Ultimate NBA Betting Strategy Guide - Top Tips to Bet on

NBA Streaming rights to YouTube

I've been wondering why the NBA doesn't do this for a while. It seems to me that the league is behind the times with cable as its only viewing method. Every time I wonder about this publicly, I get the answer "they make billions from cable company X, Google can bid for them just like everyone else."
But is the stuck up, "everyone else can bid for my time" mindset a bit too outdated-tradition oriented? I'm open to being wrong, but it seems like the benefits to livestreaming and archiving games on YouTube far outweigh the benefits you get from cable broadcast. I'll lay out a few basic points here, and keep in mind, I'm open to being wrong, so downvote to Oblivion if you feel like it. I just think it's time we got the conversation started since I'm fucking tired of not being able to watch full games if I'm not staring at a TV in one location at a specific three hour chunk of time.
Here we go.
First, I want to address the most common argument against this: more people watch shows on TV than on YouTube. I've seen the numbers behind this, and I don't understand the argument-- YouTube doesn't make good shows. YouTube isn't about making shows at all, really. Why do we care at all? YouTube never made a Game of Thrones. It doesn't want to. Why would it? It makes billions off of the periphery Game of Thrones content that people look up surrounding the show. I believe the NBA is a savvy enough organization to take this approach and run with it. If you don't, it's for reasons you should post in the comments. Seriously, tell me if I'm wrong.
The second argument I hear all the time is "YouTube as opposed to a live game? Yeah right. Not nearly as exciting."
This one makes no sense unless you assume that the person making the argument has no idea that live streams are a thing. YouTube has the capacity to broadcast live, and does it frequently. So I'm disregarding this completely. It is in fact easier to watch something live on YouTube from anywhere, for free mind you, than it is to pay for cable to watch it from a living room. Don't argue it, I don't buy it.
So on to some key points to add to my case.
Like I've said before, accessibility is clutch. I can't count the number of times I've missed a Warriors game on the East coast because I've had to stay late on a shift, or the number of times I've heard people complaining about how late they have to stay up to watch a game on the West Coast. Some people solve this by recording the game but damn, some nights you just fuck up and don't get to see it. If every game was livestreamed and archived on YouTube, not only would I get the benefit of being able to watch part of it on break without paying for an NBA TV subscription, I would be able to watch it in full later on in the comfort of my own home. From a fan perspective, I don't think there is a cogent argument that this is a bad thing for the viewer, in any respect.
Further, if every game's livestream was archived, I could go back and rewatch games like GSW/OKC WCF 7 any time I wanted to, and you best believe me I would be pulling it up frequently when drunk in party situations because I'm a special person. Imagine being able to watch entire MJ Bulls series in their entirety, with the option of having the live reactions from fans watching on YouTube flashing on every time Pippen blocks a shot or MJ throws down a monster dunk. From a fan standpoint, that's exciting. From an NBA standpoint, you want your fans to have that excitement. Still with me? Think it would be cool to watch games wherever, whenever, with generations of people in decades to come able to do the same for the games you're watching and seeing YOUR personal reaction when LeBron stares Giannis down in the finals? Yeah, me too.
There is really no argument against it as a fan. Everyone and their grandpa has a smartphone AT LEAST, and there is nobody on the planet that doesn't know how to access Youtube. This is why the NBA has an app that grants you access to every live game as it is happening, and allows you to rewatch every game in the season(and only the current season in all practicality, something I'm down on). The NBA gets all the profit from this, minus what the device manufacturers make from whatever you're watching on. However, the NBA is limited in reach and thus revenue compared to YouTube, and I'm wanting to explore this. Now let's get to why the NBA should want to expand beyond their current app to reach a broader audience and make more money (in case it isn't already obvious).
The primary concern here is money. I've heard it stated that there is no way the NBA recovers the 20+Billion it makes from cable networks through YouTube ads. Here's why I disagree, VERY hard.
If you are Adam Silver, and not you or me, you have the ability to walk into a room with YouTube execs and negotiate terms. Currently, YouTube makes more money off your views on YouTube than you do. BUT, you and I aren't a global network with mass influence and appeal like the NBA is. You and I can't strike better agreements. The NBA can, and I guarantee you YouTube is looking for a way into the Sports network world. A partnership is mutually beneficial to the web traffic YouTube gets and the reach the NBA gets, and mutually beneficial terms of broadcast that slightly favor the NBA still give YouTube billions in revenue. It can happen.
Here's why the NBA should go for it: reach. YouTube is accessible in almost every country in the world, and is the website with the highest usage rate in the world in almost every one of those countries (only competing with Facebook). If the basketball is the sport YouTube bets the farm on, you can bet the farm that they will drop as many ads in as many different languages as they can to increase their revenue in as many different places as they can. The NBA wants this because it can bring the idea of basketball to literal billions of people that don't get regular exposure to the sport. This A) increases viewer base and B) increases number of people deciding to play basketball, which long term increases number of good players from different countries in the NBA, which in turn increases viewership from different countries in the NBA, WHICH IN TURN INCREASES NBA PROFITS, PERMANENTLY.
If you want stats of YouTube saturation per country, it's just a Google search away my friends. Spoiler: it's much higher than cable networks.
Next, let's talk about the livestreams themselves as revenue generators. To put it simply, you allow YouTube to run ad banners on your broadcast and gain targeted revenue off those ads and also run your own ads during timeouts and half time, just like you would a normal broadcast. Except this time, ad companies bid for time WITH THE NBA ITSELF instead of bidding with the networks broadcasting the shows. Instantly, the NBA makes more ad money, and because YouTube has a huge reach and hyper-advanced view tracking stats to determine audience, the right companies would almost certainly be paying exponentially more for ad space in these broadcasts than they normally would, and the NBA would be receiving ALL the profit instead of networks. Taking advertising into its own hands and becoming its own media company seems like a logical next step for the NBA in the era of streaming and online content.
Next, let's talk about the data they can gather from those views and the dollar amount they can sell that data for. Actually, let's not talk about it, it goes without saying that Facebook is one of the most valuable companies IN EXISTENCE just from doing exactly this. There's your hot money-making tip, NBA, you're welcome.
And that's just the livestreams. Now let's talk about archived games.
If you are a network, one thing ad companies take into account when bidding for your network is "how many people will see this," obviously. Now imagine that every fan of every NBA team would be able to go and watch every game ever played because it was saved for them on YouTube. Your guarantee that a fan of a team will see your ad increases a LOT if the fans can watch it whenever they want. In fact, they can watch it whenever they want, however many times they want, so if you have an ad close to or during an exciting moment of the specific game, you get many times the views and exposure you would otherwise get. Now imagine companies being able to bid for ad space on NBA reposts of classic games, like the aforementioned Warriors Thunder Game 7 or Kobe's 81 point game that are absolute locks to be rewatched for generations. That's a lot of money the NBA makes simply by keeping a game on YouTube (which costs them zero dollars). Now do this for EVERY game, with viewership expanded across every developed country, suddenly $20 billion is a drop in the bucket. This isn't taking into account basic revenue accrued from YouTube views.
So you do the Livestreams. And you do the archived games with paid ads. Next, you do what you're already doing with postgame shows, but on YouTube instead of ESPN. And you take channels like FreeDawkins, and BBALL BREAKDOWN (shouts to Coach Nick) and all the others, and you sponsor their content making in exchange for your own sponsors' ad space on their channels, and you have a media empire. On top of the ad revenue, you have the advanced statistics to see which kinds of periphery shows REALLY do the best, and promote accordingly. Further, it would be easier to find new talent for NBA reporting because you could track basic stats like YouTube views to find your next anchor. You could have unlimited NBA sponsored spin off shows for a small, small amount of money, because there would be no restrictions based on scheduling. Your NBA-centric shows would not be competing with each other for time on a cable schedule, so you wouldn't have to cancel anything unless you were going into the red on it. As long as a few bucks are coming in, it's just more revenue and exposure for your company. You also don't have to find international talent for this, IT COMES TO YOU! It takes so much of the work out of the NBA's hands while giving them more control than if they were running through cable networks as they can't currently decide to stop sponsoring a network's show because they don't pay them to begin with.
If this concept is pushed far enough, I don't think it's a stretch to say it could reach the same heights that Soccer has reached worldwide. We're all on this sub because at some point in ours lives, we saw basketball and realized it was a very exciting sport. Many people never have that chance because it's such an American centric sport, even if they understand it exists. I would go so far as to say (and I know I'll get downvotes for this) it could supplant football and baseball as the iconic American passtime if pushed the right way. Neigh, it could become the iconic INTERNATIONAL passtime. There are many European and Asian leagues specifically that would love in on the profit and worldwide attention, and collaboration with/perceived competition with the NBA for this would go a long way to sell seats in arenas and increase revenue worldwide. I see no reason that in today's economy, the NBA couldn't become the IBA (International Basketball Association) in a conglomerate with the other leagues around the world.
Now give me your feedback. I'm not looking for praise, I'm not fishing for devil's advocates. People from the NBA scan Reddit, it's known fact. Maybe this thread helps them get feedback in advance. Let me know why this idea would/wouldn't work for YOU, because the NBA already knows whether or not it works for THEM, and they aren't looking for your perspective on their best interest.
TLDR: increased viewership across all continents brings a new viewer base that the NBA has been striving for since the Stern era. Targeted ads on YouTube will bring in money, and since the NBA could accept its own bids for ads on its own broadcasts, it could take in all the ad money that Networks would be paid instead (which is the money they use to pay the NBA it's 20+ billion to begin with). Companies could pay for repeat views on classic games with the assuredness that they would have not just close to 100% fan viewership but repeat viewership as well. The NBA could make further money with zero effort by sponsoring existing NBA related YouTube channels, making money off of content that is ranked by views and as such is likely to be better content. As a viewer, you get more flexibility in time and place of viewing and you can show your kids the same streams you watched with ease.
submitted by Rivrrivr to nba [link] [comments]

(JAN 02) NFL EARLY INFO ALERT - (TENNESSEE TITANS VS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) + COLLEGE BOWL ACTION TONIGHT!!

(JAN 02) NFL EARLY INFO ALERT - (TENNESSEE TITANS VS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) + COLLEGE BOWL ACTION TONIGHT!!
(JAN 02) NFL EARLY INFO ALERT - (TENNESSEE TITANS VS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS) + COLLEGE BOWL ACTION TONIGHT!!
https://preview.redd.it/qeb9l9tcnf841.jpg?width=581&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=13e9c5c96373db1c86266e592f8346a7c18fa14d
Website: RedAlertWagers.com
Contact: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Phone: THE RED LINE - (Toll-Free @ 1-844-334-2613)
Text THE RED LINE For Tonight's Free MAC ATTACK PLAYS!!
Follow The MAC on Social Media:
Twitter.com/RedAlertWagers
Facebook.com/RedAlertWagers
Reddit.com/useTheMACSPicks
30 years of insight, experience & bankroll management is bringing another profitable week for The Mac!! Early Info Plays, NFL Major Move Alerts, & CBB Hush Money Plays, are the reason that there are no better options out there for betting against the spread!!
THE MAC put his money where his mouth is all week and The Mac will once again prove why they continuously acclaim him to be a National Treasure!! Premium Play & Top Rated Release earnings are up substantially, College Hoops Plays are more than impressive this year, and tonight's CBB Action is set to go our direction. The MAC has a full card today and he is getting the all the geetus with conviction, he did his homework and is keeping open lines of discourse between his consensus groups and other affiliated player syndicates across the country.
There's a reason THE MAC has been dubbed THE PAYMASTER by bookmakers this college basketball season, picking games against the spread & sending a signal through the noise! Tonight RedAlertWagers.com and The MAC have a BIRMINGHAM BOWL NCAAF MAJOR MOVE ALERT PLAY - (BOSTON COLLEGE vs CINCINNATI U) + A NCAAB HUSH MONEY PLAY (JAN 02) - (RHODE ISLAND -8.5 vs BROWN +8.5) as well as a Full Red Alert Card of CFB, CBB, & NBA Expert Sports Picks!
When you follow The MAC, your'e in good hands, Red Alert Expert Basketball Picks have been atomic all year. Today, Mac McGuillaman has plenty of hoops games to choose from and spotted a gem of a game between TEXAS STATE +1.5 vs ARKANSAS LITTLE ROCK -1.5. The Mac is releasing this as a CBB Back Room Info Play for RedAlertWagers.com clients, The 8-5 Trojans are hosting the 7-6 Bobcats. The Trojans as a slight favorite are expected to keep this game close, Texas St. will be relying on their Guard, Nijal Pearson, to have a break out game while the Spartans put the pressure on with their 2 top players - Markquis Nowell, Ruot Monyyong. The MAC will be on the right side of this game because making these calls is just what The Mac does. The MAC'S Top Rated CBB predictions, Red Alert Plays, & OUR EXCLUSIVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL CALLS get it done, and that's just what it is.
The MAC'S Hush Money Action on tonight's College Basketball game between RHODE ISLAND -8.5 vs BROWN +8.5 will be starting @ 7:00, Roland's been playing and fading these teams for years, knowing when to lay or take points with teams like the Bears, Gaels, Bulldogs, and Huskies has aggrandized THE MAC's reputation for his college hoops hush money action. Last Night the RedAlertWagers.com Team's Hush Money Play on CONNECTICUT +2.5 missed, final score 51-67, a dud that are few and far between this college basketball season. We pride our action by bringing the results that has the people recommending THE MAC'S ATS COLLEGE BASKETBALL PICKS, making him one of the most venerable sources for expert college basketball picks against the spread, and lionizing RedAlertWagers.com in and around sportsbooks and casinos!
We will be getting it in the right way tonight with some BIRMINGHAM BOWL ACTION - (BOSTON COLLEGE +7.5 vs CINCINNATI U -7.5 + TENNESSEE -2.5 vs INDIANA +2.5), The MAC is moving heavy with a Major Move Alert Eagles-Bearcats side/total pick, kickoff @ 3:00. THE TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS -2.5 vs INDIANA HOOSIERS +2.5 at 7:00 is a Top Rated Late Info Play and it goes without saying that we have been cleaning up all week! The MAC doesn't go where the game is, he puts his nuts right on the line to bring you where the money is, and tonight will be no different! This is the type of action that makes THE MAC's Top Rated & Premium College Basketball Plays like no others!
THE MAC is not only loaded with NCAA gifts from the odds-makers this year, and make no mistake, he very much is anticipating the outcome of his Late Info & Hoops Hush Money Play, but The Mac has his attention focused on The NFL Playoffs.
With the regular season coming to a end, and the big boy games about to begin, the NFL playoffs are when The MAC brings the big guns out, so expect that The MAC will be locked & loaded with expert NFL playoff predictions and his annual Vegas Tournament approved 2020 NFL Playoff Bracket Picks!
MAC'S Printable Pre-Filled Playoff Bracket for the 2020 NFL Superbowl 54 Playoffs are available for download. Looking to rip down a office pool with a pre-made bracket by professional sports handicapper Roland "THE ROARIN MAC" McGuillaman - The Internets Most Venerable Sports Service!
RedAlertWagers.com & Roland "The Roarin MAC' McGuillaman 2020 Playoff/Superbowl 54 Prediction Printable/Downloadable Bracket - (Superbowl 54 LIV Bracket)
The Mac has been entering his expert NFL handicapping picks & predictions in pick-em tournaments for over the course of his career and since 1997 he has offered his tournament bracket picks to the public. The RedAlertWagers.com team has made this information available on the internet making The MAC one of the most venerable sources for expert football betting information, against the spread NFL predictions, and NFL playoff picks, lionizing RedAlertWagers.com & Roland McGuillaman in and around sportsbooks and casinos
The MAC will be collecting a envelope from his local bookie this week -
(JAN 02) UPP RISK MANAGEMENT SYSTEM PLAYS
Weekly Bankroll:
(DEC 30 - JAN 05) - DAY 4 BANKROLL TOTAL: THURSDAY @ +57 UNITS
(JAN 02) - TODAY'S BANKROLL RISK: 78 UNITS
LAST WEEKS RESULTS:
(DEC 23 - 29) - 7 DAY BANKROLL: +27 UNITS
***PATREON TOP RATED EXCLUSIVE PLAYS**\*
  • NFL EARLY INFO PLAY (JAN 04) - (TENNESSEE TITANS vs NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS O/U 44)
  • NFL MAJOR MOVE ALERT (JAN 05) - (MINNESOTA VIKINGS +8 vs NEW ORLEANS SAINTS -8)
  • NCAAB HUSH MONEY PLAY (JAN 02) - (RHODE ISLAND -8.5 vs BROWN +8.5)
  • NCAAB LATE INFO PLAY (JAN 02) - (UAB +2.5 vs CHARLOTTE U -2.5)
  • NCAAB EARLY INFO PLAY (JAN 02) - (SE MISSOURI ST +10 vs AUSTIN PEAY -10)
  • NCAAB BACK ROOM INFO PLAY (JAN 02) - (TEXAS STATE +1.5 vs ARKANSAS LITTLE ROCK -1.5)
  • NCAAB MAJOR MOVE ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (TEXAS STATE +1.5 vs ARKANSAS LITTLE ROCK -1.5)
  • NCAAB MAJOR MOVE ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (SAINT MARYS CA -3.5 vs SAN FRANCISCO +3.5)
  • NCAAF MAJOR MOVE ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (BOSTON COLLEGE vs CINCINNATI U O/U 54.5)
  • NCAAF BACK ROOM INFO PLAY (JAN 02) - (BOSTON COLLEGE +7.5 vs CINCINNATI U +7.5)
  • NCAAF LATE INFO PLAY (JAN 02) - (TENNESSEE -2.5 vs INDIANA +2.5)
**PATREON PREMIUM PLAYS*\*
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (SAINT LOUIS +3 vs DUQUESNE -3)
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (FORDHAM +19.5 vs VA COMMONWEALTH -19.5)
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (UTEP -1 vs FLORIDA INTL +1)
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (ST. JOSEPHS +13 vs RICHMOND -13)
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (TOWSON +6.5 vs COLL OF CHARLESTON -6.5)
  • NCAAB RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (MONTANA STATE +8.5 vs NO. COLORADO -8.5)
  • NCAAF RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 03) - (OHIO -8 vs NEVADA +8)
  • NBA RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (UTAH JAZZ -3.5 vs CHICAGO BULLS +3.5)
  • NHL RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 02) - (ANAHEIM DUCKS vs ARIZONA COYOTES)
  • NFL RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 04) - (TENNESSEE TITANS +4.5 vs NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS)
  • NFL RED ALERT PLAY (JAN 05) - (SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -2.5 vs PHILADELPHIA EAGLES +2.5)
*DAILY MAC ATTACK FREE PICKS\*
NFL MAC ATTACK PLAYOFF PICK (JAN 04) - (BUFFALO BILLS +3)
NCAAF MAC ATTACK PICK (JAN 02) - (TENNESSEE vs INDIANA OVER 54.5)
NCAAB MAC ATTACK PLAY (JAN 02) - (NC WILMINGTON +3.5)
*FREE DAILY FUN PLAY TEASER & PARLAY PICKS\*
FUN PLAY 2 TEAM NBA PARLAY!! (JAN 02) - (OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER +2 X UTAH JAZZ vs CHICAGO BULLS OVER 210.5)
FUN PLAY 2 TEAM NFL 7 POINT TEASER!! (JAN 04-05) - (BUFFALO BILLS +10 x SEATTLE SEAHAWKS +4.5)
Top Rated Sports Betting and Online Gambling Information courtesy of Roland Roarin Mac McGuillaman​
THE MAC recommends XBet.ag to place your bets as well as MyBookie.ag you will find the best odds on everything from sports to current affairs.
#SportsBetting #SportsGambling #BettingTips #NFLPlayoffs
#NFLPicks #CBBPicks #Freepicks #Freeplays #ATSTips #ExpertNFLPicks #ExpertCBBPicks #SportsAdvisors #ProfessionalSportsGambling
submitted by TheMACSPicks to SportsReport [link] [comments]

