim WooHoos.
“WooHoo Pregnancy > Use Fertility in Risky:“ Enabled
“WooHoo Pregnancy > Try For Baby Percent:“ 60
Reasoning: I like adding drama to my Sims’ lives for story-telling. Totally personal preference, like everything else.
“Other Settings > All Moods Birth Control:” Enabled

YOU MADE IT! Seriously, if you managed to make it this far, I commend you. MCCC is a BEAST of a mod, and I didn't even touch on all of it. Take your time exploring it and reading the descriptions for each setting if you're curious about what else you can do! The Sims 4 world is yours to mold and change as you see fit with MCCC.
Now, onto some final tips:
  1. Restart the game after making all these changes.
  2. This is by no means static. Make changes as your Sims' lives change or your preferences change. The real world is always changing, your Sims' world shouldn't be any different!
  3. Utilize the MCCC Discord channel when errors occur. This is typically due to mod conflicts, but can also be caused by EA bugs (example: the posturing error). Please try troubleshooting yourself first before reaching out to the support team as they're constantly receiving help requests!
  4. Make sure to check for updates! This is an active mod.
I hope you found this guide helpful. As stated in the beginning, if you have questions about things I didn't touch on, or questions about my various settings choices, feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer them!
If this receives positive responses, I may do guides on other mods such as:
Life Tragedies
Must-Have Mods for Better Graphics
Useful/Interesting Gameplay Mods

My Build:
i7-8700k CPU
GTX 1080 Ti GPU
32gb DDR4 Ram

Disclaimer: I have no affiliation with MCCC, the devs, or its support team, and I am by no means an expert. I simply think it's a really awesome mod that a lot of people are missing out on due to being overwhelmed.
Source: Simmer since I was 8 years old. I'm looking at you, The Sims 2!

If you have any tips or tricks I missed, please share in the comments!
Edit: Aah! My first award ever!! Thank you so much to whichever sweet Simmer did this, and thank you to everyone else for such kind responses!
I will be doing a Part 2 for this mod which will go a bit more in-depth and include things like Sim Flags. Thanks again! :)
submitted by peachelsea to Sims4 [link] [comments]

90 Day Hustle Challenge - Day 1

Hello Juststarters,
Needless to say, these are tough economic times. A number of factors in my life, some related to Covid-19 and some not (don’t need to get into the details), have conspired to produce a problem: I am basically broke and carrying a lot of credit card debt.
The best part? I have until August 2nd to earn the money to pay it off. That is exactly 90 days from today.
Combined with my living expenses, I have to bring in $9000 over the next 90 days in order to survive. August 2nd is a hard deadline.
$9000 in 90 days is difficult in the best of times. But during a recession...?
Yeah. I know. This is going to be difficult. But this is the situation I’m in, and I’ve got no choice but to try.

Consequences of failure

If I don’t succeed, there will be real-world consequences - most importantly to me is that I will lose my current living situation. I don’t want to lose my home and be forced to move somewhere far away from my community.
Due to the time pressure, I will be going for quick wins here. Nothing that depends on getting through the google sandbox. Nothing that takes a ton of time. I just need to make money ASAP. I’m also not going to rely solely on my aff sites. Anything goes. I’ll sell my mattress and sleep on the floor if I have to.
This is basically a do or die situation...
Exciting right? I figured I’d bring you along for the ride as I attempt what feels like an impossible task. Maybe this will inspire some of you who are going through tough times as well.
I will update this every 10 days, including a final recap after it is over, for a total of 10 posts.
Today, May 6th, is Day 1. This is post #1. Let’s get going.

Starting position

My first thought when I found myself in this situation was: get another job.
My second thought was: we’re in a recession, dummy, there are no jobs.
That may or may not be true, so I will certainly be applying for jobs throughout this challenge. My current goal is to send out at least 1 job application per day. If I commit to one job app per day, I’ll probably end up doing several apps, that’s just the way my brain works.

Freelance writing:
I do have a freelance writing gig that can potentially bring in $150 per week on a good week.
I am definitely looking for more freelance writing gigs, so if you are looking for a native English writer with a proven background in writing articles for the web, please DM me.

  1. Site #1 was on track to be making around $1400 per month before Amazon cut their rates. I expect it to bring in no more than $500 per month going forward, but who knows. I have not tested out other affiliate networks, and I have not put ads on the site, so those are solid ways to potentially boost income right away. Worst comes to worst, I might have to sell this site, although it’s my baby and I don’t want to let it go, so that’s the last resort.
  2. Site #2 is basically a test site for a niche that I was considering entering last year. It has about 50,000 words spread across 13 posts and is mostly informational content in the form of a super in-depth 10-part how-to guide. I basically let the articles sit and marinate in google juices last year to see how it would rank with the intention of building it out at some point when I got around to it, and it ranked fairly well. Only one of the articles is monetized with a few aff links, and it brings in a few bucks every month, but it has a ton of potential. I could sell it, we'll see.
  3. Site #3 is dormant. I don’t think it’s worth trying to revive at the moment, but someone with more time could probably turn it into a good earner. I might prep this site for sale and flip it.

Other assets:
As I mentioned above, I’m willing to do what it takes to succeed. If that means selling everything I own, so be it.
I live fairly frugally, but I do have around $1000 worth of assets that I could sell on craigslist immediately (TV, guitar, InstaPot, space heater, etc.). I might start selling these assets in June depending on how the next 30 days go.
I already sold my car, and that money is gone.
I don’t want to sell my family heirlooms, but if I have to I will.
Also, a quick word about government assistance: I am not going to plan on receiving anything. It’s not just that I don’t have much faith in the government right now (Dear IRS, I paid my taxes, now where’s my check??). It’s also that I don’t want to grow complacent waiting around for money that might not show up in time to help me. If the gov ever does get around to sending me a stimulus check, great. If not, I still need to complete the challenge successfully.