Summer Stories 7: The Feast of St. Christopher's

Summer Stories 1: Wearing Black https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/3s22kx/summer_stories_1_wearing_black/
Summer Stories 2: The Bonfire Girls https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/4c32rq/summer_stories_2_the_bonfire_girls/
Summer Stories 3: The Silent Treatment https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/4ouo0t/summer_stories_3_the_silent_treatment/
Summer Stories 4: Eating the Machine https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/4p0gdh/summer_stories_4_eating_the_machine/
Summer Stories 5: The Forever Family: https://wh.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/5a1zgv/summer_stories_5_the_forever_family/
Summer Stories 6: Cape Matador https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/5avtih/summer_stories_6_cape_matado
I hit the incline at fifty miles per hour. This is crazy, I thought, leaning into the turn at the base of the hill, bringing the bike so low that I felt the cuff of my blue jeans scrape the ground. Just stop and fight.
But that would be suicide, and I knew it. Driving a street bike on a dirt road at night without a helmet—and in the rain—well, that was close to suicide, too, but it was the only chance I had.
I could hear him over the engine. His cries rode the current of the storm, otherworldly and terrible, yet gradually diminishing with distance. I didn’t think he was gaining on me.
Coming out of the turn, the engine screeched in protest. The back of the bike pitched right, churning mud, then left. The whole thing nearly spun out from under me before I could get it back under control—and then I gunned the engine again. The front wheel threatened to come up in a wheelie. On the open road, I might have let it. Not here, though, not under a canopy of trees where the rain pummeled me in torrents and then suddenly vanished, only to douse me again a quarter of a mile later. I leaned forward and forced the wheel back down. I shook thin red tendrils of hair out of my eyes, squinting, lowering my head.
Even tied back in a tail, my hair could be a pain in the ass. I couldn’t spare my hands to stop my stupid bangs from whipping all over the place—long hair really does get in the way of things—but on the straightaway, thankfully, wind plastered it against the sides of my head and forced it to behave itself.
Going steadily uphill in this slippery mess made it difficult to accelerate. I didn’t look back. I’d made enough mistakes for one day. This was a trap, I said to myself. Summer, you’re an idiot.
The shocks only absorbed so much. The motorcycle was brand new—a Triumph T-120 Bonneville, silver trimmed with electric blue, very pretty—but it hadn’t been made for terrain like this. My arms, bent ninety degrees, took half the force of the shuddering thuds against wet, uneven ground. My elbows felt like wishbones about to break. My hands almost slipped on the grips. The headlamp was half-smeared with mud. In the tunnel of the trees, even the lightning was dulled and muted. I could hardly see through the storm, yet I didn’t dare wipe my eyes.
Should’ve brought the car, I scolded myself. A god damned roof and some windshield wipers would be nice.
But again, no. If I had come here in the Chevy, I would have wrecked for sure. The road, sluiced with rainwater and flanked by twin walls of trees, couldn’t have been an inch wider that seven feet. This could be over at any second.
I’m dead, I thought. I am so, so dead. If only Casper could see me now.
His brother had been ready for me. The others had doubtless destroyed Casper already. It was too bad. I might have grieved for him, given a little more time. And I sure could have used his help right about now.
But it didn’t do to dwell on what I didn’t have. What I did have was a destination, if only I could make it there—a “safe house” for human beings.
It wouldn’t be the first time I had been there.
*
St. Christopher’s Catholic Church and Preparatory School stood at the top of a long, winding rise halfway through the Catskill Mountains of New York. Only yesterday, I’d driven the Chevy there and gotten a look at the place. It consisted of a modest white walled chapel with stained glass windows and two long brick and mortar wings, presumably the classrooms. One of these connected the chapel to a larger building. There was a statue of Mary in the courtyard out front, and before that, a sign proclaimed: Parking Lot is for Church and School ONLY. Violators will be BAPTIZED.
Clear, perfect asphalt led up to the place. Less than fifty yards away, I could see where the descending dirt avenue through the trees branched off from the main road.
I pulled in, parked, and checked my watch. It was three in the afternoon. The lot was almost empty. From a manila envelope, I drew out the copy of the East Haven Gazette Casper had mailed to me along with the map of the Catskills. Tucked into the folds of the map was an uncharacteristically brief letter:
Dearest Summer,
Time is short. I’ve been asked to accompany Angus on a “sabbatical” out west. While I’m away, I’ll be unable to keep a check on my other brothers. Their names are Louis, Silas, and Absalom. I am uneasy. They know of your existence.
The one nearest to you has taken up residence in the mountains, of all places. A great lover of animals is dear old Louis, and I would imagine he has several prowling the grounds during the day. If so, they’re to be avoided.
Louis is tall, slender of build, dark of hair. I don’t know who keeps the property under the light of the sun, but he will not be alone. Expect his guardian to be female. They always are.
Be safe, my little tempest,
Casper
I double checked the location six miles from here that Casper had circled on the map, noting again the winding, descending trail off the main road that must lead to it. He’d circled the church as well. Underneath it, he’d written: If you have to run for it, run here.
The prospect made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t that churches bothered me, per se. Up until the age of eleven, at the insistence of my father, I’d been brought up Evangelical Protestant. It’s all stories, my mother had once whispered to me during services. It’s all lies. Don’t believe a word of it.
So I hadn’t—and that’s where the problem was. If churches had real power against Casper and his brothers, then maybe my mother had been wrong and Daddy had been right. Maybe God was real. If so, I was probably in for some serious shit after I died.
Stay alive, then, I thought, shaking my head back to the present. It was Monday, July 24, 1961. Make it two more years, and you’re clear.
A bright blue banner on the front lawn called for volunteers to help manage a lock-in for teenagers all through the night of the 25th. Apparently, that was the feast day of St. Christopher, patron saint of children and travelers—whatever a “feast day” was. Had Casper known about this?
I reached out to him in my mind, and as usual got nothing. I wasn’t surprised. The return address on the manila envelope read Portland, Oregon, which was almost as far away as he could get without leaving the country.
Why do I have to do this again? I couldn’t help but wonder. Why can’t you handle your own family bullshit?
I unfolded the newspaper that had come with the map and re-read the small headline Casper had drawn a box around on one of the interior pages: Brothers’ Funeral Services Closes after 25 Years, Financial Insolvency Cited.
Sure, I thought. Like people had suddenly stopped dying in eastern Connecticut.
In the margin, he’d scrawled: Things are changing, Summer. Angus knows nothing for certain, but he’d be a fool not to suspect us. You need to move again, as soon as you can manage it. I’ll find you.
The penmanship was sloppy. Rushed. Ordinary black ink. It wasn’t like his at all.
Don’t be paranoid, I thought, frowning at it. Casper can take care of himself.
Either way, if he was referring to “us” being responsible for the death of Phineas—which wasn’t really fair, since I’d done all the work—that had been more than a year ago. Ancient history. Why would it have suddenly become a problem now?
I didn’t want to move. I’d settled into my New York City apartment rather comfortably over the past six months. And while manning the checkout counter at one of the city libraries might not have been the most exciting job in the world, it beat waiting tables. What was he afraid of? Did he think Angus or his other brothers would come after me? If so, moving was pointless. If he could find me, they could find me. Worrying about it wouldn’t accomplish anything.
I tucked the map and the newspaper back into the envelope and got out of the car, scanning the parking lot again. The only other car here probably belonged to whatever priest ran this joint. He’d be somewhere inside the building, I guessed, praying or polishing statues or ironing his robes or doing whatever the hell else Catholic priests did on a Monday when the kids were on summer break.
I popped the trunk, sifted through the various treasures and protections I’d acquired over the past year. This included two boxes of projectile fireworks, several guns of varying descriptions, and a pair of well-sharpened and lacquered mahogany knives. But the best thing, my most prized possession, I kept hidden in a long leather sheath under a mat at the bottom of everything else: a compound bow, laminated maple and rosewood, with a thirty-two pound draw accurate at up to one hundred and fifty yards. Half of the arrows, too, were rosewood—even the broadhead tips—twenty-eight inches long, 300 grain, with turkey feather fletching and dusted with true silver. All I had to do was take Louis by surprise.
Surveying the path, I knew I’d have to either walk it for six miles or try it by motorcycle. I’d need to bring my jacket. Oh, well, I said to myself. That’s tomorrow’s problem.
I shut the trunk and hustled over to the trees, glancing once more over my shoulder to confirm no one was watching. It was a wrench, leaving the bow in the woods, even carefully concealed, even if only for a day—but possessions could be replaced. If I’d learned anything in the past couple years, it was that if you wanted something, you took it. Life really is that simple.
Anyway, I didn’t think riding the bike on the open highway with a hunting bow strapped over my back was the best idea, either.
*
I was glad I had that jacket now, much as I hated wearing black as a general rule. The leather was the best protection I could have asked for against the storm—and against the cold that came with it, even at the ass end of July.
I couldn’t hear the pursuit behind me anymore, but I didn’t slow down. Maybe he’d given up, and maybe he hadn’t. I wasn’t taking anything for granted. I didn’t allow myself to relax even when I made it back to the short stretch of open road that led directly to the church, the ground levelling, the bike accelerating more easily. I’d take all the lead I could get until I was inside the place.
Keep going, Summer, I thought. Just drive all the way back to the apartment, back home.
But I fought that temptation down. I could do it, I knew—I could make it for the night—but my hand was played. Louis had seen me. He knew who I was. I needed to draw him in and finish this. If I didn’t, the next time we met would be on his terms, and that wouldn’t do at all.
I laid off the accelerator, allowing the bike to simply glide up the smooth, wet asphalt that led back into the church parking lot. The steeple lights were on, but the chapel underneath it was dim. The larger building was alight, however. From out in the rain, I couldn’t hear anything of what might be going on inside, but I could see the shadows of people through the windows. Kids.
I parked under the steeple lights, unslinging the leather sheath that contained my bow and arrows, then tossing it behind the hedge line that flanked the front porch, just under one of the unadorned front windows. On the steps I stopped. I listened.
Nothing. Only the rain, the occasional lightning flash and fading mutter of thunder. I was soaked. My hands were shaking.
But I was here. I’d made it. I didn’t know if it was only the building that would provide the protection I needed while I came up with some kind of plan, or if the entire property counted as “holy ground.” I grasped the door knob.
It’s a lock-in, I said to myself. It’s going to be locked.
Instead, the door opened easily, and I stepped inside. Before sizing up the inside of the place, I checked the inside handle for locks and didn’t find any.
It doesn’t matter, Summer, I reminded myself. He can’t get in here. You’re safe.
My hands were still trembling when I fumbled around my outer pockets for my Zippo and cigarettes. I looked the place over. The cement porch had given way to oak floors in the entryway and the vestibule, where there was a holy water font in the shape of an angel clutching a chalice. There was a closed door to my left labeled “Office,” and another that opened on my right into a dimly-lit reception area leading to a darkened hallway. Straight ahead was the chapel, where I could only make out the first few rows of pews before it, too, disappeared into dim orange lighting.
I’d hardly lit my smoke before I heard footsteps coming my way from the hall beyond the vestibule. I didn’t think it likely that he had heard me coming in. No, it was just bad timing, just my typical rotten luck. Regretfully, I dropped the cigarette into the holy water and waved away the smoke.
“Father Manny,” I greeted him without looking his way. “Bet you didn’t expect to see me again.”
*
He called out to me just as I emerged from the woods. And, I must admit, he caught me completely unawares.
“Hey,” he said, grinning, jogging down the porch steps, heading in my direction. “If you needed to use the bathroom, all you had to do was come in and ask.”
It was polite of him, providing me with an excuse. “Oh, my gosh,” I said, affecting supreme embarrassment, along with my library checkout girl voice. “I’m so sorry. I was just …” I made as though fumbling for some other reason, something not having to do with taking a piss, and settled on pointing at the parking lot sign. “I … I didn’t think I was allowed to come in.”
He waved it off, stopping in front of me. “Father Manny Mulroney,” he introduced himself, shaking my hand. Then he tilted his head back to the sign. “Just Father Manny for short. You’re not from around here, are you? We don’t get many visitors.”
Father Manny looked to be in his late twenties or early thirties. He was wearing a white, short-sleeved button down shirt and blue jeans—nothing at all that might identify him as a priest. He sounded kind, trusting. And he was looking at me from the neck up, which was a welcome change from what I was used to.
“Summer Lynn Michaels,” I said. “From Woodstock, just passing through. Listen, I feel like I kind of want to die right now. I’ll just be going—”
“You Catholic?” he cut in. I could almost see an idea taking shape behind his eyes. I had no clue what that idea was, but it seemed the good father had been suddenly inspired. My mind raced. If I said ‘Yes,’ it wouldn’t be hard for him to test me, to uncover the lie.
I sighed. “Not very,” I said. “It’s been a long time, Father.”
“Can’t be that long,” he said. “What are you, eighteen? Nineteen tops?”
I was twenty-two. “Eighteen,” I said. “Nineteen in December.”
“I knew it. God sent you, Miss Michaels.” And he winked at me. His tone was lighthearted, almost joking. “Maybe I can invite you inside?”
I didn’t go inside. Not then. Instead, I spoke to him by the side of the Chevy, relieved I hadn’t left the trunk open. Evidently, he was the resident “DRE,” or “Director of Religious Education,” and tomorrow’s lock-in was his baby.
There had been a fundraiser. The lock-in was the consolation prize for the kids who hadn’t sold enough to be included in the trip to Hershey Park. The sisters were chaperoning that trip. Parent volunteers were simply not to be found for an all-night lock-in on a weekday, especially when many of the kids hadn’t even committed to coming yet. Worst case scenario, there might be as many as twenty of them, all between thirteen and sixteen years old. Might I be interested in helping out?
It wasn’t too an unusual of a request, given the circumstances. It was 1961. It was rural upstate New York, and as far as Father Manny knew, I was hardly more than a kid myself. Everything was already planned out. I wouldn’t have to think of a thing, just follow the program. It would go from six at night until eight the next morning.
“There’ll be food,” he said. “Much as you can eat, and you can take the leftovers with you. I’m bringing in enough sandwiches from Joe’s to feed a small army.”
He might have thought I was a charity case—the Chevy did need a bit of a wash—and I was tempted to laugh at him. I had plenty of money these days, not even counting the emergency fund I kept under the two-round Mississippi Derringer in the glovebox. I had other things on my schedule. But I never took a tone with him. He was just a simple dumbass who’d gotten himself into a situation he couldn’t get out of. Pathetic.
“I don’t know, Father Manny …”
Something told me, pure intuition, not to rule it out. Don’t say yes, that little voice said to me, but don’t rule it out.
“They’re good kids,” he said. “They won’t be any trouble. Please think about it. Otherwise I’ll be running this thing solo, and somebody’s got to have at least half an eye on the chapel at all times. Never know when someone might pop in for a surprise confession.”
That was supposed to be funny, so I favored him with a smile. I was glad he didn’t offer to take my confession. It would have taken a while.
“You have a place to stay tonight? I know the guy who keeps the Wayside Motel just west of Fishkill, and I could probably get him to put you up for—”
“Thanks,” I said, still smiling softly at him. “I have an older brother expecting me in the Hudson. But I’ll think about it, Father Manny. I promise. Can’t do much else until I check in with big bro, you know?”
“Fair enough,” he said, sounding resigned. “I know I’m not offering much, Miss Michaels,” he said. “Sometimes, doing a good deed is its own reward.”
“Call me Summer,” I said, opening the driver’s side door of the Chevy. I turned the key in the ignition. “See you tomorrow, maybe.”
I couldn’t read minds, but the look on his face clearly said, I doubt that.
*
“You’re three hours late,” he now greeted me, sounding frazzled. “But better late than never. I’m glad you’re here. Happy St. Christopher’s Day.”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” I answered, turning toward him, clenching my hands into fists, willing the shaking to stop. Even with the door shut, I trained my ears toward the outside, expecting at any minute to hear that horrible howling that was not the wind. Expecting to hear Louis.
“Oh, now, just look at you,” he said, “You’re soaked. Come on.”
He led me past the office and the ladies room to the western wing, which contained the residences. There I was able to, more or less, dry off in his own bathroom. I declined his offer to take my jacket. “Let’s meet the kids,” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic at the prospect. “I’ll be fine.”
He led me back past the foyer and the chapel. I couldn’t help but glance at the door uneasily. It’s a church, I reminded myself. Nothing to worry about.
“We’re never locked,” he said, as though I’d spoken the thought aloud. “Not the chapel, anyway. Someone’s always here.”
I let it go and followed him through the western wing of classrooms to a set of double doors. The windows here were clear—no stained glass outside of the chapel—and so when the lightning flickered again, I had no trouble at all seeing the shadow in the parking lot. Not a man. Not strigoi. The thing it was most like was a dog, but that’s not exactly right, either. It wasn’t moving. It was looking through the same window I was, from the other side, right at me. Shit, I thought. That better not be what I think it is.
Father Manny didn’t even notice. He opened the door, and with a half-bow waved me into the gymnasium. There, I found a circle of several chairs, all pointing inward as though for a discussion group, currently empty. There was a projector and a roll-down screen, currently not in use. There was a crafts table. I also saw a table of sandwiches, presumably from “Joes.” There was a punchbowl, a partially-filled trash can—and only four kids.
Two boys, probably sixteen years old or so, were playing a game of Horse at the basketball hoop. The only girl, twelve or thirteen at a glance, sat busily at work at the crafts table. The last one, a boy just slightly younger than the ones playing Horse, was sitting in the corner nearest to me, back to the wall. He looked up from the book he was reading and lazily called out, “Drop everything. Babysitter’s here at last.”
The girl looked up and waved. She held up a series of beads on a string, probably soon to become a bracelet or something. “Hello,” she said. “I’m Emily.” Then she lowered her head and got right back to it, mumbling to herself as she worked.
The basketballers eyed me the way teenage boys usually do—kind of seems to transcend religion, this tendency—but only for a moment. One of them said, “Shooting while standing on one leg.”
Which he did, and then passed the ball off to the other boy, who missed. That earned him the letter “R,” two fails away from spelling “horse” and losing the game. Their names, I gathered through trash talk, were Vernon and Terrance. It was Terrance’s turn to call the challenge, which was to shoot tossing the ball with only one hand. And again, he missed, even on his own challenge. The ball went back to Vernon. They’d already forgotten I was there.
“This is Miss Summer,” Father Manny called out to them, placing his hand on my shoulder without asking. “Come on over and introduce yourselves properly.” Reluctantly, three of them did. As they made their way over to us, he said in a low voice, “Guess most of the kids had better things to do than to spend the night locked up in church with just me for company.”
Them and me both, I thought, still straining my ears for a hint of what was lurking outside, hearing nothing more than the rain.
The boy with the book—who hadn’t moved an inch, and whose name I still didn’t know—said, “You should have seen this place earlier when we were celebrating dear old St. Chris and doing Mass and stuff. It was completely packed. We got to watch the rest of the kids go off in that stupid bus for Hershey Park. Fun.”
I shook hands with the others. I tried to play the part. But all the while, my mind kept returning to the shadow dog in the parking lot, the one whose eyes seemed to have found me before I found him, as though he could smell me from ten yards away, as though he had sucked my scent out clean through the closed window and identified me.
Where, I wondered, is Louis right now? Why isn’t he still screaming at me?
If he was, I knew we’d all be able to hear it.
The anonymous boy with the book didn’t look up, but he said, “Miss Summer—you sound … distracted.”
“That’s Philip,” Father Manny said, waving at him as though in dismissal. “And he’s in one of his moods.”
I went to him. Stood over him without looking at him. “I was just thinking …” I started.
That actually got his attention. He glanced up at me. “What?”
I scanned the gym for windows. There were two of them. They were huge. In a normal house, they would have been wall size.
These kids going to die tonight, I thought. Maybe we all will. So sad.
What I said was, “Nothing. Never mind. What are you reading?”
*
I started smart. I’ll give myself that much credit. A mile before I reached the place, I killed the motorcycle’s engine and started walking the bike instead. The sun was already going down. The clouds were moving in. It was impossible to guess when, exactly, it would be safe for Louis to step outside of his house—or his hut or cave or castle, whatever it turned out to be.
A hot July afternoon cooled to a pre-storm July dusk. I hoped this would all be over before the rain started. Maybe I’d get lucky for once.
When the canopy of trees and the path opened out onto a clearing, I saw how Louis made his living. It brought me up short. I heard them before I saw them, before I realized what they were. The first of the “animals” that he kept lived in what looked like a series of six tall white birdhouses. But it was the sound, easily heard from twenty yards away, which gave up what really lived in them.
Louis kept bees, and he ran a honey business. Where the path ended inside the wrought-iron fence gate, there was a truck with a flatbed parked in the grass. The lettering on the door read: Midnight Honey Farm, Est. 1946. The same lettering was on a white sign on the gate, along with very specific hours of operation: New Batches Available Saturday ONLY, 6 PM – 12 AM. And, Available Daily at The Handy Dandy Market.
The house beyond that was low to the ground, all stonework and bricks, like the one Phineas had occupied by the lighthouse in South Carolina. Within the fenced-off property was a roofed-over kennel, its door shut and barred on the outside. From within, I heard the barking of dogs.
I climbed halfway up one of the trees at the opening of the clearing, unpacked the bow from its sheath, strung it, and waited. As the sun set, the barking of the dogs turned to howling. I could hear them scrabbling at the door. I yawned, wondering how many of them there were. I wondered what Louis fed them.
The front door to the house opened even as the rain began to fall.
*
“To Kill a Mockingbird,” Philip answered me. “Heard of it?”
I shook my head. “Must be new.”
“Well, it is, but …” He trailed off, snorted to himself. “Can’t believe you haven’t heard of it. It’s famous.”
I shrugged, ambled over to the basketball players. Terrance was about to lose the game of “Horse.” Vernon had called the shot—quarter quart back, from the knees—and actually made it. For the life of me, I could not understand what possessed Terrance to play a game in which he was so obviously outmatched.
But, “Na, you win,” he said, resigned, letting the ball drop from his hands. Letting it roll.
I picked it up, took a knee at the quarter quart, and positioned my hands to shoot. Vernon cocked an eyebrow. I winked at him, then tried to concentrate. You’ve got more important things to think about, I told myself. But I’d grown up playing with boys, and I thought I had a fair shot at this.
I almost missed. The ball rolled around the rim before going in. The boys clapped, as if this feat were somehow more impressive coming from a woman.
I went to Emily, stopping at the punchbowl first and grabbing half a sandwich. “Looks like I got here late,” I said, sitting next to her, trying to appear interested. “What’s that?”
“Rosary beads,” she said. “I’m making chains for everyone. Something to pass the time till we watch the movie.”
“Yeah? What movie?” And what the hell’s a rosary? I didn’t add.
She shrugged.
“King Kong,” Father Manny said with a chuckle. “Original film reel, with all the scary stuff they took out for theaters still in it. I figured it’d be mostly boys tonight. Looks like you’ve got this covered, Miss Summer. I’m going to check up front.”
Emily, meanwhile, slid a string and some beads my way. “Want to help?”
I sighed. Then, Why not? I thought, leaned over, and whispered to her, “I have no idea what you’re doing. I’m not actually Catholic.”
Her eyes widened—but then she smiled, positively scandalized.
“Don’t tell,” I said, looking at the beads, idly curious.
*
Tall, slender of build, dark of hair.
A little older-looking than I might have expected, but the man who emerged from the house fit Casper’s description of Louis perfectly. He was in range from the moment he stepped outside, but a kill shot from this distance was asking too much. Not until he ambled over to the door of the kennel did I feel reasonably confident I could get him in a single shot.
The rain was coming down hard now. I was spared the worst of it under the shelter of the tree, but it was still annoying. Still distracting.
I nocked one of the rosewoods. He was about to lift the bar over the kennel doors. He was about to turn, making a heart shot impossible.
I lined him up, a stationary target, and let the arrow fly. The first shot took him in the shoulder. He cried out, loudly and wordlessly. I had another arrow to the string in seconds—nagged by the thought that the second shot was almost never as good as the first shot—and fired again.
And, wouldn’t you know it, I got lucky. This one took him high in the center of his ribcage, straight through and shaft deep. He went down to his knees, clutching the second arrow, his cries silenced. He seemed to die right there in the kneeling position.
It wasn’t right. It wasn’t like Phineas. Casper’s other brother had dematerialized in death, scattering like rags of incarnate darkness thrown to the wind. But this one was still there. I watched him roll onto his side. Lifeless, but still there.
The barking and braying of the dogs grew suddenly louder, angry and desperate. I could hear them clawing against the enclosure from all the way up here. And the bees in their little white houses started to flow out, started to swarm, circling their wood-ensconced honeycombs as though being stirred by an invisible hand.
The next person to emerge from the house was a woman with a rifle. She was middle aged, heavyset and frumpy. She saw the body right away. She ran to him. Wailed.
“Damn it,” I sighed. And shot her dead right there with a single arrow right through the mouth. I didn’t waste another one of the rosewoods. I had already given up two of those, and now I only had four left.
Come out, Louis, I thought, steeling myself, even as the bar on the kennel door crackled and started to splinter. Get what’s coming to you …
How the hell was I supposed to have known that Louis had more than one day guardian?
Thanks, Casper. Thanks a lot.
Louis didn’t come outside as a man. He didn’t come out as anything I could kill with a bow. He spilled out the front door as a slithering river of rattlesnakes. The bees retreated back to their honeycombs—but the bar over the kennel door broke in two.
This is bullshit, I thought, going down the tree with reckless speed, no grace at all. I tumbled the last seven feet, slipping on a wet branch, and landed face down next to the bike. I didn’t bother checking myself for cuts and bruises.
I looked back once. The dogs were huge. Even on all fours, they would have come up to my shoulders. I couldn’t make out anything else, other than their number. There were three of them.
It was time to beat a fast fucking retreat.
*
And here I now was, watching and listening to a thirteen year old girl chanting Hail Marys and the occasional Our Father over a string of rosary beads—in actual Latin—all while waiting for Louis to make the next move. I strung a few of the beads myself. When we finished one, knowing what was outside, I asked Emily if I could keep it. She smiled and said, “Sure. Won’t do you much good if you don’t know what to do with it, though.”
It was bracelet sized. I slid it over my right wrist. “I know a few devils in the world,” I told her. “Couldn’t hurt.”
I got to work on the next one with her, this one necklace-size. We sat side by side, as though she were my little sister. She muttered Latin incantations. I remembered Sally Mathers and smiled at her.
And then I heard him, right in my head, interrupting the last moment of peace I would have for some time:
When next I see you, you better not be wearing any of that garbage.
Casper.
I thought you were dead, I answered in my mind, stringing another bead, letting Emily pray over it.
Not yet, he said. You need to listen, Summer. This is another trial, but it is not one of mine.
Whose, then? I asked, taking a sip of my punch, accepting Emily’s correction on the order of the rosary beads. Is it Angus? Tell him I said hi.
From Casper: He sends his regards. We’re watching you, Summer. All of us.
I made an attempt to repeat some of what Emily was saying over the beads, just to maintain the façade as I responded: How is that possible? You’re on the other side of the country. I’m in a fucking church.
From Casper: There is deep magic here, powers that are beyond me away from this place. I have been brought here to answer for Phineas. You have been placed in an arena. It doesn’t matter if it is a church. You are not yet strigoi. What’s coming for you is not strigoi.
I asked, What is it then? Dragons or something?
Casper pressed on: It’s a wager, Summer, and I’m betting on you. Survive one hour. That’s all. There are no other rules. If you do, the Cabal will … think better of us.
And if I don’t, I finished for him, it won’t matter anyway. Business as usual. Got it. You probably have a fancier way of putting it, though.
No, Casper said with a small chuckle. Actually I don’t. Good luck, Summer.
If I hadn’t been listening for it just then, I don’t think I would have heard it. It didn’t seem anyone else had. Either the storm outside had picked up, or the howling outside wasn’t just the wind. Casper’s brothers had an hour to kill me, and his extended family would watch the game unfold like a god damned TV show—live, like most shows were back then.
I wondered how a person unlocked the magic of rosary beads. I wanted to know if crosses or holy water had any power over hellhounds—because I was pretty sure that’s what I had seen, and now heard, outside. I didn’t think they did. Crosses and holy water would be useless.
Nor would holy ground offer me any protection against them.
Emily lined up her last bead, said her little prayer.
And then it started.
Summer Stories 8: And in the Hour of Our Death
https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/6pvg67/summer_stories_8_and_in_the_hour_of_our_death/
MD
submitted by MarcusDamanda to nosleep [link] [comments]

[Request] /r/sneakers

submitted by larry_bird_fan to MUWs [link] [comments]

The digital million project with Wattenscheid 09

The company Haalo Technology wants to transform the sport digitally and earn money with it. Tens of thousands of crypto investors and the SG 09 Wattenscheid as a flagship project are meant to support this venture. With the help of a million-dollar investment and technology, the SportsTech start-up wants to lead the fourth division football club into the Bundesliga and make it the most digital club in Europe. Is this just crazy or one of the most exciting sports business cases in Germany?