The Plan

Right now my plan is to focus on three things:
Please reach out to me if you are looking for a writer.
I will also try to reduce my debt load by refinancing my credit cards and I will look into any sorts of temporary assistance for living expenses or rent forgiveness - anything that could reduce the $9000 by any amount will be helpful.
The bottom line is this: I need to earn an average of $100 per day in order to bring in $9000 in 90 days. That’s including today. By the end of today, if nothing changes in the next few hours, I will have earned around $68, so I’m already behind.
That’s it. See you all again in 10 days.
submitted by okletsdothisthang to juststart [link] [comments]

Went down the rabbit hole of official Chinese news sources today: situation is still dire in Wuhan right now (also Baoji, Xianxi and Zhengzhou, Henan suspiciously so). - LONG post

After a deleted post on an Apple Daily (4th in Public Evaluation on Media Credibility out of 33 paid/free papers and online media in HK) article abt whistleblowing Wuhan docs from makeshift hospitals - corroborated by RTHK (phone interviews), (warm to China in pandemic) Thailand Medical News and Radio Free Asia (and banned from Coronavirus for 3 days) ('cause 1/3 videos mentioned I embedded another link to was tweeted by sb I didn't know is in Falun Gong (easier for others w/ Eng subtitles),
I decided to spend a day digging through articles by PRC-run/owned media (all archived below) to see if it checks out.
Please read my validated prediction posted on Mar 6 first:
Mar 6 I worry seeing people heading out again, and fewer are wearing masks the last few days. Many flights from Shenzhen and Guangzhou to Beijing, Shanghai, Nanking, Hangzhou from 17:15 today were canceled due "public safety" concerns regarding the epidemic, confirmed by China Southern Airlines. Yet those departing from SH, HZ, and Chungking remained unaffected.
Shenzhen Airport posted an obligatory denial, but my Spidey sense says a 2nd wave just swept across two largest urban centers in S. China next to HK, which just resumed prod. Hoping for the best in 2 weeks since just <20,000 people cross into HK every day and most try their best to get around the bullshit self-quarantine.
14-day Quarantine for Arrivals from mainland China 65,943 Compulsory Quarantine Orders / 390 + Warning Ltrs (Mar 19)
Change in HK Case # Mar 18: +15.0% / Mar 20: +23.0% / Mar 22: +15.7% / Mar 23: +12.3% / Mar 25: HK needs lockdown measures by weekend: expert
May 27: China says BioEasy test kits'd have been >80% sensitive if Spain/Czechia used the right way * Mar 25: 80% error rate in 150K test kits sold to Czechs
Mar 26: Indian journo tweeted abt pressure to peddle Chinese gov't propaganda, fearing for their lives/careers. Another by WION#Current_team) Exec Editor, after hosting only int'l news prime-time Gravitas: Wuhan Coronavirus: China's propaganda franchisees
Mar 24: Misleads public crediting TCM for >90% recovery among 74,187 used nationally - adv. over W. med; "3 herbal meds + 3 decoctions"
Mar 23: 3,276 deaths/81,649 confirmed; asymptomatic cases not reported until onset since Feb 7 - DW * Fake health certs sold on Taobao to help board int'l flights
Mar 23: No hospital'd take one of Wuhan makeshift hospital patients "discharged" and now relapsed - RTHK * Feb 23: Contradiction abt 0 new cases 'tween Wuhan MHC and CCTV News
Mar 23: Article on Hubei state-run media journo whistleblowing on WeChat deleted
Mar 23: JPCM's Notice to Suspend Departure of Medical Asst. Teams from Wubei
Mar 22: EXCLUSIVE: ~1000 Chinese students in N. Ame WeChat grp broadbast transit flights info in Taipei: We must blame it on Taiwan for any outbreak - SET News
Chengdu 3/20 imported case: 55 F; FL resident from Jintang, Chengdu, Xichuan
JAX - (3/15) DL1664 - JFK - (3/15) DL870 - SFO - (3/16) CI3 - TPE - (3/17) CI551 - CTU
China HK Taiwan
Students abroad ~662,100 36,000 + 5,000 71,221
Imported (Mar 13 -) 554 252+10 (close contacts) 215
Mar 20: Xinhua News Agency tweeted "senators knew enough to dump stocks" #Trumpandemic after Dr. Yuen retracted column on the pandemic's Wuhan origin under social media and gov't pressure.* Tencent IEG CTO Milo Yip, posting retracted column for discussion, was wrestled into deleting Twitter by online mob
Mar 21: China VP and tycoon Ren Zhiqiang gone missing - RFI
Mar 21: Pre-print paper corr. China's cases to 700,000+ as of Mar 13 using Korea as benchmark Mar 17: Leaked pages from official Feb death list \* Mar 15-21: Wuhan traffic 30% less than avg
Mar 20: China Rewrites History of Silenced Dr. Li Wenliang - VICE (legit investigative journo)
Feb 28: Quarantined Wuhan Spiderwoman Climbs 8/F Down - Live Leak after 1, 2, 3, 4
More news updates here.