The DNA of Haalo Technology GmbH lies somewhere between Hawaii, Hamburg, Wattenscheid and the wide, difficult-to-grasp world of crypto currencies. The following story shows how this all fits together, which could become one of the most exciting SportsTech cases in this country.
The name Haalo is originally from Hawaii and means sport. The tech company Haalo Technology was founded in Hamburg by Peter Jaeger his three co-founders. The computer scientist and business economist worked in various management positions for IT and technology companies during his career, including Hewlett-Packard (HP), IBM and most recently for Microsoft for six years. As a member of the executive board of Microsoft Germany he helped to build up the sports business for Microsoft. Partnerships with various Bundesliga clubs were concluded under his leadership, one of them with Hamburger SV.
Jaeger is not only an IT expert and business economist, he is also a football fan and has a season ticket for HSV, whose home games he regularly visits with his two sons. He knows the Volksparkstadion and he knows what works in German Bundesliga stadiums — and what does not.
Like so many digital managers in his profession, Jaeger is “convinced that sport is becoming more and more entertainment”. And in his opinion you should not have to queue at a sausage stand or at the security check for minutes before the game. Likewise, he cannot understand that decision-makers of football clubs want to ban beer runners or wifi in the stadium, because they fear that the actual product — football — could be in danger. For the former Microsoft man, the competitors of a Bundesliga club are not the other clubs in the league, but Netflix, Xbox or Sky. He says, “This way of thinking is better internalized in the US. Here in Germany it is often a bit dreamy. “

Four digital business fields

Jaeger is convinced that technology and digitization can fundamentally change sports. But he also knows that “the sport is only at the beginning of digitization”, and that’s exactly what he wants to use for his business.
Haalo has set itself the goal of supporting sports institutions, i.e. clubs, associations, but also sponsors holistically in the digital transformation. The agency concentrates on four business areas, two of them being “Fans” and “Venues”. For example, the questions include: How can sport be made tangible for fans on the ground, but also for people who are not in the stadium? How can comfort be improved in order to attract new target groups? For women and children for example, there are not a lot of reasons to go to the stadium with their husbands or fathers anymore.
Jaeger believes that digital products can help solve these problems. “Nowadays, the fan always gets the same information and advertising messages,” he says. “Whether he comes by car, public transport, by bike or on foot to the stadium. Whether he is an away or a home fan or whether he is watching the game at home on the couch on Sky or on the ‘sports show’. “At this point, Haalo wants to start. Instead of communicating the same message to all fans via LED boards, cam carpet or commercials, clubs and their marketers will be able to send personalized messages and offers to their target groups using data-driven marketing.
In a healthy digital world of football, a club knows that the fan sitting in block B, row 5, seat 12 has just became a dad and is therefore planning to buy a new car. Due to this knowledge the club presents this fan the right offer of the respective car partner of his club on his smartphone. The same thing works not only with a fan in the stadium, but also one in front of the TV — at home, as well as abroad.
“Gainchanger” is the name of this product, which is also the first technology the start-up has previously programmed. When applied, Haalo benefits from a marketing share of sales that the customer achieves through technology.
Similar to “Gainchanger”, Haalo’s other business units (“Team”, “Venue” and “Clubs”) are based on Big Data, data that has been collected over a long period of time, used intelligently and individually displayed.
In the “Venue” area, for example, Haalo wants to bring (permanent) cardholders, who always have the same travelling habits for home games, to their place with the help of an app for the optimal, most convenient route to the stadium and through the arena. Because a club knows the individual consumption behavior of a single fan through the collected data, it can ask him before the game or in the half-time break by push message, if he wants to place the same order as in the past five home games. If the customer agrees, the next catering station will be assigned to him and the exact pick-up time will be communicated.
Haalo’s reasoning: Because the food and beverage order has already been paid for via the app, it does not only reduce the waiting time of the fans and thereby increase customer satisfaction, but it can also increase the catering revenue of a club. Many fans do not have a drink or a sausage in the half-time break because of a lack of time and because of long queues.
The examples can be continued in many areas: Regarding the “Team” area, Haalo promises to improve the performance of players or an entire team by using performance data (speed, run or pass data). Thanks to a corresponding application, transfer and personnel decisions should also be data-supported and thus made easier.
This product is called “Haalo Scout”, which is based on the fact that over a long observation period, data is being collected from the club´s own youth players as well as information about a large number of external players. Haalo also wants to work with streaming services such as Sporttotal.tv, using artificial intelligence to analyze the moving images and collect millions of performance data.
Jaeger explains: “A scout cannot be at all pitches. If a machine automatically collects relevant data for the scout, then that is a business model.” The computer scientist is convinced. “The longer the observation periods, the better the information. And as a result, a club has to rely less on their gut when they make decisions. The question mark gets smaller. “

Crypto financing: million-dollar ICO

Haalo wants to finance itself in the first year as a classic start-up. It had a capital increase of approximately half a million euros, due to various entrepreneurs who acquired shares in the new company. Among other things, this basic financing will cover technology, personnel and other operating costs.
Compared to the main funding, the startup financing is a joke. Haalo intends to raise a total of between 25 and 100 million euros from the crypto market, primarily within the Asian and American tech communities, through a global initial coin offering (ICO). At first, this amount sounds astronomical. But if you look a bit more closely at this financing option, the plan becomes more realistic, for example, when you consider that the last large ICO in Germany (Savedroid) had around 50 000 small investors contributing almost 40 million euros.
In principle, an ICO works like a normal IPO. The company defines its currency and the number of its coins for sale. Investors who find a business idea — here by Haalo — lucrative, buy one or more coins and thus real money flows into the account of the company. As in the venture capital market, there are also coin exchanges and exchange rates in the crypto market. An investor can also sell his coin and trade with it.
The biggest difference to a traditional stock exchange: no company shares are traded. Or to put it another way: none of the Haalo Coin investors own shares in Haalo. Basically, in a mirrored, virtual market, bets are made on a company’s ability to succeed. Be it through functioning products like “Gainchanger” or through other applications.
Jaeger says, “The successful companies are the ones that will add value to their coin. Many companies cannot do that. If I cannot do anything else with my coin, then it will be useless.” So a coin must also be applicable to other things. The more applications there are for the coin and the more attractive these are, the more the coin is worth.
A field of application can be, for example, a football tip game that Haalo wants to launch on the market — exclusively for cryptocurrencies. If a user wants to participate, he has to buy a Haalo Coin. Another thought is to finance the development of a player who today still plays in the youth of Wattenscheid 09 for example, but should become a professional player in the long run. This development can also be financed by crypto investors. Any investor who invests a portion of his or her coins in the player will benefit from him becoming a professional, be it by a share part of his transfer proceeds or a share of his salary.

The new Wattenscheid 09

Haalo intends to launch its ICO in the third quarter of 2018 and it is expected to be completed by the end of December. Until then, Haalo and Wattenscheid 09 are working on a common organizational structure. At the center of it is the Haalo Technology Holding, a limited liability company of which SG 09 Wattenscheid e. V. holds 13.5 percent through an investment company. The remaining shares of 86.5 percent are held by the four Haalo founders and external investors.
The basis for bringing the project to life and investing money in the club is, however, a spin-off of the licensed player division of Wattenscheid 09. There is already a resolution by the supervisory board for the spin-off. In order to found the new “09 Soccer GmbH”, however, 75 percent of the club members have to vote for a spin-off within the framework of a general assembly. This should happen when the ICO has been successfully implemented. Jaeger leaves no doubt that the spin-off will work. He says: “At the general assembly of all club members in July 2018 we received a tremendous positive response to the joint project.”
Haalo Holding intends to acquire 25.1 percent of the voting and financial rights of the 09 Soccer GmbH and, in return, intends to spend two million euros initially. In addition to this initial investment, Haalo plans to contribute another million euros annually — regardless of the league the club plays in — to help 09 to become successful again.
This plan is not unrealistic — at least until the 2nd Bundesliga. In comparison: The total budget of the two Regionalliga-promoted clubs RW Oberhausen and Energie Cottbus in the 2017/18 season was just over one million euros. Even the players’ budgets of ambitious traditional clubs such as Karlsruher SC or 1. FC Kaiserslautern in the 3rd league are not higher than five million euros.
The new money should not only be invested into players. In Wattenscheid great things are to be created and various subsidiaries are to be founded for this purpose.
• For example, a new youth academy will be built. The newly founded Campus 09 Building GmbH is responsible for the construction together with Cree GmbH (by Rhomberg). The construction company will finance the project, which will cost around twelve million euros, and then rent it out to Campus 09 Building GmbH. A sustainable construction is planned, including wood and renewable fuels and passive ventilation systems.
• In addition, Wattenscheid 09 could benefit from a project by the city of Wattenscheid and the state of North Rhine-Westphalia. The plan is to modernize the existing home ground (Lohrheidestadion) for around 20 million euros. In order for the site to retain its status as the Olympic training center for athletics, it is intended, among other things, to build multi-storey car parks and VIP grandstands, which could then also be used by the new campus for its own purposes.
• Upon completion, the new 5000 to 6000 square meter campus will be home to all youth players of Wattenscheid 09 and all eSport teams. The new Campus 09 GmbH will include a boarding school as well as a school offer, which will include not only classical schooling and tutoring but also digital topics, entrepreneurship and values. An important role is played by Wolf-Dieter Hasenclever. The founding member of the German party “the Greens” advises Haalo as an educational politician and develops a pedagogical concept.
• It is also planned to set up a dedicated eSport team, which will be integrated into the new subsidiary eSports 09 GmbH. Teams will be built for the most popular eSports games “Counter-Strike”, “Fortnite”, “League of Legends”, “Dota 2” and “FIFA”.
Haalo Tech GmbH serves as an investment company and incubator, a kind of Rocket Internet for SportsTech. In this venture, all ideas, applications and products developed by Haalo will be gathered.

Europe’s most digital club

In order for the SG 09 Wattenscheid to become a best practice example for Haalo, the Hamburg start-up wants to use all its products at Wattenscheid 09: in the stadium, in the youth academy, in the training of the first team, within the eSports teams and throughout the office. Similar to the sporting as well as the financial goals, Haalo pursues a noble goal: “Within the next five years we want to make Wattenscheid 09 the most digital club in Europe”, says Jaeger and adds: “We want to have a bigger digital reach than the FC Barcelona.”
How ambitious — critics would say unrealistic — the goal is, the numbers show: FC Barcelona has a cumulative reach of over 170 million followers on the social media platforms Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Youtube. By comparison, Wattenscheid 09 currently has 5,800 fans on Facebook, just under 200 followers on Twitter and just under 1,600 subscribers on Instagram.
Nevertheless, Jaeger does not want to be diverted from his plan. He says: “If one assumes 60,000 people invest in an ICO, then Wattenscheid 09 has 60,000 new followers in one instance. And this range will continue to spread virally. “A great leverage in his view is the eSport with the help of which he promises “fast worldwide reach”.
Digitally the most innovative club in Europe or not — Haalo’s approach is unique in the sports business: a start-up financed by a cryptocurrency trying to push a low-class club in a digital and athletic way so that it can be used as an example to get their own business up and running.
So far, Haalo is just beginning. For the business model to work, some barriers have to be overcome in the first instance. For example, the financing of an ICO, but also the spin-off at Wattenscheid 09. Above all, Haalo has to convince the first football clubs and win them as customers. If this succeeds, it could become a success story. A success story because software like “Gainchanger” is not only applicable in football but also in motorsport, basketball or tennis and therefore the company’s products can scale. And maybe Wattenscheid will play in one of Germany’s highest football leagues.
Hier findest du den Originalartikel von Sponsors.
submitted by HaaloTech to sportstechnology [link] [comments]

Top Daily Posts for November 04, 2018:

Top Posts of the Day in /gaming:

Top Posts of the Day in /pics:

Top Posts of the Day in /worldnews:

Top Posts of the Day in /technology:

Top Posts of the Day in /videos:

Top Posts of the Day in /AskReddit:

Top Posts of the Day in /funny:

Top Posts of the Day in /bestof:

Top Posts of the Day in /WTF:

Top Posts of the Day in /askscience:

Top Posts of the Day in /Fallout:

Top Posts of the Day in /todayilearned:

Top Posts of the Day in /WouldYouRather:

Top Posts of the Day in /Makeup:

Top Posts of the Day in /GameDeals:

Top Posts of the Day in /IAmA:

Top Posts of the Day in /penpals:

Top Posts of the Day in /NAU:

Top Posts of the Day in /cringe:

Top Posts of the Day in /YouShouldKnow:

Top Posts of the Day in /offmychest:

Top Posts of the Day in /teenagers:

Top Posts of the Day in /GetMotivated:

Top Posts of the Day in /MakeupAddiction:

Top Posts of the Day in /thewalkingdead:

Top Posts of the Day in /loseit:

Top Posts of the Day in /LifeProTips:

Top Posts of the Day in /beermoney:

Top Posts of the Day in /roosterteeth:

Top Posts of the Day in /asmr:

Top Posts of the Day in /cscareerquestions:

Top Posts of the Day in /progresspics:

Top Posts of the Day in /antiMLM:

Top Posts of the Day in /casualiama:

Top Posts of the Day in /TalesFromRetail:

Top Posts of the Day in /PerfectTiming:

Top Posts of the Day in /photoshopbattles:

Top Posts of the Day in /ProgrammerHumor:

Top Posts of the Day in /HITsWorthTurkingFor:

Top Posts of the Day in /mildlyinteresting:

Top Posts of the Day in /youtubehaiku:

Top Posts of the Day in /Awesomenauts:

Top Posts of the Day in /trashy:

Top Posts of the Day in /BeautyBoxes:

Top Posts of the Day in /creepyPMs:

Top Posts of the Day in /gamegrumps:

Top Posts of the Day in /brownman:

Top Posts of the Day in /cringepics:

Top Posts of the Day in /3amjokes:

Top Posts of the Day in /wheredidthesodago:

Top Posts of the Day in /RWBY:

Top Posts of the Day in /FiftyFifty:

Top Posts of the Day in /StardewValley:

Top Posts of the Day in /thingsforants:

Top Posts of the Day in /im14andthisisdeep:

Top Posts of the Day in /Megturney:

Top Posts of the Day in /quityourbullshit:

Top Posts of the Day in /PublicFreakout:

Top Posts of the Day in /DiWHY:

Top Posts of the Day in /dogswithjobs:

Top Posts of the Day in /DontFundMe:

Top Posts of the Day in /ChoosingBeggars:

Top Posts of the Day in /nevertellmetheodds:

Top Posts of the Day in /boottoobig:

Top Posts of the Day in /wholesomememes:

Top Posts of the Day in /science:

submitted by EvaBee to TodaysPostsForEvaBee [link] [comments]

This Sub has Reached 1K+ Cards!