Here is what I read abt Wuhan (follow my thought process to connect the dots):
Sorry only translated the Nanguo article, but Google Translation is legible enough to gauge if everything adds up. Baidu (Chi Google/Wiki) links swapped for Wikipedia links (Eng if available).
  1. I first saw a tweet abt 3-4 extra phases of makeshift hospitals being built in Jinzhou, Liaoning, then another abt bodies kept being carried around in Erzhou, the city east of Wuhan
  2. But since it is a vid by New Tang Dynasty TV, founded by Falun Gong folks, it is likely half-truth (they did break news of SARS in China 3 weeks before Beijing owned up), and we don't know Erzhou resident Mr. Liu, so I searched for the first news article shown at 1:07
  3. It's on 104 members of the 4th batch of Guangxi Medical Asst Team (served in a makeshift hospital in Zhuankou, SE Wuhan) returning to the city by Nanguo Morning Post (under state-run Guangxi Daily) on Mar 14. "Signed up for a new battle" 4 days after the last mission, when there were supposedly few new cases. The warlike tone throughout doesn't sound like a wind-down in Wuhan.
  4. But why an article on Sohu abt the same news story with more details curiously deleted from the First Affiliated Hospital of Guangxi Medical University Hospital News? Them solemnly signing up after a team meeting, shown in this article, adds to the gravity to the situation, so who else can't leave/have to join Wuhan?
  5. Looked for more on the West Campus of Wuhan Union Hospital (an anti-pandemic State Key Hospitals where this team was sent). Turned out at least three more teams are reassigned after mere 24 hours of R&R (hardly enough after weeks of lost sleep), when Wuhan should be well on its way to resume full prod, accord. to Qianjiang Evening News (only provincial evening paper in Zhejiang) published online by The Paper on Mar 19.
  6. It says in the wee hours of Mar 17, 140 and 170 members of two Zhejiang (2nd-hardest hit province) Medical Asst Teams from Zhejiang University School of Medicine affiliated hospitals rec'd re-enlistment texts to report to the West Campus, followed by 142 on the third team from Sir Run Run Shaw Hospital dispatched to Wuhan Pulmonary Hospital ICU (Ward 1 alone has 11 patients, 6 on ECMO, 3 on CRRT).
  7. Read this report by Changjiang Daily (under Wuhan Municipal Committee; largest newspaper in central China) on Mar 15 closely, the Cancer Center of Wuhan Union Hospital (where the first two Zhejiang teams served) transferred COVID-19 patients to its West Campus on Mar 13-15. On Mar 14, 300 of the 3rd batch of Anhui Medical Asst Team joined West Campus ICU after a 5-day break.
  8. Wait...Wuhan Pulmonary Hospital is not one of the 7 (actually 13 since one is a grp of 7 in the same district) State Key Hospitals left receiving mild cases (see Pt 6).
  9. 850 beds, 126 patients in 1st batch admitted on Feb 13; 1,022 recovered over 32 days till Mar 15. So how many dead, how many transferred? Only 12 from Cancer Center to 9/F ICU West Wing in West Campus among all those moved on Mar 13-15 are acc'ted for. Then on Mar 15 3 pm, the Cancer Center celebrated discharge of the last 7 COVID-19 patients and another 15 to be transferred to Wuhan Pulmonary Hospital and the West Campus, so it can reopen 500 wards to cancer patients.
  10. Now a tweet by Radio Free Asia (NGO funded by US gov't indt. agency U.S. Agency for Global Media) today shows >30 patients lining up outside of Fever Clinic of Wuhan Union Hospital on Mar 18, who a nearby resident said many tested COVID-19 +ve.
  11. They shouldn't be waiting outside if they're patients transferred/discharged from makeshift hospitals. And not when it's been a while fever cases last queued up at different facilities. National TV coverage doesn't go against NHC started blaming the Hunan AC Milan fan and overseas Chinese (students) flying back, ordering everyone crossing provincial lines to self-financed tests and 14-day isolation camps.
1,200 beds and 700+ staffs at West Campus, 715 recalled to assist; plus at least 30+ patients flocked to the Fever Clinic since Mar 18; but China still says it's all fine and dandy, poised to teach 14 Dutch hospitals its ways, as shown by CGTN (by state-owned CCTV).
More on Baoji, Shaanxi :
  1. A search for news on Mar 12 (when the Guangxi team applied for assignment) abt the Joint Prevention and Control Mechanism led me to an article on their visit to the Baoji Central Hospital and the opening of its isolation wards
  2. But then on Mar 16, Science and Technology Daily (run by Ministry of Sci & Tech) reported 0 new cases in Shaanxi since Feb 21 and the last COVID-19 patient at Baoji Central Hospital was discharged back on Mar 4...
  3. What about top news on Mar 12 in Baoji, Shaanxi? China Business Network (under state-run Radio and TV Station of Shanghai) reported that Biaoji Municipal General Office issued then retracted at 7pm 15 housing and construction policies, inc. Article 12: all banks have to lower down payment as much as possible, and max. of Housing Provident Fund Loans are raised from 400K RMB to 500K RMB
  4. So I checked the topic of the Mar 13 press briefing by the Joint Prevention and Control Mechanism of the State Council: domestic infection control to retain foreign trade and investment...hmm
  5. Then People's Daily (official newspaper of CCCPC) picked it up and reported on Mar 17 that all visitors entering/residents returning to Shaanxi are subj to DNA tests,14-day concentration camp quarantine, and all expenses incurred.
  6. Public now complain to official media on Weibo abt being forced into isolation camp (4,200-7,000 RMB/14 days), even just from Wenzhou to Taizhou within Zhejiang. Someone did skip it after media friends' pressure at PKX back from Malaysia though.
Last but not least, Zhengzhou, Henan:
  1. Home of "Zhengzhou Poison King" Guo Waipeng, who possibly infected 40,000 around the world on 6 flights, 1 trip on High Speed Rail and 1 on reg. train. According to Orient Today: Guo flew from PEK - (Mar 1) EY889 - AUH (Mar 2) EY81 - MXP for the postponed Juventus' Coppa Italia semi vs. his fav AC Milan (Mar 4) - (Mar 6) EY88 - AUH - (Mar 7 0850 arrival) EY888 - PEK - complete mov't till he was caught lying after a fever and a +ve test (abt travel history, when confronted, abt not knowing Italy is infected from news before trip) and sent to hospital on Mar 10.
  2. But how could a dispatched labor in the law enforcement branch of Zhengzhou Transport Bureau afford a lavish 7-day trip of 24,000+ km? China Times (Taiwan) Chief Contributing Writer Huang Chuang-shia suggested Guo couldn't have been let out for a roundtrip in disease-ridden Europe when there were <10 new cases in China unless on a covert mission.
  3. News with inciting title widely covered (~251,000 Google News search results in Chinese as of Mar 19).
  4. Then China News Agency (2nd-largest state-owned press agency) framed it as a standalone case of impairing public health (culpable negligence) ruining national infection control effort (0 new cases for 12 days in Henan), for which Henan HQ Office for NCP Prevention and Control issued an emergency directive on Mar 12. Henan Provincial Public Security Dept reported 6,757 cases investigated and handled so far.
  5. On Mar 17, Xinhua News Agency (largest state-owned press agency) further drove the national narrative: NHC changes strategies to fend off imported cases among swarms of returning overseas Chinese (students). Main pts inc: protect Wubei (Wuhan) and ensure safety of Beijing, strengthen border health and quarantine efforts, adopt all measures to prevent/control COVID-19 in prod resumption, gradually resume normal medical services, and collab more with int'l org (WHO, EU, etc. - exc. the US) for breakthroughs in clinical research.
  6. A video by state-run Lhasa TV (Tibet) posted Mar 16 evening went viral: "You weren't here to build your home and motherland, but the quickest to spread the virus and enjoy benefits. We, China, do not support you giant babies."
Anchor Zhu Guangquan's censure:
  1. flying back for free med treatment after paying taxes for yrs to the US (apology later from Weibo user for fake post inspired by a similar news story on Mar 14 in Beijing)
  2. lying about travel history to evade quarantine in Henan (Taiwanese group MedPartner's query as to why Guo could afford such lavish trip)
  3. whining to infection control staff abt deprived human rights because a Chinese student returned from Italy should have mineral (not tap) water in hotel room under quarantine
After sifting through much, my conclusion is to warn as many people as I can abt CCP's sophisticated propaganda and the 2nd wave of COVID-19 outbreak. The US (never actually banned them) and others need to ban Chinese flights NOW .
CCP is not completely evil, but repeatedly shows no hesitation to benefit/harm others for its "face" & potential gains, e.g. rips Italy off selling 8M masks at 13.25 RMB (1.72 EUR) apiece because 26.4/31 tons of med supplies from the infamous Red Cross Society of China (governed by PRC's 1993 Red Cross Law) donation were earmarked to overseas Chinese.
China is now lying abt 0 new local case; resuming all prod w/ a task force coordinating 24/7; giving out <45,500 urns in Wuhan for Tomb-sweeping Fest (Apr 4) - AsiaNews
and lifting travel curbs on Hubei (Mar 24), inc. Wuhan (Apr 8),
Healthy residents will be allowed to leave from 12am Tue (Mar 24)
when at night of Mar 19
169 Hubei workers already arrived at Shenzhen North Station on Train G4315, greeted by HR & Social Security Bureau in SZ, where 16,703 workers are rec'd via chartered trains by Mar 18.
Until it's projecting holograms of the dead for news and blame it all on imported cases anyway.
submitted by k_e_luk to China_Flu [link] [comments]