This Sub has Reached 1K+ White Cards!
And here they are :
"Long live the king"
"No" not meaning "No"

420YOLOSWAG

$100
$20
1 man, 1 jar
1.21 Gigawatts
100 horse size ducks.
1337 Sp3ak.
2 tooled up niggers with a blowtorch and some pliers
400 BABIES!!
7 bare chested black men and a Puma on a lead
70's bush.
70's porn bass lines.
9/11
A 2 inch tongue punch to the butt.
A 20 piece Chicken McNugget meal for one.
A 6 inch turkey on wheat with lettuce tomato pickles mayonnaise mustard and just a couple of banana peppers
A banana for scale
A barbwire fleshlight.
A baseball bat dildo.
A big bowl of spiderwebs
A Big, Scaly Dragon Dick.
A bollock caught in an electric whisk
A booby-trapped Cookie Bouquet
A box full of terrible foreign candy.
A broken rubber band, a ball of lint, and a faded receipt.
A bucket full of horse semen, poured into your gaping mouth and all over your naked body.
A bucketful of bull semen
A bunch of ducks in a zip-up costume.
A bunch of fucking naggers
A cactus
A carpet that matches the drapes
A CATastrophe
A center for ants.
A Chode
A cocktus
A cold harrowing scream echoing around a dark prison
A con within a con within a con. It's conception.
A conjugal trailer at the children's hospital.
A crotchless burqa.
A Cub Scout camp out at Neverland Ranch
A cyborg Kodiak bear with a flamethrower and a jet pack. It can also breathe underwater and only be defeated by love.
A day care Fight Club.
A dead baby in a clown costume.
A dentist whose fingers smell like they've been scratching their ass for the past twenty minutes.
A dick so big and black no light can escape from it
A dick that won't fit and an ass that won't quit.
A dishonorable discharge.
A dog making YOU lick peanut butter off ITS balls
A Double-Double enema
A dramatic reading of an Internet comments fight
A dream where you find your self standing in sun-god robes on top of a pyramid with a thousand naked girls screaming and throwing little pickles at you.
A dream within a dream within a wet dream
a drunk prom date
A face-switching surgery.
A fart escaping forward between your thigh and balls.
A fart that is reborn as a queef
A Fleshlight filled with thumbtacks.
A Fleshlight full of thumbtacks.
A funky ball of tits from outer space
A geriatric penis erect in defiance of God's will.
A giant, frothy mug of Santorum
A gigantic box of freshly-made poutine.
A GILF
A godlike sexual appetite.
A government funded racially driven euthanasia program
A Groupon for a hooker
A hammer thrown by the mighty Thor
A handjob from Edward Scissorhands.
A hands free orgasm
A high functioning sociopath who solves crimes.
A hilarious failed suicide attempt.
A Holocaust blooper reel
A hooker with an Adam's Apple the size of her balls.
A horse pissing into a guy's mouth.
A horsetail butt plug, a belt for a leash, and two grams of methamphetamine.
A Hot Bowl of Grits
A hovercraft full of eels.
A jar of Gypsy tears to protect you from AIDS
a jar of peanut butter, a hungry dog, and no one around to judge you.
A kaiju shaped like a penis
A latex bodysuit with a genital opening
A little baby learning to walk.
A Lukewarm Tauntaun.
A machete-wielding hitchhiker with a heart of gold
A male figure skater with bulge
A man-sized hamster wheel.
A mechanized condor with a Cockney accent, programed to follow people around that are having bad days and make fun of them
A midget with a dick that looks like a baby's arm holding an apple.
A milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard
A molester mustache.
A monkey at the zoo, presenting.
A monkey getting a blowjob from a frog.
A multimedia creampie gallery
A murder mystery party at Michael Barrymore's
A mutant child locked up in the basement.
A nativity where Mary and Joseph are white and Jesus is black.
A ninja with uncontrollable flatulence.
A one-word text from mom that just says 'soon'.
A pack of hungry dickwolves
A paper cut on the tip of your penis
A passive-aggressive fax from North Korea.
A pedophile who is honestly a really good guy, other than the pedophilia thing
A pedophile/gerontophile raping Benjamin Button.
A person who plays Cards Against Humanity like its Apples to Apples
A plastic kiddie pool, a bottle of Ipecac, one crack whore and a crisp $20 bill.
A pogo-stick knife fight.
A porn photographer airburshing out STDs.
A proctologist with poor depth perception.
A pungent queef burbling from a freshly douched twat
A puss filed vagina.
a puzzle too insanely hard to solve
A race car having sex with a porsche
A racist ghost.
A rare bird that is choking to death on an old Captain Planet toy.
A razor blade hidden in an inmate's asshole
A real life Hunger Games, with Canadians
A Reddit debate
a redwood forest of sweaty dicks.
A retarded dolphin
A romantic dinner for two with SCP-173.
A sad old man buying cat food for dinner because his wife used to do all the cooking.
A salami buttplug
A schizophrenic homeless man furiously masturbating in an alleyway in San Francisco
A second hand condom
A sex change change
A sex-deprived candlestick.
A shirtless Rick Ross
A shit load of naked Hobbits.
A shitty iMac
A shitty teenage demigod.
A shot glass full of orangutan semen.
A shot of menstrual blood
A sin so heinous, it pisses off Buddha, Jesus, Allah, your parents, and Santa Claus.
A six-speed dildo with reverse.
A six-speed vibrating dildo with reverse.
A slightly saltier surprise.
A sore asshole.
A split personality that runs amok while I'm asleep
A staring contest with Thom Yorke
A strange feeling inside.
A sudden and violent shart
A T-Rex trying to masturbate.
A tanuki's giant nutsack.
A TARDIS-Sized Vagina.
A tea-bagging gone horribly wrong
A thalidomide baby
A thick ass for slaughter.
A three wolf moon T-Shirt.
A three-way with your best friend and a stranger.
A threesome with Mr. Right hand, and Senior Left hand.
A tickle fight between Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones
A tongue 2-inches deep in my butthole.
A toothy blowjob
A toothy vagina.
A transsexual with a fully functional 10-inch cock.
A tricked-out Ford Pinto
A trident fight
A trunk full of dead hookers
A tuba packed with manure
A Twister tournament at the leper colony.
A used condom.
A vampire fleshlight.
A vampire with gingivitis.
A very particular set of skills.
A wet fart on a dry day.
A wheelbarrow full of dead babies
A wheelbarrow full of slightly used dildos.
A white kid saying the N-Word
A whiter, tighter, vagina
A woman so cold she spreads her legs and the light comes on.
Abortion omelette.
About 17 Mexicans.
Accidental Cream pie
Accidentally committing a hate crime
Accidentally impregnating your grandma.
Achilles, played by Brad Pitt.
Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf
Actually clicking the 'I am under 18' button.
Actually cumming inside of Rainbow Dash
Actually fucking your mother.
Actually reading the Terms & Conditions.
Adam West as 'Uncle Batman'.
Adolph Hitler's signature mustache ride.
Advanced Leukemia
Aggressive ass play.
Alfred dressing up as the Joker to cheer up Bruce Wayne.
All of my custom cards - list
All the Neopets you left forever starving but never dying.
Amanda Todd
Ambrosia, now stuffed with raisins.
An active shooter at a movie theater
An actual elephant in the room.
An alligator death roll
An amateur colonoscopy.
An ass that hurts because you wiped too much.
An autocannabalistic midget zombie.
An awkward boner
An enormous black man dragging his balls across your face
An entire legion of my best troops.
An irrational fear of creams.
An islamist extremist cleverly dressed as a small dog.
An itchy butt-hole that can't be satisfied.
An old Cuban superhero battling a robotic death cock with his mind lightning
An Oni in a shitty anime.
An orchard of dildo trees.
An over the pants HJ
An STD scare.
An Uncomfortable Amount of Monkeys
An unlikely alliance with vampires
Anal Fissures
Anal Prolapse
Ancient Aliens.
Angry Spooning.
Angry, drunken Canadians.
Anthony Weiner.
Areola Borealis : The Glorious Sky Nipple
Ares and Thor in a dick measuring contest.
Ariel's crabs
Ariel's slightly fishy smell
ASCII PR0N
Asking the Don a favor on this, the day of his daughter's wedding.
Asparagus Pee
Assuming all handicapped people are retarded.
Autistic kids
Aztec gods in a spelling contest.
Banging a pregnant chick so hard and deep that you put it in the baby.
Banging your grandma's roommates at the nursing home.
Bat-nipples.
Bat-shark replelant.
Batman bitch-slapping Robin.
Beast's sexual frustration
Beating little kids at Pokemon until they cry.
Becoming the mayor of a nursing home on Foursquare.
Beer shits.
Begrudgingly taking a shit at a bar.
Being a virgin and giving birth on Christmas.
Being a whiny little bitch.
Being aroused by a shampoo commercial
Being awaken by a kiss from a prince
Being drunk while performing a bris ceremony.
Being fingered by Freddy Kreuger.
Being sarcastic to the point where it's just pathetic and self-destructive.
Being sexually aroused by the sight of TSA's gloves.
Being so bad that Santa just shits in your stocking.
Being tasered
Being the mother fucking Metatron.
Being the very best, like no one ever was.
Being the world's foremost authority on bestiality
Being tickled until you pee.
Being trapped in Medusa's art show.
Being uncomfortable realizing you're outnumbered by members of another race.
Being visited by three men and giving gold, myrrh, and frankincense.
Ben Affleck.
Big Bird's basketball-sized cloaca.
Big Thunder Mountain
Bilbies.
Binders full of women
Black Jesus (from the future)
Black pleather suits.
Blood diamonds
Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary.
Blowing bubbles.
Blowing cum-bubbles at a funeral
Blowing your father to save his life.
Blue balls.
Blue Waffles
Boner tucks
Boob stares.
Boobies
Brawndo, the thirst mutilator.
Breaking into a blind persons house to rearrange their furniture.
Breasts. You know, jugs, honkers, twins, headlights, boobies, knockers, melons, tits, pillows, hooters, cans, funbags, coconuts, mammaries, boulders, tatas, sweater kittens.
Breath so awful, your ass gets jealous.
Bringing 25 items to the "12 Items Or Less" checkout
Broccoli farts
Bruce Campbell
Bruce Jenner.
Bukkake crossfire
Burning the Local Policeman in a big Wicker man.
Butt Chugging
Butt play
Butt-Pirates of the Caribbean
Buttseks
Buying a financially irresponsible amount of Reese 's Peanut Butter Cups.
Buying a used dildo at Goodwill.
Buying eight copies of a two-record set like a crafty consumer
By the power of greyskull!
Cable ties and chloroform
Cake farts
Campbells Chunky Kitten Soup
Cannot answer. Too drunk.
Captain Picard giving a rim job to a tribble
Carlos Mencia.
Casting magic missile at a bully.
Casually racist grandparents.
Cat memes.
Cat watching you masturbate.
Cats on the internet.
Celebrating genocide by eating turkey with friend and family.
Celebrating the anniversary of 9/11
Cerebral Palsy: The Musical
Chanting "Dick Nipples" in a crowded elevator.
Chicken flied lice
Child Services
Chinese tourists
Chocolate face
chocolate rain
Chris angel mindfreak
Chris Brown's right jab
Christian Bale.
Christmas War on Halloween, Veterans Day, and Thanksgiving.
Christmas.
Christopher Columbus.
Christopher Lee
Chucking Fruit cakes at the relative you absolutely cannot stand to see even once a year.
Chucky cheeses
Chugging a solo cup full of vodka
Cinderella's foot fetish
Cinderellas over used vagina
Circle jerk
Classy Pornography
Cleaning the bird shit out of the Enchanted Tiki Room
Clogged panties.
Closer scrutiny.
Clubbing baby seals
Comic book heroines traced from still-frames of porno.
Coming down to where you work and slapping the dick out of your mouth
Committing suicide to see what it feels like
Communism
Confused deaf people at Nelson Mandela's funeral.
Conservation of Momentum
Cookie nipples
Cool beans
Creating a theme park full of genetically-engineered dinosaurs as an elaborate plot to murder your stupid asshole lawyer.
Crusty bedding
Cthulhu (Praise be unto him).
Cunning stunts.
Daddy's whore of a girlfriend.
Dakota Fanning
Dancing like Stephen Fry.
Dany Heatley fuckin' all star
Dapper Butch Lesbians
Darwin, the Ikea monkey
Dat ass
Dead puppies.
Death by fisting
Debilitating ass cramps
Decapitated Christmas manger figures that are still lit up somehow.
Deeply inhaling the smell of someone else's shit.
Dementors
Derp
Detroit
Diabeetus.
Diarrhea
Diarrhea Forever
Diarrhea Pockets.
Dick-do
Dickbutt (with drawing)
Dickpics
Dildos, okay!?
Discovering that prostitute you hired is actually your mother.
Disgruntled Apple fan boys
Disney's Anti-Semitic agenda.
Dive bar bathroom sex.
DMX.
Doctor Faggot
Doctor Tran!
Dogs playing poker
Dogs that have bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you. (This one gets lots of lols)
Dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you
Doing a girl so hard, you bruise her uterus.
Doing a one handed handstand and jerking off on your own face.
Doling out the harshness.
Dolla dolla bills, y'all
Donating a used dildo to Goodwill.
Donkey Punches
Doo Doo Casserole with a side of Butt Salad
Dopamine.
Douching with boiling water
Down syndrome
Dradle made of clay.
Drinking bleach
Drinking wine out of a soda can at a kid's birthday party.
Dropping a deuce at someone else's house
Dropping used anal beads into a box of prayer beads
Drunkenly mistaking the baby's playpen for a toilet.
DSLs
Duking it out in the Thunderdome.
Dustin Penner choking on a pancake
Dwayne Johnson's cookbook.
Dying alone
Dying Hard.
Dying Hard... With a Vengeance.
Dying Harder.
Dying Hardest.
Dying in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Dyslexic children
Eatin' that ass like it was chicken chow mein.
eating an entire box of Oreos and crying yourself to sleep.
Eating an entire stick of butter.
Eating placenta as an aphrodisiac.
Eating so much that you literally explode.
Eating totinos pizza rolls directly off the pan.
Edward Snowden
Effeminate police officers riding face to face on a horse
Egg
Ejaculating colorful spring-loaded paper snakes.
Ejaculating on the cat by accident
Ending all of your doctor's sentences with, "That's what she said".
Ending up with daughters when you started with sons
Epically timing your cumshot to the drum bit in Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight".
Eugenics, for fun and profit
Excessive masturbation that leads to "chapped dick"
Explaining David Carridine's final moments to a kindergarten class.
Extreme Clitoral Collisions
Faces of Death
Faggot sex
Family Guy cutaways.
Fantasizing about Disney Princes
Fantasizing about Disney Princesses
Fapping on the family computer.
Fapping while wearing a horse head mask.
Farting during a rimjob.
Farting in the Baptism Pool
Farting loudly in a quiet movie theater
Farting loudly in church
Fatty Patty, the plus sized love doll.
Fear boners.
Feeding a bucket of puppies into a wood chipper.
Feeling an unexpected Bulge.
Feeling so depressed that you put Tetris on and just watch the pieces stack up.
Festivus.
Fight Club
Filipino Tilt-a-Whirl operators.
Finding a baby in a dumpster
Finding a secret room in your house
Finding Nickelback's greatest hits CD in the 99 cent Bargain bin.
Finding out she has a penis.
Finding out someone's favorite animal then hunting it to extinction.
Finding out you're gay mid-blowjob.
Finding out you're not gay mid blowjob.
Finding what Darth Vader has been using Luke's extra hand for
Finger-painting with the period blood of your mom.
First Base.
Fisting a jar of mayonnaise.
Five for Fighting
Fluttershy's worryingly vast collection of preserved Animal Penises.
Following through on a fart while performing a hand stand.
Forced to love a cruel man forever or brave the Sarlacc pit
Forgetting the safe word
Franklin, the racist hand puppet
Fred Durst.
Freddy Mercury's magical, wish-granting mustache.
French kissing your brother
FUCK YOU!!!
Fucking autocorrect!
Fucking someone so hard their freckles fall off.
Fucking the "no" out of someone.
Fucking Ventra
Full-on fisting.
Furtive masturbation
Gabe Newell diving into a room full of gold coins
Gay for pay.
George Clooney.
George Zimmerman knocking up Casey Anthony.
George Zimmerman.
Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles, yoyo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck!
Getting a blowjob in the dark... Then finding out it was from a guy.
Getting a prostate exam from a leper who walks away with four fingers.
Getting acquitted of murder because you're white.
Getting caught looking at Transformers mpreg slash.
Getting down to business (to defeat the Huns).
Getting drunk via an enema bag
Getting dumped by a dump truck driver.
Getting hepped up on goofballs
Getting jiggy with it
Getting pawed inappropriately by Tigger
Getting so drunk you have sex with your best friend... and it was absolutely terrible!
Ghost ridin' tha whip
Gifts.
Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep.
Girl on girl on girl on guy in girl on girl action
Girls with low self esteem.
Giving a sponge bath to an old man
Giving birth in a salvation army bathroom
Giving birth to an Ewok
Going camping alone, and waking up to an ass full of lube.
Going to a magic show and getting upset.
Gonaherpasyphilitis.
Gonorrhea that was totally worth it
Good old-fashioned 1950's misogyny
Gripping your boner and wildly waving it around while making light-saber noises.
Grundlebutter
Guy Fieri's ample pubic mound
Hades.
hairy nipples
Hakuna Matata!
HAL-PC
Half.
Ham sandwich chairman.
Hanukkah's seven days versus Christmas's two.
Harold Ramis busting ghosts AS a ghost.
Haters hatin'
Having a hooker blow you until cum shoots out of her nose.
Having a recurring dream of Jesus and I playing Earthworm Jim for the Sega Genesis.
Having a shamrock shake in September
Having an evil stepmother
Having an orgy with your parents
Having gum on your shoe
Having really hot, wet sex on your period.
Having to use the restroom at the sketchy WalMart.
Having your intestines sucked out by a pool drain.
Having your junk inhaled by Kirby for the strangest blowjob ever.
HEAD ON! Apply directly to the forehead. HEAD ON! Apply directly to the forehead.
Helen Keller's Driving School.
Hellen Keller's Dog
Hermaphrodite.
Hickory-smoked horse buttholes.
Hilary Clinton's Crusty Vagina.
Hilter's House of Barbeque
Hitching a ride on the Bangbus
Hitler memorabilia.
Hitler's Gas Bill
Hitting a motherfucker with another motherfucker.
Hitting speed bumps at full speed while getting road head.
Ho hos and ding dong
Hoarding
Hodor.
Holding hands with a boy for the very first time
Holographic charizard pokemon card
Homeopathic birth control
Honey boo boo
Hoodrats
Horny Shapeshifter Zeus.
Hot, American dickings!
Humping the couch cushions
I don't know how I got sick, but I suspect it had something to do with ______.
I'm positive, HIV positive
Ian McKellan
Immediate regret
Instead of getting a Christmas bonus this year, the boss if enrolling everyone in a jelly of the month club. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Intensely perverted secret Santa gifts.
Invading Poland....again.
Irregular Boner
It's a Small World
IT'S A TRAP! (With a drawing of Ackbar)
Izanagi's god-producing strip show.
Ja Rule.
Jacking off so much that your dick gets chapped.
Jacking off to your crush's Instagram page
Jackson Galaxy, Cat Behaviorist
Jafar in Genie form
Jailbait.
Jane Goodall motorboating a gorilla's floppy milk jugs.
Jean Chrétien's good side
Jeff Dunham fucking his puppets.
Jerking off with Lava® soap
Jesus doing a guitar solo.
Jesus letting a kid die, because the photo only got 998 likes
Jimmy Saville unyielding signing crippled girl's breasts
Joan Rivers.
John Goodman, smashing a Corvette with a crowbar while screaming "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!"
Jorts
Jumping balls-first down a flight of stairs to brutally teabag someone.
Jumping off of the Golden Gate bridge.
Justin Bieber's baby wiener
Ke$ha.
KFC double down
Kick!
Kicking Kittens.
Kicking puppies.
Killing your parents to get your inheritance
Killing your parents to get your inhertence
King Joffrey.
Kinky Retard Tetherball.
Kittens riding a roomba
Klondike bar
Knucklebabies
Korn.
Kratos, the God of War.
Kryptonite Ring.
Kum and Go
Kwanza.
Labia Menorah.
Ladies' underwear purchased from a vending machine.
Left handedness
Leo's Oscar cabinet
Let's split up, gang, Fred said.
letting the dog lick it clean
Licking her piss-flaps.
Licking Jasmine's "magic carpet."
Like a virgin, Touched for the very first time.
Liking big butts, and being unable to lie about it
Live. Laugh. Lick a Labia.
Living Free or Dying Hard.
Living under power lines
Locking eyes with a masturbating hobo.
Loki being Loki.
Long balls
Longinus.
Loosing the condom deep inside a vagina.
Losing a tickle fight to Alex Trebek
Losing ten thousand dollars betting on the Puppy Bowl.
Lou Gehrig's Disease
Luring an unsuspecting toddler into my bouncy castle of seduction.
Lying to children
Lying to terminally ill children about their life expectancy.
Macho Man Randy Savage
Making a merkin out of public toilet pubic hairs.
Making children cry for fun and profit.
Making sweet love to a really sexy sheep.
Making sweet, sweet love to an ambulance
Mall cops on segways.
Man-on-dog enthusiast Rick Santorum.
Manti Te'o's Girlfriend.
Mary Poppins
Masked strangers who knock on your door in the middle of the night.
Masturbating before your nurse comes back.
Masturbating to "Memoirs of a Geisha"
Meat Sweats
Mel Gibson.
Men's Beach Volleyball
Method Man sewing your asshole closed and feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you.
Michael J. Fox's Hand-Spun Milkshakes.
Michael Jackson's jock strap
Michael Keaton.
Microwave cooking for one
microwaved babies
Midget porn and the Benny Hill theme, A lap dance from a crying stripper
midgets in a fuck and suck circle
Miley Cyrus's tongue.
Moderate to severe chronic plaque psoriasis
Moistness
Mordor.
More cowbell.
Morgan Freeman.
MOTHERFUCKING CTHULHU
Mouth fucking Alzheimer's patients
Mr. Rogers after he finally snaps.
Mr. Rogers soothingly narrating his actions as he methodically slaughters a village full of children.
Mrs Clause having an affair wile Santa is out working on Christmas Eve.
Muhammad Ali in a Jenga tournament.
Murphy's Law
My beef swellington.
My dick in a box.
My fairy godmother
my former druggie friends
My grandmother's musty leather kayak
My hot, teenage daughter
My vintage collection of Kirk/Spock slashfic.
nasal penetration
Never brushing your teeth.
Neverland ranch
NiggAs (not niggERs)
Nikola Tesla's insane ball-lightning death ray.
Nonstop suction
Norman Reedus
North Korea's Special Ninja Army
Not fitting in.
Not getting enough Likes for my boring selfie!
Not having to pay Casey Anthony child support
Not knowing how to properly interact with a news reporter because you're black.
Numberwang!
Obese Jessica Simpson
Odin
Oh, my God. He shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere! Damnit! There's shit on the windows! Oh, my God! My house is full of shit! He shit everywhere! Look what he did! He shit all over the walls! There's shit everywhere
Ol' Dirty Bastard aka Ol' Dirt Dawg aka Dirt McGirt aka Big Baby Jesus.
Old Gregg
One more Jack and coke
One of those "t" pendants
Oompa Loompas shitting into the chocolate river.
Oops, Poop Soup
Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!
Orgy of seven dwarves
Packs of scissors that you need scissors to open.
Painful and awkward gay sex with two straight males
Painful nipple erections.
Palpable unhappiness
Parking in a handicapped spot, and not being handicapped
Partying so hard you pass out behind a dumpster, covered in vomit, and a homeless person uses your face for a urinal.
Partying so hard you throw up a condom.
Passive eugenics.
Patrick Kane tittyfucking a 4/10
Patrick Stewart
Paul Walker's drive thru BBQ.
Paula Deen frantically throwing butter in a bowl
Paula Deen's butter flavored vagina
Paying the Iron Price for a Klondike Bar
Penile shrinkage.
Penis
People "allergic" to gluten
Performing a "4th trimester abortion" and blaming SIDS.
Picking up women at the abortion clinic.
Pineapple juice.
Piss Shivers.
Playing "hot or not" at a preschool
Playing "never-have-I-ever" against Charlie Sheen.
Playing twister with an amputee.
Playing twster with amputees.
Playing your tin whistle whilst marching all of the children out of Africa and into Bangladeshi sweatshops
Plowing his virgin butthole with a strap-on
Pocahontas.
Poop
Pooping so hard your tampon falls out.
Pooping with the door open.
Popping a molly
Porkie Pig singing the back up vocals to C&C Music Factory's Everybody Dance Now
Poseidon.
Post bukkake sneeze.
Pow!
Pow! Kick! Punch!
President Sarah Palin
Prime Minister Tony Abbott's two hot daughters
Prince Harry's "Prince Hairy"
Prince-on-prince action.
Princess Diana's rotting corpse
Procrastination
Profiting from the suffering of untold millions.
Prom Night Dumpster Baby
Prostate orgasms.
Pubic shavings.
pumping breast milk the day after a bender so that your baby doesn't get wasted
Punch!
Punching a tree to gather wood.
Putting all the bibles in the Fiction section at the bookstore.
Putting hot sauce on your penis.
Putting up a flamboyantly decorated fir tree when you are Jewish.
Putting up a menorah when you are Christian.
Putting your hand out for a handshake, then pulling it back and slyly moving it through your own hair.
Queen Elizabeth's haunted lizard snatch
Queer bait
Quiabelagayo, Mayan God of S&M.
Rachael Ray's weird boobs.
Racist Michael Richards
Rahm Emmanuel's missing finger.
Rainbow Parties.
Raining top shelf pussy from the sky. only to find out in this dream you have no dick.
Ramadan.
Rapist, Necrophiliac Ducks
Realizing too late that there is no toilet paper left
Reindeer semen.
Responding to a fight by striping down naked.
Returning some videotapes
Richard Simmons in a pink, sparkly tank top
Riding a Sybian with uncontrollable diarrhea
Riding a tandem bicycle alone
Ripping a cheek-flappingly loud fart at a funeral during the moment of silence.
Rob Ford
Roberto Luongo shitting his pants
Rodents of unusual size.
Ron Jeremy's massive equine dong.
Rudolph's glowing red snot.
Running over children for sport
Russian dashboard cameras.
Santa Clause cumming in all the bad girl's chimneys.
Santa's accidental erection.
Sarcasm so intense that it circles back to sincerity.
Sasha Grey and her trinity of penis-ravaged orifices
Sassy replies from Siri
Saying "hashtag" in everyday conversation.
Scrapers
Second Base.
Secretly hoping your parents will die soon so you can collect your inheritance
Seeing your life flash before your eyes, and realizing it was kind of shit.
Seeing your naked reflection on the computer screen while the video loads.
Semen
Sending your significant other a message by shitting on the floor in front of the toilet instead of in the toilet.
Separate but equal.
Setting fire to a children's hospital
Sex on the floor of a children's hospital bathroom.
Sexually abusing the mentally handicapped
Sexually Aggressive Pit Bulls
Sexually confused gods and goddesses.
Sexually molesting a precious childhood toy
Sharks with freakin “lasers” on their head.
Shennanigans
Shitting and eating at the same time
Shitting cum into an evidence bag
Shitting on any moment of decency.
Shitting out an unopened beer bottle
Shoddy habit for humanities houses.
Shooting RoboCop in the mouth
Shouting into your penis like it's a microphone
Shower Farts
Shrek.
Single digit checking account balances.
Six gummy bears and some scotch.
Six pack baby Jesus from those reinaissance paintings
Skittles and Arizona iced tea
Sleeping for a century
Sleeping in random places on campus because it is easier than going home.
Slow dance boners.
Slow dance erections
Slow motion penile helicoptering.
Slutting your way to the top
Small talk with your hairdresser.
Smell of a freshly opened pack of new cards.
Smelling a used dildo from Goodwill.
smiling pile of poo
Smothered by a lovers cankle
Sneezing then finding out you have explosive diarrhea
Sniffing used panties
Snoop Dizzle, my nizzle
Snuggie
Snugglefucking
So much anal that a fart sounds just like tuba.
Some fun south of the mouth
Some kind of sexy Yggdrasil.
Some kind of sexy Yggdrassil.
Some Stupid Thing Making The Rounds Among Your Facebook Friends Today
Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin' and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin' they all come in and rip you to pieces.
Spanking the monkey all day
Speaking progressively louder to foreigners.
Spending time with Grandpa and Grandma.
Spinning Teacups
Splash back from a sizable turd.
Spunk bubbles
Squirting
Stacy's mom, who has it going on
STAND DOWN, MEGATRON!, Optimus Prime shouted.
Staying home every night, downloading increasingly shameful pornography.
Stealing from the church collection thing
Stepping on a lego
Steve Irwin dying the way he lived his life - with animals in his heart.
Steve Jobs' Ghost
Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Straight up dog shit right in your god damned face.
Sucking a Dick at a truck stop
Sucking dick for Buffalo nickels
Sudan
Suge Knight.
Suing your parents on Judge Judy.
Summoning Sickness.
Super Adventure Club
Superman's other weakness: horseback riding.
Surprise butsecks.
Surreptitiously bringing a woman to climax with a bread stick at the classiest restaurant in town.
Surviving The Boston Marathon
Swallowing a live grenade for a £5 bet
Sweet black pussy
Sweet nun-chuck skills
Sweet, virgin pussy.
Synchronized squirt
Taco Bell
Taking a dump in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese.
Taking a job as a high school janitor to find a new girlfriend.
Taking a shit when someone's in the shower.
Taking an arrow to the knee
Taking yoga lessons just to see some ass.
Tarzan's flaccid penis.
Tasha Yar's Rape Gang
Tasteful nudes of Mary Poppins
Taylor Swift's Love Life
Team Iceland (from 'D2: The Mighty Ducks')
Tears as lubricant
Ted Bundy
Ted Cruz.
Telling kids that the Toostie Rolls are actually processed reindeer crap.
Texting and driving
Texting while driving
That baby monkey clinging to its surrogate stuffed animal mom
That episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse and Joey took turns plowing Kimmy Gibbler.
That feeling when it's A Good Day to Die Hard.
That feeling when it's not A Good Day to Die Hard.
That feeling you get when you have to take a dump
That person who talks on the phone in the bathroom.
That place where I put that thing that time.
That secret you keep from your spouse
The $19.99 Do-It-Yourself White Trash Wedding
The 'World hide and seek champion' trophy with Madeleine McCann's name on slowly gathering dust in a Portuguese police station
The 1984 Denver Broncos
The 4th annual 'kids with polio' roller derby
The 5-hole.
The arms of the t-rex
The asshole sitting on my right
The Band Syndrome of A Downs
The battered women's shelter
The bed intruder.
The bits of Diana they were able to pull from the bent up tuna can of a wreckage
The BP oil spill
The Brave Little Toaster
The budding breasts of an 11 year old girl
The Bunny Ranch
The Burning Bush - A Heal by Prayer STD Clinic
The Canadians are coming, the Canadians are coming!!!!!
The constant sticky glisten of Ron Jeremy.
The critically acclaimed disaster porn, 69/11
The Cult of Crossfit
The current edition of Muhammad Ali
The depression that ensues after catching 'em all.
The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too.
The dry season.
The Ellen Degeneres School of Muff Diving.
The episode of "Saved by the Bell" where Jesse gets hooked on caffeine pills
The episode of Diff'rent Strokes where Arnold gets sexually assaulted by the bike clerk
The ever-popular scroterboat.
The excitement of eating at a fast food chain restaurant not found in your hometown.
The first 10 minutes of "Bruno"
The Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Foot Clan.
The Furies.
The G.I. Joe VA Hospital Waiting Room play set.
The Great Old Ones.
The gunt; the fuck gut; the fat upper pussy area (FUPA).
The Hanson Brothers.
The honey bee from old country buffet
The introduction of a habañero chili pepper into a bottle of lube.
The introduction of habanero chile pepper juice into a bottle of personal lubricant.
The joyous gift of fatherhood
The kids that Gary Glitter turned down
The last time I had an erection.
The little string-bridge that connects the glans to the shaft.
The love child of Adolph Hitler and Taylor Swift... Tadolph Switler.
The Lusty Argonian Maid
The magazine drawer at a male fertility clinic.
The Magical Negro
The mile run in gym class
The morning after pill
The most beautiful girl in the room.
The Nobel Peace Prize
The nobleman, God's highest creation.
The people of Walmart
The Picard Maneuver.
The Pillsbury Doughboy frantically pounding on the glass of an oven door.
The Pint of No Return
The poison for Kuzco. The poison specifically chosen for Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.
The Poon-Tang Clan
The public drilling of wetlands.
The puss from a dick pimple.
The racist crows from Dumbo
The remotely-accessible federal database of every kiddie porn image ever made.
The sense of holiday spirit you feel while buried to the hilt in the cold, uncooked guts of your Thanksgiving turkey.
The shattered remains of all my hopes and dreams.
The smallest, whitest dick.
The soft, warm, silky interior of an unwilling sheep
The sound Gilbert Gottfried makes when someone extinguishes a cigar on his neck.
The Speech from Independence Day.
The Srebrenica massacre.
The stigmata.
The sweet, sweet taste of taint
The testicles of beavers.
The theme from schindlers list
The Walk of Shame.
The war on Festivus.
The whole motherfucking pantheon!
Thick, ropy strands.
Thinking of the children
Thom Yorke's left eye.
Thomas Jefferson's sexy slave mistress
Those happening kids in their new wave kicks
Those meddling kids.
Those sweaters with 3 cats on the front and the back has the cats from behind with their assholes on them.
Three Asian strippers, two porn stars, and a suitcase full of blow.
Three lines of coke, two Asian strippers, and one hell of a story
Throwing buckets of fish guts over an expectant crowd
Throwing up after blackout drinking and finding flecks of sumo wrestler smegma in your vomit.
Tickling someone until they pee.
Tim Minchin making out with Russell Brand
Tim Tebow.
TIM-MAAAAAAAY!!!
Titty-fucking contests.
Toe nail clippings
Tom Cruise's alleged homosexuality
Tom Cruise' Manny Fanny
Tommy Lee's manmeat
Torturing a Sim modeled after your ex.
Toys.
Traveling back in time to become your own grandfather
Trayvon Martin.
Tricking kids into getting in your van.
Trolling Craigslist for to get laid.
Trombone noise.
Trying not to accidentally shit on Santa's lap.
Trying to solve your problems with a drone missile strike.
Trying to urinate with an erection.
tubgirl
Tuna
Twat breath
Twatwaffle
Twincest
Two for Hooking.
Two for Slashing
Two people banging behind a dumpster at 6am on a Sunday in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
Two retards playing tetherball
Type-II Adult-Onset Diabetes
Ugly stepsisters
ULTRA-LESBIAN-DEATH-MACHINE
Uncle Remus
Uncle Touchy's naked puzzle basement.
Uncomfortable thigh contact with an old man on the bus.
Uncomfortably sitting next to a handicapped person
Uncrustables. or PB&J with the Crust Cut Off.
Unloading a truckload of babies with a pitchfork.
Unnecessary hashtags
Unnecessary Surgery Land.
Unrealistic romantic expectations.
Unsightly muffintops
Upper Decker Double Blumpkin
Urethal splinter torture
Using "anal" as an adjective.
Using "hashtag" in everyday conversation.
Using 4Chan for parenting advice.
Using a banana for scale
Using only 20% of my power
Using ranch dressing as anal lube.
Using wasabi for lube.
Using your penis as a helicopter
Vagina dentata!
vaginal discharge
Vaginal Hubris
Vaginal snail trail
Vajazzling so often that you queef glitter.
Val Kilmer.
Victims of Newtown.
Victorian-era sexuality
Violence.
Violent Christmas movies.
Virgin Goddesses.
Vishnu using all her hands to masturbate
Voiding your bowels after dying, only to get resuscitated immediately afterwards.
Voldemort's shriveled trouser snake.
Vomiting in a crowded elevator.
Waiting till marriage, then finding out your so is a trap.
Waking up in your tent with an ass covered in lube... and you went camping alone
Wanking to old family photos
Washing you asshole so clean you fart bubbles.
Washing your asshole so thoroughly you fart bubbles for days
Watermelon and fried chicken
Wayne Enterprise buying out The Daily Planet.
Wearing the genitals of a defeated enemy around your neck as a trophy.
Weather so cold, you can key a car with your icy cold nipples.
What Hitler would have wanted.
What I paid your mom to do last night
What she said
What the fuck do you think, Captain Skinny Dick?
Whatever fits in my butt
Whatever hot dogs are made of
Wheelchair Jimmy
When a chopstick and a urethra make sweet, sweet love.
When it sounds like a boot stuck in mud.
Whipping your hair back and forth
Whipping your penis around while making lightsaber noises.
Who's down with OPP?
Whoa, Big Gulps huh? Alright! Well, see ya later!
Whoopi Goldberg, naked
Why not Zoidberg?!
Wilford Brimley's moustache
Winnie The Pooh sensually rubbing Christopher Robin's erect penis with hunny
Winning a drag race against Paul Walker.
Wondering if Australia has a white Christmas.
Wondering why people celebrate Christmas when Jesus was Jewish.
Working as a porno theatre janitor
World Geriatric Stripping Championship.
Wu Tang Clam
XML.
Yippee ki-yay, Mother Russia.
Yippee ki-yay, Motherfucker.
Yoga pants
You People
Young faces with braces
Your Dad's secret boyfriend
Your face.
Your husband
Your mom LAST NIGHT
Your older sister revealing she has Ice powers after you reveal you are marrying a man she only met today.
Your spouse dazed, confused, and farting uncontrollably while passed out on the bathroom floor
Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy
Zero Fucks Given!
Zeus.
Zip Zop Bippity Bop: Bill Cosby Sex Tape
Zumba
[REDACTED]
[Trollface]
submitted by amdewstow to cahideas [link] [comments]