EXTENSIVE summary regarding the disappearance of the DeOrr Kunz missing person case

Five years ago, in July 2015 a two-year-old Idaho boy went missing while on a camping trip. Here is an EXTENSIVE write-up in regards to his disappearance. There is also a TL; DR, a timeline and a run-down of the characters for those who like to skim.
I wanted to do this write up for a few reasons. First, because I couldn’t find a solid timeline for the case online and second, because it seems like most “evidence” in this case is actually catchy headlines and snippets of information taken out of context. It drives me crazy that so many cases can be driven by how loved ones act when a family member goes missing, so I wanted to dive into the case more deeply and share my findings with the world. In reality there is very little hard evidence in this case to point in any one direction.
The characters
DeOrr Kunz Jr.
2 years old. Disappeared on or around July 9th or 10th somewhere in Idaho
Vernal DeOrr Kunz Sr.
DeOrr’s biological father, Jessica Mitchell’s fiancé or boyfriend. Claims he was camping with his son when his son disappeared. Says he trusts Jessica 100%, believes DeOrr was abducted from the campsite. Says he left him with grandpa for 15-20 minutes. In that time, he disappeared. LE and PI Klein believe Vernal is not truthful.
Jessica Mitchell
DeOrr’s biological mother. Claims she was camping with her son when her son disappeared. Says she left him with grandpa for 5 minutes, in that time he disappeared. Says she trusts Vernal and his story. Believes DeOrr wandered away and passed away in the mountains near the campsite. LE, PI Klein, and PI Vilt believe Jessica is not being truthful.
Grandpa Bob Walton
Jessica Mitchell’s grandfather. Bob Walton is old (76), confused, and on oxygen. Jessica and Vernal claim the camping trip was his idea. Bob refuses to speculate on DeOrr’s disappearance… in fact usually laughs when asked about the case. He also claims he doesn’t trust Isaac (wait why did you invite him then, Bob?) and also claims he was never asked to watch DeOrr that weekend. Bob also claims that DeOrr was alive on the trip. He died in 2019.
Isaac Reinwand
Slight developmental disability (possible not confirmed), Grandpa Bob’s former neighbor and fishing buddy. He is the only camper that weekend who law enforcement says hasn’t changed his story. LE has also asked him to not release any additional information to the press. Isaac believes that DeOrr wandered away and passed away some place near the campsite.
Private Investigator Frank Vilt
First PI hired by the family. Retired US Marshall. Does not believe the family is telling the truth. Thinks it is possible the family gave away or sold DeOrr. Resigned from the investigation citing his mistrust of the parents’ stories.
Private Investigator Phillip Klein
Second PI hired by the family, later fired by the family. Has hours’ worth of video interview with the family on YouTube. Believes the family killed DeOrr (intentionally or neglectfully) and is not telling them truth. Klein also makes a variety of accusations against the family to the media and some digging into his background reveals that he does not have the best reputation.
Description of DeOrr
· Sex- Male
· Race White
· Date of Birth 12/30/2012 (now 7)
· Age 2 years old
· Height and Weight 3'0, 28 pounds
· Clothing/Jewelry Description camouflage-print jacket, blue pajama pants, green and black checkered socks, and brown cowboy boots with a lighter brown camouflage print. (These cowboy boots were reportedly 2-3 sizes too big for DeOrr).
· Distinguishing Characteristics Caucasian male. Blond hair, brown eyes. He has a birthmark on the back of his neck.
DeOrr Kunz Jr. was born on December 30th, 2012 to his mother, Jessica Mitchell and his father, her boyfriend, Vernal DeOrr Kunz Sr. Vernal also goes by DeOrr but for clarity, I will be referring to him as Vernal in this write up. Neither Jessica nor Vernal have criminal records. Jessica does however, have two children from a previous marriage that are in the custody of her ex-husband. According to an interview with Jessica on East Idaho News in 2019, this arrangement was voluntary on Jessica’s part and she still saw (and sees) her older children regularly. She clarifies she never gave up her parental rights, nor did she at any time lose custody of the children. Her ex-husband was simply the children’s primary guardian. According to Jessica’s family in their interview with East Idaho News 2019, the custody agreement was made so that the older children could have a more financially stable life. In the media DeOrr’s family often referred (and refer) to DeOrr as “little DeOrr” or “little man.” Bob Walton usually calls him “the kid” or “that kid.”
Idaho Falls and the trip
For the first 6 months of 2015, Jessica had been working as a care taker for her elderly grandfather, Bob Walton. Bob Walton, aged 76, was in poor health and on oxygen at this time (Little Man Lost documentary, episode 2). According to Vernal, the family decided to go on a camping trip on Thursday July 9th, 2015 after Vernal got off of work around 5pm (Newsline Special). Sometime in the evening around 6pm, the family piled into their truck, picked up Grandpa Bob Walton in his SUV which was hauling a trailer, and then picked up Grandpa’s friend and former neighbor, Isaac Reinwand, who Jessica and Vernal had never met (Jessica’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, December 2015). Isaac appears to be aged in his 30s. According to an interview with East Idaho News, Isaac met Bob five years earlier when Bob hired Isaac to do some yard work. Isaac appears to have some developmental disabilities, most apparent slow processing speed. Many people have raised questions about this friendship. We will get more into detail regarding that later.
The group drove in the two vehicles for 116 miles north to Leadore, Idaho. Then they drove an additional 10 miles west to Timber Creek campground. This campground is accessible only by a rocky dirt road and the additional 8-9 miles takes usually 45-60 minutes to navigate to the campground, at night. The family said they pulled into the campground at around “dark” (Isaac’s 2016 interview with East Idaho News). Sunset in Leadore on that day is 9:20pm, so many sources have guessed that the time the family pulled in was at about 9:30pm. (NOTE as the sunset is the only definitive time we have, the time the family left Idaho Falls is based on the time that arrived at the campsite.)
The Drive
Along the way the family claims to have stopped for diesel, stopped at the Silver Dollar restaurant in Leadore (it was closed), and finally stopped at the convenience store to pick up some groceries (Newsline 2016 interview with Jessica). It is important to note that no one outside the family saw DeOrr at any of these places. None of the workers at these stores remember seeing DeOrr (Newsline 2016 interview with Jessica) and no video cameras were available at any of the places the family went to that day (East Idaho News interview with Lemhi Sherriff Lynn Bowerman August, 2015). After stocking up the family made the 8-mile trek to the campground arriving around “dark” and went to bed with Jessica, Vernal, and DeOrr sleeping in Grandpa Walton’s truck, Isaac sleeping in a tent, and grandpa Walton sleeping in the camper. (Isaac’s 2016 interview with East Idaho News).
July 10th- the morning
According to the family, around 10:30am-11am after the family had had breakfast, Jessica started her period and asked Vernal to return to town to pick up some supplies including feminine products and groceries at the convenience store, Stage Stop Junction (Jessica’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, November, 2015). Vernal, Jessica, and presumably little DeOrr left and went to town. According to Vernal, this trip downhill took about 20 minutes. (We will get back to that statement in the “other things” section below) Once in town they stopped at the Stage Stop where Vernal asked the worker if they sold diesel (Newsline Special). When the clerk said no, then they went to the diesel pump two doors down but there was no diesel there, and then finally to Peterson welding to finally get fuel for the truck (Jessica’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, November, 2015). At this point they returned to the convenience store to get snacks and feminine products before heading back to the campground (Little Man Lost documentary episode 4). In one of private investigator’s Klein’s interview with Jessica, she explains that they went to the Stage Stop to get DeOrr Jr. some fries.
In this same interview, Jessica claims that this older man was sitting at the table in the store and was staring incessantly at her son. There is a receipt that confirms that they were at the store and purchased things around this time (East Idaho News interview with Lemhi Sherriff Lynn Bowerman August, 2015). It is also important to note that no one on July 10th in Leadore can remember seeing DeOrr that day (Newsline 2016 interview with Jessica), despite the receipts that prove that Jessica and Vernal made purchases in town that day (East Idaho News interview with Lemhi Sherriff Lynn Bowerman August, 2015). At 12:38pm Jessica sends a text to her mom saying that they are leaving Leadore to return to the campground (Interview with Jessica’s mother Trina Clegg c. 2015). If we assume as Vernal claims that the trip took only 20 minutes in the day time, the family was in the town of Leadore from about 11:00am (at the earliest), or 11:40am (at the latest) to 12:38pm.
Later Jessica worked with the Sherriff’s office to make a composite sketch of the man. More info on that in the “other things” section.
July 10th- After returning to the campsite
Once the family returned to the campsite around 1:00 pm or 1:10 pm, the timeline gets a little shakier…The adults decide to go fishing with Isaac in the creek that is only 50 feet away from the campsite, down a little hill. While you can hear the creek from the campsite, you cannot see it from the area that they were camped in (PI Klein interview with Little Man Lost Documentary). Isaac claims to see DeOrr around this time in between 1:10 pm-1:30 pm at the campsite (Isaac’s 2016 interview with East Idaho News). According to Vernal it was nearing DeOrr’s nap time. At about 1:30 pm, the adults minus grandpa Bob, leave to go fishing and leave DeOrr with his great-grandpa (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News). There are several stories being told at this point so I will try to summarize what happens next.
In some interviews the family says DeOrr should have been napping, it is unclear why no one put DeOrr to bed before the fishing trek (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News). According to Jessica, her Grandpa said that DeOrr was playing in the dirt or playing in with his shoe under a tree. Jessica herself says DeOrr was under the tree eating candy. She also claims that little DeOrr said that he wanted to stay with Grandpa and eat candy, not come with her and Vernal to the creek. (Jessica’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, December 2015).
This is an important point as Bob Walton says he doesn’t remember being asked to watch DeOrr…he clarifies by saying it could have happened and he either forgot, or didn’t hear (Bob Walton interview with Phillip Klein, Dec. 2015). Bob claims DeOrr was alive and playing in the campsite at this time, when his parents were prepping to go fishing (Bob Walton’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, December 2015).
With that Isaac, Vernal, and Jessica leave the area to go fishing in the creek. Jessica says she looked back at the camp to make sure DeOrr wasn’t following them (Newsline interview with private investigator Peter Vilt). Once at the creek, Isaac and the couple spread out over an area of about 150 feet with Isaac being upstream and the couple being farther downstream (Sheriff Bowerman, during a radio interview July, 2015). Somewhere in between 2:00 pm and 2:20 pm the family realizes DeOrr is missing when the parents return to camp and realize DeOrr is not with Grandpa Bob Walton. Bob claims he looked away and when he looked back little DeOrr was gone. He assumed DeOrr had gone to the creek to find his parents (Bob Walton interview with Phillip Klein, Dec. 2015).
Jessica says they were fishing for only 5 minutes; while Vernal says it was 15-20 minutes later when they returned to the camp (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News).
Jessica and Vernal searched the campsite and creek for about 20 minutes before calling 911. At 2:26 pm (or 2:28 according to some sources) Jessica called 911 and was on the phone with dispatch for about 4 minutes. You can listen to the audio here Meanwhile Vernal gets in his truck, drives ½ mile down the road to get cell service and places his own call to 911 at 2:22 pm. On the 911 call Vernal says that DeOrr has been missing “about an hour” (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News). Around this time Isaac returns to the campsite and Grandpa Bob Walton informs him that little DeOrr is missing (Isaac’s 2016 interview with East Idaho News). Search and rescue teams arrive at the campsite around 3:45 or 4:00 pm (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News).
Around this time after searchers had arrived, Jessica claims to see Isaac carrying a muddy shovel. She also claims that the shovel had blond hair on the tip of it, but when Jessica tries to collect the hair, the wind blows it away. This story about the shovel is only mentioned by Jessica once in a more recent interview. It is not a fact or verified in any way shape or form (Jessica’s interview with the PI Phillip Klein, November, 2015).
Soon the small camp was crawling with volunteers who were looking for the boy and law enforcement was already beginning interview all four adults who were camping that weekend. By July 12th over two hundred people were at the campsite searching for DeOrr on foot, horseback, ATV, and helicopter. Later, drones and dogs were brought in to look for the little boy. No trace of him has even been found, not a shoe, a scrap of clothing or any of DeOrr’s things (Newsline Special).