Transcript of George Webb Video Series Part 304 "Hillary's Leakers, Hackers, and Henchmen" [@Georgwebb / #HRCRatline]

  • Day 170.1 Chrystal and Flynn Recommended Gritz For Key Post in 2005, SES Knocked It Down - YouTube
    • It's day 170 for those folks who weren't following yesterday we had a chance Task Force an ID to meet Robyn Gritz last night
    • And she was a counterterrorism agent within the FBI for a number of years
    • I think about two decades
    • And she briefed a lot of presidents and--we went through her career
    • And she kind of was knocked down by a Andy McCabe unfortunately as they started competing for positions
    • And he started moving up through the ladder
    • And I've kind of used Richard the third as the Andy McCabe character
    • And this this woman here was as sort of the Margaret of Anjou--if you will
    • Lots of historical analogies that you can you can pull
    • But what was really great is meeting both love having Robin meet with with Task Force--Task Force to talk about law enforcement
    • And then kind of when you get in the way, what happens?
    • Especially kind of in a male-dominated area
    • So there's a long conversation about three and a half hours
    • But what I took away from it, I left on me post last night
    • But the last thing I said so you can see can read that
    • But the last thing I said was to get Robin over 20 thousand dollars
    • I PROMISed I would and we'd get her over that
    • I really think this should be around 500,000 of her to mount a legal challenge
    • And it's more important than just writing the wrongs of Robyn Gritz--as far as what happened to her career
    • She really was on the fast track all the way back in 2005 with General Stanley McChrystal, way before Mike Flynn
    • She was working with Mike Flynn at that time
    • But this was really it she was kind of on the fast track
    • And her appointment in 2005--and I think this is so important to go back to that date
    • To a person was put in the job where the crystal
    • And Flynn did not know who the nominee was they had both nominated her for this job
    • And she was yanked out of this in McCabe kind of SES guy was was put in the position
    • And that goes all the way back 13 years to that critical juncture, where she was kind of on the fast track to be maybe the head of a DIA or something like that
    • So I think this is really important history to share--that really
    • She briefed so many different presidents on some of the most sensitive kidnappings and bombings...in our in our nation's history
    • And I think Trump would do well to sit with her just just to review those situations if nothing else, from the perspective of the FBI
    • And then the other thing I think this is [[Director Freeh]] a Louis Freeh
    • Get back to the get back to the historical roots
    • And values of the FBI
    • I think that's the other thing that Robyn Grits could briefed the president on
    • So I really want to get away from this idea of Robyn Gritz as the victim...and get more toward the idea of Roby Gritz as the expert there's a great deal of expertise that she could lend at Trump
    • And Trump is only gonna get this insight or SES old boys club
    • It's not even old boys club is kind of a new new boys club--billionaire boys club perspective of the FBI
    • And this I believe Trump really has this opportunity in a briefing
    • It's really get the old FBI, the old ethics, the Louie Freeh ethics of the FBI the Kallstrom type ethics of the FBI
    • So anyway looking down here on the donations
    • There's always some--glad-hander grandstander that always wants to be number one, this idiot George Webb or George Sweiggert
    • So I'm thinking about doing that that dope
    • So anyway that is this morning's update
  • Day 170.2 Trump Sanctions Deripaska. Firtash and Pinchuk Next? - YouTube
    • It's Day 170
    • And this is part two
    • And the big news story obviously is the Treasury Department's sanctioning the different Russian individuals as well as entities
    • And they're seven Russians, including Oleg Deripaska you remember Oleg Deripaska the pasta that comes out of your salad with the derringer that Deripaska
    • You've also got 12 Russian companies and then 17 senior Russian officials
    • And these officials usually are just kind of fillers
    • And its really the companies and the Russians that are really interesting
    • Now, you'll notice that we've done a lot of work on a like Deripaska
    • So I created a playlist for him
    • And then also with Russian companies you'll see three or four different Russian companies like VTB Bank and others that I've focused on
    • And that I put out on Twitter as well this morning's for background on who these people actually are
    • What we're going to continue doing is continue identifying more Russians more of Hillary's Russians
    • Christopher Steele's Russians, Andy McCabe's Russians that they work with
    • And these are just organized crime figures they were FSB agents they became organized crime figures
    • And basically they've been running different types of Kompromat
    • So we'll be focusing on Russians like the VeroPharm deal with Abbott Laboratories here in Chicago with Rahm Emanuel
    • And our famous basketball-owning Russian oligarch basketball-team-owning Russian oligarch in New Jersey Mr. Pinchuk
    • We'll be looking at the pinch-Bears the famous crowdsource a crowd strike a hacking team that potentially just got exiled or expelled by Trump
    • So the are the pinch Bears associated with Pinchuk?
    • Was that associated with getting the VeroPharm deal through and other Russian drug company deals through other Russian weapons deals through we're gonna look at that we're going to look at Firtash we're gonna look at other oligarchs like Katsyv and we're gonna look at Friedman
    • So all those names will be coming
    • And our objective here is to add to the list of people on the US sanctions
    • Take out all of Hillary's and Christopher Steele's and Andy McCabe's Russians: that's the key
    • Now, the other thing that could help is bring people to the White House that can luminate Trump's knowledge of anemic Apes Andy McCabe's tactics
    • And also informed public policy on terrorism counterterrorism somebody like a Robyn Gritz being invited to the White House is what we recommend
    • We still have a hostage in Iran this
    • A lot of these dealings with the Russians were for the Iran deal we have Anthony Weiner's trusted staff negotiating these deals on Blackberries
    • We have the different Gmail accounts from the State Department negotiating these deals with Iran
    • Now, we have people shooting people from Iran at YouTube
    • And now, we still have a hostage there in Iran
    • Was Robyn Gritz shuffled off the Robert Levinson deal because she was making too close--she was getting too close to family--she's making too much progress?
    • We really don't know the answer to that
    • But we think that President Trump would do well to get an insider who's been on the case since 2007, has years of experience with negotiating with the Iranians, to the White House to get an outside the bubble perspective on the Russian Iranian situation
  • I'm not going to transcribe the live videos--they are too long and I can barely keep up with the short ones
  • Day 171.1 Why Be A DHS Expert If You Ignore the Awans? - YouTube
    • It's day 171
    • And just to be sure I checked into the plum book
    • And made sure my brother wasn't in there, and he wasn't
    • So the plum book if you don't remember is a listing of jobs available in the public sector
    • These are civil servants jobs, starting at the presidential appointees, down to Senate confirmation, to just presidential appointees without senate confirmation, and then of course the all ubiquitous SES a Senior Executive Service, which is sort of a sort of a union if you will, at the top executive levels inside the Government
    • What I'd like to do sometimes is take these names or different keywords and go through the plum book
    • And just show people the number of occurrences
    • And I realize this is kind of the hard work of research
    • And maybe not particularly interesting for all the catfights on Twitter etc catfights on YouTube
    • But it is kind of the stuff that makes or breaks hypotheses and kind of moving the ball forward
    • So anyway if you remember before I just took the occurrence of the word homeland
    • And I saw 39 occurrences over here 39 occurrences in the plum book
    • And my theory here is that the DHS or the Department of Homeland Security is sort of used as a wedge or a funnel for the DoD to kind of insert people into a kind of a national control mechanism--a U.S. control mechanism
    • So the same techniques used overseas to gain control of kind of a an undercurrent or or a party or a union like the SEIU let's say
    • And then you would take over that labor union like let's say Poland way back when when Poland was being overthrown, you would use that Union to do all your communications protect your communications until the time of overthrow
    • Is that the same thing the DoD is doing in the United States with SES? Is sort of theory
    • So if you don't remember Lisa Monaco would just go down a list here this is really the first occurrence
    • She's really kind of brought up as a--a young, hard-charging young female attorney as a DHS expert
    • And then if you remember the kind of the PR shots in the White House
    • Here's Lisa Monica of course Susan Rice and Samantha power they all sit on the couch together all day like that and go through their papers
    • So these are kind of glamour shots obviously this is not a very realistic working situation here in the White House
    • So and I understand a certain amount of this this is a this is good PR...
    • She's from the University of Chicago and then got a pedigree at at Harvard
    • So moving along in the plum book
    • She's not even Senior Executive Services you can see over here she is--just presidential appointee
    • So we'll go quickly through the different appointees in Homeland Security
    • And most of the folks are not listed there this--kind of a Ditto kind of thing career incumbent they're Korean come
    • But they're--they're ditto there and then career incumbent
    • Again, this Thomas F Atkins interesting
    • So I just what I do on these is I drill down on two or three just to get a feel for people to get a feel rather than just end the discussion, and not do any more detail detailed research on the SES books
    • So here's Thomas Atkin--was once the former acting secretary of defense
    • I don't know if that is when who who was the Secretary of Defense he was acting for
    • But he's got his own group now, he's left in 2012
    • I'm trying to think of what shake-up happened inside me Department of Defense at that time
    • Senator from Nebraska I believe was the Senator then became the Secretary of Defense
    • But anyway he's got a new company now, he's broken away from the...or else he's joined this other group
    • Here he is the assistant secretary of defense here cyber strategy...and then Homeland Security
    • And then of course the obligatory time at Raytheon--gotta know where those cruise missiles are at all times
    • Then of course a visiting fellow here at the Homeland Security Institute and here we go back to the Coast Guard
    • And this seems to be the Coast Guard seems to be that kind of a key inflection point for kind of entering people into DHS
    • Seems to be quite a bit of emphasis there
    • Border security and so forth Operations Group
    • And the my only question is--I look at all these different resumes, and I see all these add all this expertise
    • But the simplest questions that can't be answered in Washington
    • About what's going back and forth on Imran Awan's server?
    • What are the terabytes going back and forth Imran Awan's server?
    • A lot of this emphasis starts on FEMA I noticed there's a similar emphasis with the Army with FEMA on some of these resumes
    • So he kind of comes up the ranks for FEMA here
    • So I'll just quickly go back here, look at some other resumes
    • Vacant
    • Career incumbent
    • Vacant
    • Matthew Gula that's the GS position
    • So Jeh Johnson of course we all know
    • Mayorkas was kind of the guy who was kind of drummed out of the service because of dirty dealings
    • And Erin Walls she's GS so we won't talk about her
    • And again, when he gets to the ES positions
    • Again, you see there's just a lot of vacancies
    • And again, John Roth was the Inspector General of Homeland Security for another career incumbent
    • Just not a lot of data
    • The only one person really would get any data as the Coast Guard guy
    • And is that because that I don't know Americans have an affinity for the Coast Guard?
    • Here's John Roth we still don't have an Inspector General for Homeland Security
    • Again, that's another position, yet another Inspector General position, that's not filled with the Trump administration
    • I don't know if that's by design or on purpose but
    • Again, here are the whistleblower protection Ombudsman vacant vacant
    • So you've seen really there's only one here
    • Again, Ditto
    • Only one position we've seen
    • So far in the ES
    • Again, vacant of who actually runs these things and
    • Now, here this is a million homeland security
    • So those are all the occurrences of the word Homeland Security
    • And my takeaway would be we need to know these names
    • And we need much more scrutiny on if you're going to be in Homeland Security if you're gonna be an expert you're gonna be the assistant secretary of defense you're gonna have all this border security, and all this knowledge, and all these consultancies, all these groups, all this expertise, you have to apply it to the most pressing need in the country right, now, which is the Awans
    • Terabytes to Pakistan
    • Hundreds of suspicious payments
    • Thousands of suspicious logins
    • If you don't apply your expertise to the most pressing problems, what good is the expertise
  • Day 171.2. Introducing UpWhistle and Rich Seng - YouTube
    • It's day 171
    • And i'm here with the founder of giggety this is rich hello saying how you doing yeah how you doing to everyone like many of you I've been following George from--day 50 or
    • So really been impressed with how media is changing because we can
    • Now, take control of the narrative
    • And we're no longer trapped into the mainstream media
    • And riches rich is not satisfied with just having a first name of rich
    • And he has filmed people who's saying
    • And he did get rich that way as the founder
    • And CEO herein
    • And I don't know how rich you are now
    • But I'm penny not uppity giggity-giggity I figured no no diggin what we did yeah giggity is a live streaming company we would go to music venues
    • And comedy clubs how to use you this morning YouTube could have used you
    • And we installed the cameras
    • And microphones permanently
    • So that event you no longer had to like--do anything
    • But just spend one minute scheduling to start time
    • And end time on a broad kind of like a newsroom yeah
    • And then--is it going to be free or pay-per-view if it's a pay-per-view how much does each artist receive
    • So we're like buddy guys legends we're at second city in IO
    • And venues in Los Angeles
    • And in Boston
    • But still were 40 or 50 of these venues about 40 yeah and--we were allowing people who could not attend a rock show or a comedy show to just pull up the live stream
    • And then get then get money for all the artists to watch run if your patreon that's perfect yeah yeah
    • But it wasn't like a donation it was more like you had to pay five bucks for the pay-per-view ticket oh
    • So it's more than just a donation on the month
    • Now, you see the Flatiron Building behind us do they call this area of the Flatiron well this is areas Wicker Park
    • And it's mainly like an old Polish neighborhood *--they built all these old buildings just fix this Roby hotel over the Robie Hotel your startup have your meetings on the second floor of the Roby great great breakfast there too we didn't actually eat there we just look well we had some bagels yes courtesy of giggity yeah
    • So I always make offers to make myself rich
    • But I try to I try to make it look like it's a team effort because that's what I do right and
    • So what I talked to you about was up whistle
    • Now, here's my idea of up whistle is--how you upload stuff--people upload stuff right yeah yeah wouldn't it be great wouldn't it be great if whistleblowers had a way of up whistling if you had like some like oh here's Imran leaving with the Bitcoin--with the leg up like this leaving Rayburn if you're Andrew McCabe with like a change of conscience in a lumination of your conscience yeah Rahm Emanuel
    • And you're--going into the back of the cabs--getting the drop from from Podesta would it be great if you could up whistle yeah well you put up your your leak theoretically
    • And then the crowd would go
    • there's something here that the main guru you could vote it you could own it you cannot vote it
    • And vet it
    • And then--what I found out--what I found out I had this great idea of up whistle I had this out domain name
    • And guess who had the domain before me yeah I happened to scoop up the name right before George
    • So I own up whistle calm
    • But it's going to be something for like like one of the things I've watched Infowars like Alex Jones used to infuriate me because there's
    • So many good stories like yours that just never got hit upon
    • So I'm like what if there was up whistle where people could people could bet those RLC SSDs convention this weekend people could vet the idea
    • And then then Alex Jones
    • And all of these like independent alternative news wired networks they would just have the cream the cream a story this the cream idea would just be right there for
    • So it's better than up voting it's up whistling because what you're doing is you're working you're going on to a crowdsource sites you're getting a lot of data you're you're finding some kind of stuff it's kind of like our Trello board only it's up whistle for everybody