The FBI and local authorities have worked together on this case for the last 5 years. Many interviews have been conducted with both parents, Bob Walton, and Isaac Reinwald. I detail some of the information from those interviews below. In January 2016, the law enforcement, named both of DeOrr’s parents as suspects in their investigation. LE claims that both Jessica and Vernal failed lie detector tests repeatedly and that both of their stories have changed and morphed over time (Interview with former Sherriff Lynn Bowerman with East Idaho News, 2016). Jessica’s story has differed on four or five occasions. Bob Walton’s story has also changed and LE believes he knows more about the disappearance than he is saying, although they concede Bob often seems confused or forgetful (Interview with former Sherriff Lynn Bowerman with East Idaho News, 2016). The only person who law enforcement (both the county Sherriff and the FBI) believes is telling the truth, in part due to his consistent stories over the last five years, is Isaac Reinwand (Interview with former Sherriff Lynn Bowerman with East Idaho News, 2016).
Cadaver and tracking dogs have been brought to the site of the disappearance at different times but the dogs findings have either been dead ends, or have been found to be related to some cremains which had been spread in the area by a local woman ( 2015 article about the case).
The family has also hired two private investigators over the years, both of whom have quit citing inconsistent stories from the family of DeOrr (Little man lost documentary, episode 5). Both men continue to work the case on their own (more info on that below).
Time Line
July 9th
5pm-Vernal gets off work
~6pm- family packs truck and leaves for their camping trip
~6pm-ish family picks up Bob Walton (Jessica’s grandpa) and his friend Isaac
Somewhere between 6pm-8:30pm Vernal stops for diesel (no one sees DeOrr)
Around 8:30pm caravan arrives at Leadore, tries to dine at the restaurant but it’s closed (No one sees DeOrr)
Around 8:30pm family gets snacks at the convenience store instead (no one sees DeOrr)
Around dark (9:30pm approx.) family arrives at the campground and goes to bed.
July 10th
~10:30am-11:00am Jessica asks Vernal to go to the store to pick up feminine products
~ 11:00am-11:40am Vernal, Jessica, and presumably DeOrr arrive in Leadore. (no one sees DeOrr)
~ Arrival time until 12:30 Vernal, Jessica, and presumably DeOrr shop around in Leadore (no one sees DeOrr)
~12:30pm receipt shows Vernal and Jessica purchase things at the convenience store (no one sees DeOrr)
12:38pm Jessica texts her mother to say that they are leaving the store in Leadore
1:00-1:10pm arrival at campsite
(1:30pm DeOrr’s usual nap time)
1:30pm- 2:00pm Jessica, Isaac, and Vernal leave to go fishing at the creek
~2:00pm-2:10pm Vernal and Jessica realize DeOrr is missing
2:22pm Vernal’s 911 call according to private investigator Phillip Klein
2:26pm Jessica’s 911 call according to private investigator Phillip Klein
2:28pm Jessica’s 911 call according to Lemhi County Sherriff’s office
3:45-4:00pm Search and Rescue arrive at the scene
July 10th -12th
Search crews search for DeOrr on foot and with helicopters, dogs, horses, ATVs, and drones
September 15th, 2015
Frank Vilt tells the press he is trying to locate the “creep in the jeep” more information below.
September 25th 2015
Frank Vilt private investigator resigns from the investigation citing the family being less than truthful.
January 25th 2016
Parents named as suspects by Lemhi County Sheriff's office
March 1st 2016
Klein claims Jessica told him “I know where the body is” Lemhi county sheriff’s office does not think this is a credible lead.
July 15th, 2016
DeOrr’s “missing jacket” found at DeOrr’s home. A jacket like the one DeOrr was apparently wearing the day of his disappearance is found in Jessica and Vernal’s apartment.
November 13th, 2017
Phillip Klein private investigator is fired by the Kunz family from the investigation
Interviews ~Weird statement and tidbits from various interviews
In the Klein interview, Bob Walton says two interesting things about Isaac. He claims that Isaac is only his friend because “if you get too old you want someone to be there in case you keel over.” He goes on to say, he doesn’t trust Isaac to stay in his house, not steal his money, or to watch kids. When asked at this point why he’s friends with Isaac, Bob simply laughs.
Bob laughs in response to many questions during his interview and it is a little odd. He also says things like “that’s what I hear” or “I guess so” in response to most questions.
Vernal in the same interview mentioned above says he “trusts Jessica 100%” but also says “that mother****er killed my son” (Talking about Bob Walton). He seems to imply that Bob wasn’t actually watching DeOrr like he should have been.
In their first interview, Jessica and Vernal are together being interviewed by the press. Vernal repeatedly interrupts or cuts Jessica off in a really odd way, like he doesn’t want her to talk.
Vernal also spends most of the interview kissing up to investigators and searchers, praising them for all the hard work they do every day. He spends approximately 7 out 14 minutes in the interview talking about this and the various search techniques he saw in the search helicopter.
At the very end of the first interview Jessica claims that a worker at the Stage Stop told her that on July 10th around 6pm, she saw an unkempt man at the store buying candy for a toddler he was with. The toddler, who was blond just like DeOrr was apparently bawling and crying. This man was driving a black Jeep Rubicon creating the story of “the creep in the Jeep” (Vernal and Jessica’s early interview July 13th, 2015 with East Idaho News). This story has never been verified.
In September 2015, PI Vilt talks about trying to track down this “creep in the Jeep” and making a composite sketch, but nothing ever came of it. This lead was looked into as another family reported a man in a Jeep and matching the above description staring at their toddler son while they were hiking in Swan Valley, Idaho, near Idaho Falls. They reported the incident to the police who connected it to DeOrr’s case ( Vilt resigned from the investigation only a few weeks later.
PI Vilt explains to Newsline in 2016 that he believes it is possible Jessica gave up DeOrr for adoption sometime during the trip, either with or without Vernal’s knowledge. While this seems like a far-fetched idea, Vilt is a retired US Marshal officer and LA county deputy so he does have professional experience in missing persons cases.
In Jessica’s most recent interviews, she paints Isaac as a total creep who was rude to her and the family, making snarky comments about Baby DeOrr, such as “why would you take a baby camping?” (KTVB Special report, 2019). However, in her 2015/2016 interviews she describes Isaac as a quiet guy who never spoke to her or Vernal on the trip. At some point she also brings up the story of Isaac with the shovel and the hair. In one 2019 interview she even claims that Isaac was drinking the whole time and not looking for DeOrr. If this is true, it isn’t information I can find anywhere else (KTVB Special report, 2019).