    • Now, the world cannot vote that on the Trello board base yeah yeah yeah
    • So basically--if you are an insider
    • And you have that illumination of conscience well you're like--this is hurting society civilization this needs to get out well let's just say somebody said here's the address of mis department yeah could you go by
    • And fill me in todepart yes you could you could just--hop on your bicycle you get on the bus you can yeah well maybe we'll do that see if this guy's really--how did you let me talk you out of
    • So much stock in our first meeting yes I think I think they're going for you rob we're here in Winter Park at he's just a faker
    • let's let's put you to the test let's see if we can find we're gonna give we're gonna be like a scavenger we're gonna give you its on California talent we're gonna give it a walk yeah we're gonna see if you can find the Mis Department we're all the FBI phone calls remember Hawkins member Andre Hawkins making all those phone calls that's what that that metadata I just told the story that metadata when I share it with two people from the DNC at I won't say what place in Washington DC they said no no no there's two letters there's two joint funding letters I'm like oh there's another joint funding letter thank you
    • And then Donna Brazile came out with a prequel about three days later admitting to the second joint funding agreement to sweep the NGP Van data sweep the money to Brooklyn
    • let's go let's go
  • Day 171.3 MIS Department For the DNC. - YouTube
    • It's day 171
    • And here we are at the MIS Department for the DNC and so it's a public address right?
    • So we're the public address it was I first found it once MIS was in the news and everything your news yeah it was on Facebook
    • And I'm like oh my gosh this is like it's on California Avenue I'm just six blocks away
    • So I just rode my bicycle here, and the building is right here yeah and
    • So this antenna behind us is the 14th precinct to here in Logan park?
    • Logan Square Logan Square
    • So this is kind of the new gentrified was Wrigleyville
    • And then it was Wicker Park.. all right with the park and
    • Now, yeah it's constantly like moving Northwest from from downtown area
    • But yeah yeah
    • And it's real complicated you think I mean this is the location
    • It's obviously a business address according to the DNC yeah
    • And how many times do you think Adrienne Hawkins would have called?
    • Wait history maybe six nine nine nine times
    • And the Calls came here and they didn't answer the phone! Answer the damn phone yeah!
    • So anyway there it is this is the famous location this is what I noticed the I did like OJ Simpson driving the white Bronco
    • There's a there's a guilty demeanor here
    • Like a guilty conscience that you see whatever they're just security yeah I don't think the choppers live here anymore
    • well they must get some blood buzz here if you go they have cameras
    • And they moved the camera
    • So oh it used to be in behind the window on the second floor
    • the no loitering no trespassing 14th district police call 9-1-1
    • Let's let's keep moving then we certainly don't want I just was trying to get my donations back
    • And I was wondering if I could put a slip in, like a night slip saying hey could I have my could you un-exfiltrate--is that a word?
    • Can you un-exfiltrate my terabytes from Pakistan my NGP Van data all the--all the personal information that they scraped with the Facebook profiles
    • Now, let's see Trump got what 27 thousand Facebook profiles and Cambridge analytica gave Hillary what like 4 million or 40 million?
    • yeah I know I up the AGP ban hold all that oh I don't know I don't know how many Hillary got
    • But I know Cambridge analytic I think Facebook just announced that it's like not 70 million
    • 70 million Ok we're up to 70 million profiles here yeah
    • So and then but Trump did get 20,000
    • So let's like call him on the carpet for that right
    • And get Bob Mueller Bob highly-enriched Mueller
    • So here we are in beautiful Logan Square we're gonna try to cross the street without dying
    • So I guess you think the Chopras--I don't think the choppers still live here
    • Well do you think Oprah's was just a cover like Chalupa where's Chopra's like Chalupa?
    • Yeah they're going to great lengths to conceal their identity, it seems
    • Like yeah I mean I think everybody said oh we love Chopra's I think they said
    • Willa who sounds really smart to everybody trust well that Chopra guy right yeah
    • What's his name Chopra the Chalupa how was it--it was the Alexander Chalupa for the Ukrainian girls okay
    • But I think they thought: well if we have the Chopra's running the Mis Department yeah they'll seem like a bunch of smart trustworthy people yeah
    • Not the Awans, the ones that get arrested for coming in from Montreal and PAK ISI
    • So there you have it well we'd like to upwhistle this suppose we wanted to upwhistle this right upwhistle is is not up yet--we're just
    • Now, kind of like brainstorming we're gonna race home anima
    • But what if we had all the pictures of the inspectors general yeah right listed all 73
    • And you could up whistle if you remember the house you'd have Theresa Graphenstine's pictures search house
    • So first of all you'd know who your Inspector General is right
    • You would then, so if you had if you were like you were saying for example in the Department of Energy--and suppose you were a relative or you knew something that was going on suppose you were there
    • And you knew that Imran was beating someone in the house...
    • So yeah yeah we would have to build something where you could perhaps anonymously put up a tip or a flare or something
    • So if anybody knows a good there was lithium and then a couple of other kind of like Facebook in Facebook type of things where anybody can post anything--you can post video you can post whatever yeah right
    • {{ 911: It's called 4chan 8chan. You're reinventing Q }}
    • And then you upload it you know
    • So you can upload your your hit
    • And then or your your your your allegation perhaps--suppose your lavoy finicum face Emily you could upload your family him being--shot yeah your grievance right right
    • And then and then you're just saying
    • community let's drill down on this let's let's test this idea let's see if it's true or not let's put forth the supporting evidence
    • And if it's true then we have righteous wrath--we then have a right to then demand justice or demand a wider investigation from our elected officials
    • And man I tell you what will populate the hell out of that house that house up whistle with the Theresa Grafenstine our Trello board whooo! will go right in there
    • Well thanks this has been great we'll have probably maybe one more secret up whistle meeting that you'll be a part of if you stay tuned
  • Day 171.4. Dough-Nation UpHustle On UpWhistle Stock - YouTube
    • Rahm I'll get you the bitcoins soon we're gonna try to get it in the basmati
    • The basmati barge the basmati barge hasn't come along just yet
    • But will we're gonna try to get we're gonna put it in some Lobster Thermidor ice
    • Oh wait oh we're on we're live uh hey
    • So upwhistle--already you remember donation
    • But not donation
    • But dough space nation---they should do ugh nation the guy who did the shoes that guy who did taskforces shoes
    • Dough Nation was trying to sell me upwhistle shares.
    • He said hey I got a friends and families round: tier one to your level get in on the mezzanine get in
    • << video cuts. It's probably a good thing>>>
  • Day 171.5. Leaving Clinton Station For Loop Capital With Rahm Bitcoin - YouTube
    • Day 171 here we are in the loop
    • Not Loop Capital, we're just on the regular L loop
    • They don't say loop capital, so that's not my train
    • But anyway talking about upwhistle, we're looking at 73 different inspectors general
    • One way more important than all the other ones, which is the Intelligence community Inspector General
    • But we're looking at upwhistling 73 different inspectors general
    • We're gonna start with a house of course getting that position refilled
    • We're going to start with the IC community Wayne Stone
    • He needs to go out
    • But then Department of Energy--the IC community is probably the most important
    • But having a place in where people can upwhistle all the documents
    • Hey here's an interesting thing: Imran stabbed this girl
    • That's interesting here's the police report just up whistling documents like we did on the Trello board
    • But for all three inspectors general
    • If I saw for instance a problem with the track here I would want to just take a quick picture it's at Clinton
    • You don't want this train to derail
    • But you don't want to wait forever you want to react immediately
    • You want to take advantage of the Intelligence of a crowd
  • Day 171.6. With Robyn Gritz Vs Bromwich Let's Get Robyn Over $23K - YouTube
    • It's day 171 this is part six I think something like that maybe seven
    • Task Force can you turn your head that way?
    • So here with Robyn Gritz as you can see wave hi Robyn
    • And with Task Force
    • And her are talking quite a bit with Bernie bridges--that's Bernie bridges
    • What we really would like to do is get Robin she's only a hundred
    • And forty bucks short of twenty three thousand
    • And really what we're trying to do here is to compare real grassroots fundraising, versus this Bromwich, which I call broom-which
    • Bromwich is the all Inspector General for Bill Clinton in the DOJ
    • And he's got a PR firm now
    • And he--he's been in all these high-profile cases DOE
    • And did the BP oil cleanup...and Andy McCabe
    • He's now representing any McCabe at this PR fake PR $500,000 go fund me that Andy McCabe has for his legal fund
    • So I just like to show everyone what real grassroots fundraising looks like
    • And if you could spend a little time today, give Robyn Gritz some love
    • I'm still the top contributor one thousand sixteen dollars if anybody wants to beat that I'll go higher
  • Day 171.8. Gritz Gofundme Part Two - YouTube
    • It's day 171 we're here at the Robyn Gritz fundraiser
    • You see a lot more people are here a lot more people are learning about Robyn Gritz and all the different things she did while being an FBI agent
    • She's talking to Task Force here [Music] [Applause]
    • One of the things I've learned I've learned so much
    • But there's a file there's a Gritz file
    • And I would put this out to all the internet people are being spanked here while I'm talking
    • There's a Gritz file yet that Robyn gave to Grassley--Robyn Gritz gave this file to Grassley
    • It was all the pain it was all the press clippings of all the terrorism cases that she worked--it's the Gritz file
    • And it literally reads like 20 different cases in our modern American history
    • And what I want to do over the next couple of days
    • And I would love for Jason and crowds aren't the truth Crowdsource the Truth or Emerald Robinson at One American network to do this more professionally that I can
    • But just tell the story of all the cases that Robyn Gritz has worked
    • Who knew that she worked the 20th hijacker case?
    • One she worked the 20th hijacker case
    • Two she worked the Sabina case--the Iranian journalist, the beautiful beauty queen Iranian journalist, Sabina
    • And got her extracted from Tehran, from her kidnapping
    • Who knew she saved a plane of 300 people
    • Who knew how many different mob disruptions of commercial airlines there were
    • Who knew there was a thousand people in a planned bombing in India that she subverted and disrupted
    • This is Robyn Griz story the Robyn Gritz story is
    • So much more than you know
    • It's not just the only woman to have the courage were the only agents and the courage to go against Andy McCabe
    • She's not just the Robert Levinson negotiator
    • She's not just the captain Phillips--Navy SEALs three Somalis pirates zero--that's not--that's just a very small segment of the hundreds of cases, the hundreds of cases that Robyn Gritz has done
    • It's my job to crowdsource the outline
    • I want Robyn to write a book
    • General Flynn has told her write a book
    • Tony Schafer has said, well we want to get her to touch with Tony Schafer at McCulloch who's Tony Schafer's lawyer
    • We want to crowdsource the outline we want to crowdsource the first chapter
    • We want to crowdsource the third chapter the 2nd chapter
    • We want her to get a book deal
    • We want her to get a movie deal
    • This is a true American Hero--it doesn't matter if she is a woman or a man
    • Robyn Gritz has stopped--has stopped the one one man in history and of our country to perform a Sedition--to perform a sedition in our country
    • Andy McCabe
    • She was a one agent who stopped that
  • Day 171.8 Gritz File Will Reveal A Hidden History of America - YouTube
    • OK it's day 177
    • And this is part 8
    • And it's pretty late into the evening
    • And we are here near the Rosemont mall not far from the O'Hare Airport just over here where Rahm is collecting Bitcoin on the are from Imran and friends
    • But I had a chance to spend about eight or nine...gosh it's been a long time with Robyn Gritz
    • And what I've learned is I don't know anything about the extent and the breadth and depth that Robyn Gritz had in terms of our national history
    • I mean we she she starts out in New Jersey with the Blind Sheikh
    • 9/11 happens
    • She is involved in flight 77 that goes into the Pentagon
    • We have the anthrax case with Tom Daschle, not too long after that
    • Of course we have the Robert Levinson case after that
    • There's a couple of other plane interdictions or bombing interdictions that I need to bring out
    • The Saphira journalist--the beautiful Iranian journalists I think she was like Miss North Dakota
    • And extricated her from kidnapping--that story
    • There's just so many stories that have been buried
    • And--everyone says well--just let it go no I'm not gonna let it go I'm gonna throw it up on the wall and say hey these were all things that Robyn Gritz did as a great agent--
    • Everybody says oh--Maersk--Captain Roberts was a great thing--the only agents to stand up to Andy McCabe
    • It's very cold, so I'm sorry I'm chattering a little bit 8 Everyone wants to say all these--11s...she was very close on Levinson she was doing something on Uranium One
    • John Solomon was talking to her, Sarah Carter was talking to her
    • She was very close on something with Uranium One I don't know if Robert Levinson or someone
    • But there were agents agents on her team as a Supervisory Special Agent that were abducted or not abducted, but they were withheld or held in UAE
    • And I believe as I've said before the UAE is the conduit to Iran
    • Were their reactors sold from Lawrence Livermore labs to the Iran?
    • Where their secret centrifuge farms with Jeffrey Sterling, selling the big washing machine type centrifuges, and then the smaller microwave type centrifuges
    • We really don't know, but a lot of pieces could come together if Robyn would get out there on a like a crowdsource of truth or a one American network
    • And do the long-form interview
    • And really put out--the pieces
    • And what I really want her to do is kind of crowdsource the outline crowdsource the outline of all these--
    • She she really has just been involved in all these different cases in our American history it's just amazing
    • And she presented a file which I call the "Gritz file" to Senator Grassley which just case after case after case after case of--newspaper clippings of things that she'd been involved in
    • And I think it's really up to people like Crowdsource the Truth or I can do it--whoever to really--cover the whole panoply of the full flight of the arrow as I like this to call it of Robyn Gritz's impact on American history
    • I mean it's it's it's quite amazing--named a case--xx xx hijacker case one in case to just being one Sapphira being another case
    • All these cases are just like been sublimated, and they they need to be brought to the fore
    • And the other piece is Andy McCabe's co-opting of the credit before these cases also needs to be brought out
    • And I think when the American people see this the this hidden history the rewrite is going to occur very quickly of what actually happened in the last 20 years
    • And this cabal this self-congratulatory, self self-rewarding, self-dealing cabal will be exposed at the FBI
submitted by 911bodysnatchers322 to TruthLeaks [link] [comments]

Two of the best scorers in men's college basketball will share the Madison Square Garden stage during the Betting Tips. Seton Hall (-3.5) vs. Marquette Baldwin closed the regular season Looking for the best free basketball tips? We have you covered. Tipsters of the bettingexpert community post free profitable basketball betting tips every day. The result at Stamford Bridge on Thursday night saw Liverpool secure their first Premier League crown with seven games to spare. Jurgen Klopp’s side is enjoying a remarkable season, which is the result of the progress made and the work put in since the German’s arrival at Anfield in 2015. Whether you’re new to NBA betting or you’re a seasoned gambler looking for a way to sharpen your basketball betting acumen, we’re very confident that you’ll find our tips useful. Our guide is broken down into sections to help give you an easier read and help make things easy to find if you ever need to come back and get a refresher on a 1X2, Under/Over 2.5 goals, HT/FT tips, Both to score.Sportus thousands of betting tips added daily across 13 sports. Free mathematical football/soccer predictions and tips to help you to choose the best picks for you. Here are all of our football betting tips for today and tonight.

[index] [7874] [12588] [14861] [3433] [2136] [13834] [8587] [13300] [13744] [6308]