In Isaac’s interviews with the press he seems sometimes confused and takes a while to answer, but the core parts of his story have stayed the same. Since 2016 Isaac says the authorities (FBI and Bonneville Sheriff's department) have asked him to not release any additional information, although he gives short interviews occasionally. The two things Isaac is adamant about: 1) he doesn’t know where DeOrr is at/ doesn’t know what happened and 2) He is positive that DeOrr was at the campsite on both July 9th and July 10th.
Now this isn’t any hard evidence, but if you watch early interview with all four adults, Isaac Reinwand comes across as the most believable of the group. This has been talked about extensively on Reddit… and it is odd to feel like the person telling the truth is the odd ball friend of grandpa, and not DeOrr’s three family members.
Isaac claims that DeOrr was alive both on the days of the camping trip but when pressed he fails to provide details on what DeOrr was doing. He claims on July 9th he saw DeOrr in the child’s seat and then later saw DeOrr throwing things into the fire. Besides this no detail is given.
Other clarifying things
This campsite is remote. This is not a campsite with bathrooms, showers, trails, hook ups, parking lots, park rangers etc. This is a campsite that does not even have garbage service. It is only open a few months per year weather permitting. The road to the campsite from Leadore, a town of fewer than 100 residents, is 8 miles of dirt and rocks which is only passable in the summer months. There is one portable toilet, and two spigots for potable water which have water in the summer months. There is no parking lot, no ranger or ranger station, no paths or trails, and no amenities. It is practically a few fire pits and picnic tables in the wilderness. No other campers were in the area when the DeOrr and his companions were camping.
According to different websites the drive time between Idaho Falls and Leadore takes in between 1 hour 45 minutes to 2 hours 30 minutes. Then remember there is additional drive time to the campsite, about 1 hour, so total drive time is 2 hours 30 minutes to 3 hours 30 minutes.
According to some local people on online forums like Web-sleuths, the drive from Leadore to Timber Creek Campground can take 20 minutes downhill if you have a good truck with high clearance in the summer months, but can also take as much as an hour when going uphill in the dark, especially if the weather is poor.
Keep in mind this area itself is also very remote. The nearest medical attention seems to be 47 miles away from Leadore (even farther from the campground) in Salmon, Idaho. The entire Lemhi county has population of under 8000.
According to Lemhi county sheriff’s office, the man seen staring at DeOrr was later identified and cleared. So much time had passed between DeOrr going missing this man being located, he was unsure if he saw the family that day, let alone little DeOrr (East Idaho News interview with Steve Penner, Lemhi County Sheriff).
After they were named suspects in their son’s disappearance Jessica and Vernal broke up. He took a job as a truck driver out of state and Jessica married someone new within the year. They have never been charged with their son’s disappearance (Little man lost documentary, episode 4). Jessica’s mom was so shocked by the wedding that she didn’t even attend the ceremony. However, she believes that her daughter is innocent in DeOrr’s disappearance (Newsline Special interview with Trina Clegg, 2019).
Grandpa Bob Walton died of cancer at age 80 in 2019 (East Idaho News obituary, June 2019).
If you watch the Missing 411 documentary on this case it is mentioned that Isaac Reinwald has a criminal past. According to Isaac has one 2006 charge for domestic battery, a misdemeanor. This information is only available at (a NBC affiliate out of Salt Lake City, Utah.) Isaac is not a child molester, convicted sex offender, or felon like some online forums or discussions suggest. Obviously, domestic battery is not okay but I just wanted everyone to know that it’s not like some criminal mastermind was out in the wilderness with DeOrr Jr. that weekend.
Law Enforcement believes that DeOrr was alive for at least part of the camping trip. They believe Isaac’s testimony is credible (East Idaho News’ interview with Sheriff Lynn Bowerman, January 2016). They do not believe DeOrr went missing before the trip ever took place but claim they are looking at all the possibilities (East Idaho News interview with Steve Penner, Lemhi County Sheriff).
According to both Bob and Isaac the camping trip was planned about a week in advance. It was not spontaneous (Isaac’s 2016 interview with East Idaho News).
PI Vilt, PI Klein, and Lemhi Co. Sherriff’s office all agree the most consistent story of the camping trip comes from Isaac Reinwand, Grandpa Bob Walton’s friend (East Idaho News’ interview with Sheriff Lynn Bowerman, January 2016).
They also say that despite this, Isaac lawyered up early in the investigation. Sheriff Bowerman also says that all four adults have given numerous interviews and have taken several polygraphs each. No one has been overly uncooperative (East Idaho News’ interview with Sheriff Lynn Bowerman, January 2016).
The lead investigator on DeOrr’s case, now sheriff Steve Penner, organizes searches for DeOrr every year. He tells Newsline in a 2016 interview that in remote areas of Idaho he has done many searches for people which come up empty handed, only for the bodies to be found several years later in a same small search area. It is easy to get lost in the Idaho wilderness.
In 2016 PI Klein claimed to have found the clothes DeOrr was wearing at the time he went missing. This was a camo print jacket similar to the one DeOrr was described as wearing when he disappeared. He also claimed Jessica told him that she knows where DeOrr is. Jessica disputes this and the Lemhi Co. Sherriff’s office doesn’t take the lead seriously as there is no proof Jessica ever said that. It is not in Klein’s 10-hour long interrogation of Jessica so it’s unclear when she said this to him.
Both parents have revealed that the sheriff’s department has offered them plea deals to reveal the body and testify against the other. Obviously, neither have taken the plea deal (KTVB Special report, 2019).
PI Klein currently has several lawsuits filed against him and his firm for planting false evidence and in general being a fraud. He likes the spotlight, but a tiny bit of digging into his background paints of picture of a scummy guy. The only reason he is used in this write up is the fact that there are 10 hours’ worth of videotaped interviews on YouTube. These interviews have been helpful as they really get into detail with all four people who were at the campground.
PI Vilt on the other hand is a retired LA county Sherif’s deputy and retired US Marshal service fugitive hunter (yes, that was his job). He has helped find 13 missing people in his time as a PI and seems generally credible and professional.
Here are some of questions that I have thought about in this case.
Why would anyone leave for a camping trip late in the evening, only to travel 3 hours and hundreds of miles into the middle of nowhere with a guy you had never met, a grandpa on oxygen, and a toddler?
Why did the family even go on the camping trip? Some sources say the trip was Bob’s idea he wanted to go camping in Leadore as he had camped there as a child. In Vernal’s interview with Klein, Vernal says that the trip was a celebration as Jessica had been able to hold down a job for 6 months (remember her job was taking care of her own grandfather).
Did grandpa even want to go on the trip? Or did they bring him because they had to?
Why not camp someplace closer if grandpa really did want to go camping/fishing, especially since Jessica was on her period and they had a toddler with them?
Why was Isaac invited last minute? (Jessica and Vernal claimed they didn’t know he was coming until grandpa said they needed to stop and pick him up the evening of July 9th)
Why was Grandpa friends with a cognitively disabled guy 40 years his junior?
Why would you leave for a camping trip and forget feminine hygiene products and groceries? And if you did, why did you not stop to get these items before going to the campground to pick these things up? We know they stopped at the Stage Stop on the evening of July 9th.
Why did they suddenly leave the campground in the morning to get diesel? Maybe this was just a code word for pads and tampons but either way it’s weird.
Why does no one in the entirety of the trip remember seeing DeOrr Jr? There are only 80 people in Leadore so it’s not like DeOrr would be one face among hundreds.
Why if it was DeOrr’s nap time like Vernal claimed, would Jessica and Vernal leave the campground to go fishing?
Did they take fishing poles to the creek? Both of them or just one of them? (that fact changes from interview to interview)
Did they eat breakfast? who made it? What did they have? (These answers change from interview to interview)
If they thought Isaac was so weird why did they ask him to show them the fishing holes so they could fish with him?
Why did they fish for only 5 minutes before returning to camp? Did they expect something bad to happen?
Why were they fishing in a very small creek which reportedly has no fish (Little man lost documentary’s interview with PI Klein and Sheriff Penner)?
Why did they leave a 2-year-old with an old man on oxygen in the middle of the wilderness?
Why did they return from the creek? Was it to put DeOrr to bed, to check on DeOrr, to show DeOrr the fish in the creek? (this changes from interview to interview)
How long was DeOrr missing when the 911 calls were made? Was it “an hour” like Jessica claimed at first? Or was it 20 minutes like she claimed later?
Was Isaac brought on the trip as a scapegoat?
Was Isaac brought to watch grandpa so Jessica and Vernal didn’t have to?
Was the camping trip really even Grandpa’s idea? He wasn’t well enough to get around, let alone fish so it’s always seemed odd to me.
Was DeOrr ever alive on July 10th, 2015?
Was DeOrr ever even at the campground at all? If not, what reason does Isaac have to lie? Is Isaac lying? Is Isaac simply confused? Did he see DeOrr once or twice and fill in the blanks? Is Isaac lying because he is scared?
Is grandpa lying? Did grandpa forget to watch DeOrr? Did he fall asleep on the job so to speak?
Did Klein find the missing jacket, or did DeOrr simply have several camouflage jackets?
If Jessica and Vernal are responsible, why have neither of them taken a plea deal?
If DeOrr was alive why did no one see him in Leadore?
Here are all of the theories I have heard of for this case
Accidental/neglectful death at the campsite, lost and died in the wilderness, animal attack, intentional homicide, abduction, given away for adoption (or sold) in Leadore, foul play or accidental/neglectful death before the camping trip, and there are probably plenty more.
Red Herrings (in my opinion)
Jacket- This proves nothing, kids have multiple jackets
Jessica knows where the body is- unverified; LE doesn’t seem to care
Jessica and Vernal acting weird during interviews- Sure they act weird, but how are you supposed to act when your child is missing?
Shovel story- unverified
Isaac’s criminal past- seems unrelated
My conclusions
When I started researching this case, I truly believed the parents killed DeOrr on or before the trip, now I am not so sure. Isaac’s consistent story makes me think that DeOrr was probably at the campsite at some point for Isaac to have those memories. I think he at the least saw DeOrr on July the 9th. I am not so certain that DeOrr was alive or around the campsite after the family returned from the store on July 10th, but of course I can’t know for sure. This is mostly due to the bizarre timeline for the whole trip. I think a neglectful or accidental death (hit him too hard, smothered him on accident, hit him with the truck, didn’t watch him and he drowned) of DeOrr on the morning of July 10th seems to make the most sense for the timeline and the bizarre trip into town. I think the other most likely scenario is that DeOrr wandered off and succumbed to the elements or a predator because no one was watching him closely. What do you think happened to little DeOrr?
Special thanks to:
East Idaho News out of Idaho Falls, Idaho.
KTVB out of Boise, Idaho. article about DeOrr
Little Man lost documentary
Missing 411 documentary
Newsline Special
Klein Investigations' Interviews
Charley Project (for DeOrr’s description)
This Web-sleuths thread
Helpful link for maps and pictures
DeOrr Kunz was a toddler who went missing while on a weird camping in the middle of nowhere, Idaho with his parents, his great grandpa who was on oxygen, and his great grandpa’s friend who was 40 years grandpa’s junior, who the family had also never met. The family’s timeline is bizarre and little DeOrr goes missing and it raises a lot of questions. Where is little DeOrr Kunz?
*edited a sentence in the questions section for clarity
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Kyte BABY baby clothing is made from incredibly soft bamboo material, as breathable as it is cozy. Soft bamboo baby clothing, sleep bags, layette, toddler pajamas, home and bath accessories. Available in a rainbow of colors and modern prints inspired by nature. Dedicated to safety, security, comfort and sustainability Her Baby Sleep Miracle Guide provides parents with a simple and easy-to-apply solution to regulate the sleeping pattern of their children. Baby Sleep Miracle is the only product on the market using proven direct response marketing combined with a state-of-the-art video sales letter written by a top copywriter. Who Created Baby Sleep Miracle? The program is created by Mary-Ann Schuler. She is a child psychologist and a mom. And just like you she experienced what you are experiencing right now, irritable and tired because of sleepless nights which led her to this discovery and has helped over 17,000 parents to finally have a restful sleep that they deserve. Affiliate program for a trusted sleep plan that's helped thousands with baby sleep, toddler sleep, child sleep problems, sleep disorders in children. "Trusted by over 109,000 parents since 2003 " The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman The Sleeping Baby Affiliate Program“Inspiring Dreams One Night at a Time” is the motto behind our Shark Tank famous Zipadee-Zip and Sleeping Baby brand. From the Flying Squirrel PJs to the Snoozie Mat ideal for nap times, we offer various products designed to help aid in every stage of a child’s development. Join us in

